This Love's Not for Sale (32 page)

Lilliana peeked over her shoulder to see them both looking apologetic
, and something else.
Fearful
? That was twice now she had seen the look of fright on Tucker’s ex’s faces, and the way they both scurried away pissed Lilliana off even more. If a man had ever spoken those words to her, she would’ve planted her knee firmly in his testicles, robbing him of future parenthood.

Lilliana pushed past Tucker and went straight for the door. Catching up to her quickly, Tucker
abruptly caught Lilliana by the elbow and firmly escorted her to a secluded corner.

“I won’t tolerate you fighting over me.” Tucker’s voice, though deep, was crisp and clear.

Lilliana snorted sarcastically and looked Tucker up and down scornfully. He was so damned arrogant, of course he would think such an absurd thing.

“
Don’t be ridiculous, I wasn’t going to fight over you. I was going to fight for my honor and dignity seeing as you forced my hand by bringing me to a place where your ex-girlfriends were name-calling.”

Tucker blinked rapidly as if affronted.
“Lilly, I’m sorry…” he started in.

“For what, Tucker? Bringing to me a party where there are a handful of your ex-lovers without warning me or for giving me a gift that was neither heartfelt nor original?”

With shaking hands, Lilliana removed the necklace and shoved it into the chest pocket of his jacket, disgusted that Tucker had categorized her
as the same as all the rest. Tucker’s eyes narrowed, but he remained silent and with his jaw clenched.

“Take me home,” she whispered angrily.

Tucker nodded back without saying anything as if not trusting himself to speak.

The tension in the car was thick like blood pudding and not even a knife could’ve cut through it. Lilliana seethed the more she thought about having worn the sleazy badge of dishonor. She knew Tucker had a reputation and what she was getting into by being with him, but
that wasn’t what pissed her off. It was the way he had treated the women and his choice of words.

“Is that what you do to women when you’re done with them?
Dismiss them?” she blurted out, her voice thick with contempt.

Tucker remained silent and kept his eyes
glued to the road.

“Answer me, damn it,” Lilliana pounded her fist on the dash.

“Not until you lower your voice and show me some respect,” he grumbled.

“Like the respect you showed me by buying me that hoochie-mama dress and tagging me with the same damned locket that all your other conquests have worn?”

Tucker shook his head woodenly. “I just wanted everyone to know that you belong to me.”

“Oh, they know alright; they know I’m just another member of the Tucker McGrath Fuck of the Month Club
. And when you’re done with me, then what? I get to keep the accessory like some kind of award for being a distinguished member of your ho-bag alliance? What exactly are you trying to turn me into? One of your Tucker McGrath Stepford Wives? What’s next on the agenda? A microchip up my ass when I’m sleeping so I’ll follow all your ridiculous commands?
As you please, Tucker. How may I serve you, Tucker?
May I have another spanking, please?
Thanks, but no thanks. I swear to Christ, if you ever tell me I’m dismissed, I’ll put my foot up your dominant, alpha-male ass. I swear it!”

Tucker gripped the steering wheel so tight his skin squeaked against the leather and his knuckles blanched. Grinding his teeth loudly, he mumbled, “Enough, God damn it. I get it, Lilly; I fucked up.”

Lilliana sunk back into the soft leather seat. She was glad to hear him admit it, though it didn’t make her any less angry. Lilliana had been hoping to spend the night in Tucker’s arms, under his intense brown-eyed gaze and following his commands, but now it was looking like she would end up alone and without the man whose touch she craved like a drug.

As Tucker’s car turned toward the direction of his palatial home, Lilliana snarled, “I said home.”

“We are going home,” he answered back like his home was hers.

“My home,” Lilliana clarified.

Tucker clenched his mouth tighter, gritted his teeth, and swung a U-turn in the middle of the street. His tires screeched loudly and several horns blared when they almost rear-ended Tucker. 

Twenty hushed minutes later, Tucker pulled in front of Lilliana’s door. They both sat quietly not looking at one another. Lilliana
felt the screams of frustration at the back of her throat, but she remained silent, not knowing what else to say.

As she sat with her arms crossed, she felt like crying for having thought that she was different than the rest and for having led herself to believe that Tucker felt the same way.  She met his family for Christ’s sake. Didn’t that mean she was special? Or was she just a diversion like all the rest? Tucker’s
conversation with his mother popped into her mind about not making their relationship into something it wasn’t. That should’ve been warning enough of what was to come. Lilliana bit her bottom lip harshly and forbid herself to shed any tears. Fuck that. She had been hurt far worse by Adam and she never cried once over that worthless piece of rotten man-meat.

“Lilly, I never meant…”

Lilliana blocked out Tucker’s words, fearing he was about to send away her, too. What then?

***

“I thought I was different,” Lilliana whispered sadly, cutting Tucker to the bone.

He turned to face her, his apology left unsaid. “You
are
different.”

“Don’t do that to me,” her voice cracked.

“Don’t do
what
?”

“Lie to me. I’m not a chil
d or some fragile being that needs to be coddled.”

Lilliana was the toughest girl Tucker knew, and when heard her choked out words, he rapidly unbuckled himself and then Lilliana. Towing her into his arms, he buried his face in the soft spot behind her ear. Tucker didn’t want to be the reason to ever see this resilient woman
weep.  He had already lied to her enough, but that was in the past and that’s exactly where he wanted to leave it.

“My sweet, strong Lilly, I’m not lying t
o you,” Tucker tried to convince her.

To his
regret, Lilliana gently pushed away from him and opened the door.

“I need time…”

Tucker suddenly felt panicked. “Time for what?” he asked, reaching out and grasping her wrist firmly.

