Therapy (33 page)

“This is going to take a while, so make yourself comfortable,” Kingsley says with a promising grin.

I grip the comforter and try to breathe. He studies me intently as he traces his finger from my waist up to the top button of my flannel shirt. Ever so slowly, he unbuttons it, never taking his eyes off mine. My gut instinct is to look away, to avoid vulnerability.

As if he read my thoughts, Kingsley lightly grazes my jaw with the back of his finger. “Trust me, Jessica.” And just like that, I do.

“I trust you,” I promise as I look into his loving eyes, falling deeper and harder than I ever thought possible. His deft fingers undo my last button and separate the shirt, revealing my taut nipples beneath the thin material of my bra. I tremble as I lie here with my heart and soul fully exposed to Kingsley. He studies my body reverently, and the desire in his eyes robs me of any doubts I may have had. I know that he wants me just as much as I want him. His fingers trace down my sensitive skin to the button on my jeans, easily unfastening it and sliding them and my panties down together as he kneels to remove my shoes. I hear them drop to the floor before he removes my pants completely. Cool air from the open window makes me shiver as my body adjusts to being bare. Pulling my body closer to the edge of the bed, he kneels between my legs, gently pushing my thighs apart with his bare shoulders.

“You’re so beautiful, Jess. I can’t wait to taste you.” My stomach tenses at his words and the fire already burning deep within me grows even hotter. I feel his lips on me and look down to find him still looking right at me. “I want you to watch me,” he says as he lays another kiss on my sensitive skin.

Dear God, my body craves him. The intimacy of this experience is so unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s so personal, so intense, so...Kingsley. His hands slide up my legs and my body completely comes alive under his touch. All of my rough edges unfold and soften for him. Feelings of vulnerability and embarrassment tug at my consciousness as he looks at my scars, but his expression never changes. His eyes still tell a story of love and wanting. He leans down, placing one chaste kiss just above my pelvis, and then traces his nose lower. His eyes briefly close and then reopen as his tongue meets the warmth between my legs. He slides his hands up under my bottom and shifts my hips up to meet him. I release a shuddering breath, squeeze my eyes closed as I grip the comforter harder, and wrap my legs around him while he makes love to me with his mouth. I feel one hand move and then two fingers slide inside me.

“You’re so wet, and you taste so damn good. I could do just this all night and be a happy man,” he whispers against my sensitive skin. His fingers curl up and I whimper as they go deeper, reaching that spot. His tongue circles my small bundle of nerves while he pleasures me with his fingers. It feels incredible, too incredible, and I can feel myself reaching a precipice. My insides tighten around his fingers and my breathing is becomes erratic as my body winds tighter. Each of his strokes builds me up higher and higher until coherent thoughts are no longer within my reach.

“Jesus,” he mutters. “You’re so beautiful. You’re killing me.” The heat increases and I can’t hold back. I’m going to come undone if he doesn’t hurry up and give me more. I arch my hips up, practically begging for release. “Open your eyes,” he demands. “I want to watch you fall apart for me. I want to look into your eyes when I make you come.”

As if small weights are sitting on each lid, I struggle to meet his demand, inhaling deeply as I do. Our eyes meet as his fingers work me just right and his tongue abrades me, consuming me slowly, deliberately. Intense pleasure flows through me, igniting my body until nothing seems to exist but the feel of his presence in my universe. I’m not finished; I need more. I want him, all of him.

I push my head back into the bed as need runs through me. My mouth falls open and I moan loudly. “Kingsley, oh God...” He continues to stoke my flame into an inferno and I reach out for more, weaving my hands through his hair, gripping his locks tightly between my fingers. I’ve lost all semblance of control as I writhe before him. I’m his, oh God, am I ever.

“Look at me, Jessica. There is so much more to give you, but I’m not going to until you look at me,” he orders. I snap my eyes open and bite into my lower lip. Just as our eyes reconnect, he brushes that spot with his tongue and curls his fingers up harder. Pleasure rips through me, surging hard down the center of my body, so hard it’s almost painful. He doesn’t let up, but catches me at my peak, bringing me even higher into a whole new realm of ecstasy. Crying out, I clench my fingers tighter in his hair, writhing against his face. Bliss crashes over my body in waves, easing away slowly, leaving me boneless and sated. I lie here panting, smelling the arousal in the air. My vision begins to come back into focus and I see Kingsley; he’s smiling affectionately.

“Watching you come has got to be the most erotic thing I’ve ever experienced,” he says in a low gravelly voice.

I exhale, trying to formulate a response, but the words won’t come. My brain is on overdrive and I can’t even speak. He rises up from his knees and hooks his thumbs under the waistband of his boxers, letting them soundlessly drop to the floor. My mouth waters at the sight of him. Kingsley’s everything a girl could want and then some. Good God almighty! He climbs onto the bed from the bottom, sliding up my body. His skin sets small fires to mine every time we touch. We make our way to the top of the mattress, and my shirt and bra are removed quickly before he rests my head on the pillows. He brushes a strand of hair away from my face and then leans down, kissing me once on the forehead. That simple gesture represents everything that I know and love about this man. So much love.

“You’re perfect. I can’t believe you’re here, with me, all mine.” Ed Sheeran’s voice sings “Kiss Me” as Kingsley lowers his body onto mine. For this moment in time we are stitched together, two hearts becoming one. He spreads my thighs wide with his knee and I feel him at my entrance, testing my desire. Just this light touch ratchets up my need for this amazing man, and my body zings with electricity as it readies for all of him.

“I love you, Jessica Alexander,” he says, just before pushing into me. Any hope of responding is gone with his first movement. His hands find their way to mine and he intertwines our fingers, stretching our arms up above us. He pushes in farther, going deeper than I’m ready for, and a moan escapes my throat. He catches my lips with his, loving me with his eyes, his mouth, his body. He kisses me softly and loves me hard and slow. He moves passionately, with purpose, finding a smooth rhythm that feels like it may ultimately destroy me.

