Through My Eyes (30 page)

“Did you give your disappointments to the Lord?”

“Did you give your victories to the Lord?”

I’ve learned that even more important than the victories are the disappointments. So many times we can hold on to them and build a grudge and be frustrated at other people and at God, wondering why something happened, instead of giving it to the Lord.

I work as hard as I can but give the result, whatever it is, to the Lord, letting Him keep me humble in success and victory and lift me in disappointment or defeat.

I can’t even remember how many times in high school Mom had to tell me to give my disappointments and losing to St. Augustine to the Lord. And also about losing to Alabama—to give it to the Lord. And about not starting at quarterback, giving that to the Lord. Just giving it to the Lord emotionally and spiritually and saying, “Lord, I know it’s Your plan. I’m giving it to You, and You’re going to handle this stress, because You’re the one who is plowing the field, and You take this yoke from me. You’re going to be the one pulling this yoke, and therefore I don’t have any of the pressure. I’m just trying to live as best I can, but all the weight is on you.”

Praying that prayer eases the burden, and that eases the pain of disappointment, heartache, and defeat we all face at times. Knowing that He has the plan for your life and also helps you in everything to give thanks, knowing it is all God’s will in Christ Jesus. That’s something else we heard a lot about as children, because all those bad things that happen to you, they happened for a reason. We might not always know what that reason is, but there is a plan. As competitive as I am and as mad as I can get on the football field and then with all those things that happen on and off the field, I still have to be able to give it to the Lord, even, and especially, all my disappointments. Because without giving it all to the Lord, I wouldn’t have the same joy in my life or the same peace. I have had too many defeats and discouragements to not give them all to the Lord to be able to have a joyful life.

My parents have been a great nurturing mix for me. While my mom was helping me hand my disappointments to the Lord, my dad was always encouraging me, telling me, “You’re going to be great. You are great. Just wait until they give you a chance.”

Mom encouraged me, too, of course, and Dad also told us to wait upon the Lord. But in some ways, being who they naturally were, they made for a great pairing to raise us—optimistic and focused on God and His plan for our lives. All those things paid off, because they became ingrained in my heart and my life.

“You’re going to be great, but give it all to the Lord.”

Finally, in week 15,
at the Oakland Raiders, I started my first NFL game. The plan had been for Eric Studesville, our interim head coach, to start me for the final two games, both home games, but Kyle had bruised his ribs the prior week and couldn’t practice for the Oakland game, and so I started game 14 as well.

It was a challenge for all of us, because Kyle and I have very different styles, and the offense had been installed with his talents in mind. The coaches tried to tweak it in the game plan, but since they were monitoring his injury status, it still had many plays that were better suited for him.

I wanted to write a scripture verse somewhere for that game, but couldn’t use my eye black because that was against NFL rules. Instead, I wrote it on my wristband, under my plays, and tweeted it that morning to my Twitter followers.

Given that we were playing in the Oakland Coliseum, which is known for its crazy, hostile crowds, the verse I chose seemed particularly appropriate:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

P
SALM 23:4

It was rainy and muddy. Fun football conditions.

In the first quarter, I made a mistake. On a third down and twenty-four play, they called for a “tailback draw,” but instead I heard “quarterback draw.” I don’t know why—maybe my subconscious knew that I wanted to run the ball.

I held on to it and ran for a forty-yard touchdown. On the play, I stiff-armed their safety, Michael Huff, just before reaching the end zone, and the photos that resulted after the game were really cool, because “Psalm 23:4” was very clearly readable along my wrist. Later that quarter I threw a touchdown pass on a fantastic catch by Brandon Lloyd, and in so doing, I accomplished something that only two other players in NFL history had ever done: throw a touchdown pass of thirty or more yards and run for a touchdown of forty or more yards in the same game.

Unfortunately, we lost the game, dropping us to 3–11. I’d never been on a team with a losing record. Ever. It was tough and not anything that I want to experience again.

