Three Days of Rain (15 page)

She’d learned early on not to push him. He’d let her in on his own time and open up he did. The things he’d told her, the pain he allowed to trickle out and evaporate, made her sad. She had yet to hear one good memory, one sliver of why he’d held onto someone like that. The puzzle pieces didn’t always fit.

Earlier, the look on his face and the pain in his voice let her know she was one step closer to figuring out why Jake was the way he was. It was true, she mused, that much of the emptiness that filled his eyes had slowly become replaced with life but there were still shadows left.

She wasn’t sure if she’d ever know the whole story but she now knew a baby had been a part of it. Where was the baby now? Where was Madison? When did she leave? Lily was curious by nature and it was hard for her to refrain from digging deeper. But while she respected Jake’s privacy and his need to heal at his own pace, she couldn’t move forward with a man trapped in the past.

Her feelings for Jake were complicated, even for her. She wasn’t one to fall in love. She’d had a few boyfriends over the years but none of them long term. She’d never felt the spark, the connection, that she needed to for anyone. She was too much of a free spirit, too focused on living in the now, to be much use to anyone looking toward the future. She wasn’t one to settle. Her affair with Jake, for the first time, had her looking towards a future. Without her consent, without her knowing, she’d begun to fall in love with him. Despite herself, she started to plan for the future.

In the short time they’d known each other, they’d become more than friends, more than lovers. Their relationship was both comforting and terrifying. Because of this, she contemplated heading for Atlanta early. It was only the middle of July but she wasn’t sure she could handle another six weeks of coaxing the past out of Jake just so he could look to the future. It hadn’t started out that way. In the beginning, he was just a lost soul she’d wanted to befriend. But over the past month and a half, he’d become more to her. Her uncle saw it, she knew, but he’d refrained from talking about it. Maybe he’d hoped, like others did, that she would be the one to save Jake. Even his father and brother had become tentatively hopeful that Jake was finally breaking free from Madison.

She couldn’t leave. She couldn’t handle it and she knew Jake couldn’t. Even before the beginning of their romantic relationship, the two had become inseparable. Many nights were spent lying in the grass, staring at the stars. Mornings were spent running and swimming in the ocean. She’d begun spending nights at his house. They’d made love. She’d fallen in love and she was sure he had, too. She’d seen the Jake that people wanted him to be again.

Thoughts like these were foreign to Lily. She’d never really met anyone like Jake before. She’d never met anyone she’d wanted to fight for. But how could she fight against a memory?

She shook the thoughts from her head and closed her eyes. She felt him slide into bed and wrap his arms around her as he settled in behind her. She hoped he’d open up to her, but she wasn’t going to allow him to wallow. She had a feeling this particular memory would close him off from embracing the beginning of what they were becoming.

By six-thirty Lily woke to the sound of Jake shuffling around in the kitchen. She wasn’t sure if she should mention what happened yesterday. She played in her head what she was going to say but nothing sounded right. She didn’t want to scare him off, push him away, or make him think she’d given up on him.

The first thing she noticed when she walked into the kitchen was Jake staring out the window with his shoulders slumped.

“Jake?”

When he turned, she saw the lost look in his eyes return. She moved to stand in front of him and grabbed both of his hands with hers.

Despair filled the room even as promise circled them. He sighed and dropped his head.

“Jake it’s okay. It’s me. What do you want to tell me?”

His eyes held hers. When they met, he hadn’t been planning on doing this—telling her any of this. “Well, before you came, and even after, I’d been holding onto ghosts. For the first time in two years, those ghosts haven’t haunted me like they did. Because of you, I see that I might be able to get past them, but I can’t do that without telling you everything.”

Lily held his hands tighter, knowing that whatever he was about to say would either break the wall he still kept or rebuild it higher and stronger.

He blew out a breath and began with what she already knew. “Her name was Madison. She left two years ago.”

He didn’t tell her everything, that day but he told her enough to find himself again for a few hours. Little by little, over the next few weeks, Jake told Lily more about Madison. How they first met and the day he first decided she really might have changed. Lily was patient with him. She could feel his uneasiness and never once pushed for him to let it all out. So she waited, day by day, as each piece of the puzzle was laid into place.

