Theatre of the Gods (53 page)

‘It is a queer sensation, isn’t it? You can feel the pain but not the arm, and you can’t do a thing about it. It’s almost as if you don’t want to do a thing about it.’ Fabrigas looked down at his hand. He saw the hand glowing orange. He felt the pain growing. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He tried to imagine a universe in which he really had no arm. Then he tried to imagine a universe where he had no mind. Then he tried to imagine a universe where there wasn’t a well-dressed man sitting across from him. Slowly, the universe vanished. When he opened his eyes he saw that he had been able to move his hand an inch away from the flame.

‘Very good!’ said the Well Dressed Man. ‘I’ve met stronger minds, but certainly I’ve met weaker.’ He let the old man’s hand flop back upon the tabletop. ‘Emperor. You may go. We thank you for your assistance. You can rest assured that the killings will stop …’ he turned his eyes back to his new prisoners, ‘… soon.’ He smiled. ‘And as we agreed I will compel the Pope to vanquish the armies from your wall.’

The Emperor rose and left quickly.

The Well Dressed Man rose and moved around the table towards Lenore. Fritzacopple stood to bar his way. ‘And what do we have here? If it isn’t the legendary assassin, Penny Dreadful. I was sure I’d
killed you. Had I not? They said you fell from a bridge in a hail of poison darts.’

Miss Maria Fritzacopple – botanist, beauty – seemed to shrink a foot. But she held the man’s eyes. Fabrigas turned towards his friend with a look of amusement, but when he saw her face he suddenly knew that it was true.

‘It was no great thing,’ said the botanist. ‘I spent years building up a resistance to the most common poisons. And I was never afraid of a little fall.’

The Well Dressed Man smiled. ‘Well, then get ready, my dearest.’

‘An assassin?’ said Lenore. ‘What is this crazy man talking about now?’

‘You knew, surely, Master Fabrigas, that bad people would be hunting you. But for one to infiltrate your ship! My word. You must be stunned.’ He was. The old one stood and let his mouth fall open.

‘This is a ridiculous. My Lady would not be an assassin. She’s us!’ The little girl’s face was bright and urgent.

‘It must be so difficult to learn you’ve been betrayed by someone you thought was your friend. Myself, I never keep friends. Sit, woman,’ said the Well Dressed Man, and Penny Dreadful did. ‘Good girl. Hello, little monster. So good to see you again, too.’

‘You have met?’ said Fabrigas.

‘Oh, we chatted briefly at the ball. Pope! Stop muttering!’ The Pope stopped muttering. ‘Now what tricks can you do, little monster?’

‘I’m not your puppy,’ replied Lenore.

‘Ah, the young. So impertinent. Why don’t you sing us all a song? Something … jaunty.’

‘Why don’t you fold it twice and sit upon it?’

The faint and ever-present smile vanished from the Well Dressed Man’s face. He bent his tall frame towards the tiny girl.

‘Oh, but I’m sure you know a song you’d love to share with us. Something …
jaunty
? Perhaps a nice shanty.’ He stared hard into the girl’s tranquil face.

‘I couldn’t possibly know whatever you were talking about. What is “jaunty”?’

‘Hmmmm,’ said the Well Dressed Man. ‘You still won’t dance with me. Never mind!’ He broke away brightly from Lenore. ‘It’s clear someone has been teaching you tricks, but I have never met a nut I couldn’t crack.’

‘But there’s one more consciousness here. Yes. Not human. Not visible. Yes.’

‘Just try it,’ said Carrofax. ‘Just try to enter my mind and see what happens to you.’

‘A phantom friend! How extraordinary. This has been a day of surprises. Of course, you’re of no use when you’re forbidden from interfering in this universe, are you?’

‘Direct assaults are a different matter. Just try entering my mind. I beg you to. Just give me an excuse.’

The Well Dressed Man laughed. ‘Oh, I can tell we’re going to have some fun here. The stage is set for a fantastic battle! But for now I think we all need some rest. I feel like this young girl is going to soak up a great deal of my … concentration.’

‘I’m the Pope!’ said the Pope.

‘Yes, yes,’ said the Well Dressed Man. ‘Of course you are.’

BLACK WIDOW

Things began to move very fast. ‘At least let us say goodbye,’ said the botanist.

