This is Your Afterlife (22 page)

Blue plaid shirt. Denim jeans.

The outfit he died in.

Fear resonates in my ghostly bones. Finally, it hits me. I've gone back in time somehow. But am I here to observe? Do I have the power to change the course of Jimmy's life…or death?

“Jimmy, don't go up there. Please.” I tug at his sleeve, but he walks right on by. If this is a chance for me to save him, I'll do everything in my power.

Heart pounding in desperation, I follow Jimmy and Mara. They manage to keep upright over the thick, slippery moss, though Jimmy seems to move with unmistakable stiffness. I'm able to float effortlessly. Being a spirit has its advantages.

At the top, sequoias wider than my car tower over us. Their bulk seems to deaden the sound of water rushing to the edge of the cliff. Jimmy leads the way, taking a well-worn path toward the granite slabs bordering the mountain stream. He waits for Mara to catch up as she weaves around boulders and loose rocks.

Laughing, she overtakes him. She's swift on her Keds. Near the cliff edge, she calls out, “Come over to the diving board.”

He hesitates.

“We're not going to swim, silly. Get over here.”

His jaw twitches as he follows her footsteps. He stands with his hands folded over his strong chest as he gazes over the valley. Jagged mountain peaks stretch all the way across the horizon. Jimmy picks up a stick and throws it as hard as he can with that legendary quarterback's arm. The stick breaks against the thick trunk of a redwood.

Mara inhales the crisp mountain air. “Isn't this great? Just you and me here? It's been so long since we've spent time alone.”

“We still hang out,” Jimmy says. “Neighborhood barbeques and stuff.”

“Not like before. I lost you to your sports buddies years ago. And to the girls who started throwing themselves at you,” Mara says without a trace of irony.

“I guess we drifted apart, huh?” He gives a tight smile. “Thanks for bringing me here. To help me, you know, forget about Aimee.”

“That's what friends do, cheer each other up in times of trouble.” She carefully stalks closer to Jimmy. My nerves skitter as I realize just how close they are to the edge of the cliff. “You helped me when my dad left. I'll never forget that. You made me feel…loved.”

He gives a modest shrug and quickly changes the subject. “What I said earlier about Aimee and me breaking up, you have to keep that quiet, okay? She's not ready for the rest of the world to know.”

“It won't be headline news in the
Bugle
. You have my word.” Mara stands shoulder to shoulder with him. “What I want to know is, when can we tell everyone about us?”

Jimmy freezes. “Us?”

Her voice is soft, hypnotic. “You should be with me now that Aimee's out of the picture. We have a history together. A future, too.”

He grips his head like he's being overcome by a migraine of unimaginable proportions. “Mara... You and me? Where's this coming from?”

She tilts her head sideways. “I think it's always been clear. We've tried to deny our attraction to one another.”

Jimmy's eyes dart around. Mara presses a palm flat against his chest. His muscles rise and fall rapidly. Boldly, she massages away the tension stored inside him. He slaps his hand over hers and squeezes hard. She grins, but her smile fades when he forces her hand away.

“What's wrong?”

“Mara, I don't think you understand—”

“Shhh!” she whispers. “I do. The charade's over. No more pretending.”

“I'm not pretending about anything!” He shifts away from her again, but she snags his arm. Her nails sink into his flesh, making him wince.

Loose rocks tumble over the edge of the waterfall. Though I know it's useless, I call out, “Jimmy, watch where you're going.”

I do my best to guide him to a safer position, pushing him with everything I've got. But I'm weak. I'm nothing but a ghost. I cling to his other arm. Maybe he'll feel me. Know I'm trying to look out for him.

“But your feelings for me are real, aren't they?” Mara asks. More tears gather, but her green eyes are full of hope.

“We...we're friends,” he says, trying to be diplomatic, not trying to upset her even more. I guess. He tries to pull away, but it seems she's tapped into superhuman strength and pulls back.

“More than,” she says. “I saw the way you stared at me when I was swimming.”

Mysterious bright light flashes on and off, burning into my retinas and making me see spots everywhere. Jimmy and Mara seem oblivious to it as they face at each other. My hands ball into fists so hard that my nails feel like knives piercing flesh.

