The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (13 page)

“Because I do.” He gets up and starts to pace, only to be stopped by his cell phone again.

“Shouldn’t you answer that, it must be important?”

“No I shouldn’t and it’s not important. You’re important. You’re what matters right now,” he says as he drops to his knees in front of me.

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t.”

“Is there a difference?” I ask.

“Can’t means there’s something physically holding you back from me and I know that’s not true. I can feel it when you kiss me and just now, the way you were touching me, exploring with your hands.

“Won’t means you won’t give in to temptation, but we already know that’s not true. You’ve let me kiss you. You’ve let me hold you against my body. Neither of these are valid reasons.

“I know you’ve lost your husband. I know every day is a battle for you because you miss him. I’m not trying to take his place with you or the twins. I just want to fit into your life.”

“You make everything sound so easy.” Harrison pulls my hand into his.

“It is,” he says with such confidence.

“It’s not.”

“Only because you don’t allow it.”

“Our lifestyles are different. I’m a mom of two who needs to be home at all times. You’re a drummer in a band who leaves all the time and spends months on the road. You have all these women throwing themselves at you, and I wouldn’t be able to trust the situation. I’ve seen it first hand. I don’t know how Josie does it, but I wouldn’t be able to. We’re too different.”

“Different is good.”

“No, different causes problems. There are expectations that have to be followed.”

“Expectations?” he questions, raising his eyebrow.

Harrison stands in front of me making me look up at him. “People have expectations of me,” I say quietly.

He leans over me, one arm resting on the arm of the couch. “You give a shit about what people think?”

My throat constricts because I hate that I do care about what people think. I nod and break eye contact because I don’t think I can take the look he’ll give me.

“That’s such bullshit. You won’t be with me because you’re worried about what people will think? What if they think ‘wow look at Katelyn, she’s found someone to love her and the girls, or is that not good enough for you?”

I look at him when he says love. He’s got to be joking. No one can love a widow with two kids. “Love?” I question, wanting to know his answer.

“Yeah, love. I can see myself falling in love with you and as much as I’m trying not to, it’s not working.” He says quietly. He sits down next to me and leans back into the couch. “I don’t know what else to say. I shouldn’t have to sell myself to you. You either like me or you don’t. Thing is, you can’t lie, I know you feel something, you just have to let yourself believe I’m good enough to be a part of your life.”

His phone rings again. I throw my hands up in the air. “Seriously, answer your damn phone.” He rolls his eyes and picks it up.

“Hello... yeah I remember... how’d you get my number?” Harrison has a confused look on his face. He bites his lip as he listens to his caller. “Okay... please don’t call me again.” He hangs up and puts his phone on his pocket.

“Who was that?” I ask even though it’s none of my business.

He shrugs.

“See this is one of the reasons. I know it was a woman, I could hear her whiney voice. Has she been the one calling you for the last hour?”

“It doesn’t matter who it was. What matters is that you don’t want to be with me, yet you’re still sitting in this room when you should be doing your job and getting things set up for tonight. I was in here because I can’t sleep on the bus. The room is yours now.”

I’m taken by his harsh tone, but this is what I’ve asked for. My lips form a thin line as I fight the urge to say something stupid. I nod and stand up. I look at Harrison, but he’s looking at his phone, ignoring me.

The door swings open and Liam barges in with the biggest pissed off look I’ve ever seen. Jimmy is following behind him. I look from Liam to Harrison, who doesn’t acknowledge the guys being in here.

“What have you done?” Liam asks in an incredulous tone.

“What are you talking about?”

“This.” Liam holds up a piece of paper and shakes it.

I walk over and pull it out of his hands. It’s the contract for the venue. As I read it my stomach drops.

“I... I... don’t –“

“You’re right, you don’t. This is bullshit, Katelyn, aren’t you paying attention?”

“I am,” I say with a shaky voice.

“What is it?” Harrison asks.

“Seems Katelyn has doubled booked us for the rest of the tour. We are supposed to be in Colorado and Seattle tomorrow night.”

“How is that possible?” Harrison stands and walks over to take the paper from Liam. He reads it over, looking at me for answers that I can’t give. I never set any dates in Colorado so I’m not sure how they ended up with a contract.

