This Much Is True (15 page)

Marla’s engaged. To Charlie.

Can the night get anymore surreal?

Yes. Yes, it can.

* * *

I go along with the charade in exhibiting pure but unexpected surprise and happiness at Charlie and Marla’s engagement. The Mastersons and the Stones are gracious but seemed to be as equally stunned with the news that Marla and Charlie are getting married as I am. Lincoln Presley isn’t here yet. I can breathe. I stay busy by helping Charlie’s mother in the kitchen. There are drinks and appetizers to be served, and Gina Masterson seems grateful for the additional help. She watches me with a secret smile that makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I manage to return one and make a concerted effort to join in the fun and be cheerful. Fun. Cheerful.
Me?

We toast. We celebrate. We drink. I stay with seltzer and so does Marla. The whole underage issue lingers beneath the surface of every adult conversation. Dismay that Marla is only eighteen silently floats all around both sets of parents, but no one voices their actual concern aloud. Instead, the parental units trade these dazed looks with only hints at the anxiety that lurks beneath. Both sets looked absolutely shocked that things have spun out of control in this way with their kids.

I move between the outdoor patio and French doors leading into the kitchen in a regular devised pattern carrying out appetizer trays and drinks while Gina Masterson bewilderingly hovers. I get the feeling she wants to stay busy to avoid the silent rumblings taking place with just about everyone else. I console myself with the undeniable fact that we’re headed to New York in less than forty-eight hours, and this night will end soon enough, and Lincoln Presley is still not here.

“Come on, Tally,” Gina Masterson says to me. “It’s taking longer than they thought. Let’s take them some of this food and some drinks. They won’t miss us for a few minutes out here.” I look at her blankly not understanding who or what she’s talking about. “The draft,” she says softly. “They’re holed up in the study going over PR stuff and logistics with the Los Angeles Angels.”

“He’s already here?”

“Yes. I thought you knew that.”

“No.” I try to smile. “I didn’t know his schedule and I’m not a baseball buff. I’m not all that familiar with the…game.”

“Oh. I thought you were. Interesting,” she says with a little laugh.

Gina Masterson is pretty. She has dark blond hair that she keeps in a stylish bob. I think Marla mentioned to me once that she is a psychologist or something. I covertly watch her as she puts together a tray of sandwiches for the
draft set
as she puts it. Then, she proceeds to tell me who makes up the draft set—Linc’s agent, Linc’s dad, their publicist Kimberley Powers, and Linc himself—all apparently on a conference call with the Los Angles Angels and their coaching staff.

“Juggling a lot of celebratory stuff tonight, Mrs. Masterson,” I say with a forced smile.

“Call me Gina.” She smiles. I nod. “He knows you’re here,” she says softly. “He asked me about a half-hour ago if you were here yet.”

“He did?” I can’t hide the tremor in my voice fast enough.

Gina’s lovely brown eyes narrow in on my face. “He really likes you. Which is going to be a problem for Davis and Kimberley.” She frowns slightly.

“I don’t know who any of those people are. I don’t want to know who they are. I just want to go…home or to New York or be anywhere but here.” I’ve said this all aloud and Gina looks at me with this recognizable maternal sympathy. She puts her around me and hugs me close.

“It’s okay, Tally.
Really.
You two will have time to work it out. I don’t see any reason to rush things the way my son has with Marla.” Her forehead creases with worry. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled with Marla. I just wish they would wait.”

“You couldn’t ask for a better daughter-in-law than Marla,” I say into the waning silence between us. “Marla’s amazing. She’s talented and steady and loyal and always happy. I wish I could be just one of those things.”

“I think you already are,” Gina says, but then her smile fades. “His mom would have loved you. You’re perfect for Linc. He…he hasn’t had an easy time of it in growing up without his mom.” She sighs. “And my brother Davis expects a lot of Linc.” She shakes her head side-to-side. “There are a lot of expectations of him with baseball. Maybe, you understand some of those pressures. Those must come with your ballet, too. Marla’s told us you are extremely talented.”

“I’ve studied ballet since I was four. There’s a lot of pressure. A lot of expectations. You have to really want it.” I frown giving in a little to one of my fears of not making it—
failing
. “We have this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity in New York with SAB. The School of American Ballet? And after that, a possible internship with New York City Ballet. That’s the big plan.” I catch my lower lip and glance at Marla and Charlie. “I guess plans change.”

“That’s amazing. You’ve worked really hard to get there from what Marla has said.”

“All three of us have. Yes.”

Gina Masterson gets this confused look at my mention of three of us; and I’m filling in blanks to her unspoken question before I have a chance to think it through.

