Throwaway (9 page)

“Where are we going?” she asked for the first
time.

“Nope, sorry darlin’—it’s a surprise.”

She pouted a bit at that but let it go when
it occurred to her that a trip like this had certain obligations
that came with it. Ironically, that was suddenly making her
nervous. It was idiotic, really. The ice cream man didn’t get
nervous if someone asked him for a scoop of ice cream off the
clock. It was as simple as that, she told herself as she watched
fields and woods slip past her window.

For the first time since she’d met Gabe, she
tried to put her finger on the pull he had over her. She’d believed
Harmony when her feelings had been declared a crush, but she hadn’t
really stopped to think about it. The truth was—he was more of a
curiosity than anything. Sure, when he touched her she didn’t want
him to stop. There was something reassuring about him that made her
feel warm… and valued.

But a normal woman in a normal relationship
would at some point want to make love with the man in her life. The
closer that inevitability came, the more it felt like just another
deal for Jessie.

“What has you so worked up over there?”

She hadn’t realized her expression was so
transparent. Her brow furrowed as she tried to think of something
to say. She finally gave up and settled on the truth.

“I’ve never done this before.”

“What?”

“This,” she emphasized the word, hoping she
wouldn’t have to spell it out for him.

“Gone for a ride down a country road?”

She sighed heavily. Surely he was toying with
her. He hadn’t seemed overly obtuse before.

“Stop it,” she snapped. “I’m a little
nervous, okay? I’ve never done this because I wanted to before…
there. Are you happy now?”

“Whoa, whoa… what brought this on?” he pulled
the Jeep off the road onto the grass, putting it into park and
turning to face her.

“Are you just supposed to pull over like
this? There’s no shoulder.”

“It’s fine Jess; don’t change the
subject.”

“But I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’re right,” he nodded in agreement.
“Stewing over it makes so much more sense.”

“You are such a jerk.”

“There’s my girl,” he grinned, reaching out
to tap the end of her nose playfully.

She shook her head and batted his hand away,
her eyes seeking something to focus on that would alleviate her
humiliation.

“Hey, look at me.”

She stubbornly refused, her jaw jutting
defiantly.

“We’re not moving until you do.”

Jessie could almost hear the clock ticking
away the seconds as they sat there, each stubbornly refusing to
budge. Finally she turned to look at him, one eyebrow arched as if
to say “this had better be good.”

“I’m glad you told me, but Jessie that’s not
why I brought you down here.”

“So it hasn’t crossed your mind?”

“Well I didn’t say that… but whether we do or
we don’t, I brought you here so we could be together with nothing
standing between us. I just want to be near you. I want to hear you
laugh and I want to know that you aren’t looking over your shoulder
or watching the clock. I want to lose myself in you.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“No.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Start driving again.”

“And then you’ll believe me?” he seemed
doubtful.

“No, but I really am uncomfortable sitting on
the side of the road like this.”

“Fine,” he sighed, putting the car into gear
as he spoke. “I’m declaring this a sex-free trip then.”

“Excuse me?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

“You’re bluffing.”

“Am not.”

“Fine,” Jessie folded her arms and regarded
him coolly. “It’s a sex-free trip.”

“I’m glad we’ve got that worked out,” he
seemed to be convincing himself of that more than her. “Now we can
enjoy ourselves.”

Jessie couldn’t contain the bubble of
laughter that burst out. There was something very endearing about
how unsettled he now seemed.

“What?”

“I don’t know,” she laughed even harder.

Gabe cut a few side glances her way that said
he wasn’t amused before a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth.
She giggled even harder and after a moment his rich laughter joined
hers. It washed over and through her, warming her from the top of
her head to the tips of her toes and reminding her why she placed
herself in this precarious position in the first place.

Her laughter stopped abruptly when she read
the sign posted at the edge of the property he appeared to be
turning onto.

Honey Branch Cave. Outdoor Weddings. Outdoor
Picnics. Hosta Gardens. Hosta Sales.