“You caught me off guard, that's all.” Jimmy fiddles with the keys in his pocket and somehow manages to wriggle from Mara's grip. “I...I'm sorry. I don't...like you in, uh, that way. It's only fair I tell you that.”

A layer of sweat pours out of her in seconds. “How can you say that after everything we've shared over the years?”

The flashing light grows a volatile red. It colors everything around us into a Mars-like landscape. I don't like the vibe it's giving me. I can't help but feel
this
is a glimpse of what's inside Mara. Anger and venom. My eyes shutter against the vision.

“You're like a sister to me. I don't want things to get weird between us. Or...weirder.”

“Oh, Jimmy,” I sigh. “No girl wants to hear that. You Hawkins boys have a lot to learn about girls.”

The fever inside Mara boils over. “I'm like a
sister?
You're lying. To me. To yourself. You've always wanted me. I see it in your eyes. Every time you pass me in the halls. When we're hanging out at your house.”

“I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on. You were just one of the guys. I never flirted real hard. I just...I just thought...” He shrugs helplessly.

“No! I've waited too long. Watched you hook up with too many drones like Aimee. It had to stop. When I sent that text message, I…I thought it would bring you back to me.”

He squints. Then slowly, dismay creeps across his face. “
You
sent that message about Aimee fooling around behind my back?”

Defiantly, she lifts her chin. “I did. One disposable phone was all it took to dispose of Aimee.”

“Was it true? Did she hook up with that guy from Holden?” he bellows, making me jump. Mara, too. His face goes so red and puffy I'm almost afraid he'll pick her up and throw her like a football over the cliff. But he keeps his hands fisted, as if willing them to stay by his sides.

Meekly, she shakes her head. And there—I see it. The adoring eyes. The
I'll-do-anything-to-please-you
smile. Mara's completely bonkers over Jimmy. I sidle closer to Jimmy on the very precipice of the falls. My head swims as I look down at the long ribbon of silver water cascading below. Dizzy, I shift my gaze up to Jimmy.

“God, I've been an idiot.” He turns away from Mara. The keys jiggle in his palm. “Come on, I'll drive you home. And then I'm going to Aimee's.”

Her eyes become stormy. “No, I want to stay here with you. We can talk this out.”

“There's nothing more to say.” Jimmy pauses on a flat rock and looks back at her with hatred.

She lunges after him, slamming into his back and sending his keys flying.

Jimmy turns his head. “Hey—!”

Before I can grab him, he pitches forward. His skull connects with a rock so hard that blood spurts instantly.

“Jimmy!” I cry. I collapse by Jimmy's side, press my hand to the warm wound, but of course I can't stem the tide of blood. I glance up at Mara, who looks frozen. Scared. “Do something! Help him!”

Leaping up, I grab at her shoulders, but my fingers run straight through as if she's a shadow.

Jimmy's face goes pale, contrasting sharply from the crimson mess pouring from his head. Round blue eyes stare up at me and blink slowly, uncomprehendingly. Body jerking, he reaches for Mara's ankles.

“You...pushed me!” With a shaky hand, he clutches at the wound. He sees the blood and looks ready to throw up.

“It was an accident,” Mara says faintly.

“No. I felt...felt your hands. Y-you pushed.” His lips turn a frosty mauve color as he convulses on the rocks.

“Mara, don't just stand there, goddammit! He's dying!” I jump and scream as loud as I can, but she's deaf to me. They both are. The blue of Jimmy's eyes turns smoky as life seeps away. Desperately, I fall beside him and clutch his hand as best I can. “Wake up, Jimmy. You've got to stay awake! Please!”

“Help me!” he gasps.

“I can't. You'll tell people I was responsible.” Mara speaks in a monotone. Coldly, she stares down at him.

I listen to Jimmy's ragged breath, and I know shock is well and truly set in. He has to get to a hospital soon.

Or he'll die.

“You
are
responsible! Just get over yourself and help him!” I shriek. If I shout loud enough, maybe I can get through to her. It's hard to reconcile the Mara I know with the venomous, flipped-out girl standing here on the edge of a cliff. Maybe she's worn the mask all along.

“I won't tell, I promise.” The words quiver out of Jimmy's pale lips.