The next week we were facing the Houston Texans at home. Their quarterback, Matt Schaub, is very good, and we were looking forward to the challenge. The coaches had a week to prepare a game plan specifically for me, and we started off great. I was so excited to hear the Denver crowd react as we came onto the field for our first offensive possession. The cheers were so loud that I had to signal the crowd to quiet down so we could hear our snap count. That never happens at a home game.

We drove right down the field, with me completing my first two passing attempts, until I misjudged the angle on a one-on-one situation that our receiver had in the end zone, and the pass was intercepted.

We didn’t do anything else of note during the first half and went into the locker room at halftime trailing, 17–0. In the second half, we decided to open up the offense, attacking downfield more than we had in the first half. Early in the half, I hit Jabar Gaffney on a fifty-yard pass that led to our first touchdown. We exchanged field goals, and then they added another, closing out the third quarter down 23–10.

Early in the fourth quarter, I threw a touchdown pass to Correll Buckhalter, and we trailed only 23–17. We got the ball back and began driving.

We reached their six yard line, and the coaches called for a pop pass on second down and goal. It was a fake quarterback draw to the right, and our receiver, Eddie Royal, was supposed to fake like he was blocking and then release to the goalpost for the pass.

The coaches made it clear that the play could be run against any defense except Cover 1, which consists of man-to-man coverage on the outside with the free safety in the middle of the field. I looked out and could see that Houston was in a Cover 1 alignment—good call by them, but not good for us. I sent the running back into motion, who is supposed to go into motion to the left, giving us three receivers to the right and two to the left.

He went right instead. That resulted in four receivers to the right, with only one to the left. With the play clock running down, we had to snap it and improvise. I took the snap and faked the quarterback draw, then began backing up, buying time. I hoped that a defender would leave his man to come after me, giving me an open receiver to throw to. No one did, and instead, I was able to beat the left end to the outside; and because the defensive back covering Brandon Lloyd on that side of the field didn’t turn around, I was able to slip into the end zone.

The fans were going crazy in the stands, and we were too. We kicked the extra point and led 24–23. Minutes later Syd’Quan Thompson ended Houston’s final drive by intercepting Schaub, and we had our fourth win of the season. In the process, I threw for over three hundred yards. All in all, it was a good day.

It was even more special because my entire family was there, including my nieces and nephew. Getting there was no small feat because the Atlanta airport closed, causing some to re-route, and Katie and Gannon to catch the last flight before it shut down. We had all planned on being together that week, because Christmas was the day before the game. Because I had to stay in the team hotel on Christmas, we actually celebrated two days after the game, on Tuesday the 28th.

A very merry Christmas for our family.

Our season finale was at home against the San Diego Chargers. My confidence was high, and it seemed that the coaches’ and players’ confidence in me had grown as well. I was particularly excited to face the Chargers, since Philip Rivers is widely recognized as one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL.

We didn’t get off to a great start. A receiver dropped a long pass on our opening drive, and then I followed that up by throwing an interception on the next play. Even so, Brandon Lloyd and I connected on a touchdown in the first quarter, and we took an early 7–0 lead. However, by the third quarter, we trailed 23–7, and then 33–14 midway through the fourth.

On the ensuing kickoff, Cassius Vaughn scored for us on a ninety-seven-yard return, and then with twenty-six seconds left, I scored on a run, bringing it to 33–28.

We recovered the onside kick. The crowd was frantic, hoping for another miraculous finish. So were we. We ended up with two chances to win it. I threw two Hail Mary passes into the end zone from our own forty-six yard line, but both were knocked down by the Chargers. We lost, but had fought to the very end.

It’s not often that a 4–12 team gets cheered as it leaves the field for the final time for the season—on a loss, no less—but that’s exactly what happened. I think they appreciated the heart that the team showed in the loss.

Just as it is written, “Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him.”

—1 C
ORINTHIANS 2:9

The months since
the end of the football season have been as busy and exciting as ever. In addition to preparing for the upcoming football season, I’ve been doing all I can to grow my Foundation, starting with the hiring of executive director Erik Dellenback. Although the Foundation is just getting underway, through the support of many generous people that donate through timtebowfoundation.org, we are already fulfilling the dreams of children with life threatening illnesses, partnering with deserving children’s organizations throughout the U.S., and supporting over 600 orphans worldwide.  There is no question that God has blessed me with a heart for children and I fully intend to spend my free time working to bring faith, hope and love to those in need.

