Three Hundred Words (11 page)

As soon as I’d
left for badminton they’d probably stood up from the sofa and gone their
separate ways. House searching, more than likely. Either that or my father was
moving in with the stupid whore who he’d slept with. I didn’t really know
whether that had been a one night thing, or my dad had actually been having an
affair.

He’d lied about
his trip, so I guessed that meant it was really an affair.

I sighed and
scuffed my worn out trainers against the floor, cringing when a screech echoed
around the room from them. I didn’t look up to see whether anyone was looking
at me, just let my skin burn with embarrassment instead.

My first partner
was Lorna. When we stepped onto the court I saw the determination in her eyes;
it was mirrored in our opponents’ stares, too.

I wasn’t feeling
that. I just felt empty.

When I served, it
was an ace. The girl diagonal had struggled to return my shot, but she just
hadn’t managed it.

I blinked, but was
happy to run with it. Perhaps feeling numb inside got rid of my nerves enough
for all the practise I’d done to shine through.

Contrary to mine
and Lorna’s first partnership matches two weeks ago, we smashed our opponents
into the ground with no mercy. It was only afterwards that our coach let us
know they were the worst team here.

As long as we
weren’t the worst, I supposed that was something.

They were tough
matches, but we scraped through at second in our heat, guaranteeing us a place
in the draws tomorrow. I hadn’t faltered and I’d really been a factor in these
games, scoring winners of my own and helping out my partners.

At the end, I felt
as numb as the beginning. Everyone cheered when the results were read out, and
I managed the smallest of smiles. We’d done it, I supposed that was something.
And people were rooting for us, as the underdogs. We’d got cheers from the
crowd, too.

I just wanted to
go home and for things to be all right again.

We were staying at
a budget hotel a few miles away overnight and I wasn’t completely opposed to
just getting home and sleeping. It might have only been 5pm, and I might have
already slept in the car on the way here, but I still felt exhausted. Hopefully
my bed would be comfy. I’d scraped the extra money out of my saving to have a room
to myself tonight, whilst the other girls had decided it would be the perfect
night for a sleepover.

I received several
pats on the back before I disappeared into my room and everyone told me I’d
played well.

Normally I would
have been over the moon. I’d proven my worth, showed I was a good player if I
really put the effort in, and wasn’t being shunned anymore. Instead, I muttered
my thanks, that they’d played well too, and shut the door behind me.

Collapsing into
bed, I ignored the pained gargle of my stomach. It was a lot of hours since I’d
eaten, but the thought of getting up again was far too painful. Instead, I shut
my eyes and tried to ignore the shouting that seeped through the wall right
beside my head.

Groaning, I
considered getting up for my headphones, but once again it was too much effort.
The people shouting weren’t even falling out about anything worthwhile. I was
sure it didn’t matter which one of them had broken the phone charger. You could
get them for less than a fiver online.

When someone
knocked on my door, I buried my head in my pillow. I hoped they had some weird
cleaning schedule and I could just ask whoever it was to come back later.

It was Mr. Lane
stood on the other side of my door, looking incredibly anxious. I sighed and
allowed him entry, just so that he could calm down. If he was caught coming
into my room it wouldn’t end well for anyone.

After the door was
shut, I fixed him with a tired stare. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check
you were all right. Or, I kind of came to see if I could cheer you up, I
guess.”

I perched on the
edge of my bed and really wished he’d just leave. It was a nice gesture, but
not one I appreciated at this very moment. I was tired and sad and not in the
mood for company. “I’m really fine.”

“No, you’re not,
you’re really upset.” He took a seat next to me and the bed dipped. My cheeks
burned when it almost caused me to fall off. “Look, let’s just sit and chill.
It’ll make you feel better.”

“You shouldn’t be
here. If you get caught you’d be fired.”

Mr. Lane shrugged,
leaning back on the bed and dragging me with him. “I’ve never cared before.”

“Why not?” I fired
back immediately. “I could cost you your job. I’m not worth that.” But I still
curled into Mr. Lane’s side and rested my head against his chest. Being in his
company did just seem to make everything better, even if it was only temporary.

“Who says you’re
not worth that? I’m willing to take the tiny chance that we get caught.”

“It can’t be that
small, not really. If we’re sleeping together and spending time together,
people will eventually find out. Isn’t it inevitable?” There were no
repercussions for me, so it felt wrong that I continued to fool around with him
when I suffered no risk.

Then again, it was
him who kept coming back when I was trying to resist. It wasn’t too surprising
I always seemed to give in.

“We don’t even see
each other that often. This is the fourth time and there’s no reason anyone
should be in the middle of the countryside down a one-way track or at my house,
is there?”

I considered this.
I could deal with just having sex with him. That was fine by me. Fine, apart
from the fact I really just kind of liked him and wanted something far more.
Fine, apart from the fact I beat myself up every time we were together and knew
I probably wasn’t ready to be in any kind of relationship.

I wasn’t ready,
and yet I wanted it
so, so
badly anyway.

