Thin Love (39 page)

Keira toyed with the hem of Kona’s hoodie, wrapping the drawstring around the tip of her finger just as he’d done all those months in Miller’s class. “When?”

“A week after Christmas.”

She laughed, rolling her eyes at how closely Kona watched her, as if he were waiting for her to explode. “At least he’s giving you the holiday off.”

“It’s the last job,” he said, ignoring Keira passive aggressive jab. He pulled the drawstring off her finger and laid on her chest, tapping her hand once so she’d move her fingers through his hair. “I don’t want to do it, Wildcat, but he’ll hurt… the people I care about.”

She wasn’t stupid and Kona knew it. She heard the lingering threat, the one she knew he tried to hide from her. “He’s all talk, bebe. People like him work off of fear and me getting hurt, he thinks, is your greatest fear.”

Kona sat up, moving his hands on either side of her head. “It is. Nothing scares me more. It would kill me if something happened to you because of me. It would kill me if something happened to you in general, but especially if it was my shit that got you hurt.” Kona lowered over her, hands back on her face, so close she could feel the heat of his breath moistening her skin. “My love’s too thick, Wildcat.”

She couldn’t help herself, she kissed him then, harder than before, wanted to say what had flirted on her tongue for weeks; what her logic and defenses forced back down her throat each time Kona told her he loved her. Kona had never asked her to say it back to him. He waited, like always, never pushed, but just then, when he backed away from her, when he simply stared at her, she saw the question in his eyes, that quick flicker of need she knew had nothing to do with his fear for her safety or the ache for her body. He wanted the words.

“Why don’t you sing for me?” he asked, and Keira had not expected that question.

“What?”

“You never sing for me. I’ve heard you through your door and I know you play for Leann, but you never give me that. You let me inside, Wildcat.” Kona fingered the neck of her t-shirt and let his palm rest over her heart. “But you never let me
inside
. Why?”

They’d slept together in her tiny dorm bed and some nights, when Kona snored at her side, Keira would look at him, really look at him—at that perfect, chiseled face and the small brown spots that dotted over his cheeks—and she’d mouthed the words she’d written just for him. Other times, she’d hum them, sliding up the notes, hoping that they filtered into his dreams; a soft whisper of everything she felt for him. But she had never been brave enough to sing when he was awake.

When Keira didn’t answer, Kona rolled onto her pillow, moving his arm across his forehead. “It’s fine, Wildcat.”

Now who’s running?

He held her hips when she straddled him, but the worry was still in his eyes, the worry and the frustration and Keira wanted that tension gone. It was time. It was past time.

“Kona?” His eyes came up, caught hers and he waited. “I’ve never loved anything like I love you.” The corner of his mouth lifted and Keira smiled at the release of some of his worry. “Mine is thick too and sometimes it scares me. Sometimes I think I know what Paul D. meant.” Keira settled lower over him, chin on his chest and she liked that Kona played with her hair, that he pretended she couldn’t feel how quickly his heart pounded. “I love you like a song,” she said, knowing he’d understand what that meant, knowing he knew she couldn’t love anything more. She kissed him and sighed against his mouth when Kona’s arms came around her waist, loving how tightly he held her to him. “My father taught me this song when I was eight and it broke my heart. I only sing it when I wanna remember how good that felt.”

Keira left the bed with Kona sitting up against the headboard. She sat in front of him with her Gibson on her lap and her fingers strumming against those familiar strings. “This is how much I love you.” The intro came back to her easier than blinking, that heart plucked vibration she’d heard in her dream. She kept her voice low, the strumming light, but her eyes didn’t move from his face as she sang about the love she wanted to give him; about the crazy love that was meant for him alone.

Keira felt stupid. Her head throbbed and she swore she could see her pulse pounding in her eyes. Small flurries of black dots flicked across her vision and for the third time in a row, she sneezed. It was dumb to huddle in the stadium, near the fifty yard line right alongside the other idiots, just to watch her boyfriend running around the field.

Winter camp held over the long weeks between the end of the regular season and the playoffs. At least, that’s what she’d gathered from Kona’s promise that the camp was very important. His enthusiasm made her want to be there, despite the worsening sickness that clogged her sinuses and made her lightheaded.

She was pretty sure she had a fever, was even more certain that those frowns Kona wore each time she sneezed were meant for her. But he had worked so hard since he’d been benched and wanted so much to play and play well. Kona had sworn he hadn’t touched a needle since she caught him in the locker room. His doubled efforts and late nights in the weight room had been proof enough for her. So what if she felt a little shitty? He was her boyfriend and she wanted him to know she supported him. Even if it was in something as mind numbing as football.

The stadium wasn’t filled to capacity, but the open practice had drawn several pro scouts and a large cluster of alumni, many of whom gave passing greetings to her and made brief, superficial inquiries about her mother and stepdad. Still, despite the small crowd, Keira felt out of place.

She pulled the wool blanket further around her shoulders and when she caught a whiff of that scratchy texture, another sneeze shot out of her mouth. Keira didn’t bother to watch for Kona’s glare, she could feel it as he rounded the corner of the field and ran past her.

“You sound like death.” Luka had lost his uniform and was bundled up in a thick jacket and dark jeans as he slumped in the seat next to her.

