Then There Was You (40 page)

“Really?” I asked again, throwing my hands in the air and looking around as if I were searching for him, but coming up short. “Well, then where the hell have you been? Because I sure as hell haven’t seen you anywhere!” My chest heaved a lot more than I wanted it to. I didn’t want to show him how broken I was or how much he’d hurt me. I didn’t want him to know he’d affected me at all.

But Chris must have seen it written all over my face because he lunged toward me, pushing me back against the bar. Face to face, his nose was inches from mine. He pressed his hand against my chest where my heart slammed beneath it. His eyes were wide, penetrating mine, while his breaths came hard and fast. With a husky tone in his voice, he said, “I’m here, Salem. Right fucking here.” He wrapped his other arm around my waist, clinging to me as if his life depended on it. His breath was hot against my ear as he whispered, “I’ve always been right here.”

I glanced down at his hand over my heart. I wanted to believe him. It felt so good to be in his arms again. I wanted to melt into his arms and never let him go. And yet, at the same time, I wanted to pluck him off of me like a deer tick on my skin. I loved him and hated him simultaneously. Clutching him, I buried my head in his chest, breathing in his strong masculine scent. In that brief moment, my love for him betrayed my hate, and the intensity of my anger started to wane. I glanced down at his hand and felt safe and secure because, there he stood holding my heart, just like he’d done the last few months.

His eyes were glassy as he held me in his arms. He reached up, cupping my face in his hands and gently kissed my forehead. Dragging his lips softly across my skin, caressing my cheek as he brushed by, he made his way down the side of my face toward my ear. “I’ll always be right here, baby. I’m so sorry I hurt you, but I swear on my life I will never hurt you again.”

Just then, with his reminder of why we were there in the first place, the lid that I’d put on the pot of my emotions flew off, and my rage boiled over.

Tears burst from my eyes. “Why?” I roared, louder than I expected to. “Why did you do that to me?” I pounded an angry fist into his chest. “Did that night at my house and all this time we’ve spent together mean
nothing
to you?” Before I knew it, I was pounding against his chest repeatedly, over and over with every desperate plea for an explanation. “Why did you tell me you love me then hurt me like that? Why? Please tell me, why?”

“I’m so sorry, Salem.” It was all he could muster as he took every blow, allowing me to project my hurt and anger out on him. When my energy was spent, Chris wrapped his arms around me. “Come on,” he whispered. “Let’s get out of here.”

My heaving breaths came hard and fast as I tried to get a handle on my rage. Suddenly, realizing how out of control I’d gotten, I buried my head in his chest, humiliated by my maniacal outburst.

He looked at Paige, who was wide-eyed with shock over the scene she’d just witnessed. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

Paige, dumbfounded, stammered, “You’re… Chris… King…”

Chris smiled warmly at her. “Yeah. I get that a lot.”

Snapping out of her trance, Paige giggled, clasping a hand over her embarrassed grin.

“Do you need a ride?” he asked her.

She shook her head. “Oh, no it’s okay. I stopped drinking a while ago, and I only had one. Thanks anyway.”

“You sure?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

She nodded resolutely. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve just been sipping water and keeping my eye on her.” She glanced out the window at Damon, who already had his arm around a beautiful blonde and was laughing it up with Charlie. “Harmless flirting. That’s all it was,” she said, trying to defend me.

Chris smiled. “I know. I’ll walk you girls out, okay?”

Starry-eyed, Paige grabbed her purse, and he escorted both of us out of the bar. Peering around his back at me, she whispered harshly, “When you mentioned Chris, you didn’t say anything about Chris-
Fifth-Wheel
-King.”

I shrugged my shoulders, still embarrassed by my tirade. “Sorry.”

When we reached her Suburban, she grabbed me in a hug and hissed into my ear, “How do you know him?”

I’m sure I sounded like an idiot when I answered flatly, “He was one of my cases when I worked at Fairbanks.”

She looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “You’re dating one of your former clients?”

“It’s a lonnnnggg story.” I dragged out the word so she’d know that there just wasn’t time to explain it all right then. I shook my head discreetly, widening my eyes in a secret promise to tell her later.

“Well when I call you tomorrow, you better tell me everything,” she demanded.

I nodded my head like a bobble-head doll. “I will. I promise.”

Paige gave me a quick squeeze and hopped into her car. “Talk to you later,” she called before shutting her door and driving away.

When I turned around, Chris was waiting for me by his Range Rover. He leaned against it, crossing his feet in front of him. I stomped toward him, trying to ignore the sexiness that exuded from him.

I folded my arms across my chest and cocked my hip. “You don’t get to hurt me then walk back into my life as if nothing happened and expect me to forgive you on the spot,” I snapped, glaring at him.