As for football, the Broncos began their search for a new head coach, and though everyone seemed to want to talk about where I’d fit in with any new coach, I did my best to tune out all that chatter. If there’s one thing I learned early on playing football, it was that I couldn’t live my life if I was constantly concerned about what other people were saying about me. There have always been people saying that I couldn’t do something, starting with that Mindanao doctor who said that I couldn’t be born, but through it all, there’s only been one voice that mattered. And I could hear Him loud and clear.

In the meantime, all I could do was tune out the white noise, keep working, and wait for the Broncos to make their decision. After speaking with a number of candidates, they hired John Fox, the former head coach of the Carolina Panthers. There were a number of candidates interviewed whom I would have been delighted to play for, and Coach Fox was one of them; I was pleased with the selection. When I was coming out of Florida, I had visited with Coach Fox on a number of occasions, but we both knew that there was a good chance I wouldn’t be going to Carolina, since they didn’t have a first-round pick, having traded theirs away. Even though we had to wait a year, we finally ended up together, and Coach Fox and I began working together this year.

His selection left me invigorated about the coming season and everything that it will bring. I’ve been working hard, training, pushing myself, trying to build up and improve upon the base that I created during my first season in the NFL. In many ways, the things motivating me now are the same as they were back when I was playing Pop Warner. Even today I find myself thinking constantly about the person out there who could be working harder than I am. I push myself to be the best I can be, and I listen to the voice that tells me to keep going.

As I’ve said before, I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future. With that in mind, I’m pressing on toward the upward call of Christ Jesus, seeking to continue living in the way that always brings glory to Him.

I hope it’s on the football field, at least for now. But I know that He knows my platform and holds my future in His hands, and it’s up to me to use it as best I can wherever He has me planted. God’s Word will not return void. Football has always been my passion, and in one way or another, it always will be my passion.

I simply pray that I will continue to have the humbling privilege to touch others and lift them up through His Word—all for His glory.

First and foremost,
I want to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for once again blessing me with a platform to share my story, which hopefully will influence others positively.

To Dad, because of your courage, you have inspired me to never settle and always press on.

To Mom, words cannot express how much you mean to me; you are a true example of a godly woman.

To my sisters and brothers-in-law:

Christy and Joey—thank you for teaching me the importance of sacrificing for God’s work. You lead by example.

Katie and Gannon—I always have a brighter day when I’m with y’all. You always put a smile on my face.

To my brothers:

Robby—thank you for always looking out for and protecting me, you are so much more than a big brother to me. I couldn’t do it without you.

Peter—thank you for being real and always reminding me to keep God first in my life.

To Uncle Bill, thank you for always being there for me, providing me with godly wisdom, and being like my second dad.

To Angel Gonzalez, I truly cherish our friendship. Thank you for your great ideas throughout this process, including coming up with the title, and your dedication to see the book through to completion.

To Coach Meyer, for believing in me and giving me a chance. I will forever treasure you and your family—y’all mean the world to me. Thank you for taking me in as a son. We had a great run.

To Kevin Albers, my best friend. Thanks for the memories. I’ll always have your back—love you, Brother.

To Bryan Craun, thank you for your kindness, friendship, and unwavering support over the years. Make sure to keep that neck warm! Love you, CD5.

To Nathan Whitaker, thank you for everything. What I enjoyed the most was the transition from initially just being my co-author to becoming my friend. I am also very grateful for the assistance of Nathan’s mother, Lynda Whitaker, who transcribed our many hours of conversations, and his father, Scott Whitaker, who worked alongside him to craft the manuscript and make my words a reality in print.

To Matt Johnson, Wendy Kirk, DJ Snell, and Greg Suess, thank you for your expertise in guiding us through the logistics of creating a book.

To Lisa Sharkey, Matt Harper, and the rest of the team at HarperCollins, thank you for your patience and professionalism in making this a book of which I’m proud.