Thoughtless (9 page)

He frowned at me and walked over to where I was still standing by the door. “Are you okay?”

I stared over his shoulder, knowing that if I saw the concern in his eyes, the tears would start in full force. “Yep.”

“Kiera…” He lightly put his hand on my arm and I instinctually looked up at his face.

The concern in his eyes and the unexpected tender touch set me right off, and the tears started streaming. Without hesitation, he pulled me to him in a tight embrace. He lightly rubbed my back and rested his cheek on my head. It was very comforting, but I sobbed anyway, while the people around us stared. He ignored the stares and questioning looks (he did have quite a reputation after all) and held me until my tears stopped, all without comment or complaint.

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At some point Sam came up to him, probably to let him know they were up, but before he could say anything, I felt Kellan shake his head at him. I pulled back from him a little and wiped some tears from my cheeks. “I’m fine. Thank you. Go, go be a rock star.” He looked at me, concerned. “Are you sure? These guys can wait a few more minutes.”

Touched by his offer, I shook my head. “No, really, I’m fine. I should get back to work anyway. I missed getting you your beer again.” He released me and chuckled a little bit. “Next time.” He rubbed my arm and with a half-grin, turned to join his band mates who were already starting to take the stage.

Kellan’s band was amazing, of course, but I couldn’t help but notice that his eyes drifted to mine more than usual. Sometimes he frowned a little at me and I found myself smiling back reassuringly. Honestly, I was fine. He didn’t need to worry over me, sweet as that was.

I hung out later than usual after the bar closed, refusing Jenny’s polite offer of a ride home. I just wasn’t ready to go there yet. The thought of talking to Denny again, about him leaving, hurt. The thought of Denny not being home yet from work, hurt too. I wasn’t sure which one would hurt worse, and I didn’t want to find out just yet.

I sat backwards in a chair near the bar and rested my chin on my arms over the back. Monday. Everything had been going so smoothly and now I only had one weekend. I pondered what I was going to do while he was gone? It all felt too soon to think about. We would have tomorrow afternoon, then all day Sunday…then I really wasn’t sure when I’d see him again.

I could feel the tears start again and I angrily wiped them away. Seriously, it was probably just a month or two, nothing to get so worked up over. Calm down, I ordered my body.

I felt Kellan sit beside me before I saw him. “Hey.” He smiled softly at me. “Want to talk about it?”

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I looked over to the stage, where the band was still hanging out. Evan was preoccupied with Sam, but Griffin and Matt were staring at Kellan and me, Griffin muttering something to Matt with a twisted grin on lips.

Matt rolled his eyes and laughed, and I could only imagine what they were talking about. No, I did not want to talk here. I’d surely break out into embarrassing blubbering, and I didn’t need the D-Bags to see that.

They teased me enough already. I shook my head.

Kellan noticed my eyes glued to the band and seemed to understand.

“Want a ride home?”

I looked back at him gratefully and nodded. My options for getting back home this late were quickly dwindling. “Yes, thank you.”

“Sure, just let me get my stuff and we’ll head out.” He smiled charmingly at me and for some reason, I blushed. He walked over to the guys, who were indulging in an afterhours drink with Sam, and said a couple words while they nodded, Griffin poking Matt in the ribs and smirking.

Kellan shook his head at them and grabbed his guitar. He was turning to head back to me when Evan grabbed his arm. He said something to Kellan and looking a little irritated, Kellan shook his head. Evan seemed satisfied with his answer and let go of his arm. Kellan walked back over to me and smiled warmly. “Ready?”

Nodding and standing, I sighed and mentally prepared myself to either see or not see Denny. I waved sheepishly at Rita as we left the bar.

She raised her eyebrow at me and then smiled knowingly, winking in a way that made me blush again. She seemed to think I was going to jump Kellan every time we were alone together. Her provocative nature made me very uneasy.

The car ride home was comfortably silent; Kellan never once pressed me to speak. His kindness, and the memory of his sweet embrace earlier, made me
want
to open up to him though. “Denny is leaving…” I said quietly.

He looked over at me shocked. “But…?”

