thefiremargins (70 page)

Carrie was aware of Kaid's sharp intake of breath as Vanna carefully removed the dressing from his injured hand. She looked over to him in concern. "How is it?" she asked.
"I'm impressed," said Vanna, giving the wound a quick visual inspection before getting her handheld scanner out and running it over him. "Noni's done a good job. I couldn't have done better myself. The fingers appear to be healing well. I can see the beginnings of new bone growth on the shattered one. If it keeps progressing at this rate, you should have a reasonable amount of mobility back in that finger, Kaid." She put the scanner down and began preparing a fresh dressing.
"I'll leave the scanner with you too. Just don't lose this one," she said. "I haven't quite forgiven you yet for your raid on my drugs and equipment!"
"I apologize, Vanna," he said. "I had to get out to Rhijudu as quickly as possible."
"No excuse!" she said, her tone belying the words.
"Kaid, I think we need to speak to L'Seuli regarding the dreams set in the caverns at Khezi'ipik," said Kusac. "He spent some time undercover there. If anyone can confirm what you saw of a temple and walls covered with carvings, it's him."
"He can't confirm whether or not I saw Fyak there at the same time as the Valtegans. The only way we can do that is for me to try to return next time I have a drug dream."
"I hate to put a damper on both your enthusiasm," said Carrie, "but I hope Kaid's dreams are finished once and for all!"
"We all do," said Kusac. "What concerns me is that not only we, but Esken and Sorli are sure there's a link between Fyak and the past."
"Fyak preaches against the
Demons of Fire,
" said Kaid, his voice sounding strained as Vanna began to put a fresh dressing over the wounds on his hand. "He may well be an agent for the Valtegans, but if he is, he doesn't realize it."
"I'm sure he's acting for them in some way," said Carrie. "His fanatical desire to destroy all telepaths fits in with the fact that in the past the Valtegans were marking them apart from the rest of Sholan society and using pacifiers to keep them under control. It's no coincidence that Fyak is using the same mechanism to control Rhaid."
"Then there's his social engineering with the tribes. He's breaking down the tribal ties and their interdependence on each other till all that remains is the individual and the Faithful, with Fyak at the top leading them," said Kusac. "It seems our decision to go to the Fire Margins is more important for Shola than we realized. Not only will we have won the right to set up our own clan, but we may get answers as to why we have close links with Humanity, and find out what the Valtegans and Fyak are up to."
"I've still no idea whether you'll actually have a physical presence in the past or not," said Ghyan, "but if what Kaid's been through is anything to go by, then it looks as if you are flesh not spirit. That being the case," he said with a sigh, "I suggest you consider taking the ritual as soon as possible, before Carrie's pregnancy becomes too advanced for her to go anywhere safely."
Carrie felt her stomach turn over in fear as he spoke. She looked first at Kusac, then at Kaid, seeing and feeling a mixture of grim determination and fear in their faces and the set of their ears.
"I think you're right," she said, surprised at how steady her voice sounded. "What's the latest I can safely go, Vanna?"
Vanna looked up from bandaging Kaid's hand. "Safely?" she asked. "Leaving aside that no one's ever survived the journey, how many weeks on are you now?"
"Thirteen."
"Given that your Talent will disappear at sixteen weeks, and by then you're so large that you're never comfortable, no matter what you do, I'd say you have to go within the next two weeks at the latest. After that, forget it until after your cub's born."
"I'll be ready," came Kaid's quiet voice as Vanna refastened the sling round his neck.
"Two weeks," said Kusac softly, his hand tightening on Carrie's shoulder.
When their gathering broke up, Dzaka helped Kaid upstairs to his suite.
"It's time to talk," said Kaid, sinking down with relief into one of the easy chairs in his lounge. "Will you get us a drink?"
"What do you want?" asked Dzaka, going over to the dispenser.
"Protein. I need to get back my strength as quickly as possible." He watched his son dial the drink for him, then another for himself before he rejoined him.
"Thanks," he said, accepting the mug and waiting for him to sit down. "I see you're wearing your mother's Clan jewelry."
"I waited till you'd returned before putting the torc and buckle on," Dzaka said. "They seemed ..." He searched for a word, then shrugged. "pointless ... if you weren't there."
"You want to know what happened."
Dzaka stirred in his seat, obviously uncomfortable about the forthcoming discussion. "It's not my business to know what went on between you and my mother."
"You made it your business," reminded Kaid, lifting his mug to his mouth. "Some of it I can tell you now, but not all. I'm still oath-bound not to talk of it with you."
Dzaka looked up. "To whom? Who could be so involved with what happened between you and her that they could demand such an oath?"
