This Way to Paradise (9 page)

‘Sorry about yesterday,' said Kate the next morning. ‘Let's go and get some brekkie and I'll show you what to avoid.'

‘It's OK. I'll be fine,' I said. ‘You don't have to.'

Kate raised an eyebrow. ‘Ah. I'm in the doghouse. Understandable. I am a cow. Hmm. A cow in the doghouse? Hmm.' She got down on her knees and put her palms together.‘I, Kate, do beg your forgiveness. Please let me make it up to you today or my soul shall be tossed into a cesspool of pig poo and I shall be tormented forever.'

I couldn't stay mad at her for long, so I smiled back at her. ‘Thou art forgiven, oh cow girl in the doghouse in pig poo. But really, Kate, if you want to go off on your own then do. I'm cool,' I said. Although I wanted to hang out with her, no way
did I want to follow her round if I wasn't wanted.

Kate got up off the floor and sat back on her bed. ‘I know you're cool. It's just . . . I dunno, I get mad with my mum sometimes and have to get away and get my head together. It's, like, one day she's all concerned mother and where have I been and who with and what doing? And then she's so busy with all her businesses, she hardly notices that I exist.'

‘Tell me about it,' I said.‘She sounds like my dad lately. In fact, I think he only liked me when I was little and cute and used to follow him around everywhere. Now I've grown up, I'm not sure he even likes me any more.'

Kate nodded. ‘Yeah. Like, sometimes I just wish Mum'd be consistent so that I knew what to expect. Do you get me? Anyway. Boring me stuff. Yada yada yada yawn. So. OK, plan is, humour Mommie dearest and then get the hell out of this loserville as fast as possible. I mean, have you seen some of the saddos and what they get up to?' She went into a great mimic of some of the people doing the strange singing I'd witnessed yesterday. ‘I mean, get a life. Someone tried to give me a hug yesterday in the snack bar. Like, ee-ew, I thought. Do I know you? Do I, like, want to
hug
you? A lot of touchie-feelie spewie stuff goes on here and, quite honestly, it makes me want to hurl.'

I had to laugh. ‘Aw and I was going to ask you for a hug too. Come on, Kate, you have learn to share and care.'

‘Back off, lezzer,' said Kate with a grin. ‘Only people I hug are fit boys and even they have to earn it. So, how do you fancy
grabbing a bite of brekkie, then we head down to town and the beach? I've OK'd it with Mum. She thinks you ought to get a feel of where you are and see some of the surrounding locations.'

‘Really? Great. Cool,' I said. I felt relieved that I'd have someone to hang out with and go to the food area with, after last night's supper. Aunt Sarah had collected me, early evening, to go to eat with her and a bunch of people on the main long table. They all clearly knew each other well and, although I tried to join in, I couldn't help feeling like the odd person out. Like I was standing outside myself, watching myself, wondering where or how I could fit in. A tall thin guy with dark hair in a pony tail was serving food and seemed to notice my discomfort. He looked about Kate's age and gave me a friendly smile and introduced himself as Liam Payne. He asked if I wanted to join him and his group on their table after supper. I shook my head and hoped that I didn't appear unfriendly. It was just that the group he pointed out, like everyone else there, seemed overly cheerful and at home. I wasn't in the right mood for meeting a whole crowd of new people just yet. I looked around for Joe and spotted him on a table with his mum and he gave me a brief smile but no indication that he was going to come over to me or would like me to go over to him and why should he? I asked myself. He probably thought I was OK with Aunt Sarah and her lot. Plus, I still felt a little embarrassed about the mega snog fantasy I'd had about him on the plane. I decided to be
really cool with him for the rest of the stay and, after dinner, went straight back to my room and had an early night. I fell asleep in an instant and was only vaguely aware of Kate coming in at some time past midnight.

At breakfast, after we'd got our food from the buffet (muesli for me, croissants and raspberry jam for Kate), we found a table in the corner of the terrace from where we could see all the ‘inmates' as Kate called them. The sun was beaming down and there was a gentle breeze and it did feel good to be there. Kate began a running commentary about who everyone was and why they were there. It was totally made up, at least I
think
it was.

