The Wrong Sister (26 page)

She could do the job, which required a lot of reading. She had to learn the pros and cons of each different software program they sold. She was given a month of book training before she was allowed to accompany her counterpart and learn on-the-job training.

The condo. The new job. The longer hours. The girls alone. Everything was all so strange. And good too. In many ways, it was what Tracy was looking for since the day Micah left. She stayed busy and involved and didn’t have a lot of extra time to think about all she lost and how much her life had changed.

When she started her new job, she requested two weeks off in advance for a scheduled family vacation. Maybe she had no right, but her kids needed that vacation more than anything she could think of. It was the same vacation her children had taken every year of their short lives. It was something they counted on and sincerely loved. Her parents always rented a three-story house on a small island in the Pacific Northwest, right on Puget Sound. She, Micah and her kids always went there, as did Vickie. Gretchen sometimes came. Last year she and Tony did, but this year, they weren’t sure because Tony had a speech scheduled, and doubted he could change it. Although it might have been tough to go there now without Micah, Tracy felt her kids deserved to be with their grandparents just the same. She decided to join them only on the weekends, if they didn’t agree, but they were very gracious about it. With a huge breath of relief, Tracy was glad that something would be the same as last year. Nothing else in her life, or her children’s was anything like it was even a year ago. For a family who once thrived on having schedules, routine, and regularity, they were now the opposite in almost every way.

Vickie left for rehab a week before the vacation. She and Vickie kept their rather odd truce and somehow, it worked.

Tracy hadn’t seen Donny since the day he helped her father set her bed up in her new condo. She heard he was coming there on vacation because her parents wanted Julia there. Besides, he already had it scheduled since last year, assuming he’d be going there with Vickie.

Instead, both Tracy and Donny went there sans spouses, and with their kids. And finally, after nearly two months of no contact, Donny and Tracy were sharing the same house.

IT WAS A NEARLY A Catch-Twenty-Two being at the Whidbey Island house. Tracy drove up with her parents, who pulled a small trailer that contained all their belongings. It was odd to be riding with them. The last time she did that was when the girls were really young and Micah couldn’t join them for the first week because of his work. They rented the same house they always did ever since she was a young girl. It was recently remodeled and painted in a shade of fresh baby blue. The first floor had the kitchen and living area with all the bedrooms piled on top, up to the third floor. The girls always shared, and when Olivia came, they made it a threesome. For them, it was a heavenly, giggling two-week slumber party.

Tracy had the same lovely memories in that very room with her sisters having two-week sleepovers. Seeing her daughters with Gretchen’s… and imagining that someday, Julia would be joining them, was a lovely thought that tugged her heartstrings. Tracy hoped it would continue for coming generations. It also struck home that her life-long bond with her little sister was nearly cast away as easily as if it were just a random pebble on the beach.

Donny and Julia arrived two hours after Tracy and the rest of the family did. He unloaded their things and took the bedroom nearest hers. The girls were up one floor and her parents slept across from her. There were several awkward moments when Tracy or Donny passed by each other, or collided while coming through the same door. She didn’t allow Donny any time alone with her, however, or any conversation without first making sure others were present. She spent a lot of time with the kids so they were usually close by. She and her mother cooked all the meals, which also kept her busy and productive, rather than lounging around when Donny came in.

The girls spent a lot of time at the beach. They chose the last week of August and the first week of September, one of the rare seasons when the area had sunny skies and pleasant temperatures. They frolicked on the beach and played in the sand with Julia. Julia, now a month past two, toddled around with impish, smiling, trouble-making curiosity.

It hurt Tracy to watch Julia very long. She was so beautiful, and so like Vickie, Tracy easily remembered her daughters being on the same beach at that age, toddling around the beach grabbing every shell and rock, while sand caked in every part of their clothing. So easily, she remembered the mother she formerly was. The wife she formerly was. And the man she shared those things with. The hurt and memories were sharper than Tracy imagined would arise just from being there. The first year anniversary of the day she learned what Micah had done was coming up. And Donny? He was just… there. Everywhere Tracy looked, there he was. His dark eyes followed her everywhere, and his gaze seemed to bore right into her. His chemistry kept calling her.

****

Tracy stared out at the water. It was late evening, and so pleasant and lovely, it almost made her teeth ache. She sat on a log, bleached and smoothed by the waves and sun. The beach was dark and empty. The water lapped the shore softly like a tap dancer practicing the same step over and over again. It was fully night now. The twilight lingered until well past nine o’clock. The neighborhood was still and quiet, and the tiny dots of a few passing ships peppered the horizon.

The Indian summer air was warm enough to wear only shorts and a t-shirt. Tracy sat there at ten o’clock, feeling exhausted after another day of avoiding Donny and thinking about Micah.

As she sat there, time ceased its relevance to anything. Her mind’s images drifted and faded as they replayed the years of her life.