I stopped his train of thought, once I realized how ominous that statement sounded. “No, just for a few months…just for his job.”
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He relaxed and smiled a little. “Oh, I thought maybe…” I sighed. “No, I’m just overreacting. Everything is fine. It’s just…”

“You’ve never been apart,” he said softly.

I smiled, relieved that on some level he understood. “Yeah. I mean we have, but not for that long. I guess I’m just used to seeing him every day, and, well…we waited so long to live together, and things have been going so perfectly and now…”

“Now he’s leaving…”

“Yeah.” I turned my head to gaze at Kellan. He had turned back to the road and seemed deep in thought. The street lamps splashed light across his face at regular intervals. The effect heightened his attractiveness. The contrast between his lightened and darkened face was hypnotic and I couldn’t look away. I wondered what he was thinking.

“Nothing…” He turned to look over at me. I startled a bit, not realizing I had said that last part out loud. He smiled at me. “I was just hoping things work out for you guys. You’re both…” He didn’t finish that thought, just smiled and looked back to the road.

I blushed and thought, once again, that I needed to be more carefully about what I said around him…and apparently, I also needed to watch what I thought around him as well, since even my thoughts seemed to slip out without permission.

Shortly after that, we pulled up to the drive. I sighed and relaxed a little. Denny’s battered old Honda was already parked there. I guess I
had
been hoping he would be home. Twisting to face Kellan, I warmly said, “Thank you…for everything.”

He looked down, almost shyly. “Not a problem, Kiera.” We got out and made our way inside and up the stairs. I paused at my door, hand on the doorknob, suddenly too nervous to go inside. “It will
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be fine, Kiera,” Kellan said from where he was similarly paused at his door, watching me.

I smiled and whispered good night, then steeled myself and entered the dark room. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust after I closed the door. I could hear Denny stirring in bed before I could finally see him. He was propped up on his elbows, watching me. “Hi…you’re late.” His accent curled thickly on the word in his sleepiness.

I didn’t say anything. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about this new situation, other than sad, anyways. I sat on the end of the bed and changed into my pajamas while he silently watched me. When I finished, he finally broke the silence.

“Kiera…” he said softly. “Talk to me.”

I sighed and crawled under the covers with him, watching as he rolled over onto his side to face me. He ran his fingers though my hair then stroked my cheek. “What’s going on up there, huh?” He lightly tapped my temple.

I smiled over at him. “Just wondering what I’ll do without you…” My smile faltered.

He kissed my forehead. “Home…work…home…work… Probably the same stuff that you would do if I were here.”

“Yes, but now I won’t enjoy any of it,” I muttered sullenly and stared at his pillow.

He laughed softly. “I’ll miss you too.”

I looked back up to his eyes. “Really?”

He blinked at me, surprised. “Of course. Wait…do you think I want to leave? That this is easy for me? That I won’t miss you terribly, every day?”

“Yes.” Those exact thoughts had crossed my mind once or twice this evening.

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Now he sighed. “Kiera, that is absurd, really.” He grinned at me with my favorite goofy grin. “You are going to get sick of how often I call you.”

I managed a smile. “Not a chance.” My tone turned serious on me.

“You really have to go…you really have to do this?” Recognizing my tone, he stopped smiling. “Yes.” He nodded once.

I cocked my head at him. “And you’ll be back when you’re done?” He smiled again. “The instant I’m done.”

“Well,” I paused for a moment. “I guess there is only one thing left to talk about…”

He looked at me curiously. “What’s that?”

I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him tenderly. “How are we going to spend your last two days?”

He smiled and leaned over, to whisper in my ear everything we could do in the next two days. I smiled, I laughed, I smacked him on the shoulder, I laughed again, I blushed and finally, I kissed him very deeply. And for just a moment I forgot that things were about to change…

Monday morning came faster than I could have possibly imagined. We had spent every minute of the last two days together that we could.

Denny was excruciatingly patient with my clinginess. He knew how hard this was going to be for me. I silently hoped that it was going to be equally difficult for him. A part of me, wanted him to do great, to impress his bosses and have a marvelous time. The majority of me wanted the whole experience to suck so much, that he wouldn’t ever leave me again. I may have been a little bitter.

