Authors: Shannon Kennedy
“
Good luck with that,” Ringo said, laughing. “You don’t train a dog by talking to him.”
“
How do you know?” I said. “Have you tried it?”
“
How’s the lawn?” Liz asked. “Done yet?”
“
Almost.” Ringo grinned at her. “I’d better finish before Ted gets home.”
“
Don’t let the dogs outside,” Liz told him, then turned back to me. “Come on, honey. I’ll show you the rest of the house.”
“
Okay.” I put the puppy on the floor, hoping to make my escape, but he trotted behind me.
I followed Liz down the hall. A living-room opened off to the right, a formal dining room with a huge table and matching wooden chairs off to the left. A third door led to a bathroom. At the end of the hall was a flight of stairs and we started up to the second floor.
I was on the third step when I heard crying again. I looked over my shoulder. The puppy had his front feet on the step below me, whimpering while he struggled to follow us. “What a wuss.” I stomped back down and scooped him up. “Okay, but don’t get used to this, dog-breath.” He swiped at me with his tongue. “Cool it, will you? I really don’t like dogs.”
I vaguely wondered what would happen to him when Liz and Ted sent me back to Evergreen. Not that I really cared, but no answers came to mind. The other dogs trooped along with us to the door where Liz and Carol waited for me. I watched the pack warily, but they didn’t seem interested in doing much other than traipsing along behind the humans. Maybe they found me as unappetizing as Jocelyn did.
The huge bedroom was bigger than the one I shared with Irene and Terry back at the center. Lacy white and blue flowered curtains danced at the windows, the nauseating pattern spilling onto the comforter spread over the queen-sized bed. Oval blue braided rugs were scattered on the polished hardwood floor. I put the puppy down and he scrambled over to the small rug by the bed. He made himself dizzy tracing circles on the rug then promptly passed out in a little heap. His small chest rose and fell so rapidly, I thought for a moment he was hyperventilating.
Carol walked across the room and pulled open the closet door. “A walk-in closet,” Carol marveled. “I wish my apartment had this kind of space.”
I glanced inside the closet and a shudder ran down my spine. It was empty except for the usual shelves and rods and just large enough to be a cell. The closet’s light switch was located next to the door on the bedroom side. And why would you need to have a lock on a closet door? Just who were they trying to keep inside?
I knew. I’d learned all about that when I was four.
My foster
mother
at the time didn’t want a little kid to look after, but my caseworker told her I’d only be there a few days. It was one more lie piled upon bricks of them. I was there for nearly six months. Since I wasn’t old enough to go to school yet, the old lady was stuck with me all day, every day. She couldn’t go play cards with her old geezer friends until the other kids she fostered got home from school.
And they really didn’t appreciate always having to babysit me. They solved the little problem of my existence by locking me in the hall closet. They would use the same pair of dirty pantyhose to tie my arms and legs together each time. Then they would gag me with a scarf that tasted like moth balls so the neighbors wouldn’t hear me scream. Like the lock, the light switch was on the outside so even if I wasn’t tied up, I had no way of escaping the darkness. The first time they did it, I sobbed the entire time and had wet myself before the old lady got back from the casino hours later. She yelled at me while they just laughed their butts off.
I backed out of the room. “I want a different room. I don’t like this one.”
“
B.J., stop it,” Carol scolded. “Don’t be rude. Liz has gone to a lot of trouble to fix up this room for you.”
Liz put her hand on Carol’s arm and my caseworker immediately fell silent. “It’s okay, Carol. I know B.J. and I can work something out.” She knew, didn’t she? Why was I so damn transparent today? Liz came toward me slowly, as though she was afraid I would bolt. Resting her hands on my shoulders, she whispered, “Don’t fret, honey. We’ll just have Ted take off the closet door before bedtime tonight. All right?”
For a moment, I wanted to cry. It’d been years since I cried about anything. I was B.J. Larson and I didn’t—wouldn’t—cry. I blinked hard and cleared my throat so my voice wouldn’t crack when I spoke. “You’d do that for me?”
“
We want you to be happy here.” Liz drew me close for another hug. She was soft and kind of squishy, like the bean bag chair all the kids fought over in the center’s common room. “Now,” she said louder for Carol’s sake. “Come on over and look out the window. You have a view of the whole neighborhood and all three lakes.”
