The Yellow Rose Beauty Shop (21 page)

“I bet Carlene could sell those things faster than hotcakes if she’d put some in her store window.” Stella smiled.

“Oh, no! Them is one of a kind. Me and Rosalee has got the only ones and we ain’t sharing,” Agnes told her. “Now listen to me. That was Nancy on the telephone. You already know about the dress rule. There will be no liquor of any kind, not even beer. We will be drinking lemon-infused water, whatever to hell that is, sweet tea, and of course there will be a punch bowl on the table with Annabel’s petits fours. I hope she makes chocolate ones because I intend to eat about twenty.”

“I’ll pale in comparison to a redhead who’ll be wearing an overall formal with that much bling.”

“Bullshit! Don’t you try to weasel out of going. I need my bodyguards,” Agnes said.

“But Cathy, Trixie, and Marty will be there,” Stella said. “And you’ll be in a wheelchair, Agnes, and that’s only if you are lucky and get out of rehab.”

“I’m going if I have to go in a damn hospital bed. You should see what Carlene is doing with my ball gown. I’ve had some curtains up in a trunk that I took down out of my kitchen about twenty years ago. Yellow sunflowers on a green background. Carlene is using the material for the bottom of my new formal,” Agnes said.

Stella laughed out loud. “That should bring down the house. You reckon the newspaper and television station will interview you and take pictures?”

“Hell, yeah, they will, if I have to pay them to do it.”

“Okay, then, I promise I’ll go shopping and buy a dress. What do I need to do to take care of things from my end?” Stella asked.

“I’ll do most of it with my telephone, but there’s a couple of things I’ll need help with. Nancy needs to make a trip out to old man Hinton’s. That’s all you need to tell her,” Agnes said.

“To buy moonshine?” Stella asked.

“How’d you know about that?”

“If you grew up in Cadillac, you knew about old man Hinton. You leave a twenty-dollar bill on the stump out near his smokehouse. There’s a thumbtack in the stump and an hour later you go back and there’s two jars of ’shine sittin’ there in place of the money,” Stella said.

“Well, I’ll be damned. You ever drink any of it?”

Stella shivered at the memory. “One time. But Mr. Hinton has gone out to El Paso to live with his son. He is ninety now, you know. They moved him out there last week, Agnes.”

“Well, shit!”

“Hey, hey.” Piper poked her head in the door. “Did Stella upset you about something?”

“Hell, no! Old man Hinton did. I need moonshine.”

Piper pulled up a chair beside Agnes’s hospital bed. “You can’t have moonshine in here. You might have a reaction to whatever medication they’re giving you if you mix it with liquor.”

“It ain’t for me.” Agnes’s eyes settled on Piper and she nodded. “Liquor? Yep, that’s it. Your job is to go to a liquor store and buy whatever looks and smells like moonshine. Whiskey won’t do. It’ll make the punch taste funny.”

“Agnes Flynn!” Stella gasped.

“It’s just for the little punch bowl. The big one is going to have red punch in it. Nancy already told me so. But there’s going to be a little one on a second table for folks like Heather. She tells people that she’s allergic to the pineapple juice that goes into red punch. The smaller punch bowl will have something made out of white grape juice, so whiskey would sure show up in it.”

“Vodka,” Piper said.

“That’ll work,” Agnes said. “Just don’t let nobody see you gettin’ it or it might set off an alarm. She has to drink it for my plan to work.”

“And what is this plan?” Stella asked.

“To make this the only Yellow Rose Barbecue Redneck Ball in Cadillac. The jubilee and the chili cook-off are enough. And I sure don’t want it to have the name of your beauty shop,” Agnes answered.

Stella was just glad that it wasn’t her job to buy liquor. It wouldn’t bode well for the preacher’s wife to be seen in the liquor store and someone would be bound to see her even if she tried to buy it in Sherman or Denison. Then when she and Jed announced that they’d been married more than two months, someone would remember that she’d bought liquor after they were married. Gossips were very good at remembering dates and times!