“Oh my God, Kingsley...” My fingernails dig into his hands and he holds me tightly. Sweat covers our bodies as we slide against one another, hips thrusting, meeting each other move for move. He groans against my neck and makes love to me in a way that’s unique to him. I can feel the pleasurable sensations returning as I tense around him.

“Damn, you feel so good, Jessica. I just want to melt into you,” he breathes. “I never want to leave your body. Tell me you’re mine. Tell me I’m your guy; be my girl, Jessica. Let me love you every day, every minute, the way you deserve to be loved.” Looking into the depths of his dark, ocean-blue eyes, I realize it’s not just a statement in the heat of the moment. It’s a promise, a plea.

“Yes, Kingsley, yes.” I kiss him as tears fill my eyes. “I’m your girl, Kingsley, only yours.” Every wall begins to fall, crashing down around me. Fears, pain, regret, lies, truths, hate, and the past break away and in their place is love, only love. His lips crush mine and he pushes into me as far as my body will allow. Time stands still as our bodies move together in perfect unison, like the winds move the waves of the sea. Our tongues caress one another, making silent promises with every touch. His taste, his scent, his words, they’re mine—meant for me to hold on to. My heart swells with a feeling of love like I’ve never known before. I close my eyes and bright colors explode beneath the blackness of my lids as his name spills from my lips.

“Kingsley—”

“Let it all go, darlin’. Give it all to me. Just let go,” he demands, and I do. A current runs through me as I undulate, pressing my body closer to his, holding him closer to me. The edge is so close; he’s bringing me to it, whispering unintelligible words in my ear, loving me, guiding me, protecting me. I soar over it, losing myself in him, losing myself in his love. He thrusts hard one last time and I feel the full weight of his body upon me as he finds his release. We lose ourselves in the beauty of the moment and lie here together, unmoving.

“Here’s a drink,” he says as he walks back into the room and hands me some ice water. My skin in flushed and my body is liquid.

“Thank you. I am thirsty,” I say with a wink.

I notice he’s brought his guitar in with him. Between that and the white boxers he’s wearing, he’s a beautiful sight to behold. He really does take amazing care of his body. It’s such a contradiction to the way he dresses and portrays himself. His hair is going in ten different directions and I love it.

“What’s the guitar for? Are you going to play for me while I fall asleep in a lovemaking coma?”

A lazy smile crosses his face and he sits on the edge of the bed next to me. “Something like that,” he says cockily while scooting closer to me. I lay my head down and position myself so I can see him play.

“I haven’t quite mastered this one yet. I just discovered this band last week on Spotify. I’ve been working on an acoustic cover of a song they do that reminds me of you.”

He turns his head slightly toward me and gives me a sweet-as-sugar smile. He’s so good; too good, really. He makes me feel whole and I haven’t felt that way in so very long.

“Okay, here it goes. It’s called “Bird With Broken Wings” by The Tyler Lenius Band. Don’t laugh at my singing, either.”

“I’m sure you sing just fine, Kingsley. I won’t laugh, I promise.”

He begins to play and the sound of his acoustic guitar fills the room. Watching him play, listening to the music while all wrapped up in his sheets after making love is some kind of beautiful. After a few chords, he begins to sing and my heart literally stops for a moment. He acted like he was a terrible singer, but his voice is unreal. It’s raspy, raw and passionate. Hearing it now reminds me of the first time we met after group all those weeks ago. He glances over at me as he sings the lyrics. Every part of me is focused on every syllable.

You melt my heart

With one single kiss

If there’s such thing as true love, it’s this

And my whole world stops when you smile

Won’t you be my babe for a while?

Without her I’m like a bird, with broken wings

Able to dream, but not to fly

So I spread my wings

And make wishes to the sky

That someday she’d be mine

That she’d be mine

My body tingles every time I feel your lips

When I’m holding you, I feel sparklers on my fingertips

This girl’s gonna change my world

Oh, this changes everything

Without her I’m like a bird, with broken wings

Able to dream, but not to fly

So I spread my wings

And make wishes to the sky

That someday this girl would be mine

Without her I’m like a bird (like a bird, like a bird), with broken wings

Able to dream, but not to fly

So I spread my wings

And make wishes to the sky

That someday she’d be mine

The final chord of the song ends and he sets the guitar on the floor, propping it up against the bed before turning to me.

“Did you like it?”

I pull the sheets up against my bare chest as I sit up.

“Are you kidding me? Did I like it? I loved it, Kingsley! It was beautiful and perfect and incredible. I can’t believe, for the life of me, that you think you can’t sing. That was amazing. I could listen to you all night and never tire of your voice.”

He gives me a rare shy smile. “Wow, thanks. I’m glad you liked it. Every time I hear that song, I think about you, about us,” he says as he takes my hand. As he speaks, he rubs his thumb over my skin. “I can’t really express how much you’ve changed my life in such a short time. You keep telling me how you need to fix yourself, but the ironic thing is that I’m the one who was broken. I was a shadow of myself and you’ve brought me back into the light. I can’t even begin to tell you what you mean to me.”

Tears well in my eyes as he leans forward. He places a chaste kiss upon my lips and lingers briefly before pulling back. We’re eye-to-eye and smiling at each other. The love I’m feeling is mirrored in the softness of his gaze; it’s comforting. He reaches up and brushes a wild strand of hair away from my face.

“Jessica, you’re my here, my there, and my always everywhere. Together or apart, you’ve awakened a part of me that’s been locked away for the past year. I love you and if loving you is wrong, then I don’t ever want to be right.”