Thief (3 page)

I held up my hands in negation. “That's as
far
as I want to know,” I objected.

“That's just as well,” Bella smiled, “because it all became pretty blurry after that. Despite all appearances, I rarely let myself lose control like this. It was just one of those nights. I really can't explain it, and I really don't know what happened. I'm sorry. We should have known better. Anyway, thank you for looking after me.” She paused and blushed again. “Paul, when you saw me, did I look, you know….like,
undignified
or anything? Was I in a totally degrading position or something?”

“Bella, you looked fine. Very
sexy
, in fact,” I comforted her. “Stop obsessing about it.”

“I can’t
help
it,” she wailed. “I don’t want your mental image of me making you cringe every time you think of it. I’d hate to be remembered for a humiliating drunken pose.”

I grasped her by the shoulders. “Honey,” I said, “believe me, with you, there’s no such
thing
as a humiliating pose. You’re one hundred percent alluring no matter
how
you end up. I’m a
male
. I should know.”

She was still unconvinced, but smiled. “I
owe
you one,” she confirmed.

“No, you don’t,” I contradicted. “You don’t owe me anything. It was just something friends do for each other. There’s no obligation involved.”

Bella’s face mirrored her confusion. “Are you saying that I
don’t
owe you a favour?” she said, almost angrily. “I don’t
understand
you at all, Paul. Why aren’t you like
other
men? I know where I stand there. They give me money and I go to bed with them. Why aren’t
you
like that? Stop
confusing
me!” She turned away and stalked off in a huff. I watched her annoyed stride with mixed feelings. I could understand her bewilderment but I could foresee that her emotional instability was going to make my life somewhat more complicated. I sighed. Perhaps I shouldn’t be
too
gentlemanly. She obviously didn’t understand that a man could be interested in her just for herself, but I didn’t have it in me to abuse her dignity or to treat her merely as a sexual object. I’d have to wait and see if she could get her head around the notion that I wasn’t just after her for services rendered.

Chapter 5.

-
My
turn.

- Really?

- Yes.
Really
.

- I
suppose
so. What was with that
nurse’s
uniform, anyway?

- I don’t want to
talk
about it……. mainly because I don’t
remember
.

- I guess that makes sense.

- Get used to it. It’s the only explanation you’re ever going to get.

The drinking night was still a blur a week later. I had little idea of what I had done or whom I had done it
with
. It was all very embarrassing. I often prided myself on my self-control but I had lost it
big
time that night. Alcohol is a seductive manipulator. It sneaks up on you before you’re even aware of it. I was extremely annoyed with myself for my lapse and swore it would
never
happen again. Francine, Bella and Martina also felt the same and we entered a pact to keep an eye on each other in the future to prevent a further occurrence.

The one strange thing that came out of it all however, was the way that Martina kept peeking at me. She began taking furtive sideways glances at me whenever she thought I wasn’t looking. Of course, there’s nothing as obvious as someone trying
not
to let you notice that they’re looking at you. I wondered what she was doing. I studied myself in a mirror but everything appeared normal to me. I didn’t seem to have any ogle-worthy
new
features in place. Martina persisted in her strange behaviour until it started to become annoying. I mean, it’s nice to be admired, if
that’s
what it was, but it could easily become too
much
of a good thing. I decided to confront her and get to the bottom of the mystery.

I cornered her one day in the flat’s small kitchenette and questioned her bluntly. “Okay, Martina, what’s going on?”

“What do you
mean
?” she asked, guiltily.

“I mean, what’s with all the covert surveillance on me?”

“Kim, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she blustered.

“Martina, don’t play
games
,” I said, tiredly. “You’re making sheep eyes at me every time I come into the room. Come on now, what’s happening?”

She looked away desperately, as if seeking an avenue of verbal escape. “It’s nothing important,” she mumbled.

“What?” I said. “I didn’t hear you. Speak
up
.”

“I said it wasn’t
important
,” she answered in a louder voice.

“
What’s
not important?” I questioned.

“Nothing,” she muttered to herself.

“For heaven’s sake, Martina,” I scolded. “
Tell
me what’s going on!”

“All right,” she shouted. “I want to go to
bed
with you, okay? There, is
that
what you wanted to hear? Are you satisfied
now
?” Then she abruptly burst into tears.

To say I was startled would be the understatement of the year. I stared at her in amazement. Of all the things she could have said,
that
reply was the least expected. She sat on one of the kitchen chairs, pillowed her head in her arms and continued to cry. I didn’t know quite what to do or say. I sat beside her, put an arm around her shaking shoulders and pulled her over to me. She clung to me despairingly and buried her face in my shirt front. I stroked her hair and made soothing noises as she wept.

Finally, she pulled away and rubbed her eyes with her hand.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean for
any
of that to happen.”

“Martina, are you saying that you’re in
love
with me?”

