This Regret (24 page)

“You can get off me now,” I snarl at him. “You’re kind of heavy, you know.”

He scrunches his forehead together and taps his chin as if in deep thought. “Nah, I think I’ll stay here until you tell me this little secret of yours. You know, just to be safe.”

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face, as I picture the image in my head. “Oh man. This is hilarious.” I turn my head sideways and laugh one last time.

He narrows his eyes at me and tilts his head. “Any day now would be nice, smart ass.”

He spreads my legs so his butt is situated between my legs now. Then he pulls me toward him so our faces are close to touching. “You have my full attention.”

Looking in his eyes, I almost forget what I was
going to say for a moment. “Um . . . I saw.” I stop to swallow when his eyes focus on my lips
. I need to get it together.
“Remember that time when your parents were out of town and you had the whole house to yourself because Kade was staying at a friend’s?”

He nods, turning red now. He must know where this story is leading. He has to. “Adric drove me to the Ranch and asked me to go in and check on you because you weren’t answering the phone. The door was unlocked and I knew how much you loved relaxing in the pool and hot tub, so I walked through the house and poked my head through the pool room door. I found you naked, floating in the pool on a raft, with a beer in the cup holder. I think you were
sleeping because your chin looked wet as if you were drooling.”

He snickers and picks his ass up, placing it in the grass. His legs are still on top of mine, but I’m free to move as I please now. “That was you?” He laughs as if he finds it just as funny as I did. “You should be the one embarrassed. I remember hearing little footsteps running through the house as if someone was about to get murdered. You ran off like a maniac. I woke up laughing, finding it funny that my nakedness made such an impact on an innocent bystander.” He picks a piece of grass and flicks it at my nose. “For the record, I still do that. All of it except now, it’s Jack instead of beer.”

I feel my face flush at the thought and suddenly, I am embarrassed as shit. “Okay.” I push him before lying on my back, lacing my fingers on the back of my head, and looking up at the clouds. “Now tell me the story about Adric. I want to know more.”

He sucks in his lip ring before lying down beside me and placing his hands beneath his head, mirroring me. “There was this time that we went to Riley’s house looki
ng for him. His mom told us he would be home any minute.” He stops when he notices me smiling.

“You mean, horny Mrs. Sexton?”

“Hey, do you want the story or not?” he asks with a playful grin.

I cover my mouth and laugh. “I’m sorry. Please continue.”

He looks over toward Adric’s grave. “I love you man. Sorry for this.” He puts his fist in the air as if giving Adric a fist pound. That was always their thing in the past. Every time they greeted or departed, it was always with a fist pound. My eyes water as he turns his head up to the sky.

“Well anyways. We went inside with the false pretense that Riley would be home soon. She kept serving us snacks and sips of wine, until finally she started hitting on Adric. He just sat there, red faced and stunned as she started giving him a lap dance, shredding her clothes. I had to save him from her when she started stripping his damn clothes
off. We had to run out the door with his pants half up and half down. He had nightmares for days.”

I roll over in a fetal position and laugh harder than I’ve laughed in years, tears streaming down my face. I had no idea that Adric was a victim of Mrs. Sexton's cradle robbing sex games. Riley stopped taking his friends home when they hit puberty. Everyone knows her and everyone stays away from her. She is built like a beast just ready to tear some innocent man apart and sink her teeth into him. I don’t even remember the last time she’s been on a date. She’s pretty intimidating.

“Holy crap! That’s why he woke up screaming ‘someone tame the wild beast’. I always wondered about that.”

We both just lay there sharing stories and laughing until it starts getting dark. I have no idea how long we have been here, but it has to be well past seven by now.

I sit up and scoot towards the head stone of Adric’s grave. I place my hand on the music note and lay my head down on the grass, approximately where his head and chest lies six feet under. I know it sounds crazy, but I used to lay my head on his chest at night listening to him tell stories when mom and dad were fighting. “Adi, what I wouldn’t give to have you here with me. To see your smile and hear your laugh. I miss listening to you play the guitar while I fall asleep. You will always be the biggest part of me because you helped me grow and turn into the person that I am today. You helped me through the roughest of times and even put my happiness before yours. I remember you staying home from parties to take me trick or treating or when I got a bit older, dragging me along to them and telling everyone that if they served me alcohol that you would hurt them. You sacrificed so much for me and I would sacrifice my world just to have you back. You never did have much of a childhood and I know that now. Take care up there. I love you.”

I stand up and look beside me at Kellan. He looks a little shaken up and his eyes are wet. He leans in and runs his finger under my eye, wiping away the fallen tear. “It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to miss him. I miss him every single day and not a day
goes by that I don’t wish I could change the past. There are a lot of things I would do differently. Trust me, you have no idea. All we can do is keep the good memories alive. Like we did today. As long as his memories are alive, then he’s still here with us. It’s when we stop remembering that he’s gone. Let’s not let that happen.”

I nod my head and bury my face in the comfort of his chest. That’s when I let it go. Everything that I have been holding in for years. The pain, the hurt and the guilt that I have forced upon myself. I cry so hard that my body is convulsing and I can barely stand on my feet, but Kellan just grips me tighter and presses his lips into my hair.

“It’s okay, baby girl. It’s okay to let it out.” I feel a tear fall on the top of my head and that’s when I know that I’m not alone. Kellan has just as much love for Adric that I do. The feeling makes me happy. So happy that I find myself smiling through the tears.

I pull away from his chest and I can see that I managed to leave mascara marks on the top of his chest. I can imagine it’s all over his shirt as well, but can’t tell because of the dark color. I must look like a total mess. “Are you ready? We should go.” I wipe at my eyes and he gives me a small smile.

“Yeah, sure. Can I take you one more place? I have something I want to share with you tonight, but you have to trust me.”

