Then Came You (30 page)

She nodded. “I expected that,” she said gruffly. “How fortunate for me that I’m worthy of such a sum.”

The sarcastic jibe seemed to amuse him. “You’ll be worth even more when you’ve mastered a few elementary skills.”

Lily dropped her gaze, but not before he saw the flash of surprise and dismay in her eyes. It hadn’t occurred to her that there was anything beyond what they had already done together. He smiled slowly and reached a hand to her shoulder, smoothing over the tempting silken bareness. “It shouldn’t take you long.”

“I should like to be set up in a house,” Lily said uncomfortably. “It should be large enough for entertaining, and in a suitable location ”

“Would you like this one?”

He was mocking her, of course, offering the use of a family estate as if lodging a mistress there was a perfectly respectable thing to do. Lily glared at him. “Well, why not Raiford Park?” she snapped.

“If you’d prefer.”

Flushing, she gave him a pleading, angered glance. “Can’t you see this is difficult for me? You may find this very amusing, but I wish to get on with it! Do be serious.”

“I am being serious.” He pulled her against his chest and kissed her, his mouth warm and savoring. She responded helplessly, her lips parting at this gentle urging. Lifting his head, he stared into her bewildered eyes, his arms locked hard around her back. “I’ll make a deposit at my bank in your name a sum I don’t think you’ll find fault with. I’ll have a carriage made for you in any style you wish. I’ll open accounts for you at any and all shops you desire. Despite my better judgment, I’ll even allow you to gamble at Craven’s, knowing your liking for the place. But you won’t wear any gowns I consider unsuitable, and if you accept the attentions of any man but me, I’ll wring your lovely neck. You’ll sleep in my bed every night, and accompany me whenever I go to the country. As far as your hunting and shooting, and the other activities you enjoy I’ll allow it all to continue, as long as I’m present. No more riding alone. I’ll put a stop to any behavior of yours that strikes me as reckless.” He felt Lily stiffen. He knew the conditions were hard to swallow for a woman who’d never had even a marginal check on her freedom. But she offered no objections. “I won’t be unreasonable,” he continued more quietly. “I don’t doubt you’ll tell me when I am.”

She spoke then, sounding choked. “You should know something…I…I’ll take measures to prevent children. I don’t want them. I won’t have them.”

He hesitated, aware of the subdued intensity of her voice. “All right.”

“Don’t say that if you secretly intend otherwise.”

“I wouldn’t have said ‘all right’ if I didn’t mean it,” he growled. He sensed the importance of the exchange, that something was significant about her insistence. With time and patience, he would dig down to the root of her fear. But if her feelings never changed, he would accept them. If he never produced an heir, Henry would continue the family line.

“And when you tire of me,” Lily continued in a low, mortified tone, “you’ll allow me to keep everything you’ve given me.” From what she’d heard, that was a common understanding between a courtesan and her protector. If she were actually going to do this, she might as well look after her own interests. She was perplexed by Alex’s sudden silence.

“There’s something I haven’t yet explained,” he finally said.

Lily felt a chill of apprehension. “I can’t imagine what. Is it about the money? The house? If it concerns my friendship with Derek, there’s no need to worry, you already know ”

“Lily, hush. Listen to me.” He took a deep breath. “What I’m trying to tell you is that I don’t want you to be my mistress.”

“You don’t want…” She stared at him blankly, and began to simmer with fury. Had he been teasing her all this time? Had this been some vicious plan to humiliate her? “Then what the hell have we been talking about?” she demanded.

He pleated and smoothed a corner of the sheet, giving the task unusual concentration. Suddenly he raised his eyes and looked at her steadily.

“I want you to be my wife.”

“Your wife,” Lily repeated dully, turning hot and then sickeningly cold with humiliation. So it had been a joke a deliberate drawn out, cruel game he must have planned during the long night he’d been bound to her bed. But perhaps he still wanted her as his mistress, and this was his way of ensuring that she knew how things stood. He would be in control she would be his to toy with and torment. She felt him watching her, and she wondered if he despised her as much as she despised herself. Her hurt went almost too deep for rage. Almost. She spoke raggedly, unable to look at him. “You and your perverse, disgusting sense of humor make me ill ”

He shushed her immediately, pressing his hand to her mouth. “No, no, dammit…it’s not a joke! Hush. I want you to marry me.”

