Three-And-A-Half Heartbeats (7 page)

Chloe found this hilarious. ‘Bye, Daddy!’

‘Bye, darling!’ Tom felt the familiar tightening in his throat as she said the magic word ‘Daddy’. He knew that whether she was three or thirty-three, hearing her little voice use that term would always constitute his greatest joy. He watched as her little pink raincoat and matching wellington boots disappeared around the garden hedge.

The day was crisp, unusually cold and still, the sky a beautiful winter blue. Not a breath of wind moved the wispy clouds. Grace opened the bedroom window and waved down at the three generations that trundled the path, breathing the cold air through scarves and with their fingers warm inside gloves. Chloe was holding the hand of her grandma on one side and her aunty on the other, jumping and swinging so that they were forced to take her weight when her feet lifted from the ground. They stopped every few steps so that Chloe could forage for the chocolate buttons that Alice had snuck into her pocket.

‘I need to get one for Dr Panda.’ Chloe placed the slither of chocolate at her panda’s mouth before quickly transferring it to her own.

‘Can I have one please, Chloe? They’re my favourite!’ Grace called down, enquiring not because she wanted the sugar, but to test her daughter’s sharing skills.

Chloe beamed up at her mum, waving, happy to see her. ‘No, Mummy, you can’t have one because you didn’t eat all your lunch!’

The trio roared with laughter.

Olive shook her head as she gripped the pink plastic arm of Chloe’s raincoat and swung her high. ‘Miss Chloe May Penderford, you are incorrigible!’

‘You are too, Granma!’ Chloe replied. ‘You are porridgeable!’

Grace smiled as she retreated beneath the soft, warm duvet, trying not to dwell on her sister’s sadness, which threatened to keep her awake. Forty winks was just what the doctor ordered.

People suffering from sepsis can have severe breathlessness and may sometimes gasp

Her cry ricocheted off the ceiling and pierced Grace’s skull, where a headache still lurked.

‘But I want my… my brexbrus!’ Chloe rubbed her eyes and stammered through her tears. Her nose was running and she began to wail.

Tom hitched her up onto his lap and smoothed her hair. ‘Oh my darling, I know, I know. But you can’t have breakfast, Chlo, because the medicine they give you before you have your operation might make you sick if you eat something now.’

‘I don’t… I don’t mind,’ she managed.

‘Oh, darling.’ He wiped her nose.

Grace watched as he cradled her to him.

‘I don’t want to go to hostipal any more. I want to stay here and have something to… to eat.’

Tom’s voice was soft, steady, reassuring. ‘I promise you we’ll be back here before you know it. And Mummy and I will get you lots of goodies, like ice cream, ice lollies, whatever you fancy. And tonight, if you feel up to it, you can have some lovely things to eat on the sofa, snuggled up under a blanket, and we can watch
Frozen
. How does that sound?’

Chloe nodded, despite her continuing tears. ‘G… good,’ she hiccupped.

‘Tell you what, Chlo…’ Grace assumed a positive and assertive tone, all part of her plan to distract. ‘I just need to make a quick phone call to Jayney, then I’ll read you
The Gruffalo
while Daddy has his shower. How about that?’

Chloe nodded against her dad’s T-shirt, gripping Dr Panda in her little fist and holding him up to her face. Grace crept out to the patio and blew smoky breath into cold morning air.

‘Blimey, one day off – can’t you resist calling?’ was how Jayney answered the phone.

‘I know, I know, but there are just a couple of things that
have
to happen today or we will really be pushing it time-wise,’ Grace said.

‘And you told me about them on Friday. Let me guess: Nell needs the final proofs and Angharad has to okay the figures. I’m on it! Please don’t worry; things are not going to fall apart in one day. I have your very, very detailed notes to go from as well as your verbal instructions and, believe it or not, a tongue in my head, so if I am unsure about anything, I can call you!’

‘Oh God, Jayney, am I that bad?’

‘Worse. It’s not even half seven and you’re calling me! Good job I love you, isn’t it?’

‘It is,’ Grace admitted. ‘Good weekend?’

‘Ah, the usual. Met Mr Right, who turned out to be Mr Just About Bearable by the time the Sambuca had left my system.’

‘I won’t bother dusting off my fancy hat and matching bag just yet then.’ Grace laughed.

‘No, not just yet. How’s Chloe doing?’

‘She’s fine. You know, bit tearful cos she can feel we’re tense and she can’t have breakfast, which is a big deal for Chlo.’

