Three Girls And A Leading Man (24 page)

I shook my head as images of my
mother’s face leapt up in front of my eyes. My poor, stupid mother. Who had
loved me and taken wonderful care of me my entire life, even on her own, even
under terrible circumstances. She had always wanted only the best for
me—and I couldn’t even respect her.

“Shit,” I whispered, as the tears
started to pool. I didn’t want him to see me like this, so I stood up quickly.

“I’ll be right back,” I said, my
voice shaking under the strain of my breaking control. “Just
need…bathroom—”

Before I could take more than a step,
Nate was there, pulling me into his arms. The relief I felt, the happiness at
his touch, was so overwhelming I felt my breath catch. But I didn’t want him to
see me like this. I pulled away.

“Stop,” he said, his voice
strained. “Annie, please just stop running away from me. Please.”

There was so much sadness in his
voice. As if my pulling away had literally hurt him.

“Please,” he said again, and I
finally gave in. I relaxed into his arms, resting my head against his warm
chest. And I cried.

I cried for my father, who I had
lost so long ago. And I cried for my mom, whose life was so sad. But mostly I
cried for me. Because I had let all of these things affect me so much, had let
them change me and control me until I could only let my two oldest friends in,
no one else.

And I cried because I knew I was in
love with this man. And I was scared that he would love me too. Scared of what
that would mean and how I would handle it if he did, in fact, love me.

But much more than that, I was
scared that he wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said when my
tears had subsided. “I’m sorry I treated you that way.”

“It’s okay,” he said.

“No, Nate, it’s not. No one should
be treated like that, especially not you. You’re too good, way too good to be
messed around that way.”

“I’m not all that good,” he said.
“I knew you were hurting but I pushed anyway. I forced you into that decision
when I knew you needed more time.”

“Please,” I said, laughing and
pulling away. “Don’t try to make me feel better. I’m the bad guy here, okay?
Just let me be the bad guy.”

“Okay,” he said, smiling for the
first time since I had laid eyes on him on the street downstairs. The sight of
that smile sent my heart lurching somewhere in the vicinity of my ankles.
“You’re the bad guy.”

I laughed—then started crying
all over again. “Annie!” he said, looking distraught. “I’m sorry, I was
just—”

“Teasing me,” I said, smiling
through my tears. “I know. I just missed you teasing me, that’s all.”

“Let me get you a tissue,” he said,
walking into the bathroom.

I took the opportunity to take deep
breaths, trying to calm myself. He returned a moment later and I blew my nose
with the proffered tissue.

“Better?” he asked.

“Much.”

He picked up his wine again and
took a drink, taking a glimpse around as he did so.

“Hey,” he said, a perplexed
expression spreading over his features. “What’s with all the boxes?”

“Oh,” I said, looking around. I had
forgotten about the state of the apartment. “I’m packing. My lease is up in a
few weeks.”

“Where will you go next?” he asked,
looking sad. “Somewhere a little safer, I hope.”

I smiled. “Much safer,” I said.

“Well, that’s good,” he said,
taking another sip of his wine. “I’m…well, I’m happy to hear it.”

We sat in awkward silence for a
moment. I had gotten my apology off my chest, and he clearly forgave me, but I
had no idea where we stood.

“You know what? This sucks, Annie,”
he finally said, standing up.

“What?” I asked, surprised at his
outburst.

“I came here all prepared to tell
you that I was over you. My sisters told me it would be good for me, you know?
That I could finally move on if I got some closure. I didn’t even need to be at
this stupid conference; I volunteered for it because I knew it would get me
closer to you.” He set his cup down on the coffee table so hard wine splashed
out. “And it’s been really fucking boring, alright?”

He sounded so annoyed, so
frustrated, I almost laughed. This was a side of Nate I had never seen.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, unable to
keep the grin off my face. “You could have told me off over the phone, you
know, saved yourself the trip.”

“Oh, she’s so funny,” he muttered.
“That’s Annie, always has a line for everything.”

“I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s my turn to talk, okay? I
let you talk. Now it’s my turn.”