She bit his hand, and glared at him as it was promptly removed. “You have no reason to propose to me. I’ve already agreed to be your mistress.”

He stared incredulously at the impression of her teeth marks on his hand. “I respect you too much for that, you hot-tempered bitch!”

“I don’t want your respect. All I want is five thousand pounds.” “Any other woman would be flattered by my proposal. Even grateful. I’m offering you something a hell of a lot better than some scandalous liaison.”

“In your conceited, self-righteous opinion I suppose it is! But I’m not flattered, and certainly not grateful. I’ll be your mistress or nothing at all.”

“You’ll be my wife,” he said inexorably.

“You want to own me!” she accused, trying to crawl away from him.

“Yes.” He flung her down on the bed and flattened his weight on her. As he spoke, his hot breath fanned her mouth and chin. “Yes. I want other people to look at you and know you’re mine. I want you to take my name and my money. I want you to live with me. I want to be inside you…part of your thoughts…your body…all of you. I want you to trust me. I want to give you whatever elusive, impossible, goddamned mysterious thing it is you need in order to be happy. Does that frighten you? Well, it frightens the hell out of me. Don’t you think I’d stop feeling this way if I could? It’s not as if you’re the easiest woman in the world to ” He checked himself suddenly.

“You know nothing about me,” she burst out. “And what you do know should scare the bloody wits out of you…God, now I know your brain has been addled!”

“I won’t pay for Harry Hindon’s failures, or the other one’s, whoever the bastard is. I haven’t failed you, Lily. I haven’t betrayed you. I asked you once why you hate men. You’re free to despise them all, every last one on earth. Except for me.”

“You think my refusal is because I’ve been disappointed by love?” She stared at him as if he were the biggest fool alive. “I can live with your bloody conditions and rules and whims for a time perhaps even a few years but if you think I’d subject myself to that for the rest of my life, and give away the properties and legal rights I have to you, and for what? For the privilege of servicing you every night? It’s pleasant enough, but hardly worth sacrificing everything I value.”

“Pleasant,” he repeated grimly.

She stared at him defiantly. “You’re heavy. I can’t breathe.”

He didn’t move. “Tell me how happy you are, Lily. Do you enjoy your freedom when you’re forced to spend every night gambling for your survival? Are you going to claim there aren’t nights when you’re lonely, when you need companionship and comfort ”

“I have everything I need.” She tried to hold his piercing stare, but the intensity of his gaze made hers fall away.

“I don’t,” he said huskily.

Lily turned her face away. “Then find someone else,” she said with desperate determination. “There are so many women who would want to marry you. Women who need the things you have to offer, who would love you ”

“There’s no one like you.”

“Oh? And when did I become such an endless source of delight for you?” She looked back up at him, just in time to see a slow smile spread across his face. “What’s so damned amusing?”

Relieving her of some of his weight, Alex propped his chin on his hand and regarded her thoughtfully. “We were drawn to each other from the first. We were meant for each other. I think we’d have come together even if we’d been born on different continents. You feel the attraction as strongly as I do.”

“You must be reading Byron,” she muttered. “To hear such romantic drivel from you ”

“You chose me.”

“I did no such thing!”

“Of all the hundreds of men you’ve met at Craven’s or at weekend hunts or soirees young and old, dandies, intellectuals, barons and bankers and fortune hunters I’m the only man you ever involved yourself with. You provoked an argument with me, you came to my home and interfered with every aspect of my life, plotted to stop me from getting married, lured me to London and tied me to your bed, gambled with me and staked your body against my money, knowing there was every chance you would lose…Sweet Jesus, do you need me to elaborate further? Have you ever meddled in some other poor bastard’s life the way you have mine? I don’t think so.”

“It was all because of Penny,” she said in a small voice.

He smiled derisively. “She was an excuse. You did it all because you wanted me.”

“Conceited ass!” she exclaimed, turning pink.

“Is it all conceit on my part? Then tell me you want me out of your life.”

“I want you out of my life,” she said readily.

“Tell me the past two nights have meant nothing to you.”

“They haven’t!”

“Tell me you never want to see me again.”

“I. . .” Lily stared at the handsome, intent face above hers, and the words could not be dragged from her throat.

Alex smoothed her hair gently. “Tell me,” he whispered, gazing down at her. “And then I’ll leave you alone.”