Like photographs from an album, he’d walked her through his agony. She learned of a man tormented by a woman who didn’t deserve him. She learned of his faults and his recklessness. She learned of Madison’s selfishness. Lily longed to pull the pain from him. Some days she would cry with him and others she just held him as he relived the past for her.

Eventually, every memory that haunted him was set free. It wasn’t until he finally told her about the baby that he choked up. Lily didn’t interrupt once. She let him keep talking until he was too exhausted to continue. By the time the story was done, tears were streaming down her face. The pain he felt was obvious and raw. To be hurt like that was incomprehensible to Lily. To be the one to cause the pain was unforgivable.

She knew he had one more story to tell. He hadn’t yet confided the hows or whys of Madison’s departure or the fate of his child. If the ghosts he’d introduced her to were any indication, she was sure this would be the biggest revelation of all, and she’d have to brace herself for the fall.

None of this was something Lily had asked for, but it was something she accepted. With each day they grew closer, stronger. And with each day the end of August loomed larger, though Atlanta retreated farther away.

CHAPTER 21

By the time the beginning of August came around, John decided to give Jake a second chance on the boat. Though content to work the docks, Jake was happy for the opportunity given him.

“I appreciate you giving me another chance on the boat, Mr. Olsen. I won’t let you down.”

Placing his hand on Jake’s shoulder, John forced himself to forget the past. It wouldn’t do anyone any good. “I know you won’t, Jake. This chance was a long time coming. Truth be told, I should have given it to you long ago.”

Jake looked him in the eye, without the shame that had plagued him since the job was taken away. “No. You did the right thing. I wasn’t able to hold on to that responsibility. I needed to be able to move out of the past. For the first time since Madison left, I feel like I am able to. Somehow, this summer, I’ve been able to find some sort of closure.”

Pride swelled inside and a small piece of the burden John had carried around lifted from his shoulders. He hadn’t heard Jake utter his daughter’s name in two years. He couldn’t remember the last time Jake allowed anyone to talk about her, to mention her, without falling apart. Maybe it was time they all took Jake’s lead and pushed forward.

“We all need closure. Every time I think about what happened and I begin to go down the path of what-ifs, I remember, out of all of us, you are the one who has the most reasons to question.”

“It will come, Mr. Olsen. I never thought it would come for me but it has. I have Lily to thank for that.”

John knew Lily was the reason for Jake’s turn around. The whole town knew the story and had waited for Jake to open his eyes. It was beginning to happen. After all the prayers and sadness, Jake was letting go.

“Well, you’ll start Monday. Finish out the week on the docks and brush up on what you need to. How about you come by this weekend? Sunday, Mrs. Olsen and I are having a little barbeque. Nothing fancy, just winding down the summer. Your brother’s coming with Megan and the boys, and I’ll invite your dad. Bring Lily along, too, if you want.”

Jake smiled. “Sure, Mr. Olsen. I think it’d be fun. I’ll call Lily to make sure she has the day off.”

While he watched Mr. Olsen walk off the docks, Jake flipped open his cell phone and called her.

“Good morning, handsome.”

Lily’s husky morning voice was the only pick me up he needed. Since he’d begun to open up to her, they’d gotten closer than he’d thought possible.

“Good morning, beautiful. What are you doing on Sunday?”

“Lunch shift. Why? What’s up?”

“Well, John Olsen invited us over for a barbeque. Nothing fancy. But I was wondering if you’d like to go.”

“Sure. I get off at three. Can I meet you over there?”

“Yeah. No problem. I’ll tell him we’ll be there.”

“Cool. Should I bring something?”

“I don’t think so. I’ll ask. Guess what?”

“What?”

“Mr. Olsen is putting me back on the boat.”

Lily knew how much it meant to Jake and she shared his excitement. “That’s great! I’m so happy for you.”

“I start Monday. I have a few things to clean up on the docks before I’m ocean bound. You coming over later? Maybe we could celebrate.”

