The year of the virgins (24 page)

'God picks his children, Flo; they come in all sizes. By the way, I'm forgetting you were married yesterday.'

'Yes, Father, I'm pleased to say.'

'In a registry office?'

They had been walking towards the corridor and Flo stopped, saying, 'No, Father, not in a registry office; we were married in a church by special licence.'

'Oh! Oh! But' - he poked his head towards her - 'the other side?'

'Yes, Father, the other side.'

'Oh, well, I've heard He pops in there now and again when He has time.'

'Oh, Father.' She pushed him in the shoulder, and he grinned at her, saying now, 'I'm happy for you anyway. And he's a fine man, what I've seen of him. But you know . . . well, I think you know, that life won't be easy.'

'I'm well aware of that, Father, and he more so; but we'll get through.'

'That's the way to look at it.'

When they entered the sick-room the nurse seemed to

be relieved at the sight of them, and she said immediately to Flo, 'He won't take his tablets.'

'Go and have a bite.'

'I've had my supper.'

'Well, go and have another one.' The priest pushed her gently towards Flo, then went towards the bed and, pulling a chair up close, he sat down.

Don was propped up against the pillows, although his eyes were closed and he kept them closed as he said, 'Hello, Father.'

'Hello, son. Misbehaving yourself again?'

'So they tell me, Father.'

It wasn't until the door had been closed for some seconds that Don opened his eyes and, looking at the priest, he said, 'She's here, Father.'

'Now, now, now.'

'Don't say that, Father. My body's in a mess, I'm only too well aware, but my mind isn't affected. She's here. I ... I said it isn't affected, but how long it will stay that way I don't know.'

'What makes you think she's here?'

'I saw her, Father. She was standing there at the foot of the bed.'

'When was this?'

'Last night. No, no, yesterday, sometime. Can't rightly put the hour to it. I thought I was imagining it at first because she looked just like an outline. And then, towards night-time it got stronger. She stood there looking at me, with no smile on her face, just staring. And I was glad to take the sleeping tablets; but then, in my dreams, she became more lifelike. Oh yes.' He moved his head on the pillow. 'She sat on the edge of the bed where you're sitting now and she talked to me, the same kind of stuff that I'd

'Well, she did love you, and that's what you must remember.'

'There's love and love, Father. She must have been insane half the time.'

'No, I don't think so.'

'You didn't have to live with her, Father.'

'No; that's true. But she's gone now, only God knows where; she's not here any more.'

'She's here. Father.'

'All right, all right, don't get agitated. All right. To you she's here. But I can promise you this, she'll go.'

'When? Tell me that, when?'

The priest paused for a moment, then said quietly, 'Tomorrow morning I'll give you Holy Communion. But in the meantime, should she return, talk to her. Tell her that you understand how she felt. Yes, yes, do that. Don't turn your head away like that, boy.'

'Father, you don't understand, she's waiting for me to die, then she'll have me again wherever I go.'

'She won't. I promise you. Listen to me.' He gripped both of Don's hands now tightly and shook them as he said, 'After tomorrow morning she'll go. You'll never see her again. But your main job now is to give her peace. Send her away in peace. Tell her you forgive her.'

'Forgive her, Father! She doesn't think that she's done anything to me that needs forgiveness.'

'You know nothing about it, Don. Only she knows how she felt for you, and likely the main reason she's coming back is to ask for your forgiveness. Give it to her.'

It was some time before Don answered; then, his chin on his chest, he murmured, 'I'm frightened, Father.'

'Of her? Is that all?'

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'No, no. Of everything. Where I'm going shortly . . . Everything. I thought I wasn't, but I am.'

'Well, you needn't worry about the latter; God's got that in hand.'

'And Father, there's something else.'

'Yes?'

'I've . . . I've already spoken my mind to Joe about it. I ... I want him to marry Annette. I want him to have the care of her. You could manoeuvre that for me.'

