The Zoya Factor (16 page)

'How civilized. So you've decided to test my luckiness out in simulated test conditions,' I said sweetly.

His teeth flashed in a very white grin. 'Yeah.'

I leaned back a little and opened my eyes wide. 'You think I'm going to be a flop today, don't you?'

He grinned again. 'Pretty much,' he drawled.

'And your side's going to win?'

He lifted the collar of his striped shirt and eyeballed me with his Boost-browns, 'Yeah.'

'Great,
' I cooed. 'That should make a nice change for you.'

His eyes glittered but all he said, pretty neutrally, was, 'Are you so nice to everybody or is it just me?'

'Just you, actually,' I said, 'because
you've
been so nice and gone out of your way to have me practically sacked.'

He had been looking over my shoulder at the pitch, hardly listening to what I was saying but at this his eyes snapped back to me.
'Matlab?'
he asked

'Matlab,
thanks to you, they took me off
Zing!
. I'm working on Maximilk now.'

'Thanks to me?' he repeated, puzzled. 'What'd I do?' Then his brow cleared. 'But it's the same company right? What's the problem?'

I gave a tight little laugh. 'Oh, just that I hate the job,' I said.

Khoda shrugged and went back to looking out at the field again. 'Oops,' he said indifferently. Then he added, 'Much as I'm enjoying this conversation, I really have to get on to that field now.' And with a curt nod he clambered on to the balcony railing, leapt lithely onto the grass, and got into a chat with some guy in a Fly Kingfisher coat below.

I glowered at him for a while, then shrugged andwent downstairs in search of Zahid and the other boys.

The stadium was decently full, but it lacked the hysteria of a proper
India
match. Speakers were blaring the Kings XI Punjab anthem and there was a sprinkle of vaguely famous looking people with their sunglasses on, but there was no one I actually recognized.

I looked down and saw Zahid chatting cosily with Khoda, like they weren't set to disembowel each other later at all. Guys are
so
weird....

I walked upto them. 'Best of luck, Zahid,' I said and he turned around, unruly copper curls falling into his eyes, a little surprised at the intensity in my voice.

'Thanks, Zoyaji,' he said formally, going pink as always.

As I smiled up into his serious brown eyes, something about the bored smirky grin on Khoda's face behind him got to me.

And that's when I did a rather silly, filmi kind of thing.

I reached out for Zahid's hand as he turned to walk away, yanked him back, and kissed him full on the mouth.

He was surprised. I could tell from the way his eyes widened just before our lips made contact. Obviously his 133 female fan club members had not pulled this stunt on him - yet. Still, he stopped being surprised pretty quick and it ended up being a nice kiss, toe-curlingly tingly and smelling of CK One and some minty brand of chewing gum. But the nicest part was that Nikhil Khoda wasn't smirking any more. He wasn't
there
any more actually. He'd walked away, to be exact.

And then Zahid pulled back and looked at me, a little confused, a little unfocused. Then he smiled. '
Mein abhi aataa hoon, haan?'
he said quite gently and walked off to join Khoda who was waiting for him with the umpire on the pitch, hands deep in his pockets.

'Arrey wah,
Joyaji, you have made him forget his English even!' I heard a voice booming behind me and turned around to see Lokendar Chugh, chomping pistas as usual and looking rather hideous in a Kings XI tee shirt.

'I didn't know you support Punjab, Lokey,' I said.

'Lai,
I am Punjabi only!' he said. 'And you are looking so
soni kudi!
Come in and watch the match with me.'

'No way,' I said, shaking my head, my idiotic parandi swinging from side to side. 'I have to go to work now.'

Well, I left on a high all right. But as I rattled towards office in an auto, it suddenly occurred to me that a picture of me smooching Zahid might make it to the papers. Which made me feel totally nauseous - because, hello, my dad would totally freak.

And what would Zahid think?

He'd think I was some total despo, fully nuts about him.

God, how humiliating.

Of course, all I'd been seeing was Khoda's smirky face so confident of victory.

I'd wanted to lash out at him in any way possible.

(Don't ask me why. All I can say in my defence is that when I'm around him, I'm rendered unstable by a thick rush of Loathing tempered with Lust.)

But now, my miraculously clear mind told me, I'd pretty much ended up lashing out at myself.

Because Nikhil Khoda didn't give a damn who I kissed. Why should he? What went of
his
father's?

But something sure went of mine.

My father likes to believe he's 'broad-minded'. He's kept the same standards for Zoravar and me right through school and college. He's cool with the fact that I'm still not married. He's proud that I'm working. I think he knows I've had boyfriends and stuff, and the policy we've been following since I was about seventeen is that he doesn't ask me about it and I don't tell him about it. Of course, Eppa knows exactly what Zoravar and I are up to and I have a sneaking suspicion that she spills the beans to my dad and then he goes around fully clued in but pretending he doesn't know a thing. But it's pretty hard to play that game if your daughter's picture is in the paper, kissing some cricketer on the mouth. If that picture
does
come out, I will have put my dad in quite an intolerable position. His Standing-in-thee-Society will totally plummet. He'll be like the dad of that sixteen-year-old girl from DPS, whose jerk of a boyfriend released a raunchy mms of her.

Shit.

He won't be able to go to the club for a drink, even.

I sat around in office, a bundle of nerves till noon, when Monita came to me with two cups of coffee. 'Are you all right, Zo?' she asked me gently. 'And what are you wearing to work nowadays? Suits? Parandis?
Kya baat hai?
'

I grabbed the coffee cup, gulped it, and gave her the whole story. Halfway through, she got up and yelled to Neelo to join us. He ran in and sat around blinking, shaking his head in disbelief when Monita told him I had taken over where Emraan Hashmi had left off. 'You chicks, man,' he said finally, 'you're something else. Why the hell d'you kiss him if you don't like him?'