“It sure is a long way to drive for a
picnic,” she teased nervously.

“I didn’t bring a picnic… I’m sorry, should I
have?”

“Are we buying hostas?” she asked
hopefully.

“No, we’re not buying hostas,” he was
smiling, obviously enjoying her discomfort.

Her mind raced. It was ludicrous to think
he’d brought her here to marry her. Did he think that would
convince her to leave Spence? Was this some weird act of chivalry?
She wanted to climb the door like a feral cat.

“You can relax. I didn’t bring you here to
spring a wedding on you, either.”

“Oh thank God,” she breathed a sigh of
relief.

“That hurt.”

Jessie didn’t answer; she was too taken with
their surroundings. At the end of the bumpy gravel road they
emerged in an empty parking lot surrounded by wooded gardens.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed the words.

“You haven’t seen the best part,” he assured
her as he turned the Jeep up a path Jessie wasn’t entirely sure he
was supposed to be driving on. “I think you’ll like this.”

He parked in front of an honest-to-God log
cabin before hopping out to grab their bags. It was small with a
sharply-angled tin roof, and it looked like it had been built at
least a hundred years before. It had a covered porch with a swing
hanging from it and a lone window on the front of the house.

With a boyish grin, he led her through the
door. The interior was as tiny as it appeared from the outside.
There was a bed to the left and a fireplace to the right and not
much else.

“The kitchen back there is new. It was added
on after the cabin was moved to this spot.”

“The cabin was moved?” Jessie had never seen
such a tiny kitchen. She was relieved to see running water,
though.

“It used to stand by itself further back in
the woods. You know, the last family to live here had 11 kids?”

“Did they stack them on top of each other?”
Jessie couldn’t envision 13 people sleeping in such a tiny space,
let alone functioning.

“It was a very different way of life,” he
acknowledged.

“Wow. No television.”

“Sorry, no T.V.,” he agreed.

“I wish I’d known that before I agreed to
this no sex thing.”

Jessie could tell by Gabe’s expression he
wasn’t sure if he was supposed to laugh or not. She certainly
wasn’t going to help him figure it out. She buried her nose in the
bouquet of wildflowers sitting on the kitchen counter.

“They’re beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like them,” he seemed to want
to cross the distance between them but instead leaned against the
doorframe.

She wanted to go to him but smiled and folded
her arms across her chest.

“Right,” he rubbed the back of his neck with
a rueful grin.

“This is a neat place,” she looked for a way
to break the awkward moment. “How’d you hear about it?”

“It’s kind of a convoluted story,” he either
didn’t know where to start or was hesitant to head into that
territory.

Jessie realized her head was bobbing and she
couldn’t really say why. She had no idea what they were supposed to
do next.

“Come on,” he grabbed a flashlight and tossed
it to Jessie.

“Stop throwing things at me,” she held her
arms up defensively, causing the flashlight to bounce off her and
fall to the floor.

“Generally people catch things tossed at
them.”

“Do I look athletic?”

Gabe opened his mouth to answer but thought
better of it. He shook his head and handed her his flashlight
before retrieving the fallen one.

“Just stay close to me.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“Can we explore the gardens?”

“Later. I think you’ll like this.”

Jessie didn’t argue, allowing Gabe to lead
her out the cabin’s side door, her hand safely ensconced in
his.

“Oh, I almost forgot the pencil,” he let go
of her hand to dart back inside.

“I suppose you aren’t going to tell me what
that’s for, either,” she asked when he’d rejoined her.

“You’ll see soon enough.”

Just out of the cabin was a path leading down
a hill to what looked like the mouth of a cave. Sun filtered
through the treetops. The air was muggy—apparently this region of
Missouri hadn’t been granted the reprieve St. Louis had. Jessie had
her doubts about hiking, but anything was better than the
awkwardness of the cabin.

A rickety iron gate swung loosely on its
hinges at the mouth of the cave. Now that she was so close, she was
certain it was a cave; presumably the namesake of this place. It
was easy to overlook if you didn’t know it was there.