I was a mess.

“What do you want
out of this relationship? I mean, do you just want to fuck, or do you want to
be with me?” Apparently being this miserable got rid of all my inhibitions. I’d
played good badminton and finally addressed one of the main issues in mine and
Mr. Lane’s relationship.

There was a long
delay before he answered and with each moment I convinced myself that he was
wondering how the best way to tell me he only wanted to sleep with me was. He’d
no doubt been exaggerating and drunk the night he told me he liked me.

“I really like
you, Lily, and I would like us to be together… but not until the end of the
year. I mean, not as a couple, who go out and do things and who see each other
every day,” then he cleared his throat and stopped altogether. “I mean, if you
were asking because you did want us to be a couple, anyway. If you just want to
fuck then I’m fine with that.”

I smiled,
slightly. “I’m going to university in September and it’s far away. I’m not sure
I’d want to do long distance.”

And that killed
our conversation.

There was no
getting around the fact I wasn’t going to be anywhere near my home town in six
months. Besides, Mr. Lane and I couldn’t be together. There was too much
history now. A new start would be better for everyone.

And I understood
why he wanted to wait. It was like he’d said, fucking every now and then meant
there was minimal risk of getting caught. Being together increased that chance
tenfold.

“Wouldn’t you want
to make the most of a summer together? It would still be three months.”

I should have said
no. If I agreed to spend time with him during the summer, then saying goodbye
would be impossible. I’d already fallen for him and that was having only spent
such a limited amount of time together. If we were actually together for three
months I’d probably be tempted to just skip university to keep our relationship
intact.

Granted, those
three months went the way I imagined, anyway.

“I guess it’s
worth a shot.” It was a particularly enthusiastic response, but the way I
tightened my grip told Mr. Lane everything he needed to know.

I couldn’t see his
face from this position, but I imagined a big smile across his face. “Good.”

The high from our
agreement didn’t last long. I returned to my lethargic state in no time,
sighing into Mr. Lane’s chest and wondering how long it was going to take me to
get used to the fact my parents weren’t together anymore. The last two weeks
had been nigh on unbearable, maybe if they weren’t under the same roof anymore
things would actually be easier.

“You’re thinking
about it again, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

His thumb rubbed
soothing shapes into my arm, but it didn’t get rid of my urge to cry. I
sniffled once before reigning it in.

I hadn’t cried yet
and I wasn’t about to. I could get through this just fine.

My stomach rumbled
again and my cheeks burned. “You’re hungry?”

“I’m kind of
starving,” I admitted. “But there isn’t a restaurant or anything in this hotel
and I really don’t have the effort to go out and eat. Do you reckon you can
order pizza to a hotel?”

Mr. Lane shrugged.
“May as well ring up and ask? I’m pretty starving, too. Actually, I’ll do it.”
He pulled his wallet from his pocket. “I’ve got my card.”

I listened to Mr.
Lane ordering our pizza after confirming that I just wanted pepperoni with a
quirk at the corner of my lips. I almost wanted to be sad, I felt like should
be sad, and so Mr. Lane’s amusing company dragging chuckles from my lips was
almost unwelcome.

“You played
really, really well today, by the way,” he informed me as our cuddling resumed.

I grinned, the
warmth encompassing as he held me close. “Thank you. I really worked hard for
it,” I snuggled further into his side. “It was worth turning you down for, I
think.”

Even if I hadn’t
been able to appreciate it in the moment, now my mood was lightening up I was
incredibly proud of my performance. I’d done well and I’d proven I deserved to
be on the team.

“I have to admit I
think it might have been worth it, too.”

We settled into a
teasing conversation and everything else was forgotten. There were little
touches that slowly riled me up, made my skin flush and I was almost
disappointed when the phone rang to announce the arrival of pizza.

Scarpering it
down, I was filled after only half. “Why
is
take-away pizza so good?” I
asked rhetorically. “You would have thought it would be gross being this cheap,
but it’s just the best.”

I’d left just
enough room to make sure I wasn’t inactive when pizza time was over. We’d moved
to lay at the top of the bed now and my fingers danced of Mr. Lane’s hard
torso. There was no hiding what both of us wanted.

But today we took
it slowly, feeling out each other’s bodies like we hadn’t had the chance to
before. I dragged my fingers and lips against every inch of him, removing his
clothes slowly and he returned the favour.

My body was on
fire with every touch, his fingers drawing moans from my lips and making me
curl my toes with desire. He teased me perfectly, and I tried my best to
reciprocate, rubbing his shaft painfully slowly and kissing him with languid
movements. It was almost easy to pretend I wasn’t being slowly driven mad by
the need to have his fingers between my own thighs.

Mr. Lane was
frustrated and it was the most arousing thing. He whined with need as I brought
my mouth down to take his length. I flicked his tip with my tongue and he bucked,
almost thrusting his cock right into my mouth. I dodged, moving up in time with
him, and grinning at his disappointed face.