ThreeReasonsWhy (14 page)

Wes nodded. The mention of Jill’s name sent his gaze back to
the hallway, to the staircase that would lead him to her.

“She hasn’t been down all day.”

Wes looked at Rick, confused. “What?”

“Cheryl told me you and Jill had a bit of a fight. She said
Jill went up to her apartment after you left and hasn’t come down all day.”

“Shit,” he muttered. He’d noticed she wasn’t in the diner
the minute he walked in.

“What was the fight about?”

Wes shook his head. “Fuck if I know.”

Rick put his food on the counter and claimed the seat next
to him. “You don’t know what you’re fighting about?”

“No. Not a clue.”

“Damn, man. That’s not good.”

“I know.”

Rick studied his face, his brows lowered. “Never known you
to shy away from a fight, Wes. It’s obvious you’re in love with her. Go up
there and make things right. Grovel if you need to.”

Wes ran a hand through his hair, frustration permeating his
body. “It’s not that easy. I’m not the one fighting the relationship. Jill is.
She’s hiding something, but she won’t tell me what it is. Kate hasn’t said
anything to you, has she?”

Rick frowned and shook his head. “No. I know she’s been
worried about Jill lately, but she’s never given me any indication about what’s
wrong.”

“Fuck it!” He slammed his hand on the counter “I can’t keep
doing this. I’m going upstairs and I’m demanding that she tell me what’s going
on. I don’t care if I have to tie her up and beat her ass until she does.” Wes
stood and walked toward the stairs before stopping. He fought to take a deep
breath and calm down. Anger wasn’t going to help this situation.

Rick caught up to him at the bottom of the stairs. “Thank
God you stopped on your own. Didn’t relish the idea of having to tackle you until
you came to your senses.”

Wes laughed lightly until Jill’s apartment door opened. He
stepped back into the shadows, pulling Rick with him.

He glanced up and his breath caught in his throat. Seth
walked out, followed by Jill. The man said something to her and Jill smiled
when the man hugged her. Wes fought the desire to take the steps two at a time
and beat the shit out of Seth.

He pushed Rick back into a dark corner as Seth came
downstairs and left.

“Now, don’t go jumping to conclusions, Wes,” Rick said,
turning to face him.

Wes leaned against the wall, and his temper snapped. “Too
late.”

“Goddamn it, Wes, that girl would never cheat on you with
Seth. You know that.”

Wes knew his friend was right, but that didn’t erase the
image of Jill smiling at Seth, hugging him. Had she told him her secret? Had
she confided to Seth all the things she wouldn’t tell Wes?

“I think maybe it’s time I just accept the truth. She
doesn’t love me,” he said, his heart heavy.

Rick looked surprised. “Bullshit.”

Wes shook his head angrily. “No. It’s not. I’ve been beating
my head against the wall for weeks, fuck, for months, trying to get her to
accept me in her life. I’m done, Rick.”

“I think you owe it to both of you to go up there and get
some answers. Give it one more try.”

Wes shook his head. “No. I’m fresh outta tries. Let’s get
the fuck out of here.”

Rick stood quietly for several moments before nodding.
“Where to?”

“Where else? O’Malley’s.”

“You sure getting drunk is such a good idea?” Rick asked.

Wes stared hard at the stairs in front of them.

“Drunk is the best idea right now.”

Chapter Nine

Wes stood outside the diner and watched Jill wipe up the
counter before pulling off her apron and heading into the back. It was late,
though nowhere near closing time yet. He’d stayed out far too late last night
with Rick. He’d attempted to drown sorrows that simply wouldn’t die, no matter
how many shots of whiskey he threw at them. After staying in bed and nursing a
hangover all morning, he’d spent the rest of the afternoon tinkering around
Rick’s garage, helping him fix a motorcycle. It had felt good to work with his
hands, to lose himself in a project for a few hours.

Unfortunately, the real world beckoned. He’d run last night,
nursed a wound and played the pity party card. Tonight, all bets were off. He
was tired of playing Jill’s game, never knowing what the rules were.

He walked in and caught Cheryl’s eye. She gave him a leery
look.

