Thunder on the Plains (57 page)

Colt turned in a circle, raising his hands in frustration. “Is that all the trust you had in me? After all the years we were friends and longed to be lovers, a few words out of Vince's mouth and you're afraid to come to me with the
truth
? I
loved
you, Sunny!” He came closer, towering over her. “Love means accepting
everything
about a person, good
and
bad! And what your mother was doesn't make you bad! You let Vince make you think that way, and you didn't put enough trust in my love to come to me!”

He was so close, shouting the words, needing to get them out. Sunny cringed, putting an arm over her face, memories of Blaine's tirade becoming vivid. She tripped over a tree root as she backed away and fell. Colt reached down to help her up and she cringed, screaming for him not to hit her. Only then did it become clear to Colt that her beating had left lasting effects on her, and although he didn't know anymore how he felt about her himself, the thought of Blaine beating her made him feel crazy with frustration. How could any man hit someone like Sunny, hit
any
woman, for that matter. A man had to be one hell of a bastard to do something like that.

He leaned over her, and she jumped when he touched her shoulder. “Is that what you think, that I'd
hit
you?
Me?
For God's sake, Sunny, I've done a lot of things in my life, but hitting a woman has never been one of them. I thought you knew me so well.”

She remained sitting, breaking into sobbing. “Oh, God, Colt, you don't know what it was like…finding out about my mother…marrying Blaine…all of it. I didn't know enough about men…how they thought about women that way…to be certain you would still…love me…if you knew. I made such a mess of everything. I loved you so. I still love you. I've…never loved anybody else. Just don't hate me. That's all…I ask. You don't have to love me. Just don't despise me, and don't hurt me.”

He tossed aside the still-unlit cigarette and grasped her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face and looking again at the scar—a scar on his beautiful Sunny. She sat shivering and weeping and looking much too thin. “My God, what have Vince and Blaine done to you? What have
I
done to you? I never should have let you go back alone that day.”

“It wasn't…your fault. It's never been your fault,” she sobbed.

He kept hold of her arms. “Come on. Get up, Sunny. This isn't the Sunny I knew. Don't do this.”

He helped her to her feet. “The Sunny you knew…died the day she got married.” She wept.

Colt put an arm around her and led her to a spot of soft grass, making her sit down under the cottonwood tree. He sat beside her, taking off his hat and running a hand through his hair. “Just calm down and I promise not to yell anymore,” he told her. He leaned back against the tree, his heart still torn between love and hate. “And for God's sake, I can't believe you think I would hurt you physically. It takes a hell of a coward to do something like that.” He sighed with disgust. “Why don't you tell me why you're here,” he said. “You had to know how insulting and cruel it would be to come running to me because your husband is dead.”

She took a handkerchief from her handbag and blew her nose. “Yes, I know,” she answered. “There is nothing I can do, Colt, about how you might feel about me now. I would never expect you to…come running back. I know I hurt you. But you have to know I never
meant
to hurt you. I was afraid…for your life, for what others would say about you, how ugly they might try to make our relationship look even if Vince didn't have you killed. It was…the news about my mother that destroyed my trust, Colt. I was in shock. All my life I had been told what a sweet, beautiful young woman she was, how much Father…loved her. I knew you were probably familiar with common prostitutes…from the way you lived before you loved me. I was afraid you would…picture me like them…look at me with shame and disappointment. I would rather have you hate me.”

He shook his head in wonder at how convincing Vince must have been, how mercilessly he must have come down on her. He got up again, feeling restless and frustrated, wishing he could think straight. He put his hat back on and searched for the unused cigarette. Sunny noticed his slight limp with an aching heart.

“You still haven't been clear about why you're here now.” He found the cigarette and picked it up, blowing grass off it and lighting it while he waited for an answer. He took a deep drag, turning to look at her when she still did not answer. He saw something close to terror in her eyes.