‘Over there are the lesbian librarians from Clipping Horton: Mavis and Maureen,' said Kate, giving a wave to two elderly women in matching lilac kaftans.‘Sisters. They only came out as gay in their fifties to the amazement of their husbands, seventeen children, forty grandchildren and twenty cats. The cats were the most shocked of all. I don't know if you know this or not, but some cats can be quite narrow minded about sexuality . . .'

‘I know,' I said with a heavy sigh. ‘It's very hard being a gay cat, in fact a lot of them choose not to tell at all. Our big black cat Boris, in Ireland, was gay and had to have cat counselling before he came out.'

Kate gave me a big smile. ‘Good for Boris,' she said. ‘And
good for you. You're quite clearly as barmy as I am! Anyway, M and M come to the island each year to make erotic sculptures of fertility goddesses to sell in the café of their local library when they go back. Next to them, is oh . . . Liam Payne.' She did a mock shudder. ‘He gives me the creeps.'

She was looking at the boy who had been friendly last night when he was serving supper. I had intended to go and talk to him today and explain why I didn't take up his offer to join his group. ‘Why?'

Kate shrugged. ‘Um . . . too touchy feely. He was here the first time I came. He's into the whole spiritual trip, but . . . I don't know, there's just something that I don't like about him. He's so intense, like he doesn't just hug, like, you know, a friendly hug – you hug, you let go. He
hugs
like it's some healing emotionallycharged moment that's loaded with meaning. Like he holds on too long until I want to push him off with great force.'

I laughed and glanced back at Liam. He looked OK to me and he was the only person last night who had seemed to have picked up on the fact that I felt left out. He was talking to Anisha and another girl dressed in white with a long plait down her back and a white dot in-between her eyebrows. He saw me looking and smiled. I smiled back but decided not to go and talk to him, at least not while Kate was looking on. I was about to ask more about Liam, but she launched back into her commentary and I didn't want to interrupt when she was so clearly on a roll.

‘Now . . . the bald man with the paunch, in the long shorts and socks and sandals, in the far corner? Hhmm, what an attractive look. Not. Now he used to be a playboy porn star until, one morning, he had a vision. Not unlike that what-hisname St Paul on the road to Damascus. Well, our chap, he saw the light on the North Circular, just behind the World of Leather, and hasn't been the same since. Actually, the light he saw was the lasers from Wembley stadium, but no one liked to tell him and shatter his fantasy. Anyhow, he's here to get in touch with his inner nerd, which so far he's doing rather well at. And see that lady over there in the sarong and tank top with the big belly? Her story is that she was bored in her office job one day and, in her coffee break, she discovered that she could make amazing patterns with her fat tummy. She developed her skill into a kind of flab origami. Now she teaches classes in it. It's all the latest rage in certain parts of California. The group of ladies on the back table? What a bunch they are! Alcoholics. Drug addicts. Nicotine addicts. They are here to deal with their various addictions and are doing a workshop called ‘Kick Your Crutch in Skiathos.'

When she said that, I laughed so hard that I spat out my muesli and of course it had to be just when Joe was walking past. An oat flake flew out and stuck to his upper left arm.

Oh noooooooooooooooooo,
I thought as he gave us the briefest nod. He was looking really cool in black jeans and a greyT-shirt with the Superman logo on the front. I hoped that he hadn't
noticed the flake but, after he'd gone past a few feet, without even looking down, he flicked the flake off with the forefinger of his right hand.
Oh double nooooooooooooo,
I thought.
Why do I always have to act the village idiot when he makes an appearance?

‘Does he always keep to himself?' I asked, watching him go to the table with yogurts and fresh fruit.

Kate followed my gaze. ‘Who? Joe? Dunno,' she said. ‘I know he's been here a few times but never at the same time as me before. Back in London, he's quite the party boy though. I heard Mum and Lottie talking about him. He wants to go to art college after school apparently. Mum said he's signed up to do some of the art classes here, that is when he's not working.'

Oh no, no, nooooooooo,
I thought,
that's it then. No way can I go and do those classes now. If I did, he'd think I was doing them because he was. Annoying, annoying.

‘Hey,' said Kate. ‘Why don't you show him some of your paintings when we get back to London? You could do the ‘come up and see my etchings' line and, he will be so impressed, he'll fall at your feet in worship.'

‘You've changed your tune. Back in London, you warned me off him.'