A few minutes later, Carol and Liz went downstairs to talk while I unpacked, if you could really call it that. I hadn’t thrown much other than my art supplies into my pack which Ringo had left on the bed. I put my paints and sketchpad on the desk in front of the biggest window. All of the dogs had decided to camp out on the floor, watching me through droopy eyebrows and dust-mop bangs. I was careful not to make any sudden movements. Did
playing dead
work on dogs like it was supposed to on bears?
Quiet surrounded me. It felt weird. I was so accustomed to city noises that the silence felt more empty than peaceful. Even at night, sirens, horns, alarms and the revved engines of cars rushing past the center filled the air. Since I’d always shared a room, the sound of Irene’s snoring and Terry’s soft crying rarely kept me awake anymore.
I looked around the room. Could I really stay here? For good? If so, I wouldn’t have to worry about Irene going through my stuff, snooping through my things. She’d stolen Terry’s diary once, but had only just started reading it before I smacked her. She left Terry and her belongings alone after that. Out of the three of us, Terry was the weakest. If I stayed here, who would look out for her? She’d be okay for a weekend, but I doubted Irene and the others would leave her alone for long. Just like predators, they focused their attacks on the weakest first.
I put the few clothes I’d packed in the dresser drawers and hung Gabe’s jacket in the closet after making sure the door was securely propped open. Even though Liz hadn’t said anything, I traded my crop-top for a bra and a clean T-shirt. They weren’t buying the slut act anyway, so why be uncomfortable for nothing? I went back to the window, reluctant to head downstairs. I wasn’t prepared for Carol to leave me stranded here just yet, but I sure wasn’t letting her know that.
Ringo had moved to the side yard by now, mowing immaculate rows across the bright green lawn. He was the only sign of life out there. I could see the road wind through the trees below me and as I watched not a single car went by. Liz’s idea of a neighborhood consisted of trees, trees, and more trees. What exactly did Ringo do for fun around here when he wasn’t mowing grass?
The puppy continued to sleep on the rug beside the bed. The thought of him waking up alone made me uneasy, so I picked him up. He opened his dark eyes and stared back at me, then promptly swiped his sloppy tongue across my cheek. “Yeah. Thanks for that, furball. Don’t go getting any ideas because I’m still not into dogs.”
Another puppy kiss. How could something so small and helpless trust so openly? Tears burned my eyes for the second time in under an hour, but I blinked them away. Stupid dog was making me soft. Was this why people had pets? To always have someone around who loved you no matter what? I’d never had a dog before or any kind of pet for that matter. None of the kids I knew had pets. It wasn’t like the center would let us. And come Sunday this one would no longer be mine.
I tucked him under my arm and headed for the stairs. The herd of mutts followed, each one trying their damnedest to trip me as I navigated the staircase. So that was their strategy. I couldn’t defend myself if my neck was broken. The poo twins beat me to the bottom, Delilah, or was it Samson, giving me a look that said,
Ah, she didn’t fall
!
“
Better luck next time, buddy.”
When I entered the kitchen, I found Liz and Carol sitting at the table. Liz gave me a warm smile. “Would you like some cookies? I’ve been baking for three days even though I told Ted I was going to wait until you got here. And we have milk or soda, whichever you like best.”
Milk and cookies? Seriously? Was I still five or something? I glanced at their coffee cups. “I’ll just have whatever you’re drinking.”
“
I didn’t think you liked tea.” Carol gave me a stern look, as if she’d have a fit and fall in it if I screwed this up for her.
“
Do you want iced or hot tea, honey?” Liz stood up, her hazel eyes amused. “You’ll have to put the puppy down though, if you want to hold onto a mug.”
“
Yeah, well, he was asleep.” Before I could stop myself, I smiled back at her. “I still don’t know if he’s fully awake yet.” I set him gently down on the floor, expecting him to wander off and find a new spot to nap. Instead he yawned, exposing his little baby fangs, then promptly curled into himself and pillowed his head on my foot. “Is he okay? He sure sleeps a lot.”
“
He’s a baby,” Liz said. “He needs his rest.” She glanced fondly at the older dogs. “Your pup’s been playing with these old idiots ever since he got here. No wonder he’s worn out. What kind of tea would you like?”