"That, unfortunately, is also part of the oath. At least you saw her, heard what she had to tell you, before she died. It's more than I had. I remember my mother only dimly, and my father not at all, but you know that."
"Then tell me what you can," he said.
"Khemu drew males to her like a flower attracts insects," he said. "Yes, she played us off against each other, but lightly, not seriously. She had a deeper relationship with about four of us, not sexual, but more intellectual. We'd talk a lot," he said with a small grin.
"Ghezu was one of the four. I forget now who the other two were, they weren't important. After a few months, it became obvious she'd choose between me and Ghezu. He and I had been friends up till them, as Khemu told you. The night it all came to a head, she asked me to accompany her home. Ghezu heard her and the rest you know. We left while the others from Stronghold who were in the tavern delayed him." He looked curiously at his son for a moment.
"Have you ever paired with a telepath?" he asked. "A Guild-trained telepath?"
Dzaka looked away briefly, ears flicking back then righting themselves in embarrassment.
"They haven't told you, then. Yes, Kitra. Kusac's sister. It nearly cost me my life," he said, looking up again. "She'd picked me as her first lover. While she was busy trying to get my attention, a couple of our people decided I was betraying the trust Kusac put in me. They already believed I was responsible for your capture and that just gave them the excuse they were looking for."
"So. What happened?"
"Jack came along and they ran off. I had to go to Carrie about Kitra eventually, and the Clan Leader came to speak to me." He closed his eyes, remembering the interview. "That has to be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life," he said.
Kaid began to laugh.
Dzaka looked at him in faint surprise. He heard a knock at the door and rose to answer it. Kusac and Carrie stood outside.
"We were passing and heard the noise," said Carrie, looking beyond him. "What's up?"
Kaid, his laughter beginning to fade, looked over at them. "Dzaka's just telling me about his audience with your mother over Kitra," he said.
"It must have been something to have heard," agreed Kusac. "Ask Carrie. She was there too."
Kaid caught Carrie's eye and began to laugh again.
"I think we'll leave you to it," said Carrie primly, "considering you're incapable of anything but mirth at the moment. Good night, Dzaka, Kaid," she said.
A coughing fit cut his laughter short and after Dzaka had provided him with some water, he calmed down.
"I'm sorry, Dzaka, but ..."
"I suppose I can see the humorous side now," said Dzaka, obviously a little put out. "Believe me, there wasn't one at the time!"
"Oh, I believe you," he chuckled. "Getting a lecture on acceptable intimate social etiquette from Rhyasha would daunt anyone! However, I take it the answer to my question is yes, you
have
paired with a Guild-trained telepath. You'll understand, then."
"What's your point?"
"Khemu was the first telepath I'd been with. It wasn't till after we paired that I realized I might be too."
Dzaka looked at him in stark amazement.
"You're
a telepath? A
full
telepath?"
"Yes. Carrie confirmed it yesterday," he said, his gaze holding his son's eyes. "Because I'd hidden it even from myself for so long, when Khemu and I paired, my mind swamped hers, and she became pregnant with you."
He stopped to search in his jacket pockets for something. Not finding it, he looked over at Dzaka.
"Would you mind looking in the drawer unit in my bedroom to see if they brought my stim-twigs with the rest of my belongings?"
Dzaka reached into his own pocket and pulled out a packet, tossing it across to his father. "Have mine."
"I didn't know you used them," he said, pulling one out and beginning to chew the end.
"I think there's a lot we don't know about each other ... Father."
Kaid nodded his head slowly. "It's time we found out, don't you think?"
It was Dzaka's turn to nod.
"Now you know what happened between us. As for the rest, the mental experience terrified both of us. She refused to see me or anyone else. When her family found out she was pregnant, they put around the tale that she'd died and imprisoned her on the estate for having a bastard cub— you."
Dzaka winced at the term.
Kaid leaned forward to take hold of his arm. "You're no longer a bastard. I saw to that! I owed it to both you and her. I knew she had conceived, but the first I knew for sure she'd
had
a cub was the night I found you outside the gates at Stronghold. She'd managed to escape the estate and took you with her. She stayed by the gates near you as long as she dared, then fled to avoid capture by her father. You could only have been alone a short while, Dzaka. She sent you to me to raise." He sat back. "And I did it the only way I could."
"Why did you have to conceal the fact that I was your son from Ghezu? I don't understand any of that."
