This Can't be Life (42 page)

“Okay, but remember that if you or Tali need me, call my fax line. All my other calls will go straight to voicemail because I am powering them off as we speak. Y’all better not call me if there’s no emergency,” I laughed.

“Whatever. By tomorrow, I’m going to have heard from your ass five times.” We laughed and said our goodbyes.

When I hung up the phone with Stacey, I called
Carlton
. I wanted to save him for last. I was happy he was out of town and had a show tonight. I knew that he would have been at my door once I told him what I was about to tell him.

“Hey, baby, what’s up?”
Carlton
greeted me.

“Hey, not much. Look,
Carlton
, I’m going to get straight to the reason for my call…” I blurted out.

“Reason for your call? You know you don’t need a reason to call me, baby girl.”
Carlton
said, cutting me off.

“Please, let me finish,
Carlton
. I’m in love with you and it’s wrong. I can’t keep beating myself over the head with this because I know what is morally right and what isn’t. I can’t keep living my life like I can do whatever floats my boat, like there are no consequences to my actions. You are married and you can never be mine. You have children that need their father to be faithful to their mom. I’m telling you now that I will no longer take any calls from you.” I wasn’t angry and I’m sure he could tell that I had thought about what I was saying to him. I wasn’t speaking irrationally. I had made up my mind.

“Oh, hell naw. Fuck that, Simone! What’s wrong with you? I haven’t been gone for more than 48 hours and this is what I missed?” His voice sounded panicked.

“I’m sorry,
Carlton
. This isn’t up for debate. I love you and wish you the best.” I hung up the phone and powered it off. Next, I unplugged my home phone from the wall. My fax line was loud enough that I knew I would be able to hear it ringing in the office down the hall if it rang.

I tried to wipe the few tears from my eyes, but I couldn’t hold them back any longer and allowed myself to have a good cry. I let the warm fluid stream its way onto my pillow as I laid, balled into a fetal position on my bed. After what seemed like hours of sobbing, I finally fell into a deep sleep. I slept soundly with no thoughts on my mind. My brain felt completely at rest. I knew in my mind that I had made the right decision. I just hoped my heart would get the memo soon because it ached like I had been physically hurt.

Deon

“What in the fuck is this?” I whispered aloud, standing butt naked in the shower looking down at my dick. My shit was throbbing with pain and I was looking at what could have been a popped pimple on the shaft of my dick. That shit hurt like hell! I didn’t want to panic, but I knew that something wasn’t right.

I threw on a sweat suit and some fucking house shoes, called to the garage for them to bring the Range to the front, and walked out of my apartment, heading to Shelly’s. I hadn’t felt this angry with anyone since Nichelle’s ex-husband took her life. I would have killed him myself if he hadn’t taken the honor of doing it himself.

Fifteen minutes later, I was banging on Shelly’s front door. I could hear Blu running toward the door barking. His barks turned to whines as he sensed it was me banging like the police on the other side.

“Deon, what’s the matter?” Shelly asked, opening the door for me to come in. She touched my arm and I shrugged away from her. I wanted answers, not petting.

“I need to talk to you right now,” I said, leading the way up the stairs and into her kitchen. I sat on one of the bar stools at the center island, put my hands over my face, and rested my elbows on the stainless steal surface. A pain shot through my dick, like I needed a reminder of why I was here. I looked up at her and looked into her eyes to see if there was any trace of guilt for something she knew she should have told me. She looked frightened, but I couldn’t tell if it was because I just popped up over her house in house shoes, banging on the door and acting like a madman, or if it was because she intentionally had unprotected sex with me, knowing that she had some shit.

“Shelly, I’m about to ask you something and you better be completely honest with me or I swear I will walk out of this house and never speak to you a-fuckin-gain.” She put a shaking hand over her heart.

“Oh, my God, Deon. What is wrong with you? What’s wrong?” she asked, a tear escaping her left eye. Her voice was quivering as more tears found their way down her cheeks. I sat there and looked at her for what must have been too long, because she spoke again.

“Deon, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong? Please tell me!” She croaked.

“Shelly I have a fucking sore on my dick. Is there anything you need to tell me?” I asked through clenched teeth. Her eyes grew wide and I saw anger make its way to the surface.

“What? What in the fuck did you just ask me, Deon? Is this your way of telling me that I fucking need to go to the doctor? Is this your way of telling me that you may have given me a fucking STD?” She yelled at the top of her lungs. “You mother fucking bastard!” She ran toward me with her arms swinging ready to do some damage. I caught her arms before she could land a blow, and with both of them in my hands, I held her away from me and looked into her eyes. I could see a multitude of emotions, hurt and anger being the most prominent. I instantly felt guilty for coming at her the way I did.

“You’re the fucking pro athlete. You are the one that has had way more lovers than I could ever count. I’ve only been with one person other than you and that was my husband. Yes, he cheated on me, but I don’t have shit. I told you that. This is so fucked up!” She sobbed as I pulled her into my arms and held her.