Chris took a step toward me, reaching out for me. “Salem, please… if you’ll just let me explain,” he pleaded, looking at me with hurt and pain in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t have any excuses for it, okay? I got wasted, and I fucked up.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. I was not going to allow my tears to fall. He ripped my heart out and now he’s back, thinking he can ask for forgiveness and I’ll just forget it ever happened.
No!
I wouldn’t open myself to the possibility of heartache like that again. I’d been through enough. Just then, I snapped my eyes open again. “No. It’s not that easy,” I said coldly and full of disgust as I took a step back. “For all I know, you’re a walking petri dish from the Center for Disease Control.”

Chris denied my accusation, shaking his head adamantly. “I didn’t fuck her, Salem.”

“You’re lying,” I growled, stomping my foot on the ground.

Chris reached out, grasping my shoulders. He was an arm’s length apart from me, but I already felt as though he were creaking open the door of my heart and climbing in. My hurt and stubborn side quickly shoved those thoughts aside.
No. He’s not getting to me.

“Salem,” he rasped, the agony of defeat lacing his voice. “Look at me.”

I didn’t. I couldn’t. I closed my eyes again, wishing I could just go back to the night before the concert where I would rip those backstage passes to shreds and toss them in the trashcan.

“Please, baby. Look at me,” he pleaded desperately, clutching my shoulders, “Open your eyes and
see
the truth.”

My heart was weak, and the word ‘baby’ was my kryptonite. The gentle pressure of his hands on my shoulders reminded me of the closeness I felt to him that night in my bed. I missed that. I missed him. I took a deep, staggering breath. The refreshing scent of cedar and sandalwood took me back to the night we shared our first kiss. Slowly, my eyes fluttered open, and I peered up at him in the warm glow of the street lights.

Chris’s dark irises pierced mine, and I knew he’d already won me over.

There they were—those beautiful eyes I’d been dreaming about since the morning I’d left her alone in her bed. God, I’d missed her.

I’d stood there, frozen by the fear that I had already lost her forever. I knew if I could just get her to open her eyes that she’d see the pain in mine and my strong plea for forgiveness. She’d understand me, just like she always had.

I took a deep breath.
Here goes nothing.
“Salem, I swear,” I whispered, “I know I screwed up, but I didn’t screw
her
.”

Salem glared at me, deepening the crease in her furrowed brow. “I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true,” I pleaded, gripping her shoulders. “I swear.”

She cocked an eyebrow, unconvinced. “So, you’re telling me you didn’t fuck some chick in the hotel room that night?”

“No, I swear, I didn’t,” I vowed. I could already see her shutting me out. Fear gripped me, and my tone became needy, desperate to make my plea. “I couldn’t go through with it. All of a sudden, I could see myself in the moment. I knew I was about to fuck things up, just like I’d always done in the past, but I’m
done
fucking things up, Salem. I just couldn’t hurt you like that.”

Salem released her folded arms, dropping them down by her sides. I wondered if she could hear the truth in my voice because her glaring hostility was beginning to fade a little. “So, you stopped because you didn’t want to hurt me?” She cocked her head a little, trying to grasp my explanation.

Reaching up, I clutched the back of her head and met her at eye level. My face was inches from hers as I whispered, “Of course I stopped because I didn’t want to hurt you, but beyond all that, Salem, I’m done hurting
me
.”

In that moment, her expression softened. “Oh, Chris…” her voice faltered and her hands flew to her gaping mouth.

I took a step closer, pulling her me. “I’m
not
fucking this up. No one else gets me the way you do. I don’t want to lose you. No matter what I do or where I go, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than with you.”

She looked up at me, tears pooling in her eyes. “What about…?” She hesitated to finish.

She didn’t have to say it. I knew what she was asking. Her voice was like an uncertain child, and she looked so fragile, I just wanted to hold her and kiss her until she felt strong again, until she knew how certain I was about us. “I can’t pretend that Kaitlyn didn’t exist. She was a huge part of my life. You know that. But, what’s past is past. I can’t keep living there. I need to move forward, and so I am. With
you
.”

The tears I cried as he held me in his arms were not for his apology, but were tears of joy for witnessing firsthand his emotional growth. I’d met him as a broken teenager, who’d coped with his struggles by building walls around his tender heart. Our fleeting time together at Fairbanks proved little progress in reversing the years of heartache and pain. I’d kept up with him, through the media, on his rise to fame, as he dealt with life the only ways he knew how—alcohol and sex. I’d seen him self-destruct, little by little, year after year. He’d made some progress over the past few months, but like a lot of addicts, self-destructive ones included, he’d experienced a small setback. But thank goodness, he caught his mistake before it was too late. No, the tears I cried weren’t for myself or for the fact that he’d hurt my feelings. Rather, they were tears of relief, knowing he’d finally had a breakthrough.

It was the moment he lifted my hands to his lips that I noticed it. He’d added more words to the tattoo on his forearm. The calligraphy letters sprawled across his skin.

“Your tattoo,” I whispered in the darkness.

He smiled against the tops of my hands. “You like it?” His breath was hot against my skin.

I remembered the note he’d left on my pillow the night after we’d made love.