'So that he would win,' I said miserably, 'and so that bastard Khoda would lose.'

'This,' said Neelo with unnatural calm, 'is what is called becoming a victim of your own hype. So now you've started believing that whoever you kiss can win a cricket match, have you?'

'Of course not, you
moron,'
snapped Mon nastily. 'She just wanted Khoda to see her kissing somebody else!'

I jerked my head up. 'I don't give a damn about Nikhil Khoda!'

'Course you don't, baby,' said Mon pushing my parandi back neatly. 'Neelo, phone
lagana,
call Lokendar and find out what's happening there in the Kotla.'

Neelo nodded. He put his phone on loudspeaker and dialled.
Aashiq banaya aapne
played full blast in my cabin for a whole minute till Lokey finally picked up.

'
Haan
, Lokey?' Neelo spoke loudly. 'Match
kaisa chal raha hai?'

I snatched the phone from him and heard Lokey squawk,
'Kaun,
Neelakhshi?It got over little while ago. You won't believe it but Punjab have won, it's a
historic
win, a...'

I put down the phone slowly, saying nothing. My mind was churning crazily, cataclysmic music from saas-bahu serials was playing in my ears. So the
Zoya ka
magic
chalega kya
question had been answered decidedly. There was no question about it. For whatever reason, I was lucky for whomsoever I chose to support. Why, even Neelo and Monita were looking at me with something approaching awe.

And I had chosen to support Zahid Pathan, a yummy but too-young-for-me boy, from whom I had nothing but 'brotherly' vibes. A
Mid-day
picture of me kissing him was about to land on my desk any minute now.

And I had not chosen to support Nikhil Khoda, a man I was almost certainly obsessed with.

Thank God I am not the prime minister of the nation. With my powerful strategic mind, I would have totally band-bajaoed the country....

***

The Mid-day

page 1

Shanta Kalra.

NEMESIS IN PIGTAILS?

Any doubts that Nikhil Khoda may have had about the efficacy of Zoya Solanki, a junior advertising executive at AWB, Delhi, who was born on June 25th 1983, the day India won the cricket World Cup at Lords, as a lucky charm for whichever team she breakfasts with, were dispelled today at the Feroz Shah Kotla.

The odds were decidedly stacked against Punjab when Zoya arrived, pigtailed and peppy, to eat breakfast with them early this morning. She wished the Kings XI Captain Hharviindar Singh and his Aussie vice-cap, Kevin Astle before they went in to play. And seemed especially fond of Sangrur speedster, Zahid Pathan.

Punjab won the toss and decided to field first. And what a field day they had. Bullabaroo Butch Astle got South African opener Graeme Watson on the first ball itself - and Mumbai never really recovered from that scalping. Zahid Pathan took three quick wickets in the next 4 overs, and at the end of 10 overs Mumbai were 73 for 4. Skipper Nikhil Khoda stuck it as best as he could, hitting an incredible 63 off 14 deliveries, but he eventually ran out of partners at the other end. The IPL champions scraped together a sorry 133 all out at the end of 17 overs.

Punjab easily totted that much in 12 overs, with a sparkling 89 by skipper Hharviindar Singh, and a truly stupendous cameo by Pathan who hit three consecutive sixes in the last over.

Khoda, who has come out fairly strongly against the superstitious belief that Zoya brings 'luck' to the team, looked visibly frustrated when questioned and said he had no comments to make about his nemesis in pigtails. Instead he said that he would 'much rather take the opportunity to congratulate Harry and the Kings XI squad for pulling off a truly amazing win'. 'Gritty, gutsy cricket like this is oxygen for the domestic game,' he said.

Zoya's track record as a lucky charm is turning out to be both consistent and impressive, and is gaining attention in IBCC circles. It is clearly no longer being dismissed as sheer coincidence, as it was earlier even by this correspondent. 'We believe in her,' said Mumbai spinner Balaji, a player who has felt both the benign and blighting effects of Zoya's charm. 'She is specially blessed. The Board should give her some official status.'

Even coach Wes Harden who had said in an earlier statement that he didn't believe in lucky charms, as he'd never come across one that actually
worked,
admitted that the Zoya Factor was 'pretty damn astonishing'.

He even said he wouldn't rule out Balaji's suggestion out of hand. IBCC president Jogpal Lohia was present at the Kotla today, but was unavailable for comment.

***

There was a picture of me right in the middle of the article, with my face looking unbelievably chubby, and my hair all pulled back in that wretched parandi. I had this really nasty expression on my face and I seemed to be glowering at a figure wearing a Mumbai Indians uniform in the background.

Well, at least I'm not smooching Zahid! My father can still go to his club and drink with his cronies.

Thank you, God.

***

At office Sankar forwarded a mail to me. It was from the
Zing!
client (not idiot Ranjeet, but his boss Vaishali Paul, the top honcho at
Zing!
Co.).

Regarding your little miracle worker. Have just got off the phone with Nikhil who called to demand why Zoya's been taken off the account. I told him that it was because Ranjeet said she mishandled the situation in Dhaka.

He said quite nicely, but firmly that there was no mishandling and Ranjeet must've got hold of the wrong end of the stick. He wants her reinstated. Though no cricketer- even one as cute as this one-tells me how to do my stuff, I'm all for it. Zoya's good at her job and I don't know what Ranjeet was thinking letting her go in the first place.