Thou Shalt Not (6 page)

In the fifth inning, the Rays were winning 4-2, and the camera panned down to the side of the field where the Rays’ relief pitchers were sitting, where Marco was. The announcers were talking about their closer, Joe Mills, who was the pitcher the team would bring in for the last inning if they were winning, to hopefully guarantee a victory. In the shot, I could see Marco, joking around with his teammates. I don’t know why, but I had the urge to punch him in the teeth.

The game moved along slowly, as all American League baseball games seem to do, but eventually they reached the bottom of the eighth inning, with the Rays holding a 5-4 lead. There was a left-handed hitter scheduled to come up third, so there was a good chance we’d be seeing Marco. I don’t think I had ever been so interested in a relief performance in my life.

“Are you going to turn that off ever?” Holly asked, standing in the doorway to my bedroom. She was just wearing panties now.

“It’s almost over. Just one more inning.”

“Yes, but it’s already after 11.”

I ignored her and went back to watching the game. She sighed and went into the bedroom and I could hear her lie down. One of the rules during these two or three days every few months was that we had sex as often as possible. Since she was basically the only one I had been sleeping with for a few years, I generally had no problem with these stipulations.

The first two batters reached for the Red Sox, which meant the tying and the lead run were on base. The manager came out to yank the pitcher and signaled for Marco to be brought in.

I sat on the edge of my seat, praying that he would fuck the game up, give up a big home run, something. I wasn’t sure where all this aggressive anger was coming from, but it was there.

Somewhere from my bedroom, I could hear her whistling the Jeopardy music.

Marco came in to pitch, and the first two pitches weren’t even close to being strikes. He was already looking frustrated with the umpire, as if he were responsible for Marco’s awful pitches. The next one was a strike, and the batter just watched it go by. Then Marco hit him square in the right arm. The batter hunched over in pain. The camera went to Marco and he just stood there, glaring. I couldn’t tell if he was staring down the umpire or the batter, but the announcers seemed to think it might have been both. The crowd booed loudly, and the batter eventually regained his composure and walked to first base. Now the bases were loaded, with still no one out. Marco would need a miracle not to allow the tying run. And that’s what he got. The next batter struck out on three pitches, flailing wildly and missing severely on all three. Then the last batter of the inning swung at the first pitch. He hit it hard, but directly to the second baseman, who flipped it over to the shortstop covering the base. The shortstop then fired it to the first baseman for a double play. I threw the pillow I was holding in my lap onto the floor. Goddammit.

The camera showed Marco walking off the field, in a shouting match with the umpire. “Fuck you!” He was yelling. “No, fuck you!” Classy guy, that Marco.

I turned the TV off and went to the bedroom, where Holly was naked and waiting patiently.

In the middle of the night, my phone rang. It was on the nightstand over on Holly’s side of the bed, and she immediately bolted out of her sleep.

“Who is it?” she asked, not fully awake.

“I don’t know,” I muttered. “It’s right next to you. Hand it to me.”

She pulled it off the charger, looked at the screen, and said, “Who’s Walt?”

Six Years Earlier

We were told the cancer was inoperable, and the doctors had tried rounds of chemotherapy, but they hadn’t been effective. Six months had been the estimated best-case scenario.

They had given us that diagnosis at the end of March. I was in my second year of teaching, and had debated quitting altogether, but she forced me to finish the year, through May. She didn’t think the kids deserved to have a teacher they loved leave them abruptly, and under such dreadful circumstances.

I fought her about it, but she won. Sort of. She always won.

I missed quite a few days, though, during the final two months of the school year, but everyone at Lakefront had been incredibly gracious and understanding. There were days that had been particularly bad for her, and I would stay by her side. We had plenty of hospital days too, and I was going to make sure I was with her every step of the way.

Robin was amazing through those few months. She had insisted I let her plan out everything for my classes for the remaining two months. When I tried to argue with her, her insistence only grew stronger.

“You’ve got other things to focus on,” she had said. “I only wish I could do more.”

I hadn’t been at Lakefront all that long. When I started there, I wasn’t sure how the older faculty would respond to such a young colleague. I wanted to fit in, especially among the other English teachers, but I was worried they might write me off as some wet idealist. Most of them had left me alone to do my thing, but Robin hadn’t been that way.

From the start, she had taken me under her wing. I know that’s probably the most cliché phrase there is, but that’s exactly how she made me feel—welcomed, safe, loved. Even protected.

There had been one day my first year where I handed the wrong test out to the wrong class. Hands immediately shot up around the room, asking if I meant to give them that particular test. I had heard plenty about classes trying to trick teachers, make them look like idiots. I had seen the movies and TV shows. So, I thought they were trying to pull a fast one on me. I refused to listen to them. I told them to be quiet and finish the test. I threatened them with detention or a trip to the principal’s office if they spoke another word. To their credit, they obeyed and finished a test that wasn’t intended for them over material they had never covered. As they left the classroom that day, they all gave me strange looks. I am sure I had looked proud, because I knew I had been on to them and figured out their little ruse.

