Three Sides of the Coin (Catherine I) (26 page)

             
Once they were alone, Captain Jack puffed up and began, "I really don't think of myself as a god, you know.   But many people are fearful.  They fear the unknown.  They fear people smarter or stronger, or wealthier than themselves.  And that fear gives those of us who fear little, whether it be due to the power of knowledge or experience in overcoming the uncertain little people, or whether we don't care anymore, that fear cedes to us that which makes us powerful.   It is other's fear that becomes our drug of choice.   We lust after that fear because it lifts us up."

             
"For instance, after lunch we will stroll around the lovely pool and I will take in the sights of the bougainvillea blooms dropping into the pools, the waterfall cascades, the spinning hummingbirds flitting from red flower to red flower, while you will be lost in thought of the fear that is about to befall you.  You won't  see, smell or hear what my heightened senses draw in, because you, your mind, will already be up in the room I have rented, slowly unwrapping yourself for me.  First the red belt will drop open, and then your dress will be unbuttoned.  By you, of course, on my orders.  Then you will pull it open, and hesitating, either due to uncertainly, or because you want it to last longer, to savor it longer, you will let the dress lie on you lovely shoulders and then slide down and off you."  

             
"By then, while I am still watching the hummingbird throat change from green to purple in the sunlight, you will be imagining that you are trembling with excitement as you stand before me in that stunning tiny suit."

             
"I will rise and come over to you and slide the two tiny triangles that just now barely cover your nipples.  Ha, I see you look down, uncertain that they are covered even now.  You look lovely when you blush just so, my dear.  I would have warned you if you had come undone, as I wouldn't have wanted you to lose status in our waitress's eyes.  There is another blush.  I wonder if I should invite her to see your discomfort.  No?  You showed too much fear on that one.  Even the most frightened deer eventually bolts when the terror overwhelms the fear.   Perhaps another time, when you have become more jaded to all of this."

             
"But, I digress, do I not?  Your lovely breasts are now exposed and you stand there breathing deep as my hands move down your body, untie one of the laces that keeps your little panties in place and they slide slowly down.  I would then push your shoulders down and you would take your rightful place kneeling before me."

             
Captain Jack hesitated here, watching her face.  She realized she had barely been breathing and had fallen into rapture with the images he painted before her.   She also realized that she wanted that experience.

             
"What's next?"  She rasped out, reaching for her glass of water.

             
"Now that's the question, isn't it?"  He replied, reaching into the breadbasket, taking a roll and after a pause, used the yellow honey butter.  "I am not sure I should explain.   The fear would be diminished if you know.  And that is some of the best part of it for me.   Surely you feel that same rapture with your wimpy husband of yours.  The fear is our power.   We must always have it."

             
Catherine's eyes snapped wide and Captain Jack stopped for a moment before he put the roll to his mouth.   Inwardly she smiled as she realized he felt some anxiety, the fear he was so happy to administer to others had just entered his life for a second.  It was enough for her.

             
"No, Captain Jack, it won't be me up in your room.  Perhaps if you leave enough tip, your waitress might be kind enough to be your fearful supplicant.  But it won't be me today, or any day in Arizona.   I am not an always thing for you and never will be.   This is my home and you did not need escorting, so you came here to get me, not to while away the time between duties.   You have crossed a line you will never again.   What if my husband had been here?"

             
"I knew he was out of town, my dear.  I am not without conscious."

             
"But there are others.  My neighbors, friends, clients that could have easily seen us.  For god's sake, that waitress could have been a neighbor's daughter."

             
He shrugged and said, "Perhaps this could have been better thought out."

             
"That's a bit out of character for you.   I have enjoyed this side business with you, but my life, my main life is here.   And here I am not afraid."  She stood up, and laid down the napkin.  "I trust you will pay the bill."  After a bit of hesitation, she added, "This one and the one for the date.   And it will never happen again."   She turned and left, passing the waitress she said, "He's all yours," and noted first the startled look, then after the flash of recognition of what was said, a glimmer of a lustful smile.   "Quick girl," thought Catherine, "I wonder if she is ready for what Captain Jack will try on her.   She shrugged and once she had slid into her car, a wave of relief rolled over her.   She drove home and after a fashion she called Mike.

             
"Are you going out with him again?"  Mike asked, after she explained the lunch.

             
"I am not sure," she replied.  "The way I said it, I left it open and I don't know if I want to go again, try someone else, or stop altogether.   The home improvements are almost all completed...."

             
He laughed, "You're a designer, Catherine.  There is always another home improvement project."

             
She shrugged, knowing he couldn't see.  "I guess you are right, but I am going to have to think about it.  Now that I have stood up to him, he doesn't seem like such a powerful figure.   He might seem like a game.  That cheapens it even more than it is.   I wonder about that side of me, but I kind of wish it was someone more special than him.   The problem is most guys with egos big enough to impress me, to fill me with that awe, have big egos."  She laughed, ruefully.

             
The phone was quiet for awhile before Mike replied, "Maybe your little tirade will make him dominate you with a vengeance.  Perhaps this could elevate the game, deepen the discovery of the submissive Catherine.  Aren't you curious of what lies beyond?  I know I am."

             
"I would hope that this world shaking event of mine hasn't ruined your voyeuristic cinema world.  I'd hate to have the 'Theatre of Catherine, now running for 6 months’ screech to an early close."