He frowned, keeping the cigarette between his lips. “What is it, Sunny?” God, she looked pitiful. He didn't want to have any feelings for her, but how could he not? This was Sunny, the sweet, vulnerable, willing woman he had loved so passionately for so long. All he could see was the bubbly, beautiful fifteen-year-old girl he had met twelve years before. He took the cigarette from his lips. “Sunny, this is me,
Colt
. We used to be able to tell each other everything, remember? Whatever it is, I'm not a woman beater, and I promise not to hate you. I honestly don't know what I feel anymore, other than a gut-wrenching hurt that has never gone away. But I don't hate you, all right? Just tell me why you're here.” He frowned at the way she visibly trembled. She got to her feet, managing to stand and face him squarely, her eyes wide with apprehension, her hand still at her stomach.

“Colt, you…you have a son. I mean,
we
have a son. My son…he's not Blaine's. He's yours.”

He stared at her a moment, pure shock in his eyes. He tossed the cigarette and stepped closer, searching her eyes. The air seemed suddenly too still. Even the birds were silent, or was it that neither of them could hear? Sunny wondered if a more beautiful man existed on earth, wondered how she was going to allow him into Bo's life and have to see him and talk to him without being able to touch him and be in his arms again.

“You're serious!” he said in a near whisper.

“Very.” She felt her cheeks growing hotter. “I should have had my time of month—” She looked away. “Before the wedding. It…never happened. I married Blaine so soon that I was never totally positive, but I was afraid that if I waited to find out…with you wounded and the possibility of you dying…I didn't want my baby to be called a bastard. That's part of the reason I married Blaine as fast as possible, so he would think it was his. When he was born, such a beautiful, dark little boy with such black hair and those hazel eyes…I have no doubt, Colt. If you saw him, you would know.”

He turned and walked away. Sunny knew how he must be struggling with his emotions. “I decided to try to find you, Colt. You had a right to know. I was hoping that somehow…in spite of what has happened between us…that you would agree to see the boy…be a father to him. I don't want any more lies, Colt. Everyone else knows—even Vince. With what I have inherited through Blaine, my riches far surpass Vince's. He knows I can destroy him financially with a nod of the head and that I will if he dares to interfere with anything you decide to do about our son. Vince is no longer a threat to us. I want so much for little Bo—that's his name, after my father—I want him to grow up knowing you, knowing a true freedom of the soul. He stands to one day inherit a massive fortune, Colt. He needs a man guiding him who can teach him how to handle that kind of wealth without letting it make him greedy and arrogant.”

She stepped closer, taking hope that she had found something on which they could share common ground. “I can teach him the business end of it, but you can teach him the really important things, like loving the land, respecting it, not always putting his own interests first. There is an honesty and integrity about you I want him to learn. Colt, you can give him things that all the money in the world can't buy for him. In my whole life I never knew anyone like you. That was why I loved you so, why being with you was like leaving hell and going to heaven. For twelve years just the thought of you has been my strength. You were everything I wished I could be, everything I want my son to be. If Blaine hadn't died, I think I would have ended up divorcing him, in spite of the scandal, to keep him from raising little Bo. I knew after the beating he would have been cruel to the boy. I would still have tried to find you—not for myself, but for my son. I want you to be a father to him, no matter what kind of sacrifices I have to make to my lifestyle to do it. I'll do whatever you ask, give you whatever you ask. Just please don't ask me to give him up completely. Don't take my baby away from me. He's all I have left.”

The words stunned him. Here she was, a woman who could destroy him at the flick of a finger, and
she
was afraid he'd take her son away from her! He supposed he could if he wanted. He could just take him and ride away with him, figure out a way to never be found. It was a thought. But much as he wanted to hurt her in return for all his own hurt, he knew he couldn't do that to her. The irony of the whole thing was astounding. Bo Landers had warned him once to stay away from Sunny. Vince had threatened to kill him. Blaine had said he would destroy him if he pursued his feelings for Sunny. Now his own son was heir to both the Landers
and
the O'Brien fortunes. It was almost laughable, but he felt no humor at the moment, only a deep joy inside that wanted to well up and engulf him.