“You don't mean that. Just like you didn't mean it the first time you broke up with Aimee, and the next.”

Jimmy moans weakly.

“You believed that phony text, because deep down you knew she was capable of cheating.” Mara rambles on, strangely indifferent to his pain despite declaring her love for him. “Aimee doesn't deserve you.”

My gaze flicks to the waterfall, then back to Jimmy. His eyes are closed now, the sooty lashes stark against his pale, pale skin. In that moment, he's even more beautiful than usual.

“Tell my family I love them,” Jimmy croaks, looking in my direction. For a split second, I wonder if he sees me, sees my ghost, while his life slips away. He swallows with difficulty. “Tell...tell Aimee I'm sorry.”

With that one sentence, Mara turns to stone. Hard and unforgiving as the ground beneath our feet.

Mara's expression reflects a thousand different emotions. Bitterness is the most prominent. But soon her face clears, like she's come to a decision. She stoops and winds one of Jimmy's limp arms around her shoulders. Her long legs stagger under his weight. She drags him closer to the water rushing over the cliff edge. Not an easy feat. Somehow, she's tapped into a shitload of adrenaline.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Desperately, I battle with her, tugging Jimmy in the opposite direction—to safety. Trying to, anyway.

But her power isn't super. It's just human. And I'm just a spirit with no physical strength. I weep at the unfairness of life, death, everything.

She drags him to the waterfall. By the time he realizes what's happening, it's too late, yet he clutches at her wrist with the useless bit of energy he has left.

“Please!” he chokes. A tear dribbles from one eye, followed by a veritable stream. “I don't...want to die.”

“I've loved you my whole life,” she whispers tenderly. “You love me, too. You've just never admitted it yourself.”

“You're wrong,” he says.

Mara's eyes brighten with hope. “Oh, Jimmy! Are you saying you
have
admitted it?”

“I'm saying...” He's losing consciousness. He fights to find his voice. If he could just try to
pretend
he had feelings for her, maybe he'd have a chance at getting to a hospital.

She smiles. “Just let the words out.”

“I have to tell you the truth.”

Oh, God, Jimmy.
I put my head in my hands.

He gulps again and nods. “I...I don't love you. I'm sorry.”

Her smile vanishes in an instant. If ever there was a time to tell a white lie, this was it. But that's Jimmy. Mr. Nice Guy. Couldn't lie to save his life.

Fury twists Mara's features into something ugly, something cruel. “You're
sorry?
Yes, you'll be sorry!”

Once again, anger seems to fuel her. Teeth bared, she rolls him over the granite ledge and pushes him off.

Jimmy and I both scream at once, echoing over the roar of the falls. “No!”

Powerless against the current, he hurtles down the waterfall.

I run to the edge alongside a stock-still Mara. Jimmy's jean-clad legs flail as he plummets. He disappears into the water. I crane my neck, trying to catch sight of him, but it's like he's slipped into a never-ending hole. Seconds, minutes, maybe hours pass, but he doesn't surface.

Gaping, I lean back on my heels. Fog rolls in across nearby peaks, threatening to obscure the forest's beauty. And its horror.

This is how it all went wrong for Jimmy Hawkins.

Slowly I turn. Mara's face is full of regret. Sorrow.

Triumph.

Mara won. And Jimmy's life is lost.

My numbness gives way to overwhelming anger. I channel burning fury into my arms and push her square in the chest. For a second, her eyes widen. Is it possible she felt that shove? Encouraged, I try again and again and again.

She pitches forward, hands splayed to break her fall, and I allow myself a grim smile. On her knees, she scrabbles among the smooth stones. I glance over her shoulder. My grin falters as she picks up Jimmy's car keys. Then she bolts as if reacting to the starter's pistol in the hundred-meter sprint. Her feet slip on the moss-covered stairway.

At the bottom of the stairs, Mara scans the churning water. I follow her gaze and my panic rises. Jimmy hasn't surfaced. I could dive in, find him.

I take a deep, labored breath. Air rattles in my chest.

Absently, I wonder why my lungs carry air when I no longer have a use for it. Then I shove the thought from my mind. Jimmy's in trouble. He could have survived the fall. Grabbing Mara's arm, I shake her as hard as I can.