             
"That was bit harsh."  Mike sounded hurt.

             
"I'm sorry, Mike.  This has been a load on me.  You know I need you to hear me out.  With Steven so far on one side and Captain Jack on the other, I feel like I'd get lost flitting back and forth without you to land on every so often."

             
"Perhaps, I have been selfish too," he replied.  “You know I spend so much time with my work. I sort of need you to live an interesting life for us both.  If you ever quit the Agency, I'd probably have to go back to reading French novels and going to the opera.  You are more convenient, and in English."

             
"And cheaper."  She replied. They said their goodnights and after they hung up, she wondered why he did not agree when she said cheaper.   After a moment, she realized he probably hadn't heard her and dismissed the thought.

Chapter 18: 
Mike-5

              After Catherine’s first episode with Captain Jack, she came alive with questions about herself and the very dynamic of interplay between man and woman.   After her second, she began to wonder more about the interplay between dominance and submission, an interplay that according to her began to grow in her relationship with her husband.   What she didn't realize, but was something I had long ago imagined to be true, is that a third side was emerging, a portion of her abandoned by the two extremes.

             
I have known many women who moved from dominance to submission, or from the other way, but seldom had I seen anything like this at all.  In fact, the only time I found I could truly enjoy a woman, was when she was in this middle part of her rainbow of dominance.  It is a truly peaceful place to be, cuddling up close and enjoying the tranquility of life.  

             
Unfortunately, women who have no delight in either submission or dominance, also tend to have little of the latent tension that I love finding just under the surface.   Either they have to finish with some sort of sex act, or they don't feel it at all.  And if they want the sex act, then there is always some expectation that they lead, or they follow.  So even the most vanilla of sex demands some of the spice.    And those who want no sex at all, see all men as a pathway to sex and they fear any intimacy would lead to the act, the act that disappoints or they fear.  That particular anxiety ruins the peace of the middle.

             
Up until the point where I developed my theory, when I was just dating around, I found dating in the middle to be a fencing match, with her probing and trying to find out how I wanted to play, and me trying to advance the cause of what I called tantric non-sex.  Tantric sex, as I understood it, is sex delayed to build up the suspense.  Those who utilize it a lot, swear by it.  But I found the buildup was a letdown, just like knowing at the end of the journey, it would all be over.  I want the trip to last forever.

             
It dawned on me, especially as I pretended to be gay, that my ability to be seen as a non-sex partner enhanced everything for me.  The women who not only believed I was gay, but were also content to let me stay that way, were my best avenue to my own, non-sexual sexual pleasure.  It was not perfect, but was the best I could come up with.  It was like a forever trip that is interrupted every so often.  And, of course, the trip would have to change, even though the destination would never be obtained.

             
So, as you can probably figure out, two problems constantly came up.  One, a goodly portion of good looking women believe that their sexuality should be significant enough to turn me on and convert me.   And, since I am not gay, they certainly could do so.   In turn, I was forced to hide the conversion success, lest they achieve their particular destination and ruin the trip.  Once a woman finds she can make me hard, she will either abandon me as her mission is now accomplished, or she will then feel obligated to move to the next step, which is a relationship, a sexual relationship.

             
The second problem lies with the other women, the ones who were content to have no sex with me.   For them, sex was a necessary part of their eventual partner’s life and they would most certainly intend to be a part of that.   Once they met these men, (or occasionally, women), they put away their childish toys, me being foremost among them. 

             
But I got used to it and found that the best, most consistent way around most of this problem was to find a woman who was having edge sex and wanted some quiet time away from that.  That meant that she was already in the long, (for the most part), term relationship that she sought and needed something else.  But any of these women of quality would be harder to find.   It was for this reason that I founded the Agency.  With the Agency, it was much simpler to ask questions that would be way too personal when asked by a date, and the service the Agency was to render blurred the purpose for what I had founded it.   I had the advantage of knowing what they looked like, how they thought, and what they wanted.   And because most of them did not suit my needs, the Agency did provide the connection for them with other men, who also had needs and wants. And because we found the best combination of questions, answers, services and wealth, the Agency made an incredible amount of money for me.   Money, ironically, I did not need.

             
My overarching Three Sided Coin theory was the basis for my search.   I believe we all, to one extent or another, have three sides to our sexual being: a dominant, a submissive, and best of all, a middle.   Further, the more we explore the edges, the more the middle separates out.   Picture ourselves as that old grade school math thing called the bell curve.   We aren't a single point in the middle of our lives, but we are a range of values.   Sometimes we swallow our pride and let someone chew us out; and sometimes we are the ones chewing others out.   And we all know that some people spend a lot of time on the short end of the stick and others spend a lot of time telling everyone else off.   But those last couple of people interest me less than anyone.  Those milquetoasts and egotistic jerks don't spend much time in the middle.  Their bell curves are shifted too far one way or the other.  It is amazing they get by in life.   And a lot of people, well balanced people like me, spend a lot of time in the middle.   I pride myself on being able to get along with anyone and maintaining a calm demeanor at all times.   My bell curve is very well centered, and very narrow.

             
As you can imagine, people whose bell curves are very dominant would very nicely match up with people whose bell curves are very submissive.   But one could see that it isn't just the middle of the bell curve that has to match, but the width of the thing also.   One person with great range will not match well with one whose bell curve has little diversity.   At least that was my belief, until I met Catherine.