Thurston House (62 page)

Antoine ' Without his saying a word, the tears began to roll down her face, and when Andr+! walked into the house just behind his son, his face was grim.

You heard the news? Antoine didn't have to ask. They both nodded and stared at him, fearing the worst. But Andr+! surprised them both.

Please don't go. He spoke in a frightened, broken voice. He had been terrified when he heard the reports and he had rushed home to beg. He couldn't let him go to war ' he was a boy ' his firstborn ' there were tears in his eyes now and Antoine clung to him, as Arden walked slowly down the stairs, and Antoine looked up at her. Sabrina never knew if he said the words to her or to them.

I have to go. I have to ' I couldn't stay here knowing that was going on.

Why not? This is your country too, Sabrina spoke up.

But that was my country first. It's my motherland. My home. I was born there.

You were born to me. It was a frightened plea, and for the first time since she had known him, Andr+! looked old. Monfils ' The tears rolled unrestrained down his face, and Sabrina saw that Arden was crying too. Her eyes were glued to Antoine and he walked to her and touched her face.

One day I will see you again. He sighed then and turned to the rest of them. I called the consulate a few minutes ago. They've made arrangements for me to leave on a train tonight. It will go straight through to New York, and I'll take a ship there. There are already others going now. He looked at his father then. Je n'ai pas le choix, Papa. I have no choice. It was a matter of his self-respect. And it was all Andr+!ws fault. He had brought him up too well, with too much integrity, too much pride, Antoine could never have hidden with them, six thousand miles from home, where they needed him.

And it was all like a nightmare after that. They took him to the station that night, after he packed his things. He talked for two hours with Andr+!, about the business matters he was leaving behind, and he apologized constantly for letting him down, but he was not willing to wait so much as another day. Even Jon thought that was foolish of him.

Why the hell don't you wait until tomorrow, old man, and go with us, on a decent train? What do you lose?

Time. They need me now. Not after I stuff my face for four days, and play cards in the parlor car. My country's at war.

Jon looked at him ironically. They'll wait. They won't cancel it because you're a week late. But Antoine wasn't amused, nor were they at the station at two A.M., watching him board the train with a handful of others going east. There was a flurry of French being spoken on the platform, a sea of gray faces, a river of tears. And then suddenly, as they said their good-byes, Arden was in his arms and he kissed her cheek and looked down at her.

Sois sage, monamie. Which could have been translated as be good or be wise, it was an interesting choice for her and one she would have to make soon. She looked devastated as she watched him go and she called out his name as the train rolled away. Jon took her by the arm and pulled her toward the car. And Andr+! stood sobbing in Sabrina's arms. They had left Dominique at home. It was too much for a three-year-old child and she wouldn't have understood what was going on.

I never really thought he'd go ' even all this time when he said it' . andr+!was inconsolable, and he lay in her arms and cried all that night. And the next day when Jon left was another kind of agony. It was like seeing the family smashed all within one day, and when Sabrina kissed Arden, they both cried, though neither knew why. They were crying for Antoine, but there was nothing they could say. And then Sabrina kissed Jon again.

Take care of yourselves ' come back soon' . andr+!hadn't come to the train. It would have been too much for him, and that night when they drove back to Napa, Sabrina drove, and Andr+! said not a word during the entire trip.

Antoine called them once from New York the night before he sailed and they didn't hear from him again for four months, until January. He was well, he was safe, he was in London, temporarily assigned to the RAF, and he was wild with admiration for De Gaulle, it was all he talked of when he wrote, and Sabrina ran to the mailbox every day, as Dominique clutched at her skirts. And when there was a letter from Antoine, they would run back twice as fast, and Sabrina would hand it to Andr+!. As long as they heard from him, everything would be all right. But it seemed as though they lived in constant fear. Even Jon's wedding to Aiden paled in comparison to that. It was a magnificent wedding in New York. Andr+! and Sabrina went, Bill Blake was the best man, Dominique was the flower girl, there were twelve bridesmaids and ushers and five hundred guests at St. Patrick's Cathedral on the first Saturday in June, but Sabrina was distracted through most of it. She kept thinking of Antoine, and wondering how and where he was. It seemed as though he had been gone for a hundred years, and when he told them he was coming home on leave three months after that, Salmna sat down and wept. He had been gone for thirteen months, and he had survived that long. He was in North Africa with De Gaulle, but there was a chance for him to come to the States. He would only be able to spend a few days with them, but with any luck at all, he would be there for Dominique's fourth birthday.

And he was. There was general rejoicing by all, and somehow it didn't seem quite as awful when he went back this time. Even Andr+! wasn't quite as depressed. And it was as though his aura was still in the air for a long time after he left. They had talked business about the vineyards endlessly, he had bounced Dominique on his lap from die moment he arrived until the moment.he left, and he had told them all about the war, and especially about De Gaulle, whom he revered.

And one of these days the Americans will be in it too. He had been absolutely certain of it.

That's not what Roosevelt says, Sabrina said.

He lies. He's getting ready for war, mark my words.

She smiled. Still making predictions. Antoine?

Not all of them are right,' he smiled back, but this one is. He also asked for Arden and Jon, but she could read nothing on his face. He was too busy with the war and De Gaulle and the rest of it. She told him how pretty the wedding had been, but she missed seeing Amelia when she was there. She had died a few months after Dominique's birth, at the ripe old age of ninety-one. She had lived a long, full, happy life and it had been time, but Sabrina missed her anyway.

Antoine was planning to look up Arden and Jon on his way back through New York, but as it turned out he didn't have time. They shortened his leave, and he left three days earlier than planned, in dark of night, on a troop ship. So all he did was call, and he got Arden, since Jon was out. He's at a business dinner with Bill. He'll be sorry he missed your call. And she wanted to tell him that she was glad she'd been there, but she was married now, and aware of what she said to him. Take care of yourself. How were Sabrina and Andr+!?