“Okay,” I said, amused. “Go ahead.”

“I came here to tell you that I was
done, to show you how well I was doing without you. And then I get here and
you’re standing there outside, looking all pale and freaking beautiful. And
then, when I finally get up the courage to say it, you actually open up to me.
The thing I’ve been waiting for since the first day I met you.”

I looked up at him in bewilderment,
having no idea how to respond to that.

“It’s frustrating as hell!” he
bellowed.

I had never seen Nate like this
before. It was actually really cute, the way his face was getting all red and
he kept pushing his blond hair back out of his eyes.

“How in the hell am I supposed to
get over you when you keep doing these things to draw me back in, huh?”

I stared at him. Was he actually
saying that he still had feelings for me?

“I mean, do you have any idea how
much time I’ve spent waiting for you to call me? To tell me you’d changed your
mind and we could give it a go? I would have done that, Annie. Even if you were
far away. I think we were worth that. But here you are, all happy in your life
in Chicago, apartment-shopping, getting your picture taken all the time with
assholes like Jenner Collins. And I’m stuck in fucking Michigan. Where, I might
add, we’ve had about four feet of snow so far this month.”

He was really on a roll now, pacing
back and forth across my threadbare carpet. I realized that I was grinning
broadly, and I tried to cover it, not wanting to piss him off any more. But he
was just so adorable like this.

I love him, I thought. I really,
really love him.

I knew what I wanted to do in an
instant, and before I could talk myself out of it, I acted on the impulse.
Wanting to stop him before he could get going again, I jumped up from my seat
on the folding chair and grabbed his face. He looked at me in surprise for a
minute, almost as if he had forgotten I was there. Without saying a word, I
pulled him down to me and kissed him.

I had never really let myself think
about what I felt when I kissed him before. I mean, sure, he was an amazing
kisser, but I was always trying so hard to ignore the feeling in my chest, like
something was expanding, lifting me up out of my shoes. Or the way that my
stomach would clench in anticipation when his lips pressed against mine. Or the
way it felt like happiness was exploding inside of me when he would sigh
against my mouth, when he would cradle my face like it was the most precious
thing in the world to him.

I never let myself feel those
things before. But I did now. And it was perfect.

“What?” he asked unsteadily,
looking down at me. He looked a little dazed, and I had to giggle. “What was
that?”

“I’m in love with you,” I told him.
“I am. And even though that scares the hell out of me, I wanted you to know
it.”

“You’re in love with me?” he asked.

“Of course I am,” I said, kissing
the corner of his mouth. “You knew that. You knew it before I did.”

He looked at me in that dazed way
for another minute, before he started laughing. “Are you serious?”

Then he was kissing me again, and
spinning me around, and it was all very cheesy and romantic. The kind of thing
I normally would have rolled my eyes at.

But I wasn’t rolling my eyes now.

“Put me down,” I finally said,
hitting him. “Get a hold of yourself, man. This is no way for a tough guy to
act. What are you, a woman?”

“Shut up,” he growled, pulling me
close. “You love me. So any insults you want to hurl, just remember: you’re the
fool that loves me.”

“Hmm, you have a good point,” I
said. “Maybe I’ll have to stop teasing you altogether.”

“Oh no, Annie,” he said seriously.
“Please don’t ever do that.”

He pulled me down onto the couch
with him, situating me in his lap as the cushions sagged under me.

“Ooof, I certainly hope your new
place has better furniture then this. I mean, I can hardly be expected to jet
my ass all the way over here every weekend and sit in this pile of springs.”

I snuggled up into his chest. “What
do you mean jet your way over here?” I asked.

“To Chicago,” he said. “To see
you.”

“Oh, I won’t be in Chicago,” I
said. “Didn’t I explain that?”

“No,” he said, looking down at me.
“Are you…are you guys going to New York?”

“The show is,” I said. “But I’m
not.”

Nate just stared at me in
disbelief. “But…but, why? Annie, this is your dream—”

“No, it’s not,” I said firmly. “My
dream is to make a living as an actress. New York was never my dream; I just
went along with it because it seemed to be what everyone expected.”

