Thoughtless (28 page)

He laughed and stood up. “Okay, have it your way then.” He smiled, and turning back to the girls, shrugged at them and winked. They giggled and then groaned as he turned to leave the park.

I rolled my eyes again and brushed off my now-dampened shirt. I zipped back up my jacket as the dampness made me shiver a bit. Well, I’m pretty sure it was the dampness.

My head drifted in and out of pleasant thoughts of Kellan’s body for the rest of my study session. I found myself daydreaming and staring blankly at the same paragraph for a good ten minutes. I sighed; he was distracting even when he wasn’t there. I shivered a bit, remembering his body pressed against mine, his forehead against mine, his breath against my skin…

I shivered yet again and stood up. This wasn’t the sort of studying I needed to be doing. I may as well go in to work. At least the bustle of activity would change the direction of my thoughts.

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Being at work didn’t change my thoughts at all. In fact, I found myself glancing over at the doors, waiting for the band to arrive for their performance tonight. It seemed a little silly to me, that I was actually anxious to see him when I saw him all the time - I couldn’t seem to get away from him. That thought made me smile. I think I had a goofy grin plastered on my face all night as I slyly watched the doors.

“Okay, what did he do?” Kate asked, coming up behind me awhile later.

“Who?” I asked uncertainly.

“Denny – you’ve been grinning all night. That usually means the boyfriend did something good.” She and Rita leaned across the bar expectantly. “So spill - flowers, jewelry? Oh my god, did he propose?” Kate’s light brown eyes sparkled at the idea. She put her head in her hands as she leaned against the bar, looking lost in that dreamy thought for a second.

I blushed deeply. Denny and I hadn’t even talked about marriage yet.

He was the practical type who wouldn’t even bring it up until he was set in his career. And he wasn’t the one who was making me grin. “No, no proposals. Nothing special, I’m just happy.” Rita and Kate exchanged disappointed looks then Kate tossed her long hair over her other shoulder. “Fine, keep your secrets.” She winked as she stood lithely and went back to work.

After she left, Rita looked at me conspiratorially. “Okay…she’s gone, you can tell me.”

I blushed again. “There’s really nothing to tell, Rita. Sorry, my life is pretty boring.” I smiled inwardly at how untrue that was.

It wasn’t too much longer that the band did filter in, and I swear my heart skipped a beat when I saw him. You would think I hadn’t seen him in days by my body’s reaction, not just the few hours it had been since the park. He came up to me, looking all too sexy in his black long-sleeve shirt, layered under a light gray shirt, and asked how the rest of my studying went. I blushed and told him it went much better once he had
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left…which of course, it hadn’t. He smirked at me and then laughed. Ordering his beer, he headed over to his table, where the rest of the guys were discussing something apparently really funny; I could hear their laughter from the bar. He clapped Sam on the shoulder as he walked by and I noticed that my shoulder was pleasantly warm. And then I realized that that was because he had put his hand there when he’d ordered his beer. My goofy grin stayed with me the rest of the night.

Actually, my grin stayed with me for the rest of the weekend.

Thinking about how wonderful the weekend had been, had me ducking out of class a half hour early on Monday afternoon. I couldn’t seem to help it. I was anxious and wanted to see him. And knowing he was just sitting home alone, maybe bored, maybe thinking of me… Ugh, it drove me crazy all throughout the lecture. Our weekend had been fun and a little torturous. We had hugged in the morning over coffee and held hands when Denny was in the shower. We had all lounged around the house for most of the weekend and whenever Denny had fallen asleep while watching TV, Kellan and I would go in the kitchen and hold each other while we talked. Denny got called out early Sunday morning by Max and we had taken that time to snuggle on the couch. I loved it…I loved being near him. It was fun and flirty and as innocent as I could keep it, even though my heart usually started beating just a smidge faster when he was touching me.

I came into the living room and smiled at Kellan stretched out on the couch watching television, one arm on his chest, the other extended over his head. He turned to look at me when I entered the room and my breath caught as he grinned adorably at me.

“Hey, you’re back early,” he said sleepily. “I was going to pick you up.”