“My twin sister Holly? We were all supposed to go to New York together. Holly and I…were in a bad car accident…a head-on collision on the 101 on Valentine’s Day. She died at the scene.”
Breathe
. “Like I said, plans change.” I again glance over at Marla and Charlie, who both stand before her parent’s and Charlie’s dad with their arms wrapped around each other.

“You’re the one Linc saved that day. He just told me the whole story recently,” she says. “He was so upset by it, so distraught over the girl he saved from that car fire. That was you. He went to three different hospitals to find you.” She touches my hand and I involuntarily flinch while all avenues for air desert me. “That was you,” she says again.

I manage to look up in time to see Linc standing in the doorway.

“The Los Angeles Angels want me there in the line-up with the Salt Lake Bees on Tuesday.” He’s smiling, but it fades when he looks over at me.

I can’t hide the pain…for all of it. Him. Holly. Me. Life doesn’t make sense. None of this makes any sense.

My thoughts are all jumbled. Now, his eyes look so familiar because I suddenly remember them from that day.

“It was you that day? Elvis?” I whisper.

He nods slowly and looks uneasy.

Marla comes through the other door from the dining room. “Tally, what’s wrong?”

“I have to go. Thank you, Mrs. Masterson…Gina.”

Somehow, I manage to set the tray of drinks back down on the counter even as this feeling of spinning out of control takes over. I start to lose my balance as I push through the French doors and race out onto the terrace. My mind takes me somewhere else.
All I can see is Holly’s face. She’s smiling. Running.
I
follow her past the Masterson’s hedge, down the drive, onto the street. Marla’s car beckons.

I’ve got to get out of here.
I welcome the way the darkness envelops me. I want to hide. I want to get away.

* * * *

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Tally ~ Friends and benefits and lies

I
race towards Marla’s car and this unknowable peace that I am sure I now so richly deserve.

Keys. No keys. Shit.

“Holly!” Linc calls out. I keep running, putting my head down to make my body go even faster toward the sanctuary of Marla’s car and away from him. “Tally, I mean.”

“Save it. I’ve heard and seen enough.” I reach the car and lean against the passenger door willing it to miraculously be unlocked. It’s not. I try the door handle twice. “Shit.”

Then, Linc’s there.

“I know it sounds bad,” he says in a low voice. “I wanted to tell you, but I was worried about how you would react since I know you’re still struggling with the aftereffects of the accident, and everything associated with it. I just wanted to know your name the night of that party.”

His body somehow enfolds into mine from behind. My body involuntarily reacts by leaning into his. “Well, now you do, but I’m not Holly.”

“You’re not Holly,” he says with knowable sadness.

I turn, trapped between his arms, and face him. “I’m Tally.” I lift my head in defiance.

“I know.” His fingers entangle in mine. His hands are warm while mine are cold. He leans in closer to me.

“Let me go. Please.”

“No. Not until you hear me out. You owe me that much for the lies you’ve told,
Tally Landon
. Please listen to me. I care about you. I have since that first day, since Valentine’s Day. Aunt Gina’s right. I recently told her about the accident and you—
this girl
—I couldn’t get out of my mind. And then, at the party, I couldn’t believe my luck in finding you again.”

“Luck,” I say dully. I’m sure he can feel my racing pulse through his fingertips where his hands rest along each of my wrists. Gravity already feels off center in just being this close to him again. His fingers brush along my waistline and in the next few seconds, he sweeps my hair to one side and lightly strokes my neck with his magical fingers. I can’t help but react to it. This half-mournful, soul-destroying moan escapes my lips. “Don’t do this to me, Linc.”

He still manages to imprison me against the door Marla’s car with his whole body. I can’t really move. Tears threaten.
What is with this crying when I get around him?

“I’m not your flipping wild horse.”

I hang my head, embarrassed that I’ve turned on him within the first few minutes of seeing him again. I sigh and catch my lower lip between my teeth. Then, I remember Nika.

“And I’m not your friend with benefits either.”

I struggle within his forceful arms that imprison me, even while his attraction for me becomes more apparent. His hardness travels up against my thigh, and my breath gets jagged for a whole new set of reasons.

“I never said that you were.” I turn in his arms and note his confusion in the shadow of the street light that shines across Marla’s car and the two of us. “But you’ve done pretty childish things now; haven’t you?
Tally
.” He closes his eyes for a brief moment as if summoning patience from some hidden place and leans into me further. “The question is
why
? Why do you
lie
?”

“Because.” I force my hands to stop shaking in his.

“Why do you lie?” he asks in a gentle, seductive tone.

“I lie because that’s what I do.” I steal an uneven breath between clenched teeth. I can’t even look at him. Instead, I glance over his shoulder looking for gravity’s center. Guilt and remorse for lying to him from the very start overtake me. “Because it’s easier.” I wince but can’t really find the courage to say anything more. “I’m sorry?” It comes out as a question instead of an apology.

