The Yearning (26 page)

On the street, her contacts from the police department kept spectators back and monitored hospital personnel. They rolled Desiree into an ambulance, safe from her frenzy thanks to whatever sedative they’d given her, along with the restraints she wore. At the end of her ride, a mental evaluation awaited. And, Mike hoped, lifelong commitment.

There’d be no record of it or what happened tonight, at least none for public scrutiny. When Mike had called Erica, she’d promised him as much. The feds had been interested in the Wanderers for a very long time. Desiree was their one window into that world.

Erica sighed, clearly annoyed with him. “I need to have a word with you.” Her gaze flicked to Jasmine, and then she pointed to the right, nearer the surf. “Over there. Come on.” Not giving him a chance to argue, she grabbed his sleeve.

Once they reached the spot, he shook himself loose of her grip, pulling his hair back with both hands. “Make it fast. I don’t want to leave her for too long.”

Erica leaned to the left to see past his shoulder. “You’re sure Desiree removed the entire curse? Jasmine doesn’t look all that happy.”

The muscles in his chest ached. He recalled her earlier words when she’d said he wasn’t responsible for her. She didn’t want him to ever be in that role.

With the yearning over, what they’d done together had to be going through her mind. He sensed she had a lot of shame and regret, when what he needed from Jasmine was her continuing desire for him and love. New pain rose to his throat. He cleared it so he could speak. “She’s been through so much crap, I’m surprised she isn’t hysterical.”

“Maybe she should go to the hospital and get checked out.”

“I’ve already suggested it. She refused.” He turned his head at the sound of the ambulance’s motor. “The paramedics do know to keep Desiree sedated so she can’t speak, right? The moment the sedative wears off and she starts uttering her curses, their lives aren’t going to be worth shit.”

“They’re with the feds. They don’t intend to take any chances. When you confronted Desiree, you didn’t tell her who you are, did you?”

“There wasn’t time. Not that I would have anyway. Why?”

The persistent wind blew Erica’s dark hair into her face. She fingered it away. A pretty woman, her black eyes burned with intelligence. “Before she went under, she kept babbling about your power and how you tried to strangle her with your mind.”

“The ravings of a lunatic, wouldn’t you say?”

“If anyone asks, that’s my story.” She crossed her arms beneath her breasts. Fond of weightlifting, she had biceps nearly as impressive as his. “Desiree also said her people were going to come after you and Jasmine.”

“How long do you think the feds can keep her locked up?”

“My guess is exactly what you’re thinking—it depends.”

His belly cramped. “On whether the press finds out about her or the Wanderers put up a stink?”

She frowned. “Are you serious?”

“Do you hear me laughing? Of course, I’m serious.”

“Then why are you asking such a foolish question?”

He frowned. “Because I’d like a fucking answer. Or are you saying it’s some kind of sacred secret?”

“No. It’s something you should already be aware of. The feds always have a cover story for enquiring minds, remember? And you can’t possibly believe the Wanderers are going to bring any unwanted attention to themselves. What’s the matter with you?”

“Besides you criticizing me?”

“I can’t help it. You haven’t been gone from the service that long to be asking questions like a rookie.”

He hardened his voice as she had hers, knowing where this was heading—a place he didn’t intend to go. “Let’s keep my stupidity out of this, all right? Now about the feds keeping her locked up—the length of time depends on what exactly?”

“Jesus, Mike, use your head.”

“I am. I want to hear it from you, Erica.”

“Fine.” She sighed. “They’ll hold on to her as long as they find her useful. If she doesn’t cooperate, and that’s always a big possibility—as you well know—they may decide to cut her loose in the hope that she leads them to the group’s inner circle.”

Exactly what he was afraid of. “And if she disappears?”

“You won’t have to worry. She doesn’t know who you are. Look,” she added quickly to his muttered profanity, “I don’t think Jasmine has anything to worry about, either. It’s going to be some time before the feds are through with Desiree. I’ll be monitoring the situation and sending you regular updates. No way will you or Jasmine be blindsided. I give you my word as a colleague and a friend.”

Satisfied, Mike squeezed her elbow. “I can’t thank you enough for the help you provided tonight.”

“Gratitude isn’t necessary. You know what I want.”