I walked over to him as he sat up and scooted back on the couch, patting the cushion between his legs. “You look tired…everything okay?” I asked, as I sat in-between his legs and lay back on his chest. He played with my hair and held me tight. Flirting did have its perks.

“I’m fine…just a late night, didn’t sleep well.”
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“Oh.” I turned my head around to look at him with a wry grin.

“Feeling guilty about something?”

He laughed a little and pulled me tighter. “About you? Every day.” He sighed, and then pushed me forward, away from him. I started to turn and protest, but he put his hands on my shoulders and made me face front. Then he started massaging them.

“Hmmmm….I could get used to this flirting thing.” I relaxed into his strong hands as he moved along my shoulder blades. He laughed softly.

“Did you have a bad dream?” I asked, my own head feeling dreamy.

“No…” he murmured. “I had a good one actually.” His voice was low and soft; I could have wrapped it around me like a blanket.

“Hmmmm…what about.” His fingers moved along my spine and I made a soft noise in my throat.

“You,” he said idly. His fingers stayed where they were when I made the noise. He pressed slightly harder and I made a deeper noise.

“Hmmmm…nothing naughty, I hope. We are keeping this innocent, right?” His fingers moved down to my low back, pressing deep and I exhaled loudly at the ache being released from me.

He laughed softly again. “No…nothing even remotely scandalous, I promise.” He started bringing his hands up my back and I made another deep noise as even more tension drained from my body; his fingers were magic.

“Hmmm….good, I don’t need you thinking about me that way,” I mumbled.

He didn’t say anything to that, just continued working his way up my pleasantly tingling back. I sighed deeply and relaxed even more into him, making even more satisfied noises. He shifted slightly behind me but said nothing further. Too relaxed to maintain a conversation, I enjoyed the comfortable silence. His fingers started back down again, reaching farther out to my ribcage. It was heaven. I practically growled
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in pleasure. He stopped for an extra minute anywhere I made a noise, so I started making the noises more frequently.

Eventually he made it back down to my low back, working out more towards my hips. He shifted his weight behind me again and then pulled me closer to him. Thinking he was uncomfortable, sitting sideways on the couch with me between him, I let him adjust me however he needed to, but he only pulled my hips back into him again. Assuming he was done, I sighed and relaxed back into his chest. I was surprised at how rigid he was. I was starting to turn to face him, when his hands that were still on my hips slipped around in front to my thighs. He reached both of his hands down my legs and up my inner thighs, pulling tight against me at the same time. That was when I noticed that his breathing was not slow and regular like mine…

I spun to face him. He was sitting very tense and straight on the couch, his eyes were closed and his lips were partly open. His breath was noticeably faster. He swallowed and slowly opened his eyes to look at me.

His gaze on mine made the tension immediately come back to my body; they burned with desire. His gaze smoldered as he watched me. He brought a hand up to my cheek and with the other one, pulled me tight to him.

I swallowed and made myself shake my head. “No…Kellan,” I whispered, slightly alarmed at the look on his face and slightly proud of myself for uttering the word “no” at the look on his face.

He closed his eyes again and gently pushed me away from him. “I’m sorry…just, give me a minute…”

I moved to the other end of the couch and watched him, wondering what in the world I had done. He pulled his legs up, locking his elbows around them and taking three calming breaths. Then he slowly opened his eyes to me again. He still looked odd, but more controlled. He smiled, just a little.

“Sorry…I am trying. But, maybe next time, you could not…uh, make those noises?”

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I blushed deeply and looked away, making him chuckle. I hadn’t realized… Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe there was no such thing as innocent flirting.

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12

Chapter

Innocent

I started waking earlier and earlier. I usually was awake before Denny now, and considering how late I went to bed at night, that also usually meant I needed a nap in the afternoon after school, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. The thought of Kellan awake and downstairs all alone seemed to be a natural alarm clock for me. That worried me a little, but the allure of his warms arms was too strong. I was too addicted. I couldn’t stop myself from rushing downstairs to see him every morning.