“I’m sorry, Shell. I’m really sorry. I’ve never had reason to believe that I could fucking have a disease! I just don’t know!” I was in such a rage that I wasn’t thinking clearly enough not to jump to conclusions.

“Stuff like that can lay dormant, Deon. You are a smart guy. You should know that,” she said, looking up at me with tears still streaming from her red-rimmed eyes.

“I’m sorry, Shell. I really am. Can you forgive me?” I asked, hoping I hadn’t messed up what I had with her.

“Of course, Deon. I’ll go with you to the doctor in the morning. You’re jumping to conclusions anyway, babe. It may not even be an STD. Let’s stay positive, okay?” she asked, as I wiped away tears from her face.

“If I’ve given some shit to you, I’ll never forgive myself,” I whispered, looking into her eyes.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, babe,” she said reassuringly. She grabbed my hand and led me up another flight of stairs to her bedroom loft.

As I was in a deep slumber, I could hear Nichelle’s voice getting closer and closer. Since her death, I had never dreamed about her, but here she was in my dreams calling my name. I opened my eyes, got out of bed careful not to wake Shelly. I walked out onto the balcony and Nichelle was sitting on the wood swing, rocking back and forth. She looked up and smiled at me as tears misted my eyes.

“Someone might think you’re a punk, D, getting all emotional,” she laughed. “Come sit down, boy,” she said, patting the space next to her. I did as I was told. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She looked even more beautiful than I remembered. She had the same twinkle in her eyes that had finally returned to Tyson’s.

“I miss you so much, Chell. Man, I don’t half way know what to do without you.”

“Yes, you do. You got along just fine before I came along. Thank you for taking care of Tyson, D. He’s really happy.” She was absolutely glowing.

“You know I wouldn’t have it any other way but for him to be with me and my family. I’m looking for a house in
Atlanta
right now so I can spend more time with him. If I didn’t have him when you left, I don’t know what I would have done.” I admitted for the first time aloud.

“Deon, you are much stronger than you think and much smarter than you give yourself credit for. Remember to trust your instincts and follow your heart. Simone needs you and you need her. It’s just that neither of you know it yet. I left something for you in Shelly’s room, make sure you find it. I love you, D.”

“Wait, Chell. Wait! Don’t leave. I’m not done!” I heard myself saying.

“Deon, wake up, baby. Deon, wake up.” I felt Shelly shaking me awake. I opened my eyes to find that I was still lying there in the bed, not sitting on the balcony with Nichelle. It felt so real; I could remember everything about it.

“Baby, are you okay? You were saying my name. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” Shelly whispered, assuming I was dreaming about her and calling her name. I looked over at the clock and it read
7:00
.

“I’m sorry. I was dreaming. Did I wake you up?” I asked, stretching my arms over my head. I was shook up behind the dream I’d just had and I just wanted to lay there and think about the things that Nichelle had said. It was like she was really on that balcony sitting next to me.

“No, Blu woke me up about five minutes ago. He’s ready for his walk,” she said, as Blu came to my side of the bed. He acted like he knew we were talking about him. I rubbed his head, showing him some love.

“You want me to do it or to go with you?” I asked.

“No, babe. You had a rough night, just rest. You have to get up soon anyway. I’ll make some breakfast when I get back in.” She kissed me on my forehead and headed out the door.

I stayed there thinking about everything that Nichelle said.
What is she talking about…she left me something in Shelly’s room?
I thought to myself, figuring I’d look around as soon as I heard the back door close. It really must have been just a dream since she mentioned Simone. I haven’t talked to her in months, and if Chell were a ghost coming to me in my dream, she would know that.

With the slamming of the door, I jumped out of the bed and looked under it. Next, I searched through her closet, but found nothing. The last place to look was Shelly’s dresser drawer. I pulled the top right drawer open, moved some nightgowns around, and saw nothing.

“Chell, what are you talking about?” I whispered aloud as I opened the drawer to the left and moved some panties around exposing a prescription bottle. My heart dropped. I looked around the drawer, then through the rest of the drawers for something else to grab my attention, but there was nothing else out of the ordinary. I picked up the prescription bottle and looked at the label. It was definitely prescribed to Shelly. I had never heard of this type of medication before, but I knew I was about to find out. I walked down the hall and powered on the computer in Shelly’s den.
The damned thing couldn’t go any slower
, I thought, hoping that I would have time to get the answers I needed before she returned. As soon as that damned clock on the mouse pointer stopped ticking, I opened up the web browser, typed in the name of the medication in the Google search engine, and got a load of results. After seeing the first one, I didn’t have to go any further. Valtrax. This shit is for Herpes!

Talise

Lying in bed next to Malachi with the sound of waves crashing against the shore, the breeze streaming through the open shutters, and the smell of the ocean wafting through the air, the moment couldn’t have been more perfect.

“You awake?” I asked Malachi.

“Yup, sure am. Are you all right?”