“I am not returning to the service, Erica.”

“Why the fuck not?” She uncrossed her arms and punched his tattoo. For good measure, she also slugged his scar. “You haven’t fully fossilized into a nerdy government consultant. There’s still some life yet, I can see it in your eyes. And tonight you proved you could use your power for good. If you don’t believe me, ask Jasmine.”

He glanced back at her. She’d lifted her face to watch the ambulance. Her eyes held a purity he’d glimpsed a few times these last days, guilelessness, some might have called it. This was the real woman he’d always longed to see and to know. A sweet soul who had saved her inner fire for him.

Or so he continued to wish. You are such an idiot, he told himself. She wasn’t the kind of woman who liked his type of man. He was as much of an outcast as Desiree. As tortured.

Jasmine deserved better. He looked at Erica. “I’ll think about it, but I’m not promising anything. Now go and give Connor the good news.”

“I thought you already did.”

“He didn’t seem to believe me when I called. You can swing by and talk to him, assure him Desiree’s no longer a threat. Go on, you know you love to play the hero.” He gave Erica his hardest hug, which she tried to outdo. Smiling, he kissed her cheek.

She muttered, “You’re not fooling me, Stearn. You just want to get rid of me so you can go back to Jasmine.”

“Do you blame me?”

“Not at all. I think she’s going to be good for you.”

She was going to say goodbye as soon as he joined her. She was too honest to do anything less.

The ambulance pulled away quietly, no siren, its whirling red light illuminating nearby businesses and vegetation. Two police cars followed. A few onlookers watched, then moved down the street, the drama over.

Jasmine thought of Desiree, captive now, all hope for her future lost. Compassion for the woman brought a new sigh. Desiree’s crime had been so tragic. Loving a man she could never have.

So now you hurt?
she’d asked.
You have no idea the pain I go through…

It sliced through Jasmine, bringing despair as she saw Mike returning for the last minutes they’d spend together.

She lowered her face, not wanting him to see her as she really was, drab and uninteresting.

He went to one knee in front of her as she remained sitting on the sand. “You okay?”

A nod was all she could manage.

“Jasmine.” His voice caught. He cleared his throat. “Look at me, please.”

She dug her nails into her palms, wanting to refuse while also needing to see him this final time. Her face slanted to his.

Grief pinched his strong features. She saw farewell in his beautiful eyes, an apology that they could never be. A sob caught in her throat.

“There’s no need to feel badly about what happened,” he began. “It wasn’t your fault.” His voice continued to catch. “The curse made you do things you wouldn’t ordinarily have considered. I didn’t help.” He hung his head. The wind swept his hair forward, hiding his face. “I acted like an animal. I know you’re not used to men like me, and I have no illusions about deserving a woman like you.”

A woman like you?
Didn’t he mean plain and boring? Why was he being so nice? She needed him to be cruel so it would be easier for her to return to the colorless existence she’d always known. “And what kind of a woman am I?”

“You’re so damned beautiful and brave and—”

“Stop it.” Her voice cut through the night, harsh, mean, truthful. “I’m not beautiful or brave. I’m ordinary and dull. Without the curse, you wouldn’t have given me a second glance at the club. You should know that by now. I’m nothing like what you’ve seen these last days.”

His face had already lifted. He frowned. “Screw the curse. You’re fucking gorgeous now just as you were before, and there’s not a dull cell in your body. Never criticize yourself like that again. I mean it. You’re everything a man could hope to get.”

“You’re lying.” She wrapped her arms even tighter, trying to hide what the dress exposed. “I’m not the woman you’ve been intimate with and you know it. You’re just trying to be nice and I wish you wouldn’t. It’s going to make your leaving me and my missing you that much harder.”

He stared. “What?”

She averted her gaze.

“You’d actually miss me?” he asked.

He wanted her to confirm what she’d blurted so foolishly? Why hadn’t he left with Erica? He belonged with her, not here. Too defeated to deny what she’d said or to argue further, her words came out in a whisper. “Yes, I’m going to miss you.” Couldn’t he see how it was killing her?

He said something beneath his breath. Hesitation tinged his voice. “You still want me although everything’s over?”