‘Big deal for all of us, mate!’ Jayney laughed.

‘Good point. I tell you what, I might hop into a bed myself at the hospital, I feel like shite!’

‘Oh, not good. What’s up?’

‘Don’t know, just a bit blurgh. Tired and headachy. I suppose if I had the time, I would have the flu.’

‘But you haven’t got the time. You’ve got deadlines!’ Jayney reminded her.

‘Exactly, which is why I’ll be back in tomorrow. But seriously, please promise you’ll call me if you need anything or have any questions. Call me before you ask Jason anything, you know what he’s like!’

‘Grace, I promise. Now go see to that baby girl and don’t worry, it’s just one day!’ Jayney laughed, knowing her reprimand would make little to no difference.

Grace saw she had a missed call from her mum and a text from Alice that read:
Speak soon, Gracie. Give the girl a big kiss from me and tell her I shall be thinking about her all day! Xx

Grace replied with a quick
Will do. x
before dialling her parents’ home number.

‘Morning, Dad!’

‘Good morning!’ He did, as ever, sound delighted to hear from her. ‘How’s my little one doing?’

‘She’s a bit out of sorts, but fine really. I was just saying to Jayney, I think the biggest problem is that she can’t have breakfast and hasn’t had anything since late afternoon yesterday.’

‘Poor little thing. I feel guilty that I’ve just had toast! What a lovely day we had yesterday.’ Mac sighed.

‘Oh it was, Dad, really lovely. So good to see everyone. I feel a bit run down myself, think I’m probably just tired. Are you and Mum okay?’ Grace wondered if it might be a bug. She offered up a quick prayer:
Keep me healthy!
She had far too much to think about without having to deal with illness.

‘Your mum and I are, as usual, fit as the proverbial flea!’ Mac laughed.

‘I might have guessed.’ Grace laughed too.

‘Give Chloe our love and do let us know how she gets on, won’t you?’

‘Will do. Promise. Love you, Dad.’

‘Love you too, sweetheart.’ She could tell he was smiling.

Back inside, Grace settled down on the sofa and wrapped the soft throw over herself and Chloe. ‘Are you comfy?’ Chloe nodded. ‘Are you warm enough?’ Again she nodded her response. ‘Grandma and Grandad send you their love and Alice too. They all said to give you a kiss. So here goes!’ Grace kissed the top of her little girl’s head three times and then began.

‘A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood. A fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked—’

‘Good!’ Chloe shouted. They knew the book by heart, which only added to their love of it. And this morning it was exactly what they both needed: something familiar and fun, a distraction.

Grace and Tom did their best to keep the mood light, joking and laughing as they got Chloe settled in the ward. Dr Panda insisted on lying in the middle of the pillow and Chloe had to hoick him out of the way. He then needed to use a bedpan, causing much hilarity, especially with the addition of Tom’s sound effects – anything rather than give their little girl a minute to think about her rumbly tum and the fact that she was in a hospital.

Grace unpacked Chloe’s little bag containing a clean nightie and dressing gown for later. As the nurse dotted anesthetising gel to the back of her hand, Chloe instinctively cried, ‘I don’t like it!’

Grace watched as a single fat tear slid down her cheek.

‘I know, darling, but you will soon be home and the doctor is going to make you better. Dr Ranj and Nurse Morag will be fussing around you and you will have no more sore throats!’ Tom wiped away her tear and kissed her. ‘Okay?’

Chloe nodded as she caught her breath and used Dr Panda to wipe away her tears.

It was now mid morning and as she lay back against the pillow, her tumble of blonde curls spread like a golden halo behind her head. With Dr Panda pushed into her cheek, she looked adorable as she succumbed to the anaesthetic. Her head lolled to one side.

Grace released her hand and kissed her cheek. ‘We’ll be right here waiting for you, my darling girl,’ she whispered into her ear.

Tom kissed her forehead as they wheeled her through the rubberised double doors.

‘Don’t worry. She’ll be back before you know it.’ The kindly anaesthetist smiled and tucked Chloe’s arm down under the blanket as she handed Dr Panda to her mum for safekeeping.

‘I hate seeing her like that.’

Grace turned to her husband, who looked pale. ‘Me too. Shall we go and get a coffee?’

Tom nodded.

The two found solace in the coffee shop in the foyer. Having agreed not to eat or drink earlier, out of solidarity with their daughter, they necked their coffees fast. It was only once they’d bought second cups and had shared a rather large Belgian bun that they relaxed into conversation.