Agnes pointed at her. “Your job is to get one of them flash-point-drive things that you put into a computer and get someone to fill it plumb up with country music. I want that kind that you can do the hoochy-cooch to. Ain’t no way we’re goin’ to be bored to death with a bunch of waltzes from the Civil War days.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Stella said.

“And Charlotte’s job?” Piper asked.

“You tell her to come see me tomorrow. We’ve got some discussin’ to do. Now I’ll be goin’ to my therapy here in about five minutes, so y’all best scoot on out of here.”

“Does Violet go to the same therapy?” Piper asked.

“Hell, yeah, she does.” Agnes grinned. “But she’s a big baby. I hope she whines around until she loses every bit of her clout in Cadillac.”

“Heather is going to be just as bad,” Stella said.

“I can handle that girl with one hand tied behind my back and I’m about to prove it. Y’all know that she ain’t from Tulsa like she says. She’s from a little bitty place that ain’t got five hundred people about fifty miles west of there. Town called Ripley. She went to college in Tulsa and wants everyone to think she’s big city.”

“Well, how about that?” Stella smiled.

Agnes pointed at the door. “They’ll be comin’ to take me to the therapy room any minute now, so it’s really time to go, girls. Y’all come back anytime. And tell Charlotte I want to see her tomorrow.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Piper said.

Charlotte had a cancellation late in the day so she reached the rehab center by five thirty. Stella and Piper each had a job to throw wrenches into the barbecue ball. With Heather tipsy and country instead of classical music playing, there didn’t seem to be much else that was needed. But if Agnes summoned her, by golly, there was no way she wasn’t putting in an appearance.

“I brought you a chocolate cupcake from that fancy shop down the street,” she said as she entered the room.

“Thank God! Bring it over here and I’ll eat it while you call in a large pizza. They brought liver and onions for supper. I like onions but I hate liver. We’ll share us a pizza and visit a spell,” Agnes said.

“Only if the nurse says it’s all right,” Charlotte said.

Agnes pushed her call button and a lady poked her head inside the door. “Yes, ma’am?”

“I want pizza. Y’all got a problem with my friend going to get it for me?”

“No, honey. You can eat whatever you want, and between you and me, I wouldn’t have eaten that supper they brought in here, either,” the duty nurse said.

“Thank you.” Agnes peeled the paper from the cupcake and talked between bites. “I bet Violet ain’t got a cupcake. If I had the energy, I’d get in my wheelchair and go past her room with chocolate on my mouth.”

“Agnes Flynn! Breaking a hip hasn’t slowed you down a bit.”

“Hell, no, it didn’t slow me down. It just gave me more time to plot and plan for the barbecue ball. You know we ain’t got but two weeks to get it all planned out and ready to go.”

A smile turned up the corners of Charlotte’s mouth. “You are incorrigible, woman. What kind of pizza do you want?” Charlotte dug her phone from her purse and flipped through the contact list to find the number for the pizza place.

“Supreme with extra bell peppers,” Agnes said. “And a side order of jalapeños. They won’t be as hot as what Cathy grows, but they’ll do. And I want the biggest sweet tea they sell. The tea they got in here ain’t got a bit of sugar in it. And yes, I’m incorrigible. If I hadn’t been, Violet would have destroyed Cadillac years ago with all that bullshit she puts out.”

Charlotte ordered the pizza and then sat down in an easy chair beside the bed. “Stella tells me she has a job and Piper has already bought the vodka.”

“I guess you heard that Heather is planning on each feller coming down the stairs from the buyers’ balcony on one side and crossin’ the barn to take his lady’s hand in his. Then he’ll lead her out to the dance floor and wait until all the names are called out before the first dance commences?”

Charlotte nodded.

“Your job is to convince her to let you do the name callin’. I don’t give a shit if you have to knock her out and drag her back behind the barn. But I want you to call out the married and engaged people first and then go on to the single folks.”

“Why?” Charlotte asked.

“Stella is going to goad her into eating her chicken some way or she’s by damn going to dye her hair black. I swear it on my mama’s Holy Bible. If she can’t get Heather to eat chicken, then she don’t deserve that mop of red hair.”

