There Once Were Stars (17 page)

“If you start kissing it, I’m going to have to intervene.”

I burst into laughter. I must look ridiculous smelling the trees. She has become a good friend this last bit. I decide to share something personal with her.

“When I was nine, the Order came to my grandparents’ home where I was staying while my parents were on an expedition. The Order came to advise us my parents died while outside the dome.”

“Right. Your parents are the Greyes Scientists. They pushed for the Expedition program to start up, you know. You should be proud.”

“I didn’t know that. There was so much I didn’t know. I was only nine. I was devastated when I heard the news. I ran as far as I could and as long as my legs would carry me. When I stopped I found myself at the edges of the Outer Forest in a little clearing. For the last nine years I’ve visited that clearing nearly every day.”

“You never got caught?” Tassie’s eyes widen in awe.

“I was lucky. I miss that clearing. These trees, this forest, they’re all a reminder of that first taste of freedom I found inside the dome.”

“You sound like a true adventurer.”

“Like those in the stories they used to let us read when we were kids. Imagine, the entire generation after us will never get to read
fiction
. Why does the Order have to take away everything that’s good?”

“Be careful,” Tassie smiles, “you’re starting to sound like a rebel.”

I pull a leaf from the tree and toss it at Tassie. It flutters limp in the air and lands between us.

“Hey, be careful!” she shouts. “That’s a perfectly good specimen!”

We spend the next bit collecting samples of grass, bark, moss, and soil, which Tassie tells me also carries vegetation. I am so consumed by finding new things that I don’t notice a group of worms attached to the roots of a plant until one reaches out and grazes my wrist.

“Ah!” I scream and drop the plant. “It’s alive!”

Tassie runs over and grabs the plant without fear. She holds it between us and shakes the worms from the roots. “Unbelievable! I mean, I knew life had to survive, right? Otherwise how would we have all this?” She waves her arms around. “The worms make the soil rich for the vegetation to grow. And you know the meadow you told me about, well there has to be bees that survived as well, otherwise how would it get pollenated.”

“I can’t believe it,” I say. “I thought nothing lived out here.”

“What do you two call me, then?” Evan’s voice comes from behind us. We both scream in surprise and Tassie drops the plant. I bend over to pick it up and notice the worms have already half buried themselves back in the soil.

“There are more, you know,” Evan explains. “I’ve seen some other birds, some gophers, and even a rabbit.”

“Good for you.” I turn away.

“How did they survive?” Tassie ignores me.

Evan shakes his head. “They didn’t. Some domes took them in. They’ve been released over the last decade with the hope of repopulating the world.”

“Wow, isn’t that cool, Nat?” I don’t reply. Tassie clears her throat. “I think I’ve gotten enough samples. I’m going to head back to the river. You two need to fix whatever it is that’s going on.” She turns and heads back toward the river.

“I’m coming back with you.” I start to follow her.

“Wait.” Evan grabs my wrist. “I think Tassie’s right. We need to clear the air.”

His touch is so faint yet distinct. It sends a flutter to my stomach, which makes me nervous. Nervous, but still angry. I watch Tassie walk away, wishing I could leave with her. When she’s out of earshot, I turn toward Evan.

“Why do you have to say terrible things about me?” I ask. “It’s one thing to tell me I use people, when it was just you and me. But to call me
cold
in front of everyone, what are you trying to prove? Do you need everyone to know you hate me?”

“Hate you?” Hurt crosses Evan’s eyes. “Is that what you think?”

“I get it.” I pull my hand out of his. I look longingly toward Tassie but she’s already halfway across the field. “People have felt responsible for me ever since my parents died. I’m used to it, okay? I let my childish feelings get in the way and I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I understand you’re here to do a job, but I don’t need you to make me feel like an idiot in the process. I won’t get in your way, I promise. Just leave me alone.”

I ramble on and on, unable to stop. Evan looks at me with a half-smirk, which makes me more furious. He grabs for my hand, taking a step toward me, and I stumble back until I push up against the rough bark of the tree behind me. I stare at him, waiting for an explanation, fighting the urge to run as my heart beats so fast it burns in my chest. The warmth of his hand holding mine spreads up my arm to my face, stinging my cheeks.

“I don’t hate you, Greyes.”

