I raise my knees up to my chest and lower my head on them. Dan places his arm around me again, and I want so badly to push him away. But I don’t, it’s not his fault that Matt was bitten. It’s mine. And I hate myself for not protecting him.
“
If that’s true, then we have a big problem.” A new voice interrupts.
It’s Sam and he’s standing just inside the kitchen from the hallway. Both Dan and I look at him quickly, and I’m sure all three of us share the same horrified expression.
“
Oh my God, some of the others have bites.” I say.
“
But they haven’t started acting like Austin and Matt though.” Sam says as he comes to stand by us.
“
That could be because they aren’t hurt as bad.” Dan replies.
“
By that deduction, then I’d say Lucy would be next. She’s been pretty out of it, but she’s just as hurt as Austin was.” Sam says.
I let them talk back and forth I’m just having trouble wrapping my head around everything. It doesn’t seem possible that our friends could turn on us at any moment, let alone Lucy. But I reprimand myself, I should know better than anyone that it’s possible. Gabe walks into the room then, and holds up what I assume is the truck keys.
“
We can’t take them with us.” He says as soon as he’s close enough to us, so that he can say it quietly.
Dan and Sam both stop talking and just glare at him accusingly. Dan stands up, and looks like he’s about to argue with Gabe, but I cut him off.
“
He’s right. It’s only a matter of time before they turn like Matt did. We can’t risk them being in the truck with us.”
All three of them look at me, and I try not to flinch under they’re judging eyes. Only Gabe looks at me with understanding and maybe sympathy. I’m about to stand up, when the lights in the room go out.
Chapter Eighteen
I freeze halfway to my feet, when the room is plunged into darkness.
From the kitchen I can hear some of the others upstairs yell out in surprise. Something touches my left arm, and I yelp in alarm, but it’s just Dan. Gabe chuckles at everyone’s reaction to the lights. I can’t see Sam, but I can feel him moving closer to me. With the lights out, I can hear the dead outside more clearly. I know I can’t actually hear better, but it’s frightening to not be able to see them coming if they do.
Dan’s grip on my arm brings me back to myself.
“
We’re running out of time. Whatever the plan is, it should be now.” His voice sounds louder, without the whir of the air conditioner and fridge.
“
I hope you’re a good liar Dan, because we need an excuse to leave the others upstairs alone.” As my eyes adjust, I see him back up towards the garage. “I’m going to get some things to load the truck with. Get down here as fast as you guys can.”
Sam and I look to Dan, I guess hoping he’s know what to do next. But he just walks away towards the stairs, and we blindly follow behind. The closer we get to the living room, the cracking sound coming from the windows are much louder, and not just from one window anymore. I try to walk as quietly as I can, as if to not alert them.
When we reach the top of the stairs, a flickering light can be seen from Austin’s room. Dan no sooner has the door completely open, that Maria is running into his arms crying. I walk in behind them, and any conversation comes to a halt. I look down at myself and remember that I’m covered in blood. Sam walks around me, and comes into the room. As they all stare at me in confusion, I notice the light is from a couple candles around the room.
Good thing Austin was a weirdo.
Claire leaves Brian’s side and comes over to me slowly.
“
Maggie, what happened to you?”
“
Yeah, we thought we heard you screaming a little while ago?” Maria asks as she steps back from Dan to look at me.
“
Ugh, it was,”
“
Dog freaked out.” Dan interrupts, and glances at me briefly. I don’t know where he’s going with this, but I better play along, so I just nod.
“
Where’s Matt? Is he ok Maggie?” Claire asks.
I feel my cheeks go red, and I feel like my throat is closing up. I clear my throat and am about to have to leave the room, when Sam helps.
“
He’s alright, just got bite and some scratches. That’s where all the blood on her is from.” He nods in my direction, and I’m so grateful to him I could just run up and hug him.