77/ do no manoeuvring. No such thing. If it's so willed that they should come together, they'll come together without any more manoeuvring being done in this house.' He got to his feet. 'I suppose you know you are where you are at this minute because of manoeuvring. You're aware that your Dad manoeuvred you towards Annette. Oh God forgive me.' He put his hand to his brow. 'I don't want to lose me temper at this stage; I'm too old to get worked up about life's foibles.' He stopped here for with some surprise he saw that Don was actually smiling, and so, his voice now taking on a purposely rough note, he said, 'And what are you grinning at? I have a pretty rough time of it. You're not the only one you know.'

'You always do me good, Father. You know, I've always thought you've been wasted as a priest; you would have done much more good on the stage.'

'For your information, boy, I am on the stage. What do you think the priesthood is but a stage and all of us enacting a play . . . ?'

The last word trailed away and his head drooped and he said softly, 'I didn't mean that.' Then his chin jerking upwards, he said, 'Yes, I did. God isn't fooled. He's looking down on this stage all the time and watching His lead players. Like a good producer, He's picked us. But He

doesn't take on the directing; He's left that to each individual, and some of us find the act harder to play out than others. I'll tell you something.' He leant both hands on the bed now and, bending, brought his face close to Don's, and almost in a whisper he repeated, 'I'll tell you something. You know what I would like to have been if not a priest?'

'A psychiatrist?'

'Psychiatrist, no! A clown, a simple clown. Not a magician; you know, one of the clever clots; just a simple clown. And I would like to have acted solely before children under the age of seven, because it is then we are told they come to the use of reason and reason wipes out wonder. Have you ever thought about wonder? It's a gift that's given only to children, but they lose it so quickly, so quickly.' He sighed now, pulled himself up straight and, his voice changing, he said, 'You know something: you're bad for me. You're like Joe. He's the kind of fellow that makes you go to confession every time you talk to him.' He chuckled now, then said in a deep but soft tone, 'Good night, my son, and God be with you every minute of it.' And on this he left the room. And Don, pressing his head back into the pillow, said, 'Yes, God be with me every minute of it.'

Joe met the priest in the hall, saying, 'Come in here, Father; I've got a hot drink for you.'

'Don't have a shock, Joe, but I'm going to refuse it. I've got two visits to make and it's getting near me bedtime. See that he takes his tablets early, will you? Do you know, he ... he thinks she's come back and is waiting for him.'

'Yes, Father. I got an inkling of it a while back, and I believe he's right.'

'Oh, now, don't you start, Joe. You with a head on you like a spirit-level.'

'Does that mean, Father, that you're insensitive if you're level-headed?'

'Not a bit of it, not a bit of it. You know what I mean.'

'Harvey sensed something, Father. He didn't know what. But he wasn't in the house very long before he said, "I can't believe she's gone. I've got the feeling she's still upstairs, and not in the ordinary way. I just don't know." '

'Well, coming from his culture, they're nearer the earth than we are.'

'Or the gods.'

'Oh, Joe, don't egg me on to theology at this time of night and in my present state. Still, I know what you mean and although I'm throwing doubt on everybody's opinion, let me tell you I too know she's here. There are more things in heaven and earth than this world dreams of. One more thing and I must be off. How soon can Annette come back? because he wants to see that child and it's only fair that he should.'

'It'll be some days yet, Father, I'm afraid.'

'Oh, well, there's no doubt about it, he'll hang on if at all possible. I'll be round in the morning at eight o'clock for Holy Communion. And it wouldn't do you any harm to take it either. Two for the price of one.'

'I'll buy it, Father. Good-night.'

'Good-night, Joe.'

Don took Holy Communion the following morning, but his mother remained with him.

They buried her on the Wednesday and it was noticeable how few of her friends attended the funeral, for had she not been insane and tried to murder her husband and other members of the household? Besides Joe, Flo and Harvey, you could have counted another twenty people, half of them Daniel's workmen. Nor did any of these, other than Joe, Harvey and Flo make their way back to the house.