“Says we lose ten grand if we don’t show.”

“Yep sure does.”

My heart drops and dread takes over my body. An error somehow on my part just cost the guys ten grand.

Harrison looks from Liam to me, and I know this time he’s not coming to my defense. I’ve ruined any chance of having him in my corner when I told him that I couldn’t be with him. He hands me the contract and leaves the room, followed by Jimmy and lastly, Liam. I jump when the door slams shut and don’t even bother stopping the tears when they flow.

CHAPTER 15

Harrison

I lie on my bed, with my hands behind my head, replaying the last few days over and over in my head. Now that the tour is over, albeit cut short, reality is jumping up and down, reminding me that school is about to start, that I have to be a responsible parent. My circle of friends, people I’ve depended on for so long, are living their lives in L.A. while Quinn and I live the high life in Beaumont. I shouldn’t have to remind myself that this is what I wanted. I just thought things would be different.

Hell, I don’t know what I thought, but definitely not this. I’m not gonna lie, I want her in my bed at night. I want to wake up and find her cooking breakfast for our kids. I want to come home at night and have everyone gathering around the table for dinner. But that’s not going to happen. She’s made herself very clear and I can’t continue putting myself out there for the rejection. A man can only take so much in his lifetime.

I look at the clock and sigh heavily. This year I’m taking Quinn to buy his school supplies. Usually my mom, or Meghan, his nanny, has done it and now it’s my turn. It’s time for me to grow up, I guess. I get up, get dressed and slip into my boots, looking down at my attire. I know Katelyn snubs her nose at the way I look. I’ve seen her do it and that’s fine. I’m not going to change for her or anyone. I like my t-shirts, khaki shorts, beanie and either my boots or Vans. Hell, I’ve been known to wear Chucks before. Aren’t those supposed to be considered high-class-guy-fashion or something?

I knock on Quinn’s door and open it, sticking my head inside. He’s sitting in his beanbag chair playing in his Xbox.

“Wanna go school shopping?”

“Sure,” he says as he powers down his console. It’s a proud dad moment when he doesn’t argue or roll his eyes. I know those days are coming and honestly, I don’t know what I’ll do the first time he smarts off to me. He walks ahead, his clothes matching mine, everything except for the hat. He likes to keep his hair styled, something I never did at his age.

Quinn is nothing like me. He’s confident and self-assured, making friends easily. I was shy and awkward, always alone, never fitting in. I thank my lucky stars that he’s different from me. I’m not sure how’d I’d handle things if he had a childhood like I did.

We walk to our car; the non-descript family car that I bought when we moved here so we wouldn’t draw unwanted attention with something flashy. I still have my motorcycle in the garage, but haven’t really taken it out much, aside from a few rides with Liam. I’m trying to live a normal life, one away from the balance in my checkbook, and give Quinn a quiet life, which is why I let Meghan go and didn’t ask her to move with us. Quinn has spent far too much time in her care because of my job, and now Liam’s provided me an opportunity to be home more.

Driving into town, I can’t help but look over at him while he watches the scenery pass him by. He’s well adjusted and acts like nothing bothers him and I want to believe that, but sometimes question if he needs something else, mainly a mom. Not that I’m going to run out and get married, but maybe bringing Meghan here is an option.

I pull into the parking lot of the mall and look around at all the other parents taking their kids shopping. Now I know why I never cared when my mom took Quinn shopping. This place is nuts.

“Grandma sent me a list of things she usually buys you. She didn’t tell me the mall would be like this, though.”

Quinn starts to laugh as he gets out of the car. I follow, locking it behind us. “It’s not so bad. Grandma always bought me ice cream though.” He looks up at me and bats his eyes.

I shake my head. “Of course she did,” I say as I throw my arm around him. We walk toward the lion’s den, the James men, brave... and incredibly stupid.

Quinn walks from store to store with me following behind, carrying his bags. I never knew my son was such a shopper; that definitely has to be Yvie rubbing off on him. I can’t remember a time when I’d step foot in a shopping center. They scare me. People just stare at me. We manage to get everything on my mom’s list and then some.

“Hey, Dad?”