"Ghezu and I were at each other's throats for months following that night, then suddenly, everything was all back the way it had been. I thought he'd got over it. He hadn't. When you turned up, Ghezu immediately suspected the truth, that you were my son by Khemu. Vartra must have been with me that day, because I refused to confirm or deny it. Ghezu made it plain that if he ever found out for sure you were our son, he'd kill you outright. He'd wanted Khemu and not only had I paired with her, but our pairing had prevented him from ever having her. I think that even then, his mind must have had the seeds of sickness in it. We heard later that she'd died in a climbing accident."
"So you told everyone you wanted to foster me."
Kaid nodded. "Old Jyarti, the Head Priest then, got me transferred to the religious side so I could legitimately remain on Shola to raise you. I'm almost certain he knew you were my son."
He sat chewing his stick for a moment. "The God knows, Dzaka, I wanted to acknowledge you. I wouldn't have wished illegitimacy on you if it had been in my power to stop it. Having gone through it myself, I knew how it felt to grow up the wrong side of another's hearth. I had no choice, though. I did what I thought best."
The silence lengthened until Dzaka broke it. "So that's why Ghezu has played me against you this last year. Because he still thought I might really be your son. All the lies, her death, your imprisonment ... all of it because he wanted Khemu?"
"Essentially, yes."
"Why did you get expelled from the Brotherhood?"
"That I can't tell you. I'm still oath-bound. Not for much longer, though." His voice carried beneath it a low, angry growl. "The day I kill Ghezu, my oath is over."
"I'll always remember that day ..." began Dzaka.
"Forget it, I've had to," his father interrupted. "If I hadn't, it would have eaten at me the way not getting Khemu has eaten Ghezu."
"We'll get him, never fear."
"No! He's mine, Dzaka. I'll tolerate no interference on this. He owes me— all your childhood, and the last ten years of my life, as well as what I endured at Stronghold.
I
will have him, Dzaka!"

* * *

"If he can laugh, he's healing," said Kusac as they went into their suite. "I've been worried for him, cub. His eyes have seemed so empty at times. How does he seem to you? You've felt more of his mind than I ever have."
Taking her gun from her pocket, she laid it on their bed. "He's still Kaid, whatever's happened to him," she said, beginning to unfasten her robe. "Yes, I've seen his mind, all the dark corners and the bright ones, because he sent it all to me."
She sighed, sitting down on the bed and looking up at him. "I don't know what's fair to tell you, Kusac. His inner strengths are unchanged, but he's never faced a fear like this before. He's coping with it by refusing to look at it for the moment. It won't pass till he's faced it, and for him, that means facing Ghezu."
"That what I thought," he said, stripping off his robe and throwing it over the bed. "Then Ghezu didn't break him?"
"No," she said, getting up. "He didn't."
"Thank the Gods for that," he said, heading for the shower.
Slipping off her clothes, she joined him.
He moved over, making room for her. As his hands touched her, she felt the familiar electric current of pleasure run through them and knew that he felt it too. She was drawn closer to him till their bodies touched and his face lowered to meet hers.
This is our time,
he sent.
Ours alone.
She reached up for the hair that grew at the side of his neck and pulled his face down till her mouth could reach his.
You're my Leska, my bond-mate, and my love,
she sent.
This magic we share, nothing can match it, or you.
She knew the question he tried not to ask.
He's Tallinu, and Kaid. He's not you, just as I'm not Vanna. We have each other and this.
He lifted her bodily in his arms and stepped out of the shower. Opening the towel closet, he pulled the pile of towels out, letting them tumble to the floor as he knelt down.
Carrie began to laugh gently, then turned her attention to his neck and cheeks and ears.
Holding her close in one arm, he hastily spread the towels about and laid her down in the nest he'd made of them.
"Each time is as urgent as the first," he said, his voice and the purr mingling till she couldn't tell them apart. "I have to hold you, feel you touching me ..." His voice tailed off as he began to lick and gently nip his way down her throat and across her breasts. His hand went to her belly, stroking the curve that held their cub.
They both froze at the same instant as Carrie felt a butterfly movement within her. She held her breath and Kusac lifted his head to look at her in disbelief. The tiny movement came again, then a third time.
She's moving!
he sent.
I know!
Her own hands went down to touch her belly, waiting for it to happen again. It did, and she began to laugh and cry at once, her arms going round him and holding him close. "She's really there! I'm really going to have our child!"
"Of course you are," he said, confused by her reaction.
"You don't understand," she said. "She's not been real till now! Now I've felt her move,
I
can believe in her too!" She began to cover his face with tiny kisses, her hands pulling him close again. "Love me, Kusac. Just make love to me," she said as she gently caught at his lower lip with her teeth.
He didn't need to be asked a second time.