“Where’s the boss?” he asked.

“I just sent her ass upstairs. She was starting to bring the
customers down with her depressed mood.”

“Depressed, eh?”

“Yeah. Kinda starting to miss her smart mouth.”

“Me too.”

“You planning on fixing whatever’s wrong with her?”

Wes smiled at Cheryl and nodded. “I aim to try.”

Cheryl took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “You’re good for
her. If you hang in there and manage to break through that stubborn will of
hers, I promise you’ll find a wife who’s worth her weight in gold.”

“I’m not gonna give up, Cheryl.”

She nodded as she released his hand. “Good.”

He walked toward the stairs that led to Jill’s apartment. As
he reached the top, he started to knock then thought better of it. He didn’t
want to take the chance she’d tell him to go away before he spoke his peace.

Reaching out, he turned the knob. It was unlocked.

As he pushed the door open, the light from the hallway shone
on Jill as she sat on the couch in the dark.

“Why is this door unlocked?” Not the opening he’d planned,
but it sparked a reaction.

She reached over and turned on the light on the end table.
“I don’t know. Maybe because I’m home and not down at the diner.”

“Damn it, Jill. It doesn’t matter if you’re home or not.
You’re here alone and there’s someone out there with a grudge. Seems to me—”

“Not anymore,” she said.

“What?”

She leaned forward. “I know who’s been pulling the pranks,
so the party’s over. You don’t need to stay here to protect me anymore.”

“Who did it?”

“It doesn’t matter. I got an apology today over the phone
and there’s a check in the mail to cover the cost of the new window and to fix
my car. Even charged a bit extra to pay you for all the hours you spent
unclogging the toilets.”

Wes crossed his arms and swallowed down the angry retort he
wanted to fling at her. She was kicking him out
and
keeping him in the
dark. Neither sat well with him. “Who was messing with you, Jill?”

“Seth’s ex-girlfriend.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“Because when he dumped her, he told her he was still in
love with me.”

He remembered Seth and Jill’s embrace the previous night.
Had Seth come here to try to win her back? Had he succeeded? “I thought you
said your relationship with Seth was casual. No strings attached.”

Her face was the perfect picture of regret and sadness.
“Apparently I was the only one without strings. I hurt him.”

He nodded. He’d known Seth was pining for her weeks ago.
Evidently Jill really hadn’t known about the man’s feelings. “I see.”

She looked up. “I’m hurting
you
.”

He wanted to deny it, wanted to say anything to erase the
look of pure despair in her gaze. “I’m okay, Jill.”

She bit her lip then stood to face him.

“I can’t have children,” she said.

He stared at her, trying to process her words. “What?”

She attempted to take in a deep breath, but it was broken,
choppy, and she looked like she was desperately fighting not to cry. When she
replied, her words were spoken so softly, he barely heard them. “I can’t have
children.”

“I don’t understand.”

She swallowed hard. “I have a medical condition.
Endometriosis. In my case, it’s bad.”

He nodded slowly. It sounded like her words were coming to
him from some great distance, and he was struggling to take them in. “You can’t
have babies?”

She flinched at his question. Then she clenched her jaw and
shook her head. “I can’t.”

It was his turn to speak. He knew that. She was watching
him, waiting for him to say something, anything. His mind was blank. The future
he’d created for them blew away like the seeds of a dandelion, and he couldn’t
find a single word to say. He was being pummeled by a million different
emotions, all of them beating the shit out of him, leaving him raw, damaged,
destroyed.

A brief, anguished laugh escaped her lips. The silence had
been too much. He’d waited too long.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” She crossed her arms, her
face etched with betrayal.

He frowned. “Jill. Wait.”

She shook her head. Her temper snapped. “No. Obviously,
there’s nothing to wait for. Get out.”

“No.”

His response enraged her, triggering an anger he’d never
seen in her before. She was pale—too pale—and her hands were shaking. “I said
get
out
.”

He took a step toward her, said her name.

She lunged for him, beating his chest with hard, furious
fists. “Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!” She was screaming, her words
pelting him harder than her blows.