Though Jessie acknowledged the outdoorsy
thing was not her forte, it seemed reasonable to her that if there
was an iron gate barring entrance to a black hole in the center of
the earth, maybe it was best to heed the advice.

Apparently this basic common sense was not as
obvious as Jessie thought, because Gabe blithely stepped beyond the
gate and threw the light switch on. The lever looked like something
you’d see in a mad scientist’s lab; only it was connected to clear
round light bulbs strung up like Christmas lights along the cave
ceiling.

The moment Jessie stepped out of the sun and
into the realm of the cave she was instantly bathed in cool air. It
felt like standing in front of an open refrigerator door.

Gabe took her hand in his again, leading her
across a wooden bridge to a narrow, gravel path. The light of the
forest quickly faded behind them, leaving them completely dependent
on the Christmas lights above and the flashlights Gabe had
provided. Jessie was immensely grateful for the warmth of his
hand.

The walls were bumpy, damp and draped with
minerals. Gabe stopped to shine the light around the room and at
the ceiling so Jessie could see how it made the calcite deposits
glow bright white.

They left the first room and moved into a new
area, this one with smooth walls. Just as Broadway Oyster Bar’s
benches had been covered with signatures and artwork, the walls of
the cave had captured a montage of human history. Jessie peered
more closely at the writing, taking the time to read over 150 years
of signatures.

She wondered if it was even possible to read
them all—they were everywhere. After a few minutes, they started
walking again but this time more slowly as they read aloud to each
other the names and dates that caught their interest.

“Is that spray paint?” Jessie pointed to a
particularly large signature that ran across the top of the
wall.

“It’s residue from an old carbide lantern.
People used to hold it up the cave wall and write with it.”

Jessie tried to soak it all in. She could
almost see the ghosts of all the lives that came through this
place.

“Before the current owners took it over, this
cave was a pretty popular spot,” Gabe explained as they entered a
large room. He stopped and looked around as if this spot held a
memory or two for him as well.

“It’s amazing.”

“Teachers used to bring their classes here on
field trips. It’s been a date destination since the late 1800s.
Jesse James used it as a hideout. During Prohibition, the owners
brought a piano in here and turned this room into a local hot
spot.”

“They brought a piano where?”

“Here. This is the piano room… look, you can
see what’s left of the old piano up there.”

“I think I can almost picture it,” she smiled
a little at that. Something fluttered close to her head and she
threw herself at Gabe.

“That was an Eastern Pipistrelle,” he smiled,
wrapping his arms around her waist. “Missouri’s smallest bat. You
might see one or two males roosting alone in here, but we won’t
disrupt the big nest at the back of the cave.”

“That sounds like a good plan,” she was torn
between trying to salvage her dignity and snuggling closer to Gabe.
The heat of his embrace stood in stark contrast to the coolness of
the cave. Everything in her wanted to tuck her head under his chin
and just soak in the pleasure of his touch.

But that didn’t seem conducive to a sex-free
week, so she reluctantly pulled herself away and forged ahead.
Offshoots promising other caverns to be explored dotted the way on
either side of them. But they also looked small and dark and dirty
and that was more dedication than Jessie felt at the moment.

The next room they came to was dominated by a
large white cross set in a natural clay shelf on the right. It felt
huge and imposing in the enclosed space. Jessie couldn’t explain
the emotions that washed over her at the sight of it, except maybe
she’d spent a little too much time listening to the soundtrack of
Jesus Christ Superstar. She couldn’t resist reaching up to
reverently touch the white wood, feeling silly even as she did.

“The KKK used to meet in this room. It’s part
of the cave’s history most people aren’t so proud of.”

“So this is a clan cross?” Jesse jumped back
as if flames now lapped at the wood.

“Most likely,” he admitted. “Sorry.”

“How sad,” she frowned at the cross,
off-handedly wondering how one symbol could mean so many different
things to so many different people.