They Hanged My Saintly Billy (30 page)

Billy
explained
that,
in
the
first
place,
he
gained
more
flavour
by so
doing
and,
in
the
second,
he
found
the
practice
less
intoxicating. "Why
not
try
it?"
Billy
asked.
I
did
so,
and
certainly
the
flavour was
fuller;
but
by
Heaven!
how
sick
the
drink
made
me!
I
put my
gripings
down
to
the
shellfish
we
had
eaten—one
should never
eat
shellfish
in
the
Midlands,
especially
during
August—and, still
feeling
pretty
queer
the
next
day,
I
told
him:
"Billy,
I'm
not seeing
out
the
race
tomorrow;
I'm
for
home."
"Nonsense,"
said he,
"you
can't
miss
all
the
fun.
I'll
give
you
some
pills
that
will
set you
right."
Remembering
Hodgy's
warning,
I
replied:
"No, I'm
off."
However,
he
persuaded
me
to
stay
(for,
indeed,
I
wasn't fit
for
a
ride
in
the
train)
by
saying:
"If
you
like,
I'll
get
a
second opinion
for
you.
There's
another
doctor
in
this
hotel."
He
went out
and
fetched
a
person
named
Thirlby
.
.
.'

'His
own
assistant,
ha!'
exclaimed
the
Attorney-General.

'
So
I
understand
now,'
agreed
Swindell,
'though
I
didn't
know it
at
the
time;
and
the
man's
not
a
qualified
doctor,
but
a
mere country
chemist.
Thirlby
advised
me
against
travelling,
for
my bowels
were
turned
to
water,
as
the
Psalmist
says,
and
it
would have
been
an
awkward
journey."
Dr
Palmer
is
treating
you
admirably,"
Thirlby
assured
me,
when
told
what
the
pills
contained. "You
couldn't
be
in
better
hands."
'

'I
wonder
how
much
Thirlby
knows?'
the
Attorney-General ruminated.

'On
Monday,'
Swindell
went
on,
'I
was
no
better,
but
weak, very
weak,
and
my
mind
had
clouded
over,
though
I
foolishly continued
to
swallow
Billy's
pills.
That
was
Handicap
day.
Of the
nine
starters,
Musician
and
Pastrycook
were
the
most
fancied, but
the
odds
had
shortened
on
Doubt—she
started
at
five
to one.
Neither
Musician
nor
your
own
fancy,
Sir,
gained
a
place, although
Montagu
seemed
like
a
winner
until
Sharpe,
who
was
at his
best
that
season,
pulled
Doubt
ahead
to
finish
in
the
lead
by half
a
length.
Well,
The
Swan
Hotel
stands
close
to
the
course, and
the
crowd
was
roaring
like
a
stormy
sea
off
Dover;
yet
how could
I
bring
myself
to
care
what
beast
won
or
lost?
It
hadn't occurred
to
me,
do
you
see,
that
if
Doubt
came
in
first,
which (not
to
pun
upon
her
name)
was
far
from
certain,
Billy
Palmer stood
to
make
three
thousand
five
hundred
pounds,
as
well
as securing
the
stakes;
but
that
he
was
protecting
himself
against
the danger
of
losing
his
five
hundred
pounds
by
doctoring
me
to death—for
every
fool
knows
that
"death
before
settling
day
voids the
wager".
Thanks
be
to
the
Almighty,
despite
Billy's
having jeopardized
my
existence
by
his
damned
poisons,
all
was
well. Doubt
ran
for
my
life,
and
brought
it
off!
If
I
were
to
die,
Billy would
lose
the
three
thousand
five
hundred
pounds
I
owed
him, so
he
hared
back
from
the
course,
not
troubling
to
acknowledge the
congratulations
of
his
supporters,
and
burst
like
a
whirlwind into
my
bedroom.
In
the
twinkling
of
an
eye
he
and
Thirlby
had me
out
of
bed
before
a
big
fire,
and
began
rubbing
the
calves
of my
legs.
Then
they
poured
some
exceedingly
hot
soup
into
me, and
within
a
couple
of
hours
I
felt
somewhat
recovered,
but
weak as
a
newborn
pup.
It
was
a
narrow
shave,
a
near
tiling,
a
deuced near
th
ing!'

'Fred,'
said
the
Attorney-General,
'I
can't
understand
how
you ever
had
the
heart
to
do
business
with
Palmer
again!
But
I'm sure
to
hang
him—sure!'

'Oh,
go
easy
with
him,'
said
Hodgman,
grinning.
'He
was only
giving
Fred
a
little
purge
to
reduce
his
weight.
Fred
could well
afford
to
lose
a
couple
of
stone.'

'Easy?'
cried
the
Attorney-General,
'yes,
I'll
go
easy,
by
God! You
mark
my
words,
I'll
hang
him
for
that!
I
don't
think
poor Cook
is
much
loss
to
the
world,
but
if
my
Fred
had
perished untimely,
where
should
I
be?'

Though
not
believing
Swindell's
story
to
be
wholly
fictitious, we
cannot
rule
out
his
prejudice
against
Dr
Palmer.
In
our opinion,
tainted
shellfish
are
just
as
likely
as
not
to
have
caused Swindell's
stomachic
disorder;
nor
was
Swindell
ever
above improving
a
story
beyond
all
recognition.
The
symptoms
reported by
him
were
vague
enough;
the
remedy
said
to
have
been
prescribed
is
more
dramatic
than
plausible—how
came
a
large
fire
in his
room
at
the
very
height
of
summer?—and
if
Dr
Palmer
drank a
couple
or
more
tumblers
of
brandy
and
water
at
a
gulp,
he
was never
seen
to
do
so
before
or
since.
Moreover,
his
supposed
gains at
Wolverhampton
do
not
correspond
with
what
is
known
of
his financial
position
a
week
later.
Nor
do
we
believe
that
he
ever purposely
dosed
a
man
to
death:
the
Abley
case
having
been,
in our
opinion,
a
pure
mischance.