... Then Just Stay Fat. (16 page)

And it sounds good
—
really good.

Add to those tempting moments a memory from earlie
r in the morning when yet again
the scale showed no prog
ress.
 
Whispers begin
to drift through your mind of, "T
his isn't work
ing, I might as well quit," or "What's the point," or "M
ayb
e I was just meant to be fat."
 
Books on acceptance and loving yourself begin to look especially interesting
—
maybe that's where I
should spend my energy,
lea
rning to love me just like I am.

These a
re the moments of persistence.
 
Make-or-
break moments.
When you find yourself faltering and questioning, review these
:


      
If you
fall off the wagon, just climb back on and keep moving.
Not tomorrow or next week, now.


      
Days you don't feel l
ike working out, just show up.
 
If after 15 minutes you still feel like crap, you are allowed to go home
,
but chances are you'll stay.


      
Know
beyond a shadow of a doubt that if you main
tain a daily, caloric deficit
the scale WILL MOVE.
It has no choice.


      
Finding the energy to grocery shop instead of hitting the drive
-
thru.


      
Watch the Para-Olympics.


      
Read “Flags of Our Fathers” or “The Long Walk.”


      
And most of all, continue
to smile and say
, "N
o
,
thank you" when
the temptations surround you.
 
If you mess up and give in, see the first bullet.

Seriously
,
spend some time pondering what it means to pe
rsist.
 
Think of people who have persi
sted in the face of far worse.
 
Put your journey in
perspective
and create a
plan
.

There is only one way o
ut and it's a caloric deficit.
 
Adhering to that fact is completely up to you
–
it’s your choice!
 
As Benjamin Franklin said, "Energy and persistence conquer all things."

Patience is a virtue, a sign of moral excellence, so they say.
I know when I think of being a patient person, I imagine a slower-paced, kindly individual who never gets all riled up and can muster a smile
no matter the annoyance.
 
I sometimes also picture white ro
bes and maybe a walking stick.

Anyone who knows me kn
ows beyond a shadow of a doubt that this image is not me
—
not by a long shot.

That's OK
because I take great amounts of solace knowing I'm not a
lone.
 
American society is brimming with people who want wha
t they want when they want it.
 
We have instant gratification for just a
bout anything we can think up.
 
Businesses have made truck
loads of money fulf
illing our impatient desires. T
hey KNOW they better sell us
what we want right on the spot
or we might ch
ange our fickle, little minds.
 
We've been trained to expect things now, because that's
usually what we get (or imagine we’ll get).

Hungry?
 
Just literally drive your car up to a window in the side of a building and g
et
1,000 calories within a couple of minutes
—
and only pay
a few bucks for it.

Thirsty?
 
Do the same
—
in some
states it can even be alcohol!
 
That's
right,
you can buy alcohol at a drive-thru liquor st
ore.

Need to do some banking?
 
Drive up and get s
ervice again.
 
Don't make us wait more than a couple
of minutes or we get fidgety.
 
And do NOT make us wait more than five seconds for an elevat
or or we'll mash that button 10
more ti
mes.

Not able to go 75 in a 55-mph
zone?
 
We get pissed as hell stuck behin
d someone doing 5
mp
h slower than we are driving. N
ever
mind that they're speeding
, too.

Want to watch a movie?
 
Now you don't even need to wait for a specific show time
or stand in any ticket lines.
 
Just click a few buttons on your TV remote and you'v
e got instant movie at home.
 
Want
some popcorn to go with that?
 
Say hello to Orville Redenb
acher in the microwave.

Pets?
 
No problem.
 
I can get someone to show up a
t my house and shampoo my dog
right in the driv
eway in a mobile grooming van.

Need cr
edit for a big purchase?
 
Clickety-click
online, baby.

Want a vintage
“
Operatio
n
”
game (I hated the wishbone)?
 
I can get just about anything
delivered to my front door in one-two
days thanks to companies like eBay and Amazon
.com
.

Hells bells, you don't even have to drag yourself
to the grocery store anymore.
 
Order what you need online and
PeaPod
or Safeway or Amazo
n Fresh shows up the SAME DAY.

Have I made my po
int yet?

And so here you are
trying to lose weight and
, dang it,
that
friggin
' scale just won't mo
ve fast enough.
 
You want in your skinny jeans NOW
—
I mean, good
grief,
you ate
salad twice in one day, right?
 
So where's the progress?

This is where patience wins out.

We have talked about
the calorie-math of weight gain/loss.
 
As a quick review, there are 3,500 calories in a pound and you need a 500 calorie/day deficit to lose one pound per week
—
1,000 to lose two pounds per week (over the long haul, of course
—
body weight can fluctuate for reasons other than fat stores).
 
The inverse of that is also true.
 
If you have a 500 calorie/day surplus, you'll GAIN a pound a week
—
or
two pounds if it's 1,000/day.

Let's think about caloric surpluses a bit more.
 
If you ate a
Mega Burger
with
c
heese
one day,
 
a
Personal Pizza
Trough
another,
 
two
chocolate glazed doughnuts
for breakfast one morning,
some cheese dip just because it looked so
good, and a couple of pieces of
fried chicken
, all of which you didn't need (meaning your daily caloric needs were already being met by all the other stuff you
choked
down), you'd have about a pound of fat.
 
You could do that in a month or even a week
—
and some people manage to pull it off in a day!
 
That's
right;
there are some of you out there putting down crazy amounts of calories every day.
 
And that's the first point in patience
—
you can theoretically poke
down food ad infinitum.

On the flip side is the calorie deficit.
 
Like I just said
—
a
500 calorie/day deficit will lead to a pound/week lost over time.
 
Let's assume you've been eating about 3,500 calories/day and gained a bunch of weight because you only need 2,500
—
say you put on 50
pounds
.
 
To reverse that, cut out the extra 1,000/day and wait it out
—
25 weeks to be exact (that's about six or seven months).
 
We both know you don't want to wait six or seven months.
 
You want that weight gone in a few weeks (you want what you want when you want it) but yo
u'd settle for a month, right?

OK
,
let's take the deficit to the extreme:
 
eat nothing (I'm not suggesting this as a course of action
—
just making a point).
 
You'd be down 3,500 calories/day (from your original intake) and it would take 50 days to drop 50
pounds
.
 
That's still two months
—
plus you'd be pretty grumpy and probably dead.
 
What if you did an extreme diet of 1,000 calories/day?
 
It would still take 70 days
,
and I bet you a million dollars you'd g
ain it all back.

My point?

The only limit on how quickly humans can put on weight is how much food they can poke down in 24 hours
—
and the sky is just about the limit there.
 
But, the reverse is not true.
 
There is a limit to how much weight can be lost per day.
 
Even if you push it to the extreme (which is not advocated because it won't last and is sometimes dangerous), the weight won't come off as fast as you
can put it on.
 
It just won't.

So what can you do?
Throw a fit? Sure, but you’ll still be heavy. Give up and eat a gallon of
frozen ice cream surrender
? Now you’re even heavier. Besides would you beat your broken leg for not healing fast enough?

How about be
ing
patient? Just b
e
content
today
and
revel in the progress you
HAVE made. The weight loss will come.

Did this little book make you angry? Make you laugh? Help you start to change?