Well, needless to say the students had been bothered by it all, and started telling other teachers and students in other classes throughout the rest of the day. Word somehow managed to get to Principal West by the end of the day, and he had come into my classroom after school to talk to me about it. I had set the test papers aside after the class had taken the test and hadn’t bothered looking at them until he asked me to.

I was confident they took the right test and told him so. But, when I pulled out the tests, my heart dropped as I thumbed through them. He was particularly disappointed in me. I hadn’t double-checked; I had refused to listen to the students’ concerns. I had failed. He made sure that I would apologize to the class the next morning, and made me promise him something like that would never happen again.

I left the school that day feeling mortified. My wife tried to comfort me and make me laugh at myself. But that was impossible, knowing that I was already the laughing stock of the teachers and students. I even contemplated calling in sick the next morning. But, my wife wouldn’t let me.

As I walked into class that morning, a large bag of Dum-Dum lollipops were waiting for me on my desk, along with a note.

When I first started teaching, I yelled at a student who was being ignorant and disrespectful. I told him, among other things, that whoever it was that raised him should be thrown back into the zoo with the rest of the animals. I had a temper, you see. The only problem was that the young man was the stepson of the principal, my boss. Suffice it to say, that was not my finest day. If this was your Dum-Dum moment in teaching, I think you’ll be just fine. Laugh at yourself, and you’ll become an even better teacher than you already are. Have a splendid day.

                                                                                                             Robin

Needless to say, an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders, and from that moment on, she and I had been close. She was like the older, wiser sister I always wanted, and we got along great. Carrie loved her the moment the two met, and when I finally got the chance to meet Walt, he was as perfect for her as I had imagined he would be.

So, when Carrie was sick, Robin was my rock. And when we told her and Walt the six-month timetable, they were devastated.

“God can do anything He pleases, and no cancer is too big for Him to heal,” she had immediately said, and definitely believed it, and they both had prayed for us right there.

Robin made due on her promise to schedule out all my classes and to work closely with my substitute to make sure everything went smoothly on the days I wasn’t able to be there.

One particular day in mid-May, Carrie had been feeling much better, and because her mother had come down to visit, she insisted I go in to work since it had been a few weeks. I complied and actually felt a rush in the classroom that day. The kids were excited to have me back. My coworkers were all friendly and full of well-wishes and encouragement.

At the end of the day, as the last students filed out, Robin came in and sat on the quicksand couch. She smiled and looked exhausted.

“How did it feel being back?” she asked.

“It was kind of a relief, you know?” I said, leaning back in my desk chair. “It was nice to be able to take my mind off things for a little bit. Never know how long it’ll last.”

I felt like I had to say that, addressing the obvious, cancerous elephant in the room. But it was true. Every day I lived in fear, wondering if this would be the day she died. Her body had been severely weakened, and she had become susceptible to other things too. She had come down with pneumonia and I thought it was nearing the end, but she fought. God, Carrie was a fighter. And she pushed through it.

Needless to say, I hadn’t thought I would be at work much, if any, the rest of the year, and to have a day where I could come back and feel relief was special. I needed it.

“It was good to have you back. The kids really seemed surprised.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, Luke. I want you to go now. Be with her. The kids have seen you—you’ve gotten a chance to come back. Stay with her now. Especially if she is having good days. Enjoy them with her. I know she wants you back, doing what you love to do. She loves you. But, don’t come back the rest of the year.”

I was taken aback by what she was saying, and the tears that had taken up permanent residence in my eyes over the last few months, always threatening to spill, finally started coming out. I wasn’t even sure what exactly sparked them in what she was saying, but they started to flow anyway.

“I would threaten you if I had to,” she smiled, “but I don’t think I will.”

I nodded my head in agreement.

“Go somewhere with her, if she can handle it. Make these next few weeks, months, as special and memorable as you can. And when you leave here today, I don’t want you to worry about anything. I don’t want you to think about this place for a second. Not even over the summer. I will take care of everything, and it will all be here ready for you when YOU decide to come back next year.”

I couldn’t speak and continued to cry. I knew what that implied, we both did. If I obeyed Robin’s orders, the next time I was back teaching in my classroom would be after Carrie died. I would be a twenty-three-year-old widower.

She managed to get out of the death couch and came over to where I was. She put her arms around me from the side and lowered her head onto mine. She held me and let me cry.

Normally, if someone had walked in and seen two oppositely-sexed teachers in such close proximity, there would have been trouble. But with Robin it was different, and I’m sure if anyone had walked by they would have completely understood.

“I love you, Luke. I love Carrie too. Both of you, so much,” she said, over my sobs. “Walt and I pray for you guys every night, and we won’t stop. God’s got you, no matter what. Don’t forget that.”

Eventually the tears stopped and she let me out of her embrace. As she left my room, she turned back around at the door and said, “If I see you back here anytime soon, I’m going to hurt you.”

She smiled as she said this, and then added, “If you need anything, please ask. Walt and I will always be there for you, Luke. Always.”