Three Thousand Miles (20 page)

“I am waiting, baby.”

Why was Adrian pushing this? Was this evening all a ploy, did Adrian have an ulterior motive and was I being tested. I do not know how to respond to his question and I feel that the truth is the only way
that
I could respond.

“I care about Michael but you know that I love you.” I finally say. My words are shallow as they choke out. Adrian gently moves my hair and now his finger is
tingling
the back of my neck.

“I know how you feel about me but that is not what I asked. I want to know how you feel about him.” I feel my body temperature rise as his cool British accent rings in my ears. I feel pressure to answer his questions in a way that he would want them to be answered. Adrian is putting me on the spot and I am now glad that I am not facing him as I try to respond to his queries. I feel something for Michael, which I cannot explain to myself, let alone to Adrian. Michael is different in so many ways and I feel myself drawn to him. He opens up a side to me that I never knew I had. Although his behaviour is sometimes out of order, I somehow manage to look past all that when I am with him. I know that Adrian will not understand my feelings towards Michael and there is something about Adrian, which makes it impossible for me to lie to him.

“Adrian, I have a strange connection to Michael. I do not fully understand it myself and I do not expect you to. However, what I do know is that, I want Michael in my life. He is connected to me and I would not be the same person if he were not around. You have to understand that I love you and nothing will ever happen between me and Michael.”

Adrian firmly spins me around so that I am now facing him. He holds me tightly and I look up into his green eyes. He gently pushes my hair away with one soft movement and he places a long finger onto my chin.

“Baby, look my in the eyes and tell me that you don’t love him.”

My heart skips a beat and I glare into his almond shaped eyes. I lightly lift my hand, I place it onto his jaw, and he slightly twitches at the feeling.

“Adrian, I don’t love Michael.” I say smoothly.

Adrian has a blank stare on his face as he takes in my words. He quickly snaps out of his trance.

“Can I be one hundred per cent sure that you will never leave me?”

I respond instantly. “I will never ever leave you. You are my world and I was lost without you.”

Adrian rubs his forehead while he is in thought. My heart is racing and I do not know what his reaction will be.

“I want to believe you baby, but something in your eyes is stopping me.”

My heart sinks at his revelation and I cannot look at him. I gently push him away from me and I turn around so that I am again looking out at the city. I feel annoyed with him and I do not want to look at his beautiful face. Because I know that if I did then I could forgive anything
that
he says. I feel his hand placed on my shoulder but I do not flinch. I stand completely still and motionless as Adrian moves closer.

“Baby, are you mad at me?” H
e asks in a surprising tone. I take a deep breath and I turn instantly to face him. I look at his overwhelming face and I try my hardest to focus. I quickly remind myself that I am mad at him and I will not let him off with annoying me.

“Yes
,
I am mad at you.”

Adrian is now the one that looks annoyed. He moves his hand from my shoulder and places it into his deep coat pocket. He leans back from me and his eyes look angry.

“What
did I do to make you so mad?” H
e has the nerve to ask.

“You just said that you don’t believe anything I say. You look into my eyes and you feel that I am lying to you. Did you think that I wouldn’t be mad at that comment?” I say in a very firm voice.

Adrian shifts around nervously and I can tell that he is not used to this sort of confrontation. He gazes at me and I almost feel guilty for questioning him. I quickly focus my mind again and I make myself believe that I have a right to be angry with him. I have been through so much since I met him with the shooting and
the
stalking issue. I feel that Adrian should be relieved that I stood by him in the way that I did. Most girls I know would have run a mile at the very thought of what happened. I am very insulted to hear that he does not believe my feelings for him are true.

“No baby, listen to me.”

He walks over to me and he gently lifts my hand and places onto his chest. I stare at him in amazement and I do not understand is actions.

“I am a control freak and I know that I am crazy.” Adrian whispers.

“No
,
you’re none of those things and this is not about your need to control everything. I understand where that comes from and I accept it. This is about, you not trusting me when I say that nothing will ever happen between Michael and me.” I try to slide my hand from his grasp but Adrian only intensifies his grip.

“I do trust you,” Adrian says with a light smirk on his face. I quickly pull my hand from him and my movement startles him. His grin soon fades and he moves away from me. Adrian strides over to the barrier and rests against it. He exhales as he stares out at the night sky.

“Alanna, I am sorry if I insulted you.” Adrian says in a soft tone. I walk over and stand next to him. I maintain my distance as I feel that I need to get my point across.

“You said that something in my eyes was telling you not to trust me. Was I correct in hearing that?” Adrian does not look at me when he says his next words.

“You did hear correctly but you need to understand something.” He says very firmly. I move a little closer to him and I catch a whiff of his strong cologne as the wind picks up its pace. My heart almost stops at scent but I focus my mind back to the conversation.

“Alanna, I am a very difficult person and I respect you for putting up with me. However, I am very insecure about how you feel about me.” I am stunned by his confession and I need to know more.

“I cannot understand why you would be insecure?” I say smugly.

“Alanna, this is difficult for me to talk about.” Adrian says and he finally turns to face me. His hair is more tousled than before and even in the darkness of our surroundings, I can still see that his eyes are glowing.