“Want you? Dammit, Mike, I love you even more now!”

“Oh my God.” He pulled her into his embrace, crushing her against his chest. “Honey, I adore you.”

“No you don’t.” She tried to push him away. He wouldn’t stand for it. Weeping, she hid her face in his shoulder, her tears wetting his tee. “You like the woman the curse turned me into, not the real me.”

His hand smoothed her hair. “You’re both women.”

“No. I never dress like this. I don’t go to clubs or bars. I enjoy art galleries and museums, reading, and seeing the latest movies. Boring, drab stuff.”

“Then I’m as uninteresting as you, because I like all of that too. The only reason I’m ever at a club is to listen to the music, not to hook up with women.”

She ran her hands up his back, gripping his tee. “You’re used to excitement. I spend my days going over accounts and my evenings watching cable.”

“Yeah—so? I spend my days in front of a computer, remember? When I was with the service, it was five percent excitement and ninety-five percent paperwork or other crap that would put a meth addict to sleep. And don’t you dare trash cable. I happen to like HBO and ESPN.”

She mumbled, “I hate sports.”

“Only because you haven’t watched them with me.” His caress shifted from tender to wanting. Lips on her biceps, he said, “I’ll show you what to look for and which teams I’ll expect you to support.”

Her giggle cut off her tears, though they returned too quickly, along with her doubt. “You don’t know what you’re getting into, Mike. You’ll be disappointed.” In a day or a week or maybe a month he’d realize his mistake and leave, hurting her even more. It had to end tonight. Now. She twisted her body, trying to get away.

His mouth paused on her neck. “You don’t like this?”

Her eyes fluttered closed. She whimpered. “Of course I do.”

“Then you didn’t like the way we made love?”

She’d willingly give up a year of her life to experience it again. Against all reason, her head fell back, exposing her throat to him. Each kiss drew a new moan from her. “I’ve never known anything as wonderful.”

“So, prove it to me. Better yet, prove it to yourself.” His hand moved to her breast.

Her lids slid open. She turned her face to his. Beer scented his breath, lust tensed his body. “How?”

“I’ll show you.”

Chapter Sixteen

He led her to a stand of sheltering palms and positioned her in front of a trunk. Moonlight drizzled through the fronds.

Jasmine’s heart thumped heavily, hurting her throat. If anyone came by and chanced a look, would they see his hands on her face, tipping it to his? Would they catch what would surely come next?

As if reading her thoughts, he murmured, “We’re alone.”

“Someone could still come by.”

His eyes glimmered. “Does that excite you?”

To her surprise, it did. She knew Mike wouldn’t shame or hurt her. She trusted him completely. There’d be no intrusions, just the threat of it—an exciting illusion, their carnal fantasy. She answered finally, “Yes.”

He angled his mouth over hers, his kiss light, still questioning her response.

She flattened her palms against the bumpy trunk, her mind and body powerless to stop this. Accepting his tongue, she drew it deeply inside—wantonly, like she’d been while cursed. Eagerly, as she was now.

Heartened, he pushed the thin straps over her shoulders, lowering the top of her dress to expose her breasts. Damp wind swirled around her nipples, a further reminder of her partial nudity.

She imagined others gathering to witness Mike’s hand on her right breast, his mouth now moving away from hers to seek her left nipple. In her mind, she saw the young male servers from the bar and the twenty-something guys they’d served, their youthful eyes riveted and uncivilized, watching as Mike drew her breast between his lips, sucking the areola. Jasmine pictured the rosy circle puckering with his wet embrace.

His resultant growl told her he approved, though he expected more.

Back arched to allow him greater contact, she spread her legs in submission so he could take what he truly wanted, the same as she.

Mike held off. He indulged himself at her breasts, deliberately lingering on each nipple, knowing how naked it made her feel to be enjoyed in a public place, how deliciously used. Her mind wandered between the reality of his greedy mouth and her clenching cunt to the dreamlike world of her thoughts. In them, the male servers urged him to tear the dress from her then trap her hands above her head while he fucked her hard. The college boys grinned at Mike mounting her and Jasmine’s breasts quivering with each powerful thrust.

The forbidden images culled a moan from Jasmine, followed by a choppy sigh.