He shook his head, his eyes tearing. He had a son! “
My
son is going to run your little empire someday?” He turned to face Sunny, and her heart went out to him at the look in his eyes. “
I
have a
son
?”

God, how it hurt to see a man like Colt close to tears. “Yes. I came out here with the whole family. We had planned the trip to be among the first to travel to California by train—were on our way to Utah to be present for the joining of the rails. Just before we left, Stuart found the article about you, so we stopped here on our way so that you could meet little Bo and have some time to think about what you want to do about him. I had already been searching everywhere for you.”

She stepped a little closer, taking hope in the look of joy and love in his eyes. “He's so beautiful, Colt, just like…like you. He has a free spirit, is full of adventure.”

Her face brightened, and Colt began to see a little of the old Sunny in the way her eyes finally lit up. “I swear he'll never live to five, he's so daring. He's full of fire and love and courage. He's such an easy child to love.” Her smile faded slightly. “Blaine figured it out. That was the other reason for the beating.” She looked away. “He said he would disinherit both of us, but he failed to do it before he left for Africa. He left the very next day, saying my pregnancy had spoiled his first trip. We were supposed to go there on our honeymoon, but I was too sick. I lay near death from his own hands, and he left for Africa, apparently not caring if I lived or died. My injuries were passed off in the newspapers as caused by a fall.”

She put a hand to her forehead, a raging headache suddenly setting in. “I never saw Blaine again. I know I betrayed him, but he betrayed me by marrying me strictly for appearance's sake. When he lost the elections he blamed me and Bo and said he had never loved me in the first place—said I would forever live in his own form of prison. I was ready to try to love him, but he simply didn't understand how to love.” She looked up at Colt, wishing she knew for certain how he felt. “Do you want to see your son?”

He quickly moved away from her, wiping at his eyes with his fingers. “I need some time alone. Take Dancer back. I'll walk. Just leave Dancer in front of the jail. Which train car is yours?”

“Mine is the last one before the caboose. We aren't in any big hurry. It will be a couple weeks yet before the joining of the rails.”

He faced her, his eyes looking bloodshot. “Is Vince along?”

He watched her stiffen. “Only because his children wanted to come. I'm trying to bring some harmony into the family, for Bo's sake. I will always hate Vince, but I won't let it show in front of the children. We are going to be one family from now on, even if I have to bribe Vince to do his share.” She saw the hatred move into his eyes.

“I'll come see the boy. You just tell Vince Landers to stay out of my way. I can't guarantee I won't kill him if we get into it again.”

“He won't give you any trouble. When will you come?”

He turned away again. “I don't know. I have a lot to think about.”

She walked over to Dancer, untying him. “Take your time, Colt. The important thing is Bo. We have to put him above our own hurt and anger.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I guess this throws us right back together again, doesn't it? What a hell of a mess.”

“I'm sorry, Colt, for always disrupting your life. But I'm not sorry for Bo. He's the light of my life. And I'm not sorry for having loved you, or for the fact that I still love you and always will. My feelings for you have never changed. If not for Bo, I would have ended my life, maybe even before Blaine's beating, but certainly after it. The only thing that kept me wanting to live was to be there for Bo, my little piece of Colt Travis, the only man I've truly loved with all my heart and soul and body. No matter how much you might hate me or look down on me, my feelings for you will never change. If I could go back and do things over, I would, but I can't, and that's the hell of it. I allowed Vince to destroy our love, and there are not enough words to—” Her voice began to choke. “To express how sorry I am that I hurt you, that I couldn't…be with you after you were wounded, that you had to wake up to find out…I had married someone else. All my millions will never bring me the happiness I knew those two days we spent together, Colt…or the joy our son brings me. All I want now is for him to know his father. If I can have that much, I can live with the rest.”