From the talk around him, Stephen had known that his mother was to be buried that day, but he had shown no desire to attend the funeral; in fact, he had remained in his room until Joe had gone up to him. 'It's all right,' Joe had said to him, 'for I want you to stay and look after Don till we get back.' And Stephen had jabbered with relief, 'Yes, yes, Joe, I will, I will. I'll see to Don. Don likes me seeing to him. Yes, I will.'

On arriving back, Joe went immediately to Don's room. Inside, however, he did not approach the bed, but looking towards the nurse, he said, 'Mr and Mrs Rochester are

going to have a bite of food; would you like to join them?'

Taking the broad hint, the nurse smiled and left the room; and Joe, now standing close to the bed, looked down on Don but found it most difficult to speak for the moment. It was Don who seemed the more composed, and he said quietly, 'Well, you got it over?'

'Yes, yes, it's over.'

'So now we'll see. But... but somehow it doesn't matter; I'm not afraid of her any more. I haven't been for the last few days. I think it was after I took Holy Communion I seemed to get quiet inside. It was like Extreme Unction. He hasn't brought that up yet.' He smiled wanly. 'Father Ramshaw, I mean. He's sort of putting it off until the last minute. I've always thought Extreme Unction must be like signing your name to a death warrant. Oh, Joe.' He slowly lifted his hand and caught Joe's wrist. 'Don't look like that, man. Don't you think it's as well I can talk about it? You know, it's like people who are afraid to mention the name of anyone who's just died. I always think that's silly; it's like shutting them out. I don't want to be shut out, Joe. I don't want you to talk about me when I'm gone, behind my back.' He gave a small laugh.

'Oh, for God's sake, Don!' Joe pulled his hand away from the weak grasp. 'You know what? You break my heart at times.'

'Oh, Joe, I'm sorry. Look at me. Come on now. I'll tell you something. You know what the doctor said this morning? He said my heart's steadier than it's been in weeks. Now why is that? And I said to him, I'm going to get better; I'm sick of paying your bills. Come on, Joe. Joe, please.'

Joe did not turn round, but muttered, 'I'll... I'll be back in a minute.' And with that he went into the sitting-room,

and he was about to ring the bell that could be heard in the dining-room and the kitchen and which would summon someone back here, when he heard Don's door open and Stephen's voice say, 'Oh, I thought Joe was here. He said we could play billiards.'

'Come and sit beside me for a while.' Don's voice came as if from a far distance. 'Joe'll be back in a minute; he's gone on an errand for me.'

Joe slipped out through the conservatory, along the corridor, and so to his own apartment. And there he sat down and drooped his head into his hands. He couldn't stand much more of this; the turmoil inside him was tearing him apart. Again he wished he was miles away. At one time he had loved this house for itself, now he hated it. He, too, was certain that although her body might be in the grave her spirit was still here.

After a moment or so he rose to his feet and stood looking out of the window on to the garden. The sun was shining brightly. The week-end winter had gone; it was even warm. That unfailing announcer of spring, the bed of crocus just below the window, was pushing through, and a border of daffodils, their buds now showing but still pointing straight up, on the other side of the path. The garden was beginning to smile. He drew in a long breath.

But down to earth again: in an hour's time he would be going from one to the other in the hospital. And yet, did he need to? They all knew she had been buried today.

Annette had had to be told of her father-in-law's and Maggie's sojourn quite near her. When he told her what had happened to them she had become fearful, saying, 'She'll come here and try to get the baby.' And so, to calm her he had been obliged to tell her that her mother-in-law was already dead.

It had also lain with him to break this news to Daniel, and that had come about only yesterday. The doctor had advised against it, and when he had received this advice he had wanted to say, 'He won't be shocked. He'll be glad to hear it.'