“What if Heather hates chicken as bad as red punch?” Charlotte asked.

“I already know that’s her favorite kind of barbecue and I’ve already had a talk with Cathy, who will be delivering a dozen peppers to Stella the day before the ball. Her chicken is going to be extrahot, so that will send Heather straight for the punch bowl once she samples it. Since she’s got holy blood flowin’ in her veins, I reckon she ain’t never had much to drink. It shouldn’t take much liquor to make her dizzy, and by that time she’s going to be real worried about the money.”

“What money?”

“She’s spending too much and there ain’t no way the admission money is going to cover it all. So there’s no doubt in my mind she’s going to be real worried,” Agnes explained.

“Okay,” Charlotte said and waited.

“Now this is where you come in. I want you to offer to give her a thousand dollars to let you call out the names.”

“A thousand dollars?” Charlotte whispered.

“I’m donating that to the cause. She’ll jump on it; believe me. I been keepin’ tabs on what she’s spending.”

“Why?” Charlotte asked.

“I want you to pull out Stella’s name from the women’s bowl and Jed Tucker’s from the fellers’ bowl,” Agnes said.

Charlotte sat straight up in the chair and said, “Why?”

“You sound like a damn parrot, girl. Because Stella has a boyfriend and she likes him a lot or she would tell y’all who he is. For some reason she don’t think she’s good enough for him. If he’s there, it won’t bother him if she’s dancin’ with a preacher. I don’t want her to lose someone that she loves, Charlotte. And while you’re at it, fix it so that Piper and Rhett wind up together, too. The rest of it is up to you,” Agnes said.

“You old toot.” Charlotte laughed.

“You’d do the same if you’d have thought of it. She just looks so happy and sad at the same time. I couldn’t bear it if she lost her boyfriend because her name got put with Rhett or some other sexy feller and the boyfriend got all jealous,” Agnes said. “But you can’t tell her what your job is. You just say that I said it was one of them FBI things.”

“Yes, ma’am. Pizza should be ready. I’ll be back in ten minutes,” Charlotte said.

“Walk real slow past Violet’s room with it,” Agnes said.

C
HAPTER
S
IXTEEN

T
he strong aroma of bleach preceded Piper into Stella’s living room. She looked up from the sofa where she was watching
Steel Magnolias
. “You ever realize how much Agnes and Ouiser are alike?”

Piper hauled her suitcase toward the guest bedroom. “Of course. How come you didn’t see that before now? I’m here until the boys come home. I’ve tried staying at my house and it’s too damn lonely. Send me a bill for room and board at the end of the time.”

“Hey, if you clean, I’m sure we can work something out,” Stella yelled and went back to her favorite movie.

She heard the bathroom door shut and the shower start. Thirty minutes later Piper carried a blanket from the linen closet to the recliner, threw the side lever, and covered up.

“You smell better, but you do know this is summertime in Texas,” Stella said.

“And you keep this house at sixty-five degrees and I’m cold-blooded. His spirit is still in my house. When he filed for divorce and moved all his things to Rita’s place, it was gone. But it’s back now. That leer on his face is there every time I turn the corner. I wish he really was there and the boys were outside playing. I’d knock him flat on his ass and enjoy doing it.”

Stella didn’t take her eyes off the screen. “I like this part. They’re in the locker room of the football team.”

“Are you hearing me, Stella?” Piper raised her voice.

“Yes, I heard every word, but you don’t have to worry about a thing. It’s taken care of, and short of moving out of Texas, which Gene won’t do because it would mean leavin’ his mama, he’s going to get a lifelong dose of karma chewing holes in his ass.”

“What did you do?”

“Me, not one thing. I just had a long visit with Mama.”

“Good God!”

“Oh, yeah. We’ll get some garlic and a roadkill armadillo and perform an exorcist thing on your house if he don’t reclaim his spirit and leave you alone. We’ll put butcher knives into an effigy of him and send the video right to his e-mail box,” Stella said.

“You know how superstitious he is. That would cause him to have an acute coronary.” Piper laughed.

“If he dies, he dies. Oh, I can’t watch this part without crying. Shelby should have never gotten pregnant,” Stella said.