Kate laughed. ‘I know but, let's face it, bad boys have their appeal. I could see on the way over here that you really do like him and I would never stand in the way of true love.'

‘True love? Yeah, right,' I said. ‘No chance. Somehow I think Joe has made up his mind about me.'

‘Which is?'

‘That I am too young, too stupid, too . . .' I made my eyes go cross-eyed and my mouth go squiffy. My best zombie look. ‘I don't know.'

Of course this was at the exact moment that Joe sat at the end of the table and glanced over at me. I straightened my face and gave him a weak smile. He smiled back, but I could tell what he was thinking and that was: that girl is totally bananas. Queen of the whole fruit bowl in fact.

Kate leaned over. ‘So change his mind,' she whispered.

‘Nah,' I said. ‘Not really interested. Not really my type.'

Kate laughed. ‘Which is why you went pink when he walked past and why you can't stop looking at him.'

‘Kate.'

‘Yeah.'

‘Shut up.'

She laughed again, but she did shut up and finish her croissant.

After breakfast, we dropped in to see Aunt Sarah in her office, then we caught the shuttle bus from the car park outside reception into the town that we'd driven through the day before.
This is more like it,
I thought as we cruised the shops in the narrow lanes there and tried on sunglasses, sniffed all the scented candles and tried on jewellery and sandals. I bought a sleeveless white T-shirt like Anisha's, a pair of white cotton trousers and some postcards and Kate bought an ankle bracelet.
Then we went to one of the many cafés lining the front where some stunning yachts and boats were anchored. We ordered
café lattes
and sat back to enjoy the sun and the view. It was a great place to people watch – all sorts of shapes and sizes strolled past, while others pottered and posed on the boats moored in the harbour.

Once again, Kate gave me her take on the people who went past, who they were and why. ‘. . . The tall man who looks like a giraffe. Now, he's on holiday with his new wife.' (Clearly it was his mother.) ‘Sadly she stayed too long in the sun last year and smoked too many cigarettes and has prematurely aged. He won't mind, though, because he's with her for her money. That little girl over there in the red shorts?' (She pointed to a man and his small daughter.) ‘She looks about eight? Wrong. She's sixty-four. Got carried away having face lifts and plastic surgery. Sad really, some people just don't know when to stop. And here comes Mr and Mrs Wide-eyed Sweetie. They're just married. On honeymoon. He has yet to discover that she is a man and, although now called Betty, she used to be Keith.'

As she continued her observations, I was laughing so hard that I didn't notice Tom and Robin creep up behind us. They joined us for coffees and Tom told me a little about the island and what there was to do there. Eat, swim and sunbathe seemed to be the main activities on offer.
All things I can do,
I thought, making a note of his recommendations of various cafés to try.

After our coffees, we walked back through the lanes to the
car park. Judging by the easy familiar way that Tom and Kate were being with each other and their linked arms, I could tell that, when she had disappeared yesterday, it had been to see him. Their relationship had clearly moved on a notch since we had all got off the plane. I walked along behind them with Robin and we went through the usual getting to know each other better stuff – like asking questions about schools and where we lived, what music we liked, what websites and so on.

‘What's your star sign?' I asked.

‘Virgo. You?'

‘Gemini with Sagittarius rising.'

‘Oh. You into all that stuff then?'

‘I know a bit. Me and my mate Erin read up about it back in Ireland.'

He linked arms with me. ‘So do Virgos and Geminis get on then?'

‘Um. Yeah. Think so,' I lied – I seemed to remember that Virgo was an earth sign and Gemini was an air sign, so they weren't the most compatible.

‘You got a boyfriend?'

‘No. We only just moved to London,' I replied.

‘What about back in Ireland before the move?'

‘Nope. No one special.' I really hoped that he didn't think he was in with a chance with me because, on seeing him for a second time, it only confirmed that, though a nice enough guy, he so wasn't my type.

At the car park, we piled into their open-topped jeep and, with Tom driving, took off back along the coast road to a beach they knew on the west side of the island. I felt really glam sitting in the back of the jeep with my shades on and, once or twice, I saw people checking us out as we drove past. I had to get out my baseball cap to put on at one point because my hair was flying about so much that, I was sure that if I didn't, I was going to arrive at the beach with my hair sticking up like a troll. Not a great look.