One morning, while we were waiting for the coffee to finish brewing, his arms slipped around my waist, my hands folded over his, my back resting against his chest, and my head resting on his shoulder, completely relaxed in his arms, I asked him a familiar question. “If I ask you something, will you promise to not get mad?” I spun in his arms to face him and placed my hands on his chest. He chuckled and nodded, smiling peacefully at me. I paused, wondering if I really wanted to know the answer to my question. “Will it bother you if Denny and I sleep together?”

His face paled but he kept his smile. “You sleep with him every night.” I jabbed him lightly in the ribs. “You know what I mean,” I said, blushing.

“Will it bother me, if you have sex with your boyfriend?” he asked softly.

I blushed again and nodded. He smiled softly but said nothing. “Just answer the question.” I smiled and raised an eyebrow at using his phrase against him.

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He laughed softly and looked away. Sighing, he finally answered.

“Yes, yes it will bother me…but, I understand.” He turned to look at me again. “You’re not mine,” he said wistfully.

Sudden emotion swept through me. I felt a surge of sympathy for him and I desperately wanted to hold him tight, to stroke his cheek and kiss his lips. I pulled away from his embrace and he frowned, trying to keep me close to him. “Just a minute… ” I whispered.

He let go and looked at me confused. “I’m fine, Kiera.” I looked at him sadly. “
I
need a minute, Kellan.”

“Oh…” he said softly, looking surprised.

I had to stay away from him for quite a while… the urge to kiss him was so strong. That worried me. We were staring at each other across the kitchen, leaning on our respective counters and sipping on our coffees, when I heard the shower start running. I glanced up to where the bathroom was at and then back down to Kellan. He had an odd look on his face. I couldn’t even begin to place it. Eventually, I finished my coffee and putting my hand across his arm, I set down my mug. He looked down at me when I touched him and my breath caught at the look in his eye. Forcing it back, I gave him a quick squeeze and then made my way back upstairs to where Denny was getting ready for work.

Denny smiled when he came back from his shower to find me sitting in bed. “Hey, good morning,” he said warmly as he kissed my cheek.

I smiled softly, but I was still thinking about the conversation Kellan and I had just had downstairs. Denny sat down next to me, still just wrapped in a towel. He looked over at me with a goofy grin. That made my smile wider. Then he frowned and I did too. “I’m probably going to be late tonight.”

My heart dropped a little. “Oh…why?”

He sighed and stood back up to get dressed. He tossed his towel on the bed and I watched him with a small smile on my lips. Noticing my
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attention, he sighed again. “I wish I had more time with you,” he said wistfully. I looked away and bit my lip while he laughed softly. “Max.

He’s got me finishing this project for him that apparently his uncle wanted today, but he was too busy with…um…paid escorts, over the weekend to do it himself.”

My mouth dropped open as I turned back to look at him. He had his boxers on and was pulling up some black slacks. He looked at me wryly and shook his head. “I guess I should be grateful we got the weekend together and he didn’t just call me in to finish it then.” He sighed and shook his head again as he buttoned his pants.

Tiny guilt washed through me at what his job now entailed and I swallowed it back. He noticed my expression and forced a smile on his face as he grabbed a shirt from the dresser. “I’m not trying to complain, Kiera. I’m sorry.”

He was sorry. I swallowed more guilt back. “No…you have a right to complain. Max is an ass.”

He laughed and slipped on his shirt. Walking over to him, I stopped his hands from buttoning it. He smiled warmly at me as I finished with the buttons for him. When I was done, I tucked his shirt in and he smiled even wider. “I love you so much for putting up with your crappy job to stay here with me,” I said to him when I was finished.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I would put up with much worse to stay here with you.”

I knew he meant those words as endearing, but they pierced my heart.

If he only knew. I was quiet while he finished dressing. I was quiet when I kissed him goodbye. I was quiet when I decided to forgo cuddling on the couch with Kellan, to get ready for school early.

The hot water cleared my head and my swirling emotions washed down the drain with the soapy water. I picked out my favorite clingy, long-sleeved blouse and khaki cargos and took time to curl my already wavy hair. I wasn’t sure why…maybe because I had the time. Maybe because looking better had a way of making you feel better. Either way,
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