“I guess so,” she responded in a defeated voice. “I didn’t
want
to be. It just happened. I don’t blame you for being angry.”

“Sweetie, I’m not
angry
,” I reassured her. “I’m just flabbergasted. I didn’t expect you to say anything like that. How did this
happen
?”

“I don’t know,” she replied, bewildered. “It just
did
. When I saw you without your clothes the other night, something just exploded inside me. Ever since then I can’t think of anything else but
you
. I can’t
sleep
. I can’t
eat
. Your
face
is always in front of me.” She grabbed at my shirt sleeves. “Kim, tell me what to
do
! I’m going
crazy
!” Tears trickled down her face once again. “What do I
do
?” she whispered in a broken voice.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Martina,” I informed her. “But surely you realize that this
isn’t
going to work out? Even if I
felt
something for you, you’re much too young for me. Be reasonable. I’m thir…… um…
twenty
seven… give or take a bit, and you must be, what….
eighteen
or something? You’re just a
child
.”

“I’m
not
a child!” she flared. “I’m twenty
three
years old and can make my
own
decisions! Stop treating me like a
baby
!”

“You’re twenty
three
?” I asked in amazement.

“Yes, I am,” she declared defiantly. “And considering what you were doing to me a few nights ago, you didn’t think I was too
young
for you
then
.”

My face flamed with mortification. “Martina, I was
drunk
! I didn’t know what I was doing.”

‘Yeah,
yeah
,” she said, scornfully. “There’s always
some
excuse.”

“Martina, I’m sorry for what happened. I can’t remember exactly what I
did but I presumably
took liberties with you that I never
should
have. I can’t apologise enough for that.”

“Hey,” she replied, “don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining
here. I
enjoyed
it. Even when you’re drunk as a skunk, you sure know how to
pleasure
someone.”

“Listen, Martina, I’m sorry if I upset you. I didn’t
mean
to, but you have to admit that it’s just not going to
happen
between us. I’m touched that you think that you love me but I have no feelings for you at all. Not in
that
way anyway. You’re a dear friend to me, but that’s all. I hope you understand.”

Her face fell. “I understand,” she said, despondently. “You’re
never
going to love me.” Then she sighed, looked at me longingly and asked, “Do you mind if I
pretend
that you do, you know,
care
for me just a little bit? It’ll help me get through the nights.”

I felt an overwhelming wave of sympathy for her. The worst pain of all is an unrequited love. “
Sure
you can, sweetheart,” I told her, enfolding her in a hug. “I know it’s hard to accept now, but this is just a
temporary
infatuation. It’ll go away in time and you’ll find a
real
love one day. One that will
last
.”

But I was so very
wrong
about that.

Chapter 6.

- Back to the Bella saga.

- Why not. The Martina saga can wait awhile.

- Why are love sagas so
complicated
?

- Human nature, I guess. We like to make emotions as difficult as possible for reasons I can’t comprehend.

- Yeah. Why can’t we just say: ‘
Do you want to
?’ ‘No!’ ‘Okay, see ya’? Or ‘
Do you want to
?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘
Great
!’

- Way too simple a method. We aren’t wired like that.

- You’re right. It’s a pity though. It’d get rid of a lot of frustrations and sleepless nights.

Bella apologised to me the next day. “I’m sorry about the other day, Paul,” she said, as soon as we met. “I was out of line. You were just being considerate of my feelings and I was caught off guard. Can you forgive me for being so grouchy?”

“There’s nothing to forgive, sweetheart,” I informed her. “I understand where you’re coming from.”

“There you go
again
,” she complained in irritation. “Why don’t you
yell
at me like the others? Why don’t you get angry and call me a ‘
stupid
whore
’ like
they
do? This is
exactly
what I mean! Why do you have to be so
different
?” Her eyes began to sparkle with tears of frustration.

I stared at her in bewilderment. Her mercurial mood shifts were becoming a little hard to follow. It was confusing, but somehow exhilarating at the same time.

“I’m different because I want to treat you as a fellow human being,” I explained slowly. “Bella, I care for you. I want to get to know you as a friend. I like you for who you are, not for what you
do
. Let me inside your defences. Then we’ll see where to go from there.”

She stared at me. I could virtually
see
her mind investigating my little speech for hidden meanings and innuendoes. She abruptly turned and began to stalk away, but suddenly whirled back to face me. “Are you trying to drive me
crazy
?!” she almost shrieked. “I had my place in the world all worked out and then you come along and throw everything into
chaos
! I was on the bottom rung of the ladder and
knew
I would never get any higher! Now I’ll have to start all over again!” Tears began to trickle down her cheeks. “
Why
are you doing this to me?” she whispered, forlornly.

I stepped towards her and took her hands. She half-heartedly tried to pull them away, but I held on. “I’m not
trying
to upset you, Bella, honestly. Please don’t turn me away. Let me be your friend. I promise I’ll try not to drive you
too
crazy.”