“
Uh, I changed my mind. Could I have a Coke instead?”
Liz went to the fridge and pulled out two cans. “Here. One for you and one for Ringo.” Then she handed me a plate of cookies. “He could use a break from the mowing about now.”
I knew how this worked. “You and Carol want to talk about me, right? Why can’t I stay?”
“
Because it embarrasses Carol,” Liz said bluntly. “We’re discussing this upcoming court appearance. I want to come up with a strategy so you don’t have to go to Juvenile Detention.”
I hated even thinking about court. Last year, at the hearing about the stolen car, I’d claimed to know nothing. Carol had really gone to bat for me. She promised the judge I’d behave, bust my butt to get good grades, make good choices, and all the rest of the psycho-babble she knew he wanted to hear. And he’d bought it. So, for the last six months I’d done all right.
Well, pretty much.
Then five weeks ago, a new girl at the center and I got into it when she hassled me about my name. Three other girls jumped in, too, and I was toast. Two of them held me down while the other two took turns slugging me. Then Irene waded in and saved my butt. By the time Security arrived the other girls had split, leaving Irene and me on the floor. Irene ended up in the infirmary. Carol and Herphy Murphy were all over my case, saying I could be charged with assault.
Maybe, if I visited the counselor and played the game by their rules then everything would’ve been cool. But I didn’t want to rat on Irene. If I told them what had really happened, Irene would’ve been in just as much trouble, and what kind of gratitude was that when she’d been the only one to come to my aid. What she wanted was revenge and she couldn’t get it if she was in Juvie with me.
But now things were different. When Carol pushed me for the truth, maybe I should’ve just told her about the other girls starting the fight and us getting our butts kicked. But I didn’t. She was a caseworker and I was a foster kid. I knew the drill. I kept my mouth shut like I always did. And now, I had to deal with the consequences. I slipped my foot out from under the furball and started for the back door with the cookies and the sodas.
“
B.J.,” Liz called after me. “Don’t worry. We’ll work it out.”
CHAPTER 3
I paused on my way to the door, shrugged again like I didn’t care about the court case. “Whatever.”
“
Don’t forget your puppy,” Liz said.
“
I told you I don’t do dogs.” I looked back at the furball who was sitting up and yawning. Then as he weaved toward me, I sighed. “Okay. I give up. Come on, monster. Let’s go watch Mister Macho flex his muscles.”
“Keep the puppy with you.” Liz hurried to open the back door for me, smiling. “He doesn’t know about cars yet.” Then she chuckled. “And I don’t know that I’d call Ringo macho. He’s only seventeen. He’s just big for his age.”
The puppy trailed after me as I headed for the door. “Just so you know, I’m not worried about doing time, Liz. It’s dull, but they usually let me draw or read books as long as I follow the rules and don’t hassle anyone. So, don’t bust a gut about it. I’m used to it, so it’s no big deal.”
“It is to me.” Liz patted my shoulder. “What did you steal?”
“This time? Some chips.” I shrugged like it didn’t matter, but I was playing her and I knew it even if she didn’t. No old lady would want a convicted thief in her house. Her daughter would see to that and I’d make sure she learned all about me. “Sandwiches. Candy bars. A few sodas. A couple magazines. If I could’ve gotten it, I’d have nabbed a carton of smokes for Irene. I owed her after the fight she got sucked into.”
“B.J., we’ve been over this a hundred times,” Carol commented behind me. “Smokers face all sorts of health risks, not just cancer. Irene needs to quit smoking. You shouldn’t enable her to stay addicted.”
I rolled my eyes. “God, Carol. Just chill, all right?”
Liz kept gazing at me. “When was the last time you’d eaten?”
I shrugged and didn’t answer.
It’d been three days before. The cop who arrested me was cool. He took me to
McDonald’s
and bought me dinner before taking me to the precinct. After hours of interrogation, I still refused to tell them everything. Like what the officer had said about the rent-a-cop at Wally’s World who’d nabbed me, offering up the food as evidence. And when my lawyer, Annie Kincaid, agreed with him, making a few snarky comments about people who adhered to the letter of the law instead of the intent, I was finally able to relax a bit.