Kellan graciously offered to drive us to the airport to see Denny off. I was so grateful to him for that. I knew I was too anxious to drive, and I didn’t think I could do a cab-goodbye. I needed every last possible
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second with him, and I needed to see the plane take off, needed the closure of that. But, when the plane finally did, and Kellan and I were standing alone in the airport, I suddenly wished I was back at home, sobbing into my pillow. Kellan, seeing the tears start to form, put his arm sweetly around my shoulders and silently herded me back to his car.

I was only vaguely aware of walking with him, of getting back in the car and driving home. My mind was busy dreaming up a host of horrible situations, all the bad things that could happen so that I would never see my beautiful boy again. The sobs finally hit on the freeway.

Being very sweet, and surprisingly, not negatively affected by my tears, as most guys would be, Kellan sat me on the couch and then brought me some water and tissues. He plopped down in the chair beside me and found some stupid comedy for us both to watch. It worked; halfway through the mindless show we were both laughing. Somewhere near the end, I started falling asleep and felt Kellan wrap a light blanket around me before I succumbed to it.

I awoke alone in the living room, hours later, and replayed the last few moments that Denny and I’d had together in the airport; hating and savoring the tender exchange…

Denny had pulled me in for a tight goodbye hug. I had grabbed his face and kissed him as deeply and as passionately as I could – let him think about that while he was gone. He had finally pulled away from me, breathless, but smiling softly.

“I love you…I’ll be back soon, okay. No worries.” He had kissed me on the cheek as I could only nod, having lost the ability to speak over the lump in my throat.

He had then walked over to Kellan, who had been standing a respectable distance away, watching our exchange. Denny looked back at me oddly, and then leaned over to whisper something to Kellan. Kellan had blanched and flicked a glance at my direction. Denny had pulled away from him, a serious look on his face, and extended his hand to Kellan.

Face pale and slightly confused, Kellan had taken his hand, mumbled something back to Denny, and nodding once, shook it. I had watched
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them, wondering what Denny said, and then Denny turned back to me a final time, blew me a kiss, and boarded the plane, leaving me.

I sighed miserably as I replayed the memory, yet again, when suddenly the phone rang, and I rushed to answer it. Denny’s sweet voice filled my mind and my heart. I was only apart from him for half a day and already his absence was excruciating. He filled me in on how his trip was so far, and where he was staying, and I made him stay on the phone with me for much longer than he had time for. Finally, he told me he really had to go, but he would call me that evening before bed.

Grudgingly, I agreed.

I had to go into work that night and I hated every second of it. Knowing that I could be missing Denny’s phone call was physically painful.

He hadn’t clarified exactly when he would call, just that it would be before bed. But was that his bedtime, or mine? I was irritated all night. I ended up snapping at Rita, who made an exceedingly inappropriate remark about me being alone with Kellan now. I messed up a few customers’ orders, and didn’t even bother apologizing. I even ended up smacking Griffin across the head when he grabbed my ass. Actually, that part of the evening I enjoyed.

Kellan stayed late at the bar that night and very sweetly gave me a ride home again. I was an anxious mess the whole car ride, hoping that I hadn’t missed Denny’s call, that he was still awake and I could talk to him, hopefully for hours. Maybe I’d just lie down on the counter in the kitchen and sleep there, so I could talk with him until I passed out. I sighed. I really needed to get control over myself.

Kellan smiled over at my sigh and assured me that Denny would be awake, if I wanted to call him. I smiled back and thanked him for driving me all over today. He laughed softly and said it wasn’t a problem. I watched him for a second then let my mind drift back to Denny’s last sweet embrace again.

The phone rang just moments after we got home and, grinning like a schoolgirl, I answered it on the first ring. Denny had known I was working, and had timed his call perfectly. I relaxed, realizing I hadn’t needed to be so anxious all night. Denny wanted to talk to me too. He would make it happen, one way or another. Kellan came in and smiling,
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grabbed the phone and said goodnight to Denny, then winked at me and headed off to bed.