He looks into my eyes and I match his stare. There’s something there that tells me I’ll be okay. Something in his eyes asking me to trust him. “Yes.” Is all I say. It’s all I can say.

Once we get a little closer, I figure out pretty quickly where he is taking me. It makes me nervous at the thought of going back up there, but it also makes me happy. It’s his special spot and this will be the second time he’s taken me here.

“On the roof again?” I ask nervously as he pulls the truck into the back.

He pulls the keys out the ignition and tosses them to me. “You can say when we leave. Whenever you get uncomfortable and want to leave, I will take you anywhere you want to go.” He gives me a serious look and my heart melts for him. He looks so caring and protective.

I nod my head and open the door of the truck. “I can deal with that.”

Again, I find myself standing before the long, rusty ladder and my stomach does somersaults warning me of how much I hate heights. “Ugh! I feel sick.”

He presses his body behind mine and pushes me up to the ladder. “It’s okay. I’ll be right behind you the whole time.”

Putting my trust in someone else for the first time in forever, I grip the ladder and place my foot onto the first step. Our bodies only part for a second before his chest is pressed behind my back and his hands are on either side of my waist, waiting for me to take the next step.

We stay this way until we are both safely on the small roof. Then he moves around in front of me and grabs my hand. “Come on. You’ll be safe over here.”

When I look up to see where he is taking me, I notice that there’s a black blanket spread out in the corner with what appears to be a bucket of chicken and a guitar on display in the middle. It’s then I realize that I haven’t eaten a thing all day.

He gives me a little shove toward the blanket and walks over to stand by the edge of the rooftop. “I figured you’d be hungry since I stole you away from the party so soon. I asked Tyler to pick up a bucket of chicken and bring it up here, so it should be fresh.” He turns around to smile at me. “Go ahead and eat. You must be feeling agitated by now, not getting to stuff your face today.”

I grab a chicken wing out of the bucket, because they suck, and throw it at Kellan. He’s always made fun of me for stuffing my face. He knows as well as everyone that I stuff my face and eat more than three hundred pound men do. “Ha, you ass-wipe, and I thought you were being sweet.”

He looks down at the chicken wing that fell next to his foot and laughs. “This is me being sweet. Don’t you like it?”

“Sure,” I say while shoving a chicken leg in my mouth. “As long as I get my chicken, then that’s all that matters.”

H
e takes one last look over the edge of the roof before he walks over and takes a seat next to me. He flashes me a heart-stopping smile before snatching my chicken leg from me and taking a huge bite. “Okay, I can only be sweet for so long and it was past that point.”

I look him in the eye while reaching in the bucket for another leg. We both just stare at each other, both of us eating our chicken before finally he breaks the stare. “Okay, you win. My eyes sting like a bitch.” He tosses the chicken leg down and reaches for the black and silver acoustic guitar. It has the word Gibson ingrained into the body of the guitar and it instantly makes me think of Adric. He had an old Gibson guitar that my grandfather gave
him before he passed away from cancer. It was old and beat up, but Adric loved that thing to death.

I smile at the memory and wonder what the hell Kellan is doing with a guitar. He can’t play. At least he couldn’t the last time I saw him. “What are you doing with that thing?” I question as he positions himself up against the corner of the wall. “I thought you gave up that dream years ago,” I tease.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a guitar pick, similar to the one he left on Adric's headstone, placing it in between his teeth as he messes with the strings. Adric used to do the same thing and he said he was tuning it, whatever that means. Then he pulls it out of his mouth and smiles. “You should never give up on your dreams, no matter how farfetched they seem. Besides, I was never that bad. I think I was actually kind of good.”

This makes me laugh so hard that chicken shoots out of my mouth and onto the side of Kellan’s face. His eyes go wide before he reaches up and pulls the meat from his cheek.

I cover my mouth and try not to laugh. “I’m sorry,” I say while chewing what I have left. “I didn’t mean to.”

He raises an eyebrow and looks down at the piece of chicken before putting it in his mouth and eating it. He shrugs and starts playing with the pick. “Still taste pretty good.”

Somehow, him eating the food from my mouth turns me on. I don’t know why, but it does. Maybe it’s the simple fact that he didn’t care it came out of my mouth. My heart pounds heavily in my chest as our eyes meet. I expect him to pull his eyes away but he doesn’t. Instead, he starts strumming away at his guitar while still looking me in the eye.

He begins playing a familiar tune. One I would know anywhere. I can barely breathe as the chords play through my ears. He starts to hum the lyrics I've heard a thousand times. Last time I heard him, he couldn't play a note and now he's playing Adric's song. The lullaby that has put me to sleep countless times. I've wanted to hear this for so long. Just one more time, I've thought to myself on many occasions. Here I am and I swear his voice even sounds like Adric. That sweet, sweet melody. I bet if I wanted to, I could picture him sitting at the end of my bed, working those chords like a second nature, washing away all the bad from home. A single tear runs down my face. Kellan Haze just became even more beautiful and I would have never thought that was possible.

It’s getting darker now and the fireworks are starting up, so I’m not surprised when I hear the first set shoot off into the sky behind Kellan. An array of colors explodes behind him in the black sky, making it a memory I'll never forget. He may disappear again but this moment will be locked away forever.

I stop eating and push the bucket of chicken away, before sitting next to Kellan and watching him. He looks so undeniably gorgeous as his eyes take on a look of passion and his fingers continue to smoothly strum the guitar. It looks so natural in his arms and it makes me want him even more. Everything in me wants to reach out and touch him, to feel him under my fingertips, but I don’t. He said so himself that it was a mistake.

So, I keep to myself as I close my eyes just enjoying this moment for what it is.

Chapter Thirteen

Kellan