‘How are you feeling, babe?’ Tom looked at his wife, searching for clues.

‘Bit rough actually. I said to Jayney earlier, I’d be ill if I had the time.’

‘I checked your schedule and I think you have a gap next Thursday between 2.30 and 3.15, could you be ill then?’ he said, tongue in cheek.

‘Ha ha.’ Grace ignored him and blew her nose. ‘I feel a bit fluey.’

‘Do you want me to go grab you some Paracetamol?’ Tom offered. ‘I mean, we’re in a bloody hospital, there’s got to be some lying around somewhere!’

She shook her head. ‘No. Thanks though, love. I’ll grab something at home.’

‘I hate that she’s up there without us. It feels crap that we’re putting her through this. Maybe we should have waited,’ Tom said.

‘It’s a bit bloody late now!’ Grace smiled and placed her hand over the back of Tom’s, which was toying with the little sachet of sugar that had come with his coffee. ‘Just think of what this’ll mean for her, think of all those horrible days with her unable to swallow or eat. Her snoring, her earaches, the whole lot gone!’ She snapped her fingers. ‘Just like that!’

‘I know. She just looked so tiny on that trolley.’ He swallowed his tears.

‘When she has a baby, you are going to be banned from the building. Can you imagine if you’re this bad when she’s just having her tonsils out?’ Grace laughed.

‘I can’t even think of her having a baby!’ He shook his head. ‘Tell you what, the bloke she marries better look after her, or I’ll kill him!’

Grace giggled and sipped her coffee. ‘
If
she chooses to marry, I’m sure he’ll be a good guy; we have to trust her to pick well. Plus they don’t let just any old bloke be captain of the rowing team!’

‘Good point.’ He raised his mug and clinked it against hers.

Grace looked at the clock on the wall. ‘Right, that’s it, half an hour. Let’s go back up!’

The two raced to the lift, partly in haste and partly in jest. Fuelled by coffee and sugar, they jostled each other, both keen to be the first to press the button and both a little giddy with relief that the whole affair was nearly over.

They had barely had time to sit outside the recovery area when the rubber doors opened and a porter wheeled Chloe out towards them. A nurse walked alongside in blue scrubs, her long hair wound into a tight bun and a face mask dangling onto her chest. ‘It all went perfectly. Mr Portland is very pleased.’

‘Oh that’s great!’ Tom exhaled a huge sigh.

Grace ran her hand over Chloe’s hair; it was slightly sticky with sweat. Chloe opened her eyes and smiled weakly at her mum.

‘Hello, little girl,’ Grace whispered as they wheeled her past and into the ward.

Chloe was understandably groggy. She placed her hand on her ear and cried a little.

‘They said she might have a bit of an earache after. They’ve given her some painkillers, so that should take the edge off.’

‘Poor little thing,’ Tom cooed.

Once Chloe was settled into the ward, Grace hopped onto the bed and held her daughter in her arms. ‘When we get home, Chlo, we can read
The Gruffalo
again and Daddy has got you some ice cream when you feel up to it.’

Chloe nodded against her mum, turned on her side and slept for over an hour.

Grace smiled at her husband. ‘I know this is a terrible thing to say, but I quite like it when she’s a bit under the weather and wants to be held like this.’ She kissed Chloe’s hair.

‘I know what you mean.’ He smiled back. ‘Apparently she’ll be right as rain tomorrow, just a bit of a sore throat, but apart from that…’ He let it trail.

‘And I’ll be back at work, worse luck. I feel crappy.’ Grace yawned.

‘You could take another day,’ Tom suggested.

‘I can’t.’ Grace shook her head. ‘I’m already up against it with a couple of deadlines; I need to go and chivvy things along. Plus you know what Jason’s like, the slightest whiff that I’m not coping and he’ll be all over my accounts like a hungry locust. The bastard.’ Grace winced as she realised she’d sworn while holding Chloe; she was usually very good about keeping her profanities for when her daughter was out of sight and earshot.

Tom tutted in mock disapproval. ‘Think you got away with it, just about.’

Grace smiled. ‘Do you remember when I forgot she was in the back of the car and missed the turning and said S-H-I-T and she said it for a week to everyone, as if she knew, and we kept shouting “Ship ahoy!” over her to try and stop the old ladies in the village from being traumatised?’

Tom laughed. ‘We’ve got to be so careful!’

‘We have.’

It was a little over an hour later that Chloe roused herself, stretched her arm over her head as she opened her eyes and looked at her dad. ‘Stostisisipal,’ she whispered.