“Don’t I always?”

“Okay then. See ya later.”

“Bye, sweetie. Have a good day at work.”

When she clicked off, he was overcome with feelings of contentment. This is exactly how a relationship was supposed to be. It only took him twenty-eight years to figure it out.

Lily disconnected, smiling and still holding her phone in her hand. But the smile disappeared from her face as she checked her watch. She had two more minutes before she’d have an answer she wasn’t sure she wanted.

Atlanta loomed over her head. She had to make a decision soon. Long distance relationships didn’t seem to work out for anyone she knew. Now, with Jake getting his job back on the fishing boat, she couldn’t ask him to leave. He would if she asked. But it wasn’t fair to ask him to give up his life for her. While she’d always been happy to move on and had always accepted the challenges of doing so, he wasn’t built that way. He’d never left the comfort of his hometown, even when parts of it threatened to choke the life from him. He was a long-hauler. And Lily had never before been comfortable with the idea of remaining in one place too long—until now.

She thought of what her life would be if she stayed. Would she and Jake be as happy down the road as they were now? Would she resent him for her missed opportunities? Could she live her life in such a small town?

That’s the problem of planning for the future
. There were no answers for anything. Just what-ifs. Definitely foreign territory. But, then again, wasn’t the lack of concrete answers the same as living day to day?

Blowing out a long, unsteady breath, Lily checked her watch again. It was time. She walked into the bathroom and checked the stick she’d placed on the sink. She was only a few days late but she needed to know. When she saw the results, tears immediately began falling down her cheeks. With shaky hands, she picked it up and stared until her vision went hazy. Slowly, she backed up against the wall and sank to the floor, the pregnancy test still in her hand. Dizzy, her head wouldn’t allow her to decide if she was happy or not. It wouldn’t let her think about anything other than the answer presented to her. Her head dropped to her chest as she tried to control her breathing.
How could this have happened
? Jake had always used a condom. There was that one time that it broken, but he’d pulled out immediately. Could that have been enough for her to get pregnant? Oh, God, what was she going to do now? What did she want to do?

She closed her eyes and focused on every second she’d spent with Jake. Every word that had been said, every touch that lingered over her body, and she knew how she felt about all of that. What was going on in this bathroom, however, she still needed to figure out.

She grabbed her camera and headed for the door. If she focused through the lens, maybe she’d clear out enough space to gauge her feelings about this.

Jumping in her Jeep, she drove down the main road and out of town. She needed to escape, if only for a little while. She’d sort all this other stuff out later. With dread in the pit of her stomach, she continued to allow the tears to fall until she reached her destination.

About an hour outside of town, Lily pulled over to the side of the road. The location was familiar. This is where she’d stopped the day she’d bought Jake the guitar. Pulling her keys out of the ignition and checking her camera, she got out and began walking through the open field. Just on the other side was a path that led into the woods. She hadn’t had time to explore it last time and figured now was as good a time as any.

As she walked, she stopped every now and then to photograph random flowers, trees, and leaves. It wasn’t until she entered a clearing about a mile in that she saw what she came for.

In the middle of the clearing was a farmhouse. It was old, abandoned, and spectacularly beautiful. Though the paint was weathered and peeling and the shutters were falling off the windows, the house made Lily feel at home. With her lens, she wanted to capture all it used to be. In her mind she saw mothers and daughters and fathers and sons. She saw births and happiness, deaths and mourning. Through her lens, she saw life.

As if walking through time, she saw what could be by imagining what once was. Every stone on the path, every board on the porch, and every tree that stood watch told her a story. It wasn’t with pen a paper that she would retell it. It was with film and a lens.

She saw the promise of a future in the peeling paint. She saw the love that would be tangible in the overgrown gardens. As she walked around into the backyard, she saw the life that could be hers etched into the headstones of the family that had been buried there.

As she had hoped, Lily lost herself in her muse. For hours, she explored and discovered. And with each click of her camera, she grew more comfortable with what was to come. It wasn’t until the sun began to set that she bid farewell to the house that had given her a reason to plan for the future.