Throwing Love #5 (The Throwing Love Romance Series - Book #5) (3 page)

I was so confused and I didn't know what to do. Connie was
right. It was highly unlikely that I would be able to deal with the situation I
was in right now. I felt that Bennett could juggle our relationship better than
he was currently doing, but if he was unwilling to do that, there was really
nothing I could do about it. And I really wasn't sure if that was the kind of
relationship I wanted to be in. I needed to figure out what I was willing to
put up with and perhaps be okay with letting Bennett go forever. I had a lot to
think about, I wasn't going to enjoy any of it, either. The idea of letting
Bennett go forever was not something that I wanted to even think about.
Unfortunately, Bennett had put me in a position where I had to consider letting
him go. Bennett had certain obligations in his life that I didn't like, but it
was for the betterment of his career, and I wasn't sure that I was willing to
stand by his side when I was clearly not a priority in his life. It was
actually kind of depressing. My mind was filled with thoughts that I didn't
want to have. I loved Bennett so much, but it was starting to look like we were
not going to be together.

“We told each other that we loved each other for the first
time this morning before he walked out the door, never looking back. How could
it be over right after we tell each other that we love one another?”

Connie frowned. “God, Emmi, I'm really sorry. I feel
terrible for all this, I really do. I know some of the things I'm saying may
seem harsh, and I hate saying them when you're sitting across from me crying,
but this is a wake-up call for you. If he loves you, he will make it work. If
he doesn't bother to change some things, then he is not worth your time.”

“No, I know. It just hurts so much.”

“It's going to be okay, Emmi. No matter what, it's going to
be okay.”

Chapter Four

I had been stuck in my muddled mind for two days, unsure of
what to do with myself. I had so much to think about since my talk with Connie
and I still had no idea what to do. I was truly lost. I knew what I wanted, but
what I wanted didn't really seem to matter anymore. I loved Bennett and I
obviously wanted to be with him, I knew that much for sure. But I also knew
that I couldn't live the way we were living in our relationship, it was too
hard for me. I needed to feel important. I needed to feel like my boyfriend
appreciated me in his life and wanted me there. That he actually wanted me to
be a part of his life. I just didn't get that feeling with Bennett in our
current situation, whether he meant to portray himself that way or not. So how
could I possibly accept being with him if that's the way things were always
going to be? I shouldn't have to sit by the phone waiting for Bennett to
finally decide that he had time for me. It wasn't right, and I wasn't going to
have any part of it. I wanted to be with Bennett, but he would need to give
back if he wanted to be in my life. That was what he needed to prove to me, but
currently, he didn't seem to be interested in doing anything to save us.

I had been surprised when Bennett started calling me after
our fight. I had assumed he had made his own decision about the relationship
when he walked out of his apartment that day. I had no idea what he wanted or
what he had to say, but I didn't want to talk to him until I had made a
decision about the kinds of things I wanted in my life. That way, when I heard
what Bennett had to say about things, I would have a clear idea of whether or
not I wanted to be with him anymore. I had no idea what he was going to say. He
could be calling to apologize for his behavior and beg me to take him back or
he could just be calling to ask if we could remain on good terms just in case
he ended up on my father’s team. I would not like that part of the conversation
at all, but it was just as likely to happen as the other scenario. I wasn't
sure what I was willing to sacrifice in order to get what I wanted. Bennett
wasn't willing to sacrifice anything to be with me and that was a real problem
for me. Why should I be the only one sacrificing in a relationship? It wasn't
the way things worked at all. We both needed to do some sacrificing if things
were going to work between us.

Every time I thought about Bennett and all the memories I
had with him, I knew I wanted him more than anything. We always had such a good
time together, there was no denying it, and the chemistry between us was
insane. There was no doubt about it; we had a great connection that I imagined
would always get us through the bad times in life. The only problem was it
currently wasn't helping us out at all. Bennett was hung-up on doing whatever
he had to in order to get to the major leagues and I just seemed to be in the
way. I didn't want to ever feel like my boyfriend thought I was holding him
back. That wasn't love to me. If he couldn't make time for me, then how could
we possibly have any type of real relationship? We couldn't, plain and simple.

I didn't think that I could deal with all the extra
practices; especially if there was a chance he was going to cancel plans with
me and leave again. I couldn't go through that over and over again. Especially
since Bennett hadn't made even one sacrifice for me. Bennett had a need to
always do what the coaches said now, and I didn't like it one bit. I had been in
the industry for years and his commitment lately was a little overboard. He had
certain expectations in the game, but for someone with his talent, it was very
unnecessary for him to be practicing as much as he did.

His dedication to the game at that point was so strong that
I was starting to get jealous. Which was absurd. I had dated players before and
it had never got to this point of an obsession. I could almost strangle my
father for getting involved because I felt like he was to blame for the fact
that Bennett was overly dedicated to the game now.

I felt bad for not answering Bennett's calls, especially if
he wanted to make up. He would be thinking the worst at that point, but I just
couldn't bring myself to do it until I had a clear head about things between
us. He may be thinking the worst, but I would hate to talk to him and end up
making a bad decision that I would regret later. If that happened, I would have
to go back on my word and that would just make our situation that much worse. I
needed to have a clear head before I talked to him.

I was just going to wait it out for a few days and just see
what happened. The more time that went by, the clearer my thoughts got. My
emotions were running amok in my head and until they settled down, it was not a
good time to make a decision about Bennett.