‘Oh, my dear Penny, you have gone sentimental. You have forty-five seconds to say goodbye,’ said the Well Dressed Man, and Miss Fritzacopple took Lenore in her arms. ‘I will come for you,’ she said. ‘I promise.’

‘Everything will turn out how it will,’ the girl replied.

Fabrigas knelt before her and pressed a familiar object into her palm. ‘Be brave,’ he said. Then the girl was taken away by two towering guards.

‘Old fool,’ said the Well Dressed Man, ‘I sense no fight in you. You may return to your apartment. A guard will be placed outside, purely for your safety.’ He reached into his breast pocket, took out a straight-edge razor and unfolded it. ‘And what would you like me to do with your assassin? I am happy to dispose of her.’ He handed the blade to the botanist who raised it to her own throat. ‘The choice is yours.’

The old man’s face betrayed nothing. ‘Tell me who you are.’

‘I am Maria Fritzacopple.’

‘Lies!’ said the Well Dressed Man. The blade left a thin mark on the side of her throat.

‘I have many names,’ she said. And this was true. ‘As you are the Queen’s star explorer, I was once her top spy. My code name was
the Black Widow. I escaped the Queen’s service and became a private assassin. I assumed the name Penny Dreadful. Like this man, I was hired to track and kill you. As I became aware of the scale and brutality of the plot against you, I switched allegiances.’

‘Why should I believe you?’ said Fabrigas.

‘Because if it wasn’t true, you’d all be dead.’

‘To be fair, that’s probably fact,’ said the Well Dressed Man.

‘Since we made the crossing I have dedicated myself to protecting you and the children. You are not aware of the times that I have saved your lives.’

‘Like I said, she’s gone soft.’

‘You had a good side once, Daniel.’

‘That,’ said the Well Dressed Man, ‘is just a rumour spread by people I’ve killed. Well, old man? Shall we get this over with? Step off that antique carpet, will you, there’s a good girl.’ Penny Dreadful, aka the Black Widow, stepped off the carpet.

Fabrigas turned to the Well Dressed Man. ‘Put her in a cell. A cold and dark one.’

‘Seriously? Has everyone here gone soft? All right. As you wish. It will be very cold, and very dark.’ The Well Dressed Man took back his blade and it vanished into his jacket.

Before she was taken away the Black Widow said, ‘I will prove myself to you.’

‘You already have, woman,’ Fabrigas replied bitterly.

She was taken to a cell at the army barracks. It was indeed very dark, and very cold, and had just a small skylight in the roof. The rectangle of light at the end of the corridor shrank to a thin line and she was left in blackness with only the ghosts of her past for company.

RETIREMENT

‘Sir?’

Carrofax had stayed silent through most of the night, unable to cope, as always, with the inky depths of human feelings. He could understand their violence. He could almost understand their lust. But their sadness, misery, the way they seemed to make every decision in their lives from within a cyclone of feelings, these were depths the phenomenal spirit could not fathom.

‘I only wanted to go away to a moon. To find my father and my nanny. Was that too much to ask? To live in peace?’

‘Sir, I just wanted to let you know that the girl is safe.’

‘I don’t care about the girl. I don’t care about anything now.’

‘I still have not found the ship, or Roberto. Though I have found out who this Calligulus –’

‘I don’t care about them any more, Carrofax.’

‘No?’

‘I am done with it all.’

‘You are … done with it?’

‘Yes, the ship, the boy, the girl, the spies, the giant slugs. I’m done with it. I wash my hands. I am retiring.’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘I am officially retiring. I have had a true revelation in the past few weeks, a revelation which goes far beyond discovering the secret to travelling between dimensions, or proving that you exist. I have
discovered that none of this matters.’

‘It doesn’t?’

‘No. If all possibilities exist simultaneously in a continuum, and my experience of this continuum is but a subjective dream, then there is little point in concerning myself with the outcome of those experiences. I am not a hero in some action cine film or 8-bit novel. I am a real person.’

‘I see.’

‘The Emperor has offered me a dukedom here. Once the Pope leaves he will lift my house arrest and I can have my apartment, live out my final years in peace. There are more miracles here in this city than I have found in all my travels combined. Could I ask for any more?’

His spectral manservant could never remember being speechless before.

‘The Pope will extract his toll here before he leaves.’

‘Then let him. When the Pope and all his ships have gone I’ll stay here, in peace. I’ll die, go to heaven, end of story.’

‘To … heaven?’

‘So.’