“Talk to me Adrian,” I say convincingly. Adrian moves a little closer to me and he reaches out his hand for me. I slowly rest my hand in his and I push a little smile from my lips.

“Sometimes I don’t believe you when you say that you love me. I cannot understand why a pure and innocent girl like you could ever feel anything for me. I never expected to meet anyone like you and I never thought that I would fall in love. I have surprised myself in the way that I feel about you. Baby, you bring the best out in me, I can let my guard down with you and I hunger for that feeling. I do have major trust issues and I am not a normal bloke, but I do love you and I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Adrian, I want you to trust me when I say that I love you. You are the only guy I could ever be with and I don’t want you to feel as if you aren’t good enough.” I pause as
I
observe his reaction. His lips are tense and his eyes are beginning to bolt. He exhales deeply and he grips my hand tighter. I gently smile at him but he does not return my gesture. I feel as if this is a touchy subject with him and I feel awful that he feels the way that he does. Adrian is amazing in every way possible and I wish that he could see that.

“What about Michael.” He insists.

“What about him? I have told you that he is a friend and nothing more. I need you to trust me when I say that nothing will ever happen between Michael and me.” I move closer to Adrian and I slide my hand along his chiselled jaw as I await his response. He surprises me when he pulls back and I gaze at him wondering why he is suddenly so shy.

“Michael is a brother to me, but that does not mean that I trust him around you. The relationship he has with your friend is just an act. He doesn’t feel anything for her.”

“Adrian, how do you know that he doesn’t care about her? I don’t think that he would waste his time and effort if he didn’t feel something for her.” I slowly fill the gap between us and Adrian catches my ha
nd firmly in his. I look at
him and I feel that his grip is a little too tight.

“Adrian, you are kind of hurting me.” I say smoothly. Adrian quickly loosens his grip and pulls back from me. He shakes his head as he runs his fingers through his tousled chocolate hair.

“You see, that’s why you should not trust me. I hurt people and I don’t even know that I am doing it.” I hear the remorse in his voice and I swiftly walk over to him. I reach out and try to take his hands in mine but he beats me away. I narrow my eyes at him and I insist on taking his hand.

“
It’s
fine you just need to learn to control yourself more and for the record, a tight grip now and again is not going to make me, trust you less.” I say firmly. Adrian briefly smiles but he soon straightens his face.

“I cannot control myself and I cannot say for sure that I wouldn’t hurt you.” His words sting and I do not know how to respond.  I step back from him and I do not understand him. A few moments ago, he was telling me that he loved me and that he would never hurt me and now, he is saying that he could possibly hurt me.

“What are you saying exactly?” I ask and I do not really want to know what his answer might be.

“You think that I am this romantic bloke but the truth is I am not. I am dark and dangerous and I am more violent than you could ever imagine.” I feel stunned by his words but at the same time, I feel that this is just an excuse. He is trying to hide is feelings and his games are not working on me.

“Adrian I know what you are doing.” I say in a sarcastic voice. Adrian does not look too impressed but he humours me anyway.

“What is that I am doing?” He says equally sarcastic.

“You are trying to scare me away and it is not going to work. I do not believe you for a second when you say that you would hurt me. I know that you came to me when I was lying in the street shot and leaking blood. I know how much it pains you and I know that you would never want me to be in that situation again.” Adrian sighs at my words and he walks closer to me. He pulls me towards him and he whispers into my ear.

“You are right, but don’t say that I never warned you.”

I lean back and I glare at him, his eyes are intense but they still look playful. His full lips are parted and ready to speak. His hair is hangin
g
onto his forehead and he gently pushes it back. I cannot catch my breath as I bask in his looks. He slides his hand onto my waist, he pulls me closer, and despite his previous comments, I still feel safe in his arms.

Eight

I wake
n
early the next
morning
I
do not have any classes today
,
as it is Saturday. I am hoping that my free day will be spent with Adrian. I jump out of bed and I throw myself into the shower at that thought. I quickly choose my outfit and I blow dry my hair. I stride back into my room and I take a seat on my bed. I reach over to my bedside table, and I lift my white Blackberry. I quickly glance through my messages and I notice one from Adrian.

Baby, I will be coming over after nine, please be ready and I love you.

I cannot contain my smile as I read over his words. I place my phone into my lap and I deeply exhale. Adrian is actually here in New York and I am still finding this event hard to take in. I was sure that he and I were over when he told me that he never loved me. My heart still aches every time that I think back on his words. I have concluded that everything that he said was just a ploy to get me to fall out of love with him. There is no way
that
he could hate
me then and love me now and
being here is only proving that my opinion is true.

“How was last night?” Sophie asks as she bursts out of the bathroom.

I smile at her
, “last night was… amazing.” Sophie comes over to me and she places herself firmly onto my bed.

“Give me all the details.” She insists.

I quickly fill her in on what happened last night and Sophie gushes at Adrian
’s
romantic gestures.

“Wow I would love to be with a guy like that, doesn’t he have any brothers?” Sophie asks. I smile at her as that is a trick question.

“Michael,” I say firmly and a sudden flash of his face floats into my mind. I quickly try to shake him out of my mind and Sophie helps me.

“Oh
,
let’s not go there he is too complicated for me and I don’t think
that
Katharine would let him out of her sight anyways.”