I notice that Lucy is asleep on the bed again, and she looks even pale in the candle light. Peter is still by her side, but I can tell he’s very worried about her. Alex is perched up on the window seat now, and is giving us all looks of hatred.
“
I’ve been around that dog for years. He’d never hurt anyone, I think your full of shit. Where’s Gabe then?” Alex says.
“
He’s with Matt, trying to patch him up. I just came up for towels.” Sam says as he turns towards Emily, who’s been staying pretty close to Maria. “Speaking of which, Em, can you come and help me with Gabe his bedside manner kind of sucks.”
She glances around the room shyly, but nods in agreement. Without a look back at anyone, Sam walks out of the room with her behind him. Well, that’s one person that got away. I look down at myself again, and I know how to get my friends out of the room.
“
Hey Claire and Maria, do you guys mind helping me wash up?” I ask.
They both nod in agreement, and I’m relieved. I turn around to go, when Dan goes over to where Lucy is asleep.
“
How’s she doing Peter? We should change and clean her bandage up. Would that be alright?” he says.
“
I guess that would be alright, just don’t wake her. She’s been having nightmares all day, and only just finally settled down.”
Dan nods, and I can see the tension I his shoulders as he turns towards Brian.
“
Brian, could you go downstairs and get some water in a big bowel?”
Brian nods in agreement, and as he passes us through the door he pauses to give Claire a kiss before leaving. Now we all have a good excuse, I just hope Dan doesn’t stick around in there too long. Lucy isn’t looking to well, who knows when she’s turn. I quickly follow Brian out of the room and we make our way to the bathroom down the hall.
As soon as the door closes behind me, Claire is already asking again if Matt is really alright. Maria agrees saying I don’t look very well for someone whose boyfriend is fine. I sigh heavily and without turning around I tell them the truth. They are silent the entire time I explain what happened, how Matt turned and attacked me, where I killed him, and how the others are bitten like him. I also tell them about the truck, and how we’re leaving as soon as we go downstairs.
When I’m done, my heart is racing and I feel myself shacking again.
Claire comes up behind me, and hugs me tightly. I have to force myself not to cry, but I feel better with her knowing now. I can hear Maria crying softly behind me, and I know I’m going to breakdown and I don’t want them to see. So I step away from Claire and wrap my arms around my middle.
“
You guys should go downstairs and get ready to go. I just want to rise off real quick, and then I’ll be right behind you.” I say.
They hesitate for the briefest of moments, but I can tell by the look Claire is giving me, that she knows why I want them to leave.
When they leave I feel as though I’ve been holding my breath, and now I can let it go. I walk away from the door, and step up to the sink. I lift my blood covered hands and place them on the sink. I grip the edge, and feel the cold porcelain anchoring me. I squeeze until my hands turn white under the blood, and they start to tingle. Shanking I slowly lift my eyes to the mirror. I gasp at what I see. The girl in the reflection is someone I’ve never seen before. Her face is too pale, and eye’s too large. Her hair is unbound and lifeless beside her cheeks, and blood flecks travel down her neck. I’m startled to realize, that this is me. This is me, Maggie, the killer. I feel like a shell of a girl who has lost it all, and is somehow still alive. I can feel my bones shaking and my whole being feels as if it’s breaking.
My heart aches in a way I never knew it could.
Oh, God. I killed Matt.
I killed the boy who was my first kiss. I killed the only person I let touch me in places no stranger can. I killed my best friend, my love. I stare at this murderer before me, and I hate her. I see tears falling out of my eyes, and I can feel the sobs building inside trying to come out. All I want is to let them out, be consumed by them. I feel too full of sadness and I need release. But I can’t. There is no time, no time to mourn. If I let the grief come, I know I’d never be whole again.
I hate myself, but I have to be strong.
I release my hold on the sink, and I glare at the girl in the mirror. I transfer my pain, to anger. I make a promise to myself, when things are different, I’ll make this stranger go away. One day I’ll see myself again in my reflection. But for now, I’ll hold onto my anger toward her. I’ll let it carry me forward.