“Are you? It doesn’t sound like it.” He laughs low.

It’s sexy, and it’s infuriating at the same time.

We don’t say anything for what seems like an eternity. We just stare at each other. Our breaths seem to match up after a few minutes.

“What is it with girls in high school and older guys?”

“Would you like most girls’ version or mine?”

“Yours.”

I exhale slowly. “It’s easier. I don’t like…complications. Commitment. Relationships. Older guys seem to get that.”

“You mean older guys are willing to put up with your shit,” he says softly.

I look up at him a little taken aback by his sudden change in attitude. Now he sounds pissed.

“It’s not like that.” My voice shakes. I cringe because I sound needy and uncertain.

“Look, baby,” he says with an edge to his voice. “I—”

“Don’t. Call. Me.
Baby
. Ever.”

“You didn’t seem to mind three weeks ago.”

“What? I don’t remember
you
using that particular term of endearment with me. Maybe it was with someone
else
.” I glare up at him in the dark. “I don’t like it. I never have,” I pause while my swirls around with thoughts of Nika and the way she was behaving at his game. “Come to think of it; I don’t remember much about what took place with you all of three weeks ago.
It’s long forgotten.
Believe me; I’m just trying to be nice here.”

“Well,” he says, drawing in a long breath. “It’s nice to know that Charlie was at least telling me the truth when he said you are a real piece of work.”

“Charlie said that?” I ask, incredulous. “He…he broke Marla’s heart. Then he proceeded to flaunt his relationships with every other girl at Paly that he had taken up with, including my sister Holly, before her or after her, I can’t remember. Flaunting every relationship in her face until he finally left for UCLA. And now he’s back again—messing with her mind all over again and getting engaged to her out of the blue like this and making promises he surely can’t keep. Yet, he has the nerve to call me out for my less than stellar, perhaps some would say, unsavory behavior with guys? Wow. Just wow. I’ve heard enough. Go back to your party.”

“From what I’ve been able to figure out,” he says slowly. “It’s Marla and Charlie’s engagement party, not mine. I agree that they are rushing things but Marla’s great and Charlie’s great. We can all be friends. I have every right to be standing here just as much as you do. We’re
friends
—you and me.” He gets this victorious smile. It gleams at me in the dark.

“Friends?” I practically spit the word back at him. My chest heaves as I struggle to catch my breath again. This conversation has upset me on a number of levels that I haven’t even begun to fully realize yet. I fight for breath and control. “Friends,” I say again with more contempt. “Like you and Nika Vostrikova are friends?”

“What? How do you? When did you?”

He gives up on words and shakes his head and blows out his breath in exasperation.

I want this to end this thing with him but for some inexplicable reason, I have to know about Nika, how he feels about Nika. “I saw her with you at your game three weeks ago when you pitched. She was on one side of the fence, and you were on the other. She was
kissing
your fingers.”

“The Oregon State game? You were there?” He looks taken aback.

“Yes. My dad had tickets, and my little brother Tommy begged him to go and so the three of us went. I saw you with her, Linc, up at the fence. It looked like you were
good friends
. And that’s what she told me later on, when we happened to meet up in the women’s restroom. She wanted to ensure that I knew that you were
good friends
.”

He sighs deep. I’ve hit a nerve and the prickling sensation races up my spine again.
I’m still jealous. This is an impossible situation. We both know it. And I’m jealous. And it’s pathetic.

I hang my head, and my hair falls forward covering my face. I take shallow breaths in an attempt to control my breathing, to get a grip, and keep these confounding tears at bay.
What is wrong with me?
I need to get as far away from this guy as humanly and cosmically possible. We should not be in the same air space.
He drives me crazy.

Then he reaches out and tucks my hair behind my ear and fingers my jaw line. For some reason, my head automatically lifts. He gets this apologetic face. “She was more than a friend for a while but that’s
over
. She knows it. Nika is…complicated. We met when we took a statistics class together. She’s just finishing up at Stanford and puts together my stats from my games. She’s does freelance work. Computer research? She’s smart as hell—”

“Tall. Beautiful. Russian. Sexy. Smart. Yeah, I got
that
.”

“Nika doesn’t lie about who she is. She puts it all out there.”

“Well, good for you—for the two of you. It’s so important to have friends like that so you can freely take advantage of all those benefits whenever you feel the need. How nice for both of you.” I bite at my lip to keep myself from saying more. I sound like a jealous girlfriend; and I know he hears it because he gets this little smile. In that moment, I want to slap him and ensure it permanently disappears from his face. “I think we’re done here.”

“You know what your problem is, Tally? You won’t let anybody in.”

There’s this quiet fury in his voice that has me looking at him more intently. His jaw flexes with tension, and he clenches his teeth together. His eyes narrow at me. He sighs deep.