“But—”

“I’m unhappy here, Nate,” I said.
“I have been the entire time. Not just because I missed you. I’m unhappy
because I don’t like the people that I work with. I’m unhappy because I can
only afford this little shithole. I’m unhappy because I’m not with my friends.
I miss my home.”

“But what will you do?” he asked.
“Go back to working in an office at Springwells? You were so unhappy there.”

“No,” I said firmly. “I’ll keep
auditioning. In fact, Jenner is starting a regular company up in the city. It’s
small, but he’s really committed to it. And there’s no guarantee I’ll get a
place with them, but I’ll try. I mean, at least I have more experience now, you
know, for my resume. It’s worth a shot.”

Nate didn’t say anything, and I
felt my heart sink a little. “What?” I asked. “Are you not happy that I’m
coming home?”

“No,” he said, pulling me close.
“The thought of you so close to me is… well, let’s just say that would make me
really freaking happy. But I don’t want you to do something that you’ll end up
regretting. Especially not for me.”

I laughed. “Sorry, babe,” I told
him. “But there’s no way in hell I’m doing this for you, or for anyone else. Do
you know who you’re talking to here?”

He rolled his eyes and rested his
forehead against mine. “I must have forgotten. This is
Annie-I-make-my-own-decisions-all-the-time.”

“You just said you didn’t want me
making this choice over you!” I cried, slapping his shoulder.

“Well, not entirely. But you could
factor me in a little, you know. Just some of the time.”

I thought about what Ginny had told
me, about how a good relationship should be a partnership. How you should take
the other person into account, but only if they did the same with you. A
balance.

“Maybe I could do that,” I said,
leaning forward to kiss him again. “Just some of the time.”

Chapter Twenty-nine

‘There’s one important
thing about true love that you should always keep in mind: when
 
it’s right, it’s right. You can memorize all
the dating tips and rules in the world, but when it’s true love, everything
will eventually come easily. Never forget the relationships that got you where
you are, and made you who you are. Even the ones that seemed tragic at the time
helped make you who are you are now, the woman your true love can’t live
without.’—
The Single Girl’s Guide
to Finding True Love
.

“Hey,” I said, peeking around the
door into Jenner’s office. “I’m gonna take off, okay?”

“Go, go,” he said, making a shooing
motion with his hands. “You should have left an hour ago. Your man will be
pissed.”

I rolled my eyes. “He can deal with
it. Do you have directions?”

He patted his pocket. “Right here
in my phone,” he said. “See you in a few hours.”

I waved and headed back down the
hallway, stopping in my office to grab my bag and turn off the light. There was
a stack of papers on my desk for the new playwriting classes, but it could wait
until Monday. Nothing I couldn’t handle.

Outside, I unlocked my bike from
the streetlight pole where I had secured it that morning. Being close enough to
ride to work was definitely one of the major perks of my new situation.

Before I could jump on the seat, my
phone rang. I looked down at the screen and smiled. Jen. I had been expecting
this call—was, in fact, amazed she’d managed to contain herself for so
long.

“What is it now?” I asked.

“You’re late!” she said in her
stressed-out voice. “I have a million things for you to do!”

“Keep your shirt on,” I told her.
“I’m on my way, okay?”

“Fine,” she said, sighing. “But you
better hurry. It’s your party, you know?”

“I know, and I appreciate all of
your work,” I told her with a grin, feeling a rush of fondness for my type-A
best friend.

I pressed the end button and
climbed onto my bike. It was a warm day, perfect May weather, and I enjoyed the
sensation of the breeze on my skin as I peddled the short distance home.

“Hey,” Nate called from the porch
as I approached. He was balancing a white box in his arms, but he waited for me
to pull my bike up the steps so he could kiss me hello. “You’re late.”

“So I keep hearing,” I said, giving
him a second kiss for good measure. “What’s in the box?”

“Cupcakes,” he said.

“She’s sending you out for cupcakes
now?” I asked.

“She would have sent you, had you
been here.”