“She lived the way she wanted to. It took risks but she did it,” Piper said.

“Hey, shove them words right back into your mouth and eat them. Rhett wants to take you out and you’re afraid to take that little risk.”

“Sometimes I don’t like you,” Piper said.

“You are evil and you must be destroyed,” Stella quoted from the movie.

“You can’t be Ouiser. Agnes is Ouiser. You have to be Annelle.”

“Hell if I will. I don’t pray if the elastic in my panties is shot”—Stella quoted lines from the movie—“and I damn sure wouldn’t ever pour out a good can of beer. I’ll be Clairee but I’m not being Annelle. Besides, I’m not tall enough. You can be Annelle.”

The giggle started low in Piper’s chest but soon it was a full-fledged laugh that would have put a three-hundred-pound trucker to shame. “She
is
divorced and the elastic in my panties is shot and I am tall like her,” she said when she could catch her breath.

Charlotte pulled a suitcase inside and quickly shut the door. “What is going on in here? I thought someone was crying or dying.”

Stella put the movie on pause. “Holy shit! Did you and Boone break up?”

“No, but Nancy called and said that Piper had moved into your house after she hosed hers down with bleach. Y’all ain’t havin’ a house party without me. I might go for a sleepover with Boone but hey, if Piper is going crazy it’ll take both of us to keep her out of a straitjacket. She’s one tall woman, I tell you,” Charlotte said.

Stella pointed. “See, I told you so. You are Annelle.”

“Is that
Steel Magnolias
? Sometimes I think we’re reliving that thing down at the shop. Agnes is Ouiser.” Charlotte left her suitcase in the middle of the floor, kicked off her shoes, and curled up on the other end of the sofa with Stella. “Start it all over again and let’s watch it from the beginning. If Piper is Annelle, who are you?”

“I’m Clairee,” Stella said proudly.

“You are not! You’re not that old and you’ve got red hair.”

“Then I want to be Truvy,” Stella said.

“You’ll have to bleach your hair and get a boob job to look like Dolly Parton. You think this new boyfriend that you won’t talk about would like you as a blonde with big boobs and a smart mouth?”

Stella’s laughter came close to breaking the windows. “Darlin’, my new feller likes me any way he can get me, but he likes me best naked and hot and he thinks my smart mouth is right fine.”

“He don’t mind the past thing or have you not told him?”

“Oh, he knows, and he says the same thing that Truvy says. If you can achieve puberty, you probably have a past.”

“And what is his past?” Piper asked.

Stella tossed a throw pillow at her. “I’ll tell you after that rotten ball is over. I’m really starting to look forward to it since Agnes has spiced up the party with her ideas.”

Charlotte smiled. “I’m serious as a heart attack. I want to grow up and be like Ouiser.”

“You’ll have to dye your hair and get a pair of overalls.” Stella laughed and it felt so good.

Stella had just gotten into bed when her brand-new ringtone, “Good Hearted Woman,” started playing.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“I drove past your house and saw two extra cars. I guess Piper doesn’t like the quiet,” Jed said.

“Gene’s ghost in the house is spookin’ her more than a quiet house. She’s moved in until the boys come home. And Charlotte couldn’t stand it so she brought her suitcase and she’s here for the duration, too,” she said.

“You know what they say about familiarity.”

She nodded even though he couldn’t see it. “We’ll practically be together twenty-four/seven. By the time they leave I’ll be ready to yank all my hair out, but tonight it wasn’t too bad. They’re my friends, Jed.”

“You got a lock on the bedroom door?” he asked.

“Yes, I do. Why?”

“Got one on the window?”

“Yes, I do,” she answered.

“Then unlock the window right after you lock the door. I’m comin’ in. No way I’m going that long without sleeping with you.” He chuckled.

She bounded out of the bed and quietly turned the lock in the middle of the doorknob and then raced across the room to open the window. He slipped in effortlessly, bringing a small duffel bag with him.

She took the bag from him and tossed it on a chair, wrapped her arms around his neck, and rolled up on her toes for the first kiss. “This may keep me from yanking my hair out.”