“So,
please
answer my question: Why is that? Why do you lie like that? I’d really like to know. I mean, I know you don’t give a shit that you could have a direct impact upon my life or my career; because how would it look to the world if anyone were to find out that this almost twenty-three-year-old, who is about to sign with the Los Angeles Angels, just recently slept with a minor? Yeah, he slept with some girl still in high school who may not even be eighteen yet. Jesus, Tally! Think about
that
the next time you set up shop in somebody’s house and seduce the hell out of him and have the nerve to leave behind some damn thank-you note to further drive your point home that all it was to you was a complete and total mindfuck or fuck over. Take your pick, little girl, whichever term suits you best. Maybe it’s both. Who the fuck knows? Am I right? Because you…you don’t even care what you do to the people you run over that happen to be in your way.”

He’s really mad.
And like an accelerant added to a fire, my fury has risen exponentially with every word he’s uttered. All I can see are flames. My car.
Holly.
My mind goes somewhere else even as I quietly say, “I turn eighteen in a few weeks. You’re safe. I won’t tell anyone. Thank you, Linc. Thank you so much for the advice. But I have other places to be. Go find Nika for all I care. It looks like she is more than willing to entertain you.” I gasp at the air now, struggling for breath.

All I remember is opening the car door and falling to the ground. I hear Holly say, “Run!” But, nothing moves. I can’t move.

It was this kind of emotional outburst that triggered the last panic attack with this guy, three weeks ago, but I press on, even though it’s become a struggle just to get the words out and to breathe at the same time. “Maybe next time you can check for ID before you fuck somebody just to ensure they’re really deserving of you and your particular brand of charm if you know what I mean. Ensure they’re a good friend. The best kind. A good friend with benefits. Like Nika!”

My vision gets wacky. There is less light and more darkness streaking across my vision.

The darkness closes in on me even faster.

“I. Can’t. Breathe.”

“Hold on.” I think I hear him say.

* * *

I come to on top of Lincoln Presley’s bed under very different circumstances from three weeks before when the same thing happened to me while I was with him. Marla’s face is about eight inches from mine on one side while Linc comes at me from the other. Even Charlie Masterson gets in on the act offering up a glass of orange juice as soon as I try to sit up.

“Here, try this,” Charlie says, shoving his way past Linc and handing me the full glass of juice.

“Back off,” Marla says like the true mother hen she is. “Tally, are you okay? God, I was freaking out when I saw Linc carrying you in here. What the hell happened?” She shoots Linc a daggered look. “Did he hurt you?”

Yes.

“No.” I shake my head side-to-side for added emphasis but then the confounded dizziness returns. I take a few swigs of the orange juice and abruptly turn off the calorie counter that automatically starts up in my mind. “No, we’re fine. We’ve agreed. It’s just best to be…friends. Right, Elvis?”

Lincoln Presley looks like he just got hit in the chest by a wayward baseball. He takes a jagged breath. “Right. That’s what we decided. We’re friends. Just friends.” He frowns at me, drops my hand, gets up from the bed, and leaves his bedroom without another word.

“What did you
do
to him?” Charlie asks in an accusatory tone. “He really likes you, Tally.” Charlie runs his hands through his blond hair and looks extremely unhappy.

“Now, that would be a real mistake; wouldn’t it?” I say with derision. “He’s got his whole life ahead of him. Why would he want to get involved with someone like me? You warned him about me; right, Charlie?” I’ve forgotten Marla is privy to this conversation. In my still seething rage, I forgot this little detail.

“What?” she asks, incredulous all at once. “Charlie? You warned Linc about Tally? Why would you do that? It’s so…cruel. She’s my best friend. She’s been through so much.” Tears trail down her face. “You jerk! Damn it, Charlie. I thought you’d changed, but you’re the exact same prick you were two years ago. And, you’re lying to me. Even now. About everything.”

I slide off the bed in one less than graceful swoop. “Enough. Don’t you two break up over someone as unimportant as me.”

“Tally, never say that!” Marla’s fuming mad now. I can see it in her face. She grabs my hand and pulls me along Linc’s hallway. “Come on. Let’s go. We shouldn’t have come.”

No truer words have ever been spoken.

We reach the great room. He’s standing there looking completely devastated. It’s disconcerting. It’s not supposed to go like this. Things have spun out of control in a matter of thirty minutes and wielded emotional damage in so many directions in all four of us that it’s almost unbelievable. I can’t quite bring myself to reconcile it now, because deep down there’s this part of me that anticipated this kind of ending. I
need
this kind of ending in fact.

“I love you, Marla,” Charlie says from behind us. “I want to marry you. Build a life with you. I know you’re going off to New York to pursue your dream. Just know that I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for you always.” His voice breaks.