Lily tried again. “I never…” Her chest hurt with the effort. She couldn’t allow him to complicate her life more than it already was. But the thought of driving him away nlled her with inexplicable fear. If only he would say something else, something that would convince her one way or the other. But he didn’t help her; he stayed tormentingly silent. She tried to sort through her mixed-up feelings. If only he weren’t so strong-willed. If only he were compliant and manageable. He could ruin what little chance she had of regaining her daughter.

Her heart thumped hard, making it difficult for her to speak. “Would you…” She wet her dry lips and forced herself to continue. “Would you really go away if I asked you to? As easily as that?”

Alex’s thick lashes lowered as he watched the tip of her tongue sweep across the winsome curve of her lower lip. “No,” he said thickly. “I just wanted to see if you would say it.”

“Oh, God.” She gave a frightened, wondering laugh. “I don’t think I can.”

“Why not?”

Lily began to shake. She had always been able to face her defeats and hardships with defiant courage, and no one, not even Giuseppe, had been able to take down her defenses. Only Alex was able to do this to her. “I don’t know,” she cried, and buried her face against him. “I don’t know.”

“Sweetheart.” He spread swift, hard kisses over her small ear and neck and shoulder. His arms went around her in a crushing embrace.

“I w-would prefer to be your mistress,” she said miserably.

“All or nothing. That’s how it is with us.” He pushed her hair back from her forehead, and gave her a crooked grin. “Besides, marrying you is the only way I can have Burton as my butler.” He kissed her. “Say yes.” His fingers curled into her hair. “Say it, darling,” he whispered.

Lily managed to convince herself she was doing it for the money. She was afraid to admit to herself that there was another, even more compelling reason behind her acceptance. As Alex’s wife, she would be extraordinarily rich. She would have enough money to buy back Nicole, and if Giuseppe still refused to be accommodating, she would hire some “Learies,” the highly trained city officers held in such renown. The one she had employed before, Mr. Knox, hadn’t been of much use, but now she could afford to hire a dozen. She’d have them pick the city apart until her daughter was returned to her. After that it didn’t matter what happened. After discovering that she was the mother of a bastard child which she intended to keep Alex would quickly agree to an annulment, or possibly a divorce. She would move to some quiet, peaceful place with her daughter. Alex would be none the worse off, except for some justifiable anger about her deception. But he would find someone else, some pretty young girl who’d bear him a dozen heirs.

In the meanwhile, Lily intended to take pleasure in the time she had with him. There would be more nights spent in the bedroom with the cloud-and-sky ceiling. There would be time to talk, tease, and provoke him. She’d never had that kind of relationship with a man. The closest she had ever come was her odd, passionless friendship with Derek Craven. But unlike Derek, Alex was possessive of her, protective to a fault, all too willing to involve himself in her problems. Lily thought that perhaps she might secretly let herself enjoy the feeling of belonging to someone. For one brief time in her life she would know what it was like to call a man “husband.”

Alex made the impossible assertion that they would be married that very afternoon. Lily knew his haste was born of his suspicion that she might suddenly change her mind. He was absolutely right. She changed her mind every ten minutes. Alex sent for her maid Annie and arranged for her to be brought to Swans’ Court, bearing the necessary clothes and toiletries.

Lily fretted while she dressed in a soft yellow cotton gown with multipuff sleeves. The modestly high neckline was bordered with embroidered openwork lace. “I look like a country maid in this gown,” she muttered, staring at herself in the mirror while Annie fastened the silk loops in back. “And all of fifteen years old. Why didn’t you bring something more sophisticated?”

” ‘Tisn’t the dress that makes you look young, miss,” Annie said, smiling over her shoulder. ” ‘Tis your face.”

Lily sat in front of the rectangular gilt-framed mirror at the dressing table, and peered at her reflection curiously. With annoyance, she realized that Annie was right. The natural pink of her lips was a deeper shade than usual, slightly swollen from Alex’s ravaging kisses of the night before. Her face was different, soft and luminous and vulnerable. Even a brushing of powder couldn’t tone down the rosy color of her skin, which had always been so fashionably pale. She didn’t look at all like the bold woman who rooked all the pigeons at Craven’s. Her cynical, mocking stare, which she had used to such satisfying effect, had lost all its potency. Her eyes were as guileless and open as Penelope’s. As she stared at herself, she remembered the carefree days of her teens, when she had been a passionate girl wildly infatuated with Harry Hindon. Not since then had she felt such stirrings inside herself.