Drawing a deep breath, I turn on the faucet and rinse my hands. I say goodbye to Mathew as his blood washes from my skin. I bask in memories of him, as I scrub clean my face and arms. I scrub until the scabs that were beginning to form reopen and my blood washes away along with Matts. I stare into the sink until all the blood is gone and the water is clear. Slowly, I reach and turn off the water. I lift my eyes one last time, and there are tears still flowing silently down my cheeks. I raise my clean hands, and dry my cheeks.
I force myself to walk away.
Chapter Nineteen
As I make my way to the top of the stairs, I can hear Daniel talking to Alex and Peter in the bedroom. Hoping he’s not regretting the decision to leave them, I walk down the stairs. The closer I get to the bottom, the more piercing the dead outside become. I slow my steps, almost afraid they are right beside me.
Just as I step off the last step and turn towards the kitchen, I smack into a body.
I squeak and jump back, but hands grab my arms to still me. Flustered, I look up and it’s Brian. He looks just as nerved up as I am.
“
Holy crap, you scared the bejesus out of me.” I pant.
He snickers, “Back at you.” He almost turns to go up the stairs, but stops and gives me a sad look. I know what he’s going to say before he does.
“
I’m really sorry about Matt. Claire’s worried about you, but I can tell you’re a fighter.” He gives me a slight smile.
“
Thank you Brian, that means a lot. Make sure you and Dan hurry, okay? This whole thing is bad news.”
“
Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to Dan. And before you know it, we’ll be outta here.”
He turns then and jogs up the stairs, and I suddenly see what Claire likes about him. He’s perfect for her. Sighing, I make my way into the kitchen. Everyone is in here, packing or sorting something. They all stop and stare at me as soon as I walk in, so I freeze in place. They all know about Matt now, and our plan to leave the others. Do they think bad of me, that I’m a monster? Do they see the killer that I saw in the mirror? I cringe under they’re scrutiny, and the reflex to walk out of the room runs high. But, then I really look around at everyone and they aren’t giving me horrible looks. They are looking at me with pride and aw.
I don’t think I really deserve that, and almost prefer looks of terror.
Maria, Claire, Sam, and Emily are all standing around the island putting canned food into shopping bags. Gabe is at the sink, and is filling up some empty water bottles. I see something leaning by the counter next to him. So I walk over to where he’s standing, and while looking at him I lean down and pick it up. It doesn’t feel heavy in my hands as it first did earlier. No, this time it feels safe and I feel strong gripping it. I notice that it’s been wiped clean, and I’m relieved. Carrying the ax loosely, I step up to the others at the counter.
“
Sorry it took me so long. Can I help with anything?” I say.
They all offer me little smiles and go back to what they were doing. Beside me, Claire gives me a short hug. Gabe walks up behind us, holding a backpack, which I assume is now full of water bottles.
“
We’re just about done, right guys. But, we should start loading the truck though. Dan will be down soon.” Gabe says.
Everyone reaches for a bag or two, and I’m about to reach for one myself, when I hear the sound of glass breaking in the living room. I instantly go still, and chills go down my spine. The scrapping and banging from earlier is now replaced with feet shuffling over glass, and furniture tipping over.
I can hear the moans of the dead getting closer.
“
Grab what you can, and get to the truck now!” Gabe yells.
My eye’s lock with Maria whose standing across from me and my first thought is Dan and Brian. Even with the dead getting closer, I can’t leave him behind. I won’t run away this time, I refuse to lose my brother too. The bags forgotten, I grip the ax and raise it high as I run out of the kitchen towards the stairs. I hear Gabe and Claire yell for me to come back, but I ignore them. And I pray they don’t leave us behind in the truck.
I’m about to pass by the living room and to the stairs, when what I see makes me pause. Two of the front windows have been completely smashed in, and apparently our attempts to block them worked a little. The dead are pushing into the windows but are having trouble getting around the furniture as a group.