“I’m sure it will keep me from going insane.” He marched her backward across the floor until the back of her knees hit the bed. “Turn on some music to mute the sound.”

“I can be very quiet.”

“But I can’t. Not with you in my arms.”

“I feel like a naughty teenager.”

“I just feel like I’ve got the woman I love in my arms.”

Nancy followed the girls into the shop on Wednesday morning. She brought two loaves of banana bread, a plastic container of chicken salad, and a loaf of fresh homemade bread. “Thought y’all might like something other than takeout for dinner today. We’re on countdown starting today. It is ten days until we get this ball over with, then the sign can come down off the church and I can plan Stella’s birthday party. What do you think, girls? A fish fry or a steak cookout. We’re already sick to death of the idea of barbecue, so I’m not fixing that the week after the ball.”

Stella clapped her hands like a little girl. “Thanks, Mama. That all looks scrumptious and I want steak and one of your cream-puff cakes for my birthday cake.”

“I brought some tomatoes to go with all that and I’ll be glad to bring something to the party if you’ll invite me.” Rosalee followed Nancy into the shop.

“Of course you are invited and Agnes should be out of the rehab place, so you can bring her along, too,” Nancy said.

Stella adjusted the thermostat, turned on the lights, and headed toward her station to do some minor cleanup before her first client arrived that morning. Rosalee trailed along behind Nancy to the back room and came out with a chunk of banana bread.

“Your mama is making a pot of coffee,” she said. “From the looks of them dark circles under your eyes, Stella Joy, you done stayed up too late last night, so the caffeine might be just what you need.”

“We stayed up and watched
Steel Magnolias
to see if Agnes is like Ouiser. You been to see her?” Stella glanced in the mirror. Yes, she did have dark circles, but they were so worth the night she’d had.

“Of course I have seen Agnes. I go every day before she goes to therapy. I’m surprised that she hasn’t bitched about going. But she loves it because she gets to show Violet up in the therapy sessions. She’s doin’ so good they’re already sayin’ she won’t have to stay the whole time. And Stella, when I first saw that movie, I asked Agnes if they’d interviewed her for the character.” Rosalee cackled.

“What did Agnes say?” Piper caught the last part of Rosalee’s comment.

“She said that of course they did and asked her to play the part but she was too busy keeping Cadillac on its toes,” Rosalee answered.

“I don’t doubt it for a minute. Now why do you have dark circles under your eyes, Stella Joy?” Nancy turned her attention to her daughter.

“If she wouldn’t play that music so loud, she could probably sleep better,” Piper said. “It was going at two o’clock when I got up to raid the refrigerator. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got the last piece of banana bread, so it’s a good thing that Nancy brought more today.”

Stella picked up all the brushes to run through the sterilizer. “I like music. It helps me sleep.”

“We called it sex in my day,” Rosalee said. “Who was in the bed with you that you had to cover up the noise with music?”

“Really!” Piper almost choked on the banana bread. “Was there a man in your bedroom?”

“Well, shit! I gave up Boone to stay with y’all and you get sex?” Charlotte shook her finger at Stella.

“Quit grinning and talk,” Nancy demanded.

“I’m not saying a word.” Stella felt the heat of a deep crimson blush crawling up her neck all the way to her face.

Rosalee winked at Stella. “Looks like we need to leave Stella alone with her secret, but darlin’ girl, the whole town is snoopin’ around tryin’ to find out who is puttin’ that smile and that blush on your face.” She turned toward Nancy and said, “Tell me more about these god-awful rules Heather has made up for the ball. Did she really say it was going to be an annual affair?”

Nancy nodded. “She did. Why?”

“Anyone want to bet me five dollars that this is a one-time-only shindig?”

“Not me,” Nancy said. “Not when Agnes has passed the torch to Stella.”

“Well, damn. I withdraw my offer. If Stella is going to take Heather down, then it’s a onetime thing for sure.”

A cold shiver inched its way down Stella’s spine. They were sure enough putting a lot of pressure on her. “What makes you so sure?” she asked.