“Why did you say those things, then?”

“I do stupid things when I’m confused.”

“Why are you confused?”

He stares at me, looking from my eyes down to my lips and up again. He is inches from my face, and I can’t stop myself. I lean toward him.

“I can’t.” He turns away from me, his face scrunching up as if in pain.

I look away. Tears fill my eyes. I step away from the tree, letting go of his hand, severing the last of our connection. Rejection cuts like a knife in my chest.

He steps after me, then stops and throws his hands up in the air. “I want to, but—I’m sorry. It’s so hard not to kiss you. I wish—I didn’t have to—what I’m trying to say is—” He stumbles over his words but all I hear is
sorry
and
I wish I didn’t have to
. Yet again, I’ve made myself look like a fool. I leave the tree and start walking away.

“Nat, wait.”

But it’s too late to save my pride. I break into a run. I cannot bear to look at him. My feelings erupt. I feel like a child again, sitting in the movie theater being hushed by my friends, or being stared at by the adults on the street as we giggle and laugh. I can’t even read other people’s feelings for me. Jak wants me, but I don’t want him. Evan doesn’t want me, yet I keep pursuing him, and I don’t even know if I want that.

When I reach the river, I see I’m a little off in my direction. I can’t see the trucks or the rest of the group, but I do see Cardinal a few yards away. I need some time to regain my composure before she sees me like this, a crying mess. She’s downstream, wading where the shore slopes up to the bank. It reminds me that I am out here to work, too. There’s no time for foolish feelings or playing around. I wipe my face and make my way over to see what she’s doing.

Cardinal holds up some rocks for me to see when I get close. I don’t see the importance; they look like plain old rocks to me. “You remind me of my uncle.”

“Alec?”

“You knew him?”

“We worked in Geology together.”

She doesn’t offer anything more, and I don’t ask. I’ve gotten used to Cardinal’s flat responses. I kick off my shoes and wade into the water to get a better look. The cool sensation of the river rushes past my bare legs and I struggle to keep my footing on the slippery rocks.

“How can you stand in here like that? It’s freezing.” My teeth begin to chatter as the cold climbs up my legs.

“Check these out, Greyes.” She passes me the slime-covered rocks. “There are algae on these rocks.” I shrug. “It shows that life has come back everywhere, outside. She passes me a small jar she holds in her other hand. I peer inside and see tiny little fish swimming in it. “Minnows!” Cardinal exclaims. “Can you believe it? Real, live fish. It’s extraordinary.”

I can’t help but smile, despite my misery. Cardinal was so cold when we first met that I pretty much avoided her every day in the lab. Now I see a side of her I like—a side I can relate to. Everyone shows their true colors when they have a passion.

I hand Cardinal back her prize. “Where’s the rest of the group?”

“Follow the river. You’ll come across the trucks and a small camp they set up. Waldorf brought out a surprise. You’ll hear it before you see it.”

I wade out of the water and grab my shoes from the shore and carry them with me. After a few minutes, the trucks come in to view. I also notice something unfamiliar in the air—music. I run toward the camp to see what Waldorf brought.

The first person I see is Evan. Not only did he beat me back to camp, but he has his arms around Tassie, and they’re dancing. Jealousy rips through my chest, leaving pain in its wake. It lands in the pit of my stomach where it burns a hole. I freeze, about to turn the other way. But then I’m spotted.

“Look, Greyes,” Waldorf exclaims. “I brought this old music player and got it to work. It was quite simple, actually—”

Evan and Tassie are laughing as he spins her around once, and then pulls her close. She lays her head against his chest and anger wildly rears itself inside me. Obviously Evan couldn’t kiss me because he has feelings for someone else. If he’d only told me earlier, I wouldn’t have looked so stupid. I look back at Waldorf, realizing he is still talking to me.

“—so it’s something we could set up for the residents to use. Wouldn’t that be great? They could have a large music hall for dances and gatherings.” Waldorf beams at me from behind his thick glasses.

I throw my arms around him, grateful for his ideas. I wonder if this excitement was similar to what he experienced while on expeditions with my parents. “That’s amazing. People need more joy, and less pressure. You’ll be doing a great thing if you can get this approved.”

