Tide's Ebb (14 page)

Marianna was paralyzed. She looked to the house—the phone was there—if she ran in, she could call the police! But would Larry survive if she left him? The ax lay right next to her. Would he love her like he used to? Perhaps he could learn to like prostate stimulation.

She had to make a decision quickly—Bradley’s fists were more furious than ever, Larry’s eyes now swelled shut.

Should she grab the ax? What color would her bridesmaids’ dresses be? Would she be able to find something borrowed and something blue?

Larry was really taking a beating now. There wasn’t much time. Spring or summer wedding?
Summer, definitely.
In the Hamptons? Could she still register at Bergdorf even if the police arrested her for murder?

Yes
, she decided.
Yes!

Marianna closed her eyes and picked up the ax.

Bradley still had Larry pinned. Blood sprayed from Larry’s face. Those tender lips that had kissed hers were split open.

Marianna swung the ax and struck it deeply into Bradley’s back.

For a second, Bradley seemed to shrug it off. Marianna struggled to pull the ax out from his spine—did she need to strike him again? But Bradley groaned, “My middle name is William.” As the last air left his lungs, he whispered, “My special,” falling face forward onto Larry.

Was Larry seriously injured? His face was covered in blood, obscuring his manly features. He wasn’t moving.

But then he coughed. He spit out some blood, and, with some effort, hurled Bradley’s body off to the side. Marianna gazed at him with concern—his face was bruised, and his nose was at an acute angle that would have made Owen Wilson jealous. But her love was going to be alright, and she would never leave him again.

Marianna fell to ground beside him. She embraced him. “Larry—you saved my life! I’d give you that thank-you fellaciato right about now.”

Larry smiled, wincing in pain.

“Well, that’d be nice.” He paused. “But I don’t think we should see each other.”

All of the tension and the fear that Marianna felt came flooding out of her: “What the fuck are you saying? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Larry tried to muster a smile, through his pain.

”Why did you save me? Why did you follow him here unless you were looking out for me?”

“Follow him? Hell, I was just watching through your windows. Sometimes you forget to close the blinds and walk around in your panties.”

Marianna stared blankly for a moment and then realized it was a joke. “You jerk!”

“Well, I was joking about that, but not about the other part. You see, I don’t think you’re ready to have a relationship with a real man. You can’t just go sticking your finger into people’s assholes and expect that to solve everything. There is so much more to a mature relationship than prostate stimulation.”

Marianna began to sob. “But I…. I think I love you.”

“Hey, we’ve been through a lot together, but the fact is, you’re not that interesting to talk to. You say you want to be tamed by a man…” Larry got up gingerly. “But frankly, why would I want to tame you? I don’t have time for that bullshit. I’d rather get a BJ from a gaggle of pre-op trannies because they know who they really are. I bet you don’t even know how you like your eggs.”

With that, Larry turned and walked toward his one true love—the sea.

Marianna’s legal mind noted that, technically, Larry was fleeing a crime scene. But she knew that the biggest crime scene was not the bloody body of the Simpson family scion, on the ground with an ax buried deep into his blue blood. No, she knew that the biggest crime scene was in her shattered heart.

Six Months Later

They say time heals all wounds, although that is not true if they get infected.

As Marianna was sitting at her desk, which smelled of rich mahogany, she thought that being back in Manhattan made up somewhat for those miserable months in Rhode Island.  After all, Manhattan had the best of everything, and people anywhere else lived somewhat degraded and pointless lives.

Bradley’s family had instructed the police not to charge anyone in Bradley’s death for fear of public testimony about the donkeys. So she was safe from prosecution, once again secure in her job, and able to buy enough Ferragamo to cure any heartache. Marianna Holt had everything but still missed something, and on some nights, she would wake up, gasping for breath.

Being with Larry had changed her forever. He was right about her—she
had
used prostate stimulation as a short-cut to intimacy. It hurt that someone finally got so close and pegged her for who she truly was. She had fallen for the only man she couldn’t have—a man who tamed the very sea as though it was his obedient mistress.
 

Marianna was busy working as the phone rang.
A Rhode Island phone number?

Marianna’s heart raced.  
Could it be?

She picked up.

But it was not Larry’s calm voice on the line. “Hey, this is Screech! I’m calling from just outside Mystic!”

Marianna tried to conceal her disappointment. “Oh, hi.”

“Look, why don’t you come out here this weekend?”

“Screech, we’ve been through this over and over again. For my life partner, I don’t just want a man who I can walk all over and who eats me out on command.”

“But I’ve got a surprise for you…”

Marianna was going to lay into him again. He was not attractive—not beautiful and rich like Bradley had been. Not half the man—no, not a quarter of the man that Larry was. But then she paused.

Marianna knew that she was twenty-six and a half years old. And without a man. She knew that a single woman of a certain age and in possession of a mind-bogglingly complete shoe collection was in want of a husband. That thought made her feel like she was slowly drowning, resigned to a life of
Sex and the City
re-runs and unsatisfactory sexual experiences with ever-older married men in cigar bars, followed ultimately by one day, years away, when no man would find her attractive anymore. She could again hear the cacophonous braying of the donkeys, screaming for their lost innocence. She could not shut any of it out. A tidal wave of emotion passed over her. She felt like she was once more under water, the salt water burning her lungs. The sensation felt so real that terror besieged her.

But…Screech had always loved her. And it was pleasant to be eaten out.

The donkeys became silent, and her panic subsided.

At last the tide ebbed. Marianna suddenly felt at peace.

She whispered: “Alan, let me check the train schedule.”