“To think. I knew what I was getting into by being with you, but… I just need time to rethink things.”

“Lilly, please don’t do this. I never meant to hurt you, pet,” Tucker said softly.

“I
know,” she said decisively as she sat up straighter. “But I’m not going to try to be something I’m not for you and what I absolutely am not, is a woman who is content to wear clothes that neither suits my style or personality, and that you’ve had someone else pick for me. And I sure as hell am not a women who is okay with wearing a piece of jewelry that has no meaning behind it simply because it’s expensive and given to me by the most eligible bachelor. I’m not that girl, Tucker, and I don’t want to be. I know I’m flawed and I don’t know when to stop talking, but I like who I am. It’s taken me a long time to accept myself. I’m just sorry you feel like you need to change me.”

Tucker was dumbstruck. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. He loved that she did
n’t know when to stop talking, most of the time. And he liked that she was imperfect and frustrating and exasperating. She was
real
and that’s what he wanted; that’s what he needed.

“Just fucking wait. I’m not trying to change who you are…” Tucker said loudly when Lilliana pulled out of his clutches and stepped out of the car.

His heart beat wildly in his chest and his stomach churned. He had never felt so frantic at seeing a woman walk away from him and he didn’t know what to do aside from make a complete fool of himself, and he wasn’t ready to do that just yet - for any woman.

Lilliana hovered in the door
, her eyes scanning the ground as if pleading for Tucker to stop her.

“We’ll talk more tomorrow,” Tucker finally said, unable to think clearly enough to say anything else.

“We’ll see,” she responded back, slamming the car door closed.

Tucker watched Lilliana walk briskly to her home and let herself in. He lingered several minutes outside, staring at the house as it became illuminated, first the living room, then her bedroom. He imagined her undressing and readying herself for bed, and he wanted more than anything to be lying next to her and feeling her heart beat against his chest as they spooned.

Lilliana’s bedroom window curtain shifted and he could see her peering out at him. She touched the glass and a dull nagging pain settled in his chest. When she turned away, her wet cheeks shined against his bright headlights.

He revved his engine loudly and slammed on the acceleration, spinning his back tires as he sped down her driveway. He had made her cry and he was livid with himself.

He drove for hours thinking about Lilliana and their time together, driving past her place two more times before parking at the far end of her drive way as he sat in his darkened vehicle. His actions were juvenile and he was well aware of it, but going back to his large, cold, empty house was unthinkable at that point. 

Another hour later, he was back at his place and in the shower. He had to be up and ready for work in four short hours but he knew there would be no sleep for him the remainder of the night.

In bed, Tucker was besieged by confusing emotions. Things had been going so well… too well. He knew better than to allow that flicker of hope into his life. Angry with himself for having fallen so hard for Lilliana, picked up his phone and texted her.

McG: 4
:06 AM: Are we okay?

He didn’t expect to get a response back as late as the hour was, but his phone chirped back almost immediately.

Lilliana: 4:08 AM: I don’t know.

Tucker fisted his own hair and let out the breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding. He didn’t know what else to say and he didn’t want to push her. The nagging feeling in his chest became almost unbearable and he felt as if he couldn’t breathe without feeling the smarting pain of something lost. He laid his phone down and forced himself to sleep.

Tucker woke late almost five hours later. He was surprised he had slept at all, let alone overslept. Before he even climbed out of bed, he checked his phone, optimistic that Lilliana had tried to call or message him, but his phone was lifeless.

He dressed
without thinking and went about his morning on auto-pilot mode. He tried to remember what it had been like before Lilliana and go about his day as if he was still single and without the distraction of the woman who had crawled under skin and right into his heart.  He was doing fair until Ariel came strolling in giving him nothing but attitude and a hostile stare.

“What’s your problem?” Tucker finally asked.

Ariel folded her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. “You ripped that poor little bunny’s heart to shreds, didn’t you?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know damned well I’m talking about Lil. The Big Bad Wolf Tucker McGrath tore that pretty little bunny to pieces. I’m glad to hear she threatened to kick the Wicked Witch of the East and West’s asses, at least.”

“Can you please speak like we’re not living in a fairy tale and as if we’re both adults?” Tucker snapped.

“Right, because you’re an adult. You get my drift, daddy-o. You’re a terrible, nasty man,” she snorted.

“Oh, fuck me. So what’s this about kicking asses?”

“Sophie is blabbing it all over about how Lil ripped her and Gemma’s ass and threatened to knock out their veneers, and how
uncouth
Lilliana was.”

Ariel started giggling and Tucker found it infectious. He, too, began to chuckle.

“Lilly is one hellacious little vixen,” Tucker shook his head decisively.

Ariel’s eyes rounded and she waved in Tucker’s direction.
“It’s about time someone gave you a run for your money.”

Tucker’s laughter died down and he became solemn thinking about Lilliana’s last text message.

Ariel eyed him cautiously. “Did you screw things up beyond repair?”

“I hope not.”

“You’d better do more than hope, wolf-boy; you’d better fix it,” Ariel instructed him just before she walked out.

During
his lunch break, Tucker mustered up enough courage to call Lilliana. All morning was spent thinking about her and the gloomy look on her face. He wanted to see joy in her eyes like he had when he given her the now infamous gift that lead to this whole damned drama. Her phone rang and rang, and Tucker was becoming more irate with each passing moment that he couldn’t hear her voice. He ended the call and messaged her.

McG: 11:39 AM: I want to hear your voice.

Tucker waited. And waited.

McG: 12: 23 PM: You know how I feel about waiting.