“What’s up, bud?”

“Are you and Katelyn going to be boyfriend and girlfriend?”

I put the boots back on the shelf and try to compose my thoughts. This is exactly why I’ve never brought anyone home. I don’t want Quinn getting attached to anyone. Katelyn’s around because she works for the band and because of Liam and Josie, but he knows I like her.

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

I watch as his face drops.

“Come on, let’s go get some lunch and we’ll talk about it.” I put my hand on his shoulder and guide us out of the store. I nod at the cashier when we pass and turn toward the food court. We order from the staple of every mall food court, McDonald’s, and find a place to sit that can accommodate our bags. I’m thankful that no one is paying enough attention to notice me. I’m not in the mood to sign autographs today.

“Do you ever talk to Elle or Peyton?”

Quinn shrugs. “Not really. Peyton is always with Noah, but she doesn’t talk much.”

“You know that their dad died last year, right?”

He nods as he sticks a french fry in his mouth. “Yeah, Noah talks about Mason all the time. It’s sad that they lost their dad.”

“It is, I agree, and sometimes it’s hard for people to move on after they’ve lost someone they love so much.”

“Is that why Peyton is always upset?”

I nod. “I think so. From what Liam has told me, Peyton and her dad were very close and she’s having trouble adjusting.”

Quinn watches some of the people around us. He picks at his lunch, not really engaging in eating it.

“You okay?”

He shrugs. “I kinda thought Katelyn was going to be my mom. I saw you guys together and know you like her. I don’t know. Noah is always talking about great it is to have two parents and I know you like her and I think she likes you. I just thought...” His voice carries off while he plays with the wrapper from his straw. He doesn’t look me in the eyes, but down at his hands.

“What if he’s not mine?” I continue to pace. I was counting my steps, but lost count after five thousand.

“Of course he’s yours, Harrison, he looks just like you.”

I roll my eyes and pull on my lip ring. “He looks like the old man next door, doesn’t make him mine.”

My mom stands, setting Quinn – that’s the name I gave him – on her shoulder. She rubs his back, soothing him, not that’s he’s crying but he likes that.

“What if she comes back and takes him away?”

“Harrison,” mom steps closer and puts her hand on my arm. “I remember a day, a few months back, when you wouldn’t even look inside his car seat and now you’re worried she’s going to come back?”

I shrug. “He’s my life, I love him.”

Tears glisten in her eyes. I have to look away. I hate when she cries. It only took a day, which in my opinion was far too long, before I picked him up. I didn’t know what I was doing. He was crying and rocking him wasn’t working so I took a chance and the moment he nuzzled into my neck, I was a goner.

“He’s yours, sweetie.”

I don’t believe her. Nothing good can come of my lawyer calling me and telling me I need to come down. It’s been six-weeks since we took the test. The longest weeks of my life wondering if he’s mine and watching out the window to see if she’d be back.

“Mr. James,” I turn when my name is called. My body turns cold. I take a deep breath and stare down the hall that leads to my lawyer. To a man who holds my future in his hands. My mom pushes me forward. My steps are tentative as I drag my feet and follow behind her. Quinn, still on her shoulder, looks at me. His toothless smile making my steps just a bit faster. For months I’ve held him in my arms, waiting for this moment. Praying that a simple piece of paper will confirm what my heart feels, that he’s mine.

My mom sits. I choose to stand behind her, near the door for a quick escape. My palms sweat and my heart races. I think I’d rather listen to him cry for hours than sit in here and wait for a short man with beady eyes tells me my fate. My mom looks over her shoulder and reaches for my hand, holding it for reassurance.

“Mr. James,” he says as he shuffles paper back and forth on his desk. Shouldn’t he be ready? He called me and asked me to come in. You’d think everything would be in an orderly fashion. “I trust your day is going well.”

“It’s fine,” I reply.

“Okay, well I have the results here and also another matter we need to discuss.”

I roll my neck, trying to loosen up my nerves. He picks up the stack of papers and taps them against his oversized desk. He knows I’m paying him by the hour, that’s why he’s stalling.

He leans back in his chair, holding a single sheet of paper in the right light so I can see print, but I’m unable to make out the words.