“I’ll live.”

“So this is what love looks like?” Keira shook her head at Luka’s wrinkled nose as he waved his hand in her direction. “I’ll pass, I think.”

She felt another sneeze threatening, itching in her nostrils and Keira dug a Kleenex out of her coat pocket. “Is… is…” She closed her eyes, trying to fight back the sensation in her sinuses and the urge to sneeze passed. “Is that your way of saying I look like shit?”

“What? Me, insult a beautiful girl? Are you crazy?” Keira wiped her dripping nose and waved off Luka’s small nudge against her shoulder. “Especially not my twin’s beautiful girl.” Kona ran past them and both Keira and Luka followed his quick movement. “Um, don’t tell him I said you were beautiful.”

“You’re such a chicken shit.”

“Nah, but my brother is stupid when it comes to you.” When Kona turned a corner and his eyes flew back to them, Luka moved to a seat in front of her. “Okay, maybe I’m a little bit of a chicken shit.”

Kona and Luka had gotten past their anger from the locker room, from Luka filling Keira in on Kona’s juicing, but that hadn’t stopped her boyfriend from glaring at his twin when he spoke to her in the cafeteria or offered her a plate at Thanksgiving. Kona knew Keira would never look at Luka the way she did at him, and with any other guy that smiled at her or nodded a greeting, the ones Kona barely noticed. Still, she hadn’t thought it important to tell him that Mark Burke sometimes called, just to check up on her. She didn’t think there was a need to invoke Kona’s jealous tendencies. Besides, Mark wasn’t interested in anything but friendship with her and Keira wouldn’t look twice at him anyway. But Luka, Keira thought, seemed like a threat to Kona. She didn’t know why, though she guessed some lingering anger at his twin and more than a little bout of sibling rivalry had something to do with Kona’s attitude.

Keira also thought Kona might be a little jealous that Luka had played in every game that season.

“Why are you out of uniform?”

“I didn’t slack. Haven’t been pulled off the field, and this shit,” he pointed to Kona beginning to struggle as he ran, “is because he’s gotta earn back his spot. Plus,” Luka’s gaze flicked to the left and he nodded in the direction of two men dressed in dark suits and long coats. They didn’t fit in with Robins’ relaxed gray slacks and CPU jacket. “The scouts are starting to hunt for fresh blood and I think Coach wants to show Kona off a little.” Luka looked up at Keira smiling. “Just don’t tell him that. He still needs to sweat a little.”

“You still pissed, Luka?” Another drip and Keira swiped at her nose again with the Kleenex. “You barely said anything about me giving your brother stitches, but you’re still pissed at him for making a mistake?”

Luka turned around, moving his arm to the back of his seat. “Keira, no offense, but you’re just his girlfriend. He’s my brother. He’s my twin and he put me in a shitty position. And he acts like I’m trying to steal you or something.” Luka looked back at the field to watch Kona talking to Robins, sweat coating his t-shirt and jogging pants. “I can almost understand you knocking the shit out of him because I know how he can push buttons, but I don’t get how he could get messed up in that shit for so long or put me in the middle of it.” Keira sneezed again and this time her entire body bent forward, moving her hair over her face. Luka tried to repress his laughter, tried to brush off how ridiculous Keira knew she looked by moving his hand against her forehead. “You alright?” She nodded, hurrying to clean her face before Luka’s laughter got too obnoxious. “Anyway, we still need to have words. I don’t completely believe that he can stay away from that shit or what Ricky wants him to do.”

Keira’s eyes flicked to the field, to Kona shaking hands with one of the scouts on the sidelines and then her gaze moved right, straight into the wide, calculating smile on Professor Alana’s face who sat quite a few rows away. Keira didn’t like how the woman grinned at her or how her eyes flicked between Keira and Luka.

“Why’s your mother here?”

Luka followed her gaze and then stood up. “Oh. She and Tutu kane are taking me car shopping.” He patted his jacket pocket and grinned at her. “Unlike my twin, I was never into cars or buying old beaters to fix up. I’ve saved up for three years and am finally gonna get something sweet.” Luka nodded to his mother before he smiled at Keira. “Listen, you’re good for him and I hope he stays clean, but seriously, Keira, get your ass to the dorm and take some meds. Love or not, don’t get sick for him.”

Keira watched Luka move down the aisle and join his mother on the stairs before the woman waved him in front of her. She leveled one final smile that was wicked and threatening at Keira and the girl’s stomach coiled tight. Keira doubted it was the cold that had her stomach rumbling. There was a scheme in Professor Alana’s eyes that warned her the flu was the least of her worries.

His Wildcat was sick. He’d known that before he finished with camp and found her shivering in the stands, barely able to keep her head upright.

“Stubborn brat, why the hell did you stick around?”

Keira had only managed to blink at him, a weak, forced smile pulling her lips before she sneezed twice and Kona led her out of the stadium and back to her dorm. He’d skipped classes the next day to stay with her and then hauled her into the infirmary at noon, despite her pathetic fussing that she “didn’t need a damn doctor.”

Three days hopped up on amoxicillin and she had a little more color in her cheeks, but a low fever still lingered and the coughing was getting worse.

Kona nudged her awake, placing a glass of water on the bedside table as he opened the syrupy medicine bottle.