I had been laying in bed the past few hours ignoring
Bennett's calls and trying to think. Now I had to get to campus and find out
what my next assignment was for the paper. I hurried to get dressed and grabbed
a coffee to go.

 
The day was
beautiful, which helped improve my mood significantly. I hadn't seen Connie in
a few days, either, but I think I had unloaded enough on her for the time
being. I would need to make a decision on my own. Plus, we were both getting
ready for exams and I would need to start to focus on that, as well. I needed
to get my head clear with Bennett so that I could begin to focus back on my
schoolwork and the upcoming exams.

When I walked into the office, I saw my editor talking to
Rebecca. Things had never been the same between Rebecca and me since she wrote
the article about Bennett and me. We just remained polite around each other,
but there was always that underlying current between us. I approached the two
of them and plastered a smile on my face. They turned towards me as I
approached.

“Hey guys.” I looked at my editor, “I just came in to get my
next assignment.”

“Absolutely, Emmi. Well, I'm sure you will be happy to hear
that I need you to cover your boyfriend’s game again. It's the big game and
your guy is doing the pitching.”

I groaned inwardly and tried not to show that I found the
assignment upsetting. The last thing I needed was Rebecca writing about a
breakup between Bennett and me. She would love to be vindicated in that way,
but I was not being front-page news again.

“Wonderful, thanks.” I nodded and turned away from them.

I headed out of the office, wishing that I had not bothered
going in at all.

Chapter Five

I wasn't exactly thrilled about covering the game for
obvious reasons. There was a good chance that Bennett was about to be my
ex-boyfriend, and yet I would be at his game and possibly needing a quote from
him. The very thought of it gave me a headache. I didn't know what I was going
to do, but I would have to suck it up and just get it done. I didn't have a
choice and going to my editor would only cause a bigger fuss that I didn't want
to deal with. It would be a mistake to go to a paper and tell them you were
having relationship problems with a celebrity. It would just be a mistake. Like
I said, I would not be thrilled to find out that my relationship status was
once again on the front page of the paper. I had barely survived the last time
it was there. Forget it.

I still had a couple of hours to kill before I had to be at
the game. I couldn't focus on schoolwork so I popped in a movie and grabbed a
cold beer. The cool brew slid down my throat in such a way that I felt my whole
body relax. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. I was about five
minutes into the movie when there was a knock on my door. Confused, I got up to
answer it, wondering who it could be. Connie didn't bother to knock anymore;
she knew she could come in at any time. So who was out looking for me?

I swung the door open and at the same time my mouth dropped
loosely to the floor. Bennett was on the other side and I wasn't sure how I
felt about him dropping by unannounced. Actually I did know. I didn't like it.

“Bennett, I am not in the mood. You really need to consider
calling first before you show up here from now on. Considering how things were
left between us, I think it's the least you could have done, don't you?”

“I'm not here to fight with you, Emmi, please.”

I stared at him, and he looked so sad and lonely. It could
have just been an act, though. Guys are good at those. I wasn't sure if I
should let him in at all. I still had not made any decisions about the things I
wanted in my life. I didn't want a visit from Bennett to confuse the situation.
Being with him always confused me, especially when things went bad.

I probably couldn't just leave him standing there, though.
It was rude and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Whatever he had to say, he
could say quickly and head out. He had a game to play; after all, so how long
could he really stay, anyways? I decided to let him in and held the door open
wide enough to let him through.

“What do you have to say, Bennett?” I asked as I motioned
for him to come in. “I don't have a lot of time since I'm going to be covering
your game.”

A smirk crossed his face and it annoyed me slightly. “I just
want to talk, Emmi. There's no need to be so hostile.”

“Yeah, you would think that.”

“Look, I want you, okay. I know you don't believe that and I
could certainly understand that since you were so upset by our last encounter.
But we have a bit of a problem here. I want to be with you, Emmi, but my dream
has always been to be a major league baseball player. I don't want to have to
give that up for anything. I wish you could understand that.”

I stayed silent. Again, I wasn't sure how I felt about
anything, so there was no point in me trying to dig too deep with things with
Bennett. Otherwise, I could say or do something that would be wrong. His
arrival at my door didn't help to unravel the confusion of my emotions.

“Having said that, I do want to work things out with you,
but in a way we are both satisfied and fulfilled in our relationship.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I really do. But I also don't want to jeopardize my
chances at a major league career. I love you, Emmi, but just like you, I want
it all.”

I couldn't believe what he was saying. It was everything
that I had wanted for so long. I almost wanted to burst into tears, I was so
happy. This was what I had wanted the day Bennett had left. Why hadn't he
figured out how to say these things at that time? On one hand it was so
frustrating, and yet I was so happy that he had finally shown up and said
something. I needed him to say these things to me, and it was incredible to
finally hear it. I felt like kissing him immediately.

There were so many emotions running through my head that I
could barely stand it. There was confusion, happiness, and fear running through
me all at once. I loved all the feelings. But what I wanted most was Bennett.
He was all I ever wanted.

I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him towards me. My
mouth met his and fire coursed through my body. I needed Bennett badly and as I
kissed him passionately, a tear rolled down my cheek. I was so happy to be with
him. When we pulled away, he just looked at me and smiled. I wiped away the
lone tear, feeling happier than ever.

“Look, Bennett, I totally understand. When I said those
things, it was out of anger and frustration with the situation that I found
myself in. I didn't know what else to say at the time. I was desperate. I
should never have said the things that I did. I didn't want you to have to
choose between baseball and me. I just wanted to be here, too, ya know?”