A small smile appeared through her tears.

“Promises,
promises
,” she murmured. “Nobody ever makes good on them. In
my
world anyway.” She straightened and looked into my eyes. “Very well, Paul, if you can put up with me then I suppose we can
try
to work things out. But you have to understand that I don’t have much experience of kindness and consideration being handed to me, so be prepared for a lot of confusion, suspicion and tantrums. And when I’m behaving like a lunatic, I want you to remember that this was all
your
idea.”

“I’ll take that risk,” I told her smilingly.

- Back to the Martina saga.

- What is it with you, anyway? Every woman you ever
meet
seems to fall in love with you.

- I know. It’s weird. And I end up falling for
them
too. I must be giving out a ‘
Here I am! Come and get me
!’ signal. And it’s not as if I deliberately choose women all the time, either. But I’m not proud. I’ll take love from
any
quarter when it appears. We all need some love in our lives, regardless of
where
it comes from.

If I thought that Martina would drift out of her obsession with me, I was sadly mistaken. If anything, her feelings appeared to
deepen
over the next few weeks. I could see the poor thing was really trying, but she couldn’t seem to make much headway. She took to avoiding me altogether, even to the stage of leaving the room whenever I walked in. I felt so sorry for her. She refused to talk to me and wouldn’t even
look
at me. It was as if she was trying to get over her fixation by totally ignoring my existence. I realised that this approach wasn’t going to work. The more you try
not
to think of something, the
more
it seems to intrude on your consciousness. It was time for another talk with her.

I grabbed her arm as she brushed past me. “Martina, we have to talk.”

“No, we
don’t
,” she contradicted, trying to pull herself free. She deliberately looked away from me.

I tightened my grip. “Yes, we
do
,” I told her. “Sweetie, you can’t go on like this.”

“Yes, I can,” she said. “If I don’t see you or talk to you, then I won’t
think
of you.”

“And is it
working
?” I softly asked.

She finally turned her head towards me and I saw the beginnings of tears in her eyes. “No,” she admitted in a subdued voice. “No, it’s
not
working. I think it’s making it worse. But what
else
can I do? I don’t want to make a nuisance of myself by always hanging around you.”

I shook my head and released her arm. “I’m sorry, Martina,” I said. “I can’t think of anything that will make it easier for you.” Then an outrageous idea began to form in my mind. Martina’s mania stemmed from her longing to have sex with me. But, because I
wouldn’t
, her enthralment was becoming more intense. What if I
did
take her to bed? Would
that
cure her desire? Once she obtained her dearest wish, would she then be satisfied? After all, attaining a goal often ended the craving for it. Or would that simply
increase
the emotional hunger? It was a fifty-fifty chance as to which way it would go. Although
one
thing was for sure. I couldn’t let things stand as they were. Something
had
to be done with this girl. I could tell she hadn’t been eating because she was badly underweight. She hadn’t been
sleeping
properly either. I could see the dark rings under her eyes, so I made a decision.

“Martina,” I said, taking her hands in mine, “I’d like to try something with you.”

“Like
what
?” she asked, dully.

“It’s a bit unorthodox,” I explained, “but I’m hoping it may help you.” I took a deep breath. “What if I was to let you sleep with me? Just for the
one
night.”

Her eyes widened in disbelief. “You’re
kidding
, right?” she exclaimed. “Why would you let me do that?” Then she turned away, crestfallen. “Oh, I
get
it. You’re
joking
. Well, I think it’s
mean
of you to make fun of my feelings, Kim.”

I turned her head back to face me. “I’m
not
kidding, honey,” I reassured her. “I think that this idea may cure you of your obsession with me. I’m really worried about you. The way you’re carrying on isn’t healthy on
any
level.”

Her eyes searched mine hopefully. “You’d
really
let me be with you for one night?
Wow
! I don’t know what to say!” She paused and asked in a baffled tone. “But how is
that
going to help me? Not that I’m complaining, mind,” she added hastily. “I’d
love
to be with you, but I don’t see what it’s going to achieve.”

“I’m hoping that finally getting what you want will dampen down your desire for it,” I explained.

“Well, I suppose,” Martina said, doubtfully. “I guess it’s possible. But what about
you
? I’m going to feel guilty about forcing you to do something you don’t want to do.”

I gave her a quick hug. “It’s not an imposition, sweetie, when you do something for a friend. And it’s not as if we’ll be doing something we haven’t done before, even if I can barely remember it.”

Martina giggled. “Yes, we were
both
a little under the weather that night,” she said.

“And for heaven’s sake, get some
food
into you,” I lectured. “You’re nothing but skin and bones.”

“I will,” she promised. “I’ve got a
reason
to eat now.” She scampered off to the kitchen, leaving me to hope that I was doing the right thing by her.