Fine. Busy. It was good to see them. And Dominique is huge. He laughed into the phone, seeing Arden's face, and she closed her eyes and smiled, grateful that he was still alive. She often thought of him. But she was happy with Jon. She knew she had made the right choice. And they had been married for four months. She hoped she would be pregnant soon.

You should have seen her at the wedding, she was adorable. But it still hurt him to think of that, and he had had to go, others were waiting to use the phones that had been rigged up near the ship.

Tell Jon I said hello.

I will' take care' . She sat staring at the phone for a long time after they hung up, and she wanted to wait for Jon, but as usual when he was out with her brother, he didn't get home until three o'clock.

She told him about Antoine's call the next day, but he had a hideous headache and didn't seem to care. He's crazy to have gotten himself into that, Jon snapped at her. Thank God this country isn't that dumb.

France didn't exactly have a choice. She was annoyed at him. It was a stupid thing to say.

Maybe not, but this country does, and we're a hell of a lot smarter than that. And he expressed the same views in Napa the following year and Sabrina almost bit off his head.

Don't kid yourself, Jon. I think Roosevelt is full of shit. We'll be involved over there within a year, if the war isn't over before that.

The hell we will. He had drunk too much wine, and it was their annual visit, and Jon was glad they'd come this year. Arden had been depressed for the last two months. She had lost a baby in June and she acted as though it was the end of the world. It was only a baby, for chrissake ' hell, it wasn't even that. But she had sobbed inconsolably and Sabrina knew how she felt. She remembered how she had felt when she lost the first child she and John had conceived, and it had taken her so long to get pregnant both before and after that.

You'll get over it' look at me, I had Jon ' and look at Dominique. They exchanged a smile as they watched her playing with a puppy on the lawn. She was almost five years old now, and to her parents seemed the sweetest child that ever lived. She was the joy of her parents' life, as others had said she would be. You'll have another one, one day. But it's difficult at first. Why don't you keep yourself busy for a while?

Arden shrugged, with tears in her eyes again. All she wanted to do was get pregnant again, but Jon was never home, and when he was, he was either drunk or tired. He was hardly being cooperative, but she didn't want to tell his mother that.

Give it time. Goodness, it took me two years to conceive again, and it won't take you that long. Arden smiled, unconvinced. She still looked as though the end of the world had come and Jon left her in Napa for the entire trip, while he went to San Francisco to see friends, which Sabrina thought was rotten of him.

Does he do that a lot? she asked Arden frankly one day, and Arden hesitated and then nodded her head. She seemed even prettier and sleeker this year, though she had lost a little too much weight. She was actually prettier than the models he chased.

He and Bill go out quite a bit. My father said something to Bill about it a few months ago. He thought that maybe if Bill didn't go, Jon would behave she looked apologetically at her mother-in-law, but Sabrina urged her on but those two have been friends for so long, you can't separate them even for a night. It would help if Bill got married, but he says he never will, she smiled, and at the rate he's going, that's probably true.

The difference is that Jon already is married. Has anyone reminded him of that? she said angrily to Andr+! that night, but he refused to get involved.

He's a grown-up now, Sabrina, a married man. And he didn't welcome my interference as a boy, I certainly don't think I should say anything to him now.

Then I will.

That's up to you.

And when she did, Jon told her to go to hell. Has she been whining to you again? What a pain in the ass. Her brother is right. She's a spoiled whiny brat. He was fiercely annoyed and he had a hideous hangover again.

She's a warm, decent, loving girl, Jon, and she's your wife.

Believe me, I've noticed that.

Have you? What time do you come home at night?

What is this? A kangaroo court? What business is it of yours?

I like her, that's what. And you're my son, and I know what a horse's ass you can be, indulging yourself, chasing girls. You're married now, for God's sake. Act like it. You were almost a father a few months ago

He cut her off. That wasn't my idea. That was her fault.

Didn't you want the baby, Jon? Her voice was gentler now, and her voice was sad. She wondered if Antoine's prediction was right. Things didn't seem to be working out.

No, I did not. I want a baby like I want a lame horse. For heaven's sake, I'm twenty-seven years old, we have plenty of time for that. In a way he was right, but Arden was anxious for a child. And then suddenly, Sabrina couldn't stop herself from asking what was on her mind.

Are you happy with her, Jon?

He looked at his mother suspiciously. Did she tell you to ask me that?

No. Why?

It just sounds like something she'd want to know. She's always asking dumb questions like that. Hell, I don't know. I'm married to her, aren't I? What more does she want?

Maybe a lot more. It takes more than just a ceremony. It takes affection and understanding and patience and time. How much time do you spend with her?

He shrugged. Not much, I guess. I have a lot of other things to do.

Like what? Other girls?

He looked at her defiantly. Maybe. So what? It's not hurting her. There's still enough for her. I got her pregnant, didn't I? His attitudes made her sick.

Why did you ever want to marry her?

I told you that a long time ago. He looked Sabrina in the eye and never flinched. She was my passport to success. If I'm married to Arden, I have a job for life. Sabrina almost cried at his words.

Do you mean that?

He shrugged and looked away. She's a nice kid. I know she's always been crazy about me.

But what do you feel for her?

The same thing I feel for any other girl, sometimes more, sometimes less.

And that's it? Sabrina stared at him, wondering who he was, who was this hideous, unfeeling, ungiving, uncaring man she had once carried inside her own flesh? Who was he now? ' He was Camille, a voice inside her said ' but he was also part of her ' and yet, he had no heart. I think you made a terrible mistake. She spoke in a quiet voice. That girl deserves better than that.