“Goddamn it, Jill.” He raised his hands in self-defense, but
she wouldn’t stop hitting him. Wouldn’t stop yelling.

He did the only thing he could think to do. He turned and
left.

Wes made it as far as the last step outside Jill’s apartment
before he stopped. Stopped dead in his tracks. His legs couldn’t support him
anymore so he sat. Sat on the bottom step and tried to make sense of the
tornado of feelings whirling inside his brain, inside his heart.

Jill couldn’t have children. Her confession had caught him
unaware, but now it made sense. Her reasons for running, for holding him at
arm’s length, all the pieces fell into place.

Now, away from her, alone, he let himself think about those
words. Understand them.

She couldn’t have children.

He rubbed his face, surprised to discover a trace of wetness
on his cheeks. Fuck. He was crying? He never cried. He put his head in his
hands as the picture of a little girl with Jill’s wavy blonde hair and sassy
smile faded from his mind. Another tear escaped as he mourned the loss of a
daughter he’d never have.

For several minutes, he sat on the stairs and said goodbye
to the dream.

Jill watched the door close behind Wes, and for a frozen
moment she simply stared at it. Then the dam broke and she collapsed to the
floor. She fell in a heap and gave in to the one thing she’d never allowed
herself to do.

She cried.

Cried for Wes. For her. For the children they’d never have.
She cried for her broken heart and her loneliness. Years of anguish, agony and
longing found an escape as she sobbed. Broken. Devastated. Alone.

She wasn’t sure how long she lay on the floor, how long she
cried. Sitting up, she tried to get herself together. Tried to pull in the
scattered pieces of her soul. She couldn’t. Her mind drifted back to Wes’ blank
expression when she’d told him. She’d watched him mentally and emotionally
check out, leave her. Everything she’d feared had happened. All her reasons for
avoiding love, avoiding relationships, crashed in on her and she cursed herself
for being a fool.

Cursed herself for allowing a tiny piece of her heart to
believe that Wes wouldn’t care. That he’d want her despite everything. That
he’d love her regardless.

Her lower lip quivered. He was gone. The realization ripped
her to shreds, and a fresh round of tears started to fall.

Wes wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. He stared at the
blank walls of the hallway that would lead him to the diner. Lead him away from
Jill.

She couldn’t have kids.

So what?

The two words popped into his mind on a flash of lightning.

“So what?” he said aloud, tasting the words, testing their
strength. They were right. They were true. He wanted Jill. He loved her. That
love wasn’t conditional, wasn’t based on her ability to have his baby. He loved
her. Loved her laughter, her wicked sense of humor and her love of short
skirts. He loved her intelligence, her sparkling blue eyes and her cherry pie.

He loved
her
. The whole package. Exactly as she was.

There was more than one way to catch a fish and there were a
hell of lot of ways to make a family.

He rose and turned, ashamed of himself for walking out. For
leaving her when she needed him the most.

When he got to the top of the stairs, he twisted the knob
and walked in.

He spotted her instantly, found her lying on the floor, and
his heart broke. He’d never seen her cry, never seen her shed a tear. It looked
like she was making up for a lifetime of pain as she sobbed inconsolably.

He walked over to her and dropped to his knees.

She startled at his touch on her shoulder. She sat up
quickly, trying to dash away the tears as she sucked in great gasps of air in
an attempt to stem them.

“Don’t do that,” he said. He was angry. She’d hidden too
much from him for too long. As of right now, that was over.

“What?” she asked quietly.

“Don’t stop crying. Don’t.”

She started to refuse him. She opened her mouth to tell him
off. No doubt she planned to tell him to get out again. He wasn’t going.

Bending forward, he captured her lips with his, shocked her
into silence. The kiss was quick, brief, a means to an end. When he pulled
away, he fought to hold her gaze, forced himself to see the sorrow reflected in
her eyes. He’d walked away from her.

“You’ve held those tears in for too long, Jill. Don’t you
think it’s time you let them out?”

Her face crumpled and she fell into his arms. He pulled her
close, held her tightly, whispering words of comfort as she cried and cried and
cried.

“Shhh,” he said, pressing his lips against her forehead.
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”