He stands there beaming in all his glory. “You inspired me, searching for your mother’s things. I paid a visit at the Hall of Records this week, searching for this item specifically for our trip today.”

“You were at the Hall of Records and didn’t tell me?”

“Would you like to dance?” Roe interrupts us, holding a hand out to Waldorf. He pushes his glasses back up on his nose, and straightens his scarf before taking her hand. Soon everyone joins in together. Tassie breaks away from the group and pulls me out to dance with her. Even in my jealousy I can’t be mad at her. It’s not her fault if Evan likes her.

Cardinal returns with her samples, and we break for lunch. Evan tries to sit next to me, but I move when I see him coming, letting him be alone with Tassie. The rest of the afternoon goes well. Waldorf, Roe, and Evan review maps after lunch, and disappear for a few hours, allowing me a break from having to face Evan. I offer to help Cardinal, the Richards, and Tassie, with the rest of their sample collecting. It’s monotonous work, but I learn a lot about the plants around us, and their usefulness.

“Take this one,” Mr. Richards holds up a pink-flowered plant, “this is a
Hedysarum alpinum.
Its root is very nutritious but its seeds can have a paralytic effect if eaten in large doses. Dangerous, yet beautiful. There’s so much we can learn about plants. Why, one could live in the wild with the proper knowledge under his or her belt.”

Mrs. Richards smiles and joins the conversation. “My husband, the dreamer. He thinks we should be pioneers, offering to create the first settlement outside the dome.”

“This land is untouched.” Mr. Richards spreads out his arms. “There’s so much the science departments could learn out here in an uncontrolled environment.”

We get everything tagged, bagged, and sorted. There are lots of boxes of samples this time. No one will be able to ride in the back of the trucks on the way home.

Roe returns shortly after we are finished, and announces, “Time to pack up camp, everyone. Today was a success. Let’s get these treasures back to Floor 18 so we can get them processed. Can someone please help the botanist? She’s gathered enough samples for a lifetime.”

“Hey.” Tassie smiles. “I have an entire department eagerly waiting for my return. We need new challenges.”

“Let me help you.” I watch as Evan grabs one of Tassie’s large boxes.

My body tenses up again. I pack up some of the belongings we brought with us, to keep myself busy. When I’m done, I grab one to carry to the truck.

“Can I help you?” Evan’s voice startles me. He reaches for my hand, hidden behind the box.

I step back. “No. I don’t need your help. I’m sure you and Tassie can find more things to do together.” I walk away feeling a brief moment of self-satisfaction as I put my things in the back of the truck. Then, I notice Evan holding the door open for Tassie to climb in. I immediately regret my reaction. He looks over and catches me staring. I try to force a smile, but he looks away, and climbs in the truck after Tassie. I join Cardinal and the Richards again for the ride back.

After we return and deliver our samples to Floor 18, we are freed to grab a late supper. “Take the evening off, people,” Roe calls out. “Go have some fun.”

I pass Evan and his stare burns against my back. I push ahead of the others, making sure I get to the elevators before he does. Even if it is for one floor, I don’t want to be in a confined space with him. I’m afraid of what stupid thing I might say next.

I get to my room, and find Jak waiting in the hallway for me. He’s dressed in an expensive-looking suit, holds a bouquet of flowers, and is smiling, until he sees the confusion on my face. “You forgot,” he says, handing me the bouquet.

Suit. Flowers. Oh, no! “Your night!” I cry out. “Jak! I’m sorry. I’ve been caught up in preparing for this last expedition. Give me twenty minutes to clean up.”

“Alright,” he grumbles. “I’ll be waiting out here for you.” I grab the bouquet and go up on my tiptoes, kissing him on the cheek. I toss the flowers on my desk inside my room, and run to the showers to get cleaned up.

When I get out of the showers, Jak is gone and Tassie is in our room. She sees my anxiety. “I forgot about Jak’s initiation night,” I spout out, as I stand in my towel.

“He’ll be right back,” she explains. “He ran to get something.”

“I completely forgot. What will I wear?”

“Here …” She jumps up and goes to her closet, flipping through her outfits. She grabs a shimmering dress, made of silvery cotton. “It’s perfect.”

She helps me slip into the dress, which casts reflections around the room from the fluorescent lights above. I stare at myself in the mirror, trying to brush my unruly dark waves.