‘But …’ how exactly to word this sentence? ‘… there is no heaven for you, master. I can tell you that for a fact.’

‘Well, the
beyond
then! Wherever.’

‘Humans do not travel to the beyond. Why would they?’

‘Because … well … humans possess an immortal … thing, it …’

‘Why would you presume such a thing?’ His demon spoke gently.

‘I … I don’t know, I just …’ and he didn’t know why.

‘Why would you assume that a frail creature such as you would be given not only the precious gift of life, but the ultimate gift, also – the gift of immortality? Even we spectral beasts aren’t immortal. We live, we die.’

‘Enough! You are free, Carrofax. I release you now. Go back to
wherever it is you came from.’

‘You … release me?’

‘Yes. Was I not clear? I no longer need your assistance. I thank you for your services and I hereby release you to return to … the wherever.’

‘I see. If that is your decision. Once you say it a third time nothing can be done.’

‘It is my decision.’

‘Sir. I have known you since you were a small boy. If you only knew how close you are to finding –’

‘Carrofax, I don’t care! A man can search for a thousand years and be no closer to the truth. I just want to be left in peace.’

‘Well then. If there’s nothing else I can do.’

‘You can go and help the girl. She is partly your own kind after all.’

‘Actually, she is not …’ Carrofax decided to leave it aside. ‘You know I can only do so much.’

‘Do what you can.’

‘I will. It has been an honour to serve you. A third time, then.’

‘Yes.’ He turned to face his servant. ‘Carrofax. I release you.’

It was strange, but at that moment Carrofax experienced a sensation that he thought might be close to a real human feeling. But perhaps not.

Fabrigas stood most of the night on his balcony. His apartment overlooked the courtyard of the royal barracks. There was a small nest with four eggs near his window. Each egg shone like a moon. He went in and dozed fitfully until sometime before dawn when his dreams were invaded by the sound of a prisoner being brought in across the way. The man was shouting in a voice that could have been coming from the old man’s own skull.

‘This is an outrage! The general’s wife and I had simply gone into the storeroom so we could have a moment’s quiet to discuss the concept of gravity. Her girdle was unhooked because she was
desperately hot. This is an insult of the highest magnitude!’

So, they had finally caught the man who had canoodled with the general’s wife. He must have been a clever man to stay at large for so long. The man blustered all the way to his cell and then was silent.

THE MESMERIST AND THE MIND

The Well Dressed Man knew what a young girl’s mind should look like and this was not it. A young girl’s mind was a sweetly confusing place. Nothing was solid. Everything was constantly in flux, sliding and subsiding like an ice floe of pinkish consciousness. He had woken at dawn, excited to begin work on breaking into Lenore’s giggly mind-palace, and had instead found a kingdom with a solid and precise architecture. This labyrinth had been here for, it seemed, countless millennia. Its walls were old and caked in moss, and there were carvings along the way that told the story of her life, the people she’d met, loved and lost. The newest part, of course, was still under construction, and the children in bright yellow hard-hats looked up briefly from their work as the Well Dressed Man passed by. He could travel at will through this girl’s mind, as with any person. It was like a game to him, a simulation. But unlike other young girls’ minds he couldn’t change anything here. If he moved to pick up an object, a stone or a hammer, the object would vanish and reappear somewhere else, or he’d receive a sharp slap on the hand from a baby-builder, or a swift bite from a sleeping snake, or the object would burst into flames. It was extremely vexing. But worse than any of this, when he travelled back through the maze, back through the years, he eventually came to a great wall of ice. He couldn’t break through, and the wall was limitless in every direction. He’d spent hours flying out at speed in each direction, but the wall had flown with him, on,
and on, and on. He’d conjured fire to melt a deep hole in the ice, but it had taken all the strength he had, and at the end all he’d achieved was a crater a few feet deep which had frozen over in seconds when he’d stopped.

But it wasn’t time to give up yet. It was important that he broke through this wall, because behind it was the secret to her power, and if there was one thing the Well Dressed Man liked more than killing, it was power. As his mentor always said, ‘You can learn a lot from your prey before you kill it.’ And with this girl his words were never truer.

‘When you’re finished playing inside of my head I would like to taste water.’

Lenore sat upright in her chair. The Well Dressed Man sat opposite, leaning forward, his elbow on his knee and his hand on his chin. He had removed his jacket, rolled up his sleeves.