Of course, she thought of previous vacations. Every year, they went with her parents. A smile curled her lips as she saw herself, as a young mother, holding back her long, red hair while the wind whipped through it. She could even taste the salt on her lips. And feel the sun stinging her skin with heat, despite the breeze. Ally was a toddler, and Kylie was barely walking. Kylie dragged Tracy down the beach to a sandy spot with fewer smooth pebbles, which is what comprised most of Puget Sound’s beaches. She laughed after seeing Ally get up with wet sand stuck to her butt.

Glancing up again, Tracy saw Micah striding towards her, wearing tan shorts and a dark-colored polo shirt. His smile made his face beam like sunshine. He’d arrived early. Although he had more meetings, and wasn’t supposed to be there for another two days, Tracy was elated. She and her parents only came without him so they could enjoy the excellent weather longer. She delightedly ran to him and he caught her and bent her back over his arm in a long, hot kiss, the kind that a couple who’d been together for five years should not have engaged in on a beach with their two small children directly behind them. Nevertheless, they did.

Tracy remembered how Micah’s eyes crinkled when he smiled at her.

Later, as in hours later, and after being on the beach with Tracy and the girls, having dinner with her parents, and building a bonfire on the beach after the girls were in bed, Micah took her to their bed and made wild love to her. The night air was warm, so they left the sliding door open so the cool breeze could blow over their warm skin. He touched, kissed, sucked and finally took her in three different ways that would not necessarily have been considered “making love.” Sometimes, they had sex like a couple meeting after a drunken night at a bar. The chemistry never waned between them. For all their external niceness to the world, their personal life was the opposite. Their sex was theirs and theirs alone. It was hot, long and often. It was something most people wouldn’t have guessed about Tracy and Micah McKinley: middle class parents of two with a white picket fence. Sometimes, their sex was dirty and slutty, and she let him dominate her. Other times, he was soft, sweet, and slow, prolonging the inevitable until her entire body felt like it would melt into a puddle of nerves. She liked having him completely control her. She trusted him when he did that. During those times, she was
not
ordinary, sweet, girl-next-door, Tracy McKinley.

But that too was gone now and her body literally ached for it at times. There was so much history to grieve and miss and deal with. There was his betrayal that shattered her children and her. There was also the loss of everything real that mattered in her life. Including her identity. There was so much pain. Missing sex with Micah should have been number one hundred on her list of problems, but it wasn’t, because it mattered too. She missed him, and the way his hands ran up her legs. She missed the way his breath hitched when his fingers got closer to her center. And the way he touched her. God, he did it so well. He played with her. He pushed and twirled his fingers inside her until she came on his hand and then, only then, did Micah really start to seriously make love to her.

She squeezed her thighs together at the sudden ache, becoming lost in the memory of how his body used to feel inside hers. Her hand drifted between her legs and pressed down. Tears gathered in her eyes. It wasn’t the same. She missed the thick weight of him filling her up, her core heating up sensually, ignited merely from his looks. She missed the sensation of his hands and mouth on her. She missed him so much and in every way. Beyond all the betrayal and rage over what he’d done to her; she missed him. Micah McKinley. Her best friend. Her lover. Her everything.

And most of all, she missed the Tracy she used to be with him.

Oh, this new Tracy was socially more acceptable. She had become a strong, independent, working woman. She handled her kids alone, and everything that entailed. She was learning a new job and getting positive feedback, which, two years ago, she never imagined could come her way.

But there were other times when she missed the stay-at-home mother she used to be. The wife she loved being. And the safety and security and sense of belonging she once had.

The more time that passed, the more real it became. She probably would never see Micah again. Or the life she formerly knew; the relationship they shared was so over.

“Tracy?”

She jumped as she jerked her hand away from pleasuring herself, her cheeks filling with the hot blush of shame.
Shit!
Hastening to her feet, she turned towards Donny’s voice. He stood at the opening of the beach, about ten feet away. Guiltily, she searched his face for any signs that he knew what she’d been doing. Or almost doing. But his hands were in his short pockets and a hoodie stretched over his chest. His hair was fluffed boyishly like the sweatshirt had gotten caught on it when he put it on. He was hot. There was no denying it. He and Tony looked so much alike, it was startling sometimes. They had a lot of the same facial expressions; except Donny smiled a lot more. And a lot more easily. He also, thankfully, lacked the intense, gruff, reclusive thing Tony possessed. Donny’s face was always friendly and open, with a quick smile and ready to laugh.

Well, that is, up until the last few months. Now? Donny resembled Tony more than ever. He stood back from her, motionless. She stood there too, with her body still half turned on, but rapidly fading at the intense look on Donny’s face. He didn’t smile his usual greeting.

“You okay?”

“Yes!” she said way too quickly. Her voice tempered down lower as she added, “W-Why do you ask? And what are you doing out here?”

Could he tell?
Did he realize she was down here fantasizing about old sex with a man who left her and never looked back? Did he realize she was nearly ready to arouse herself in response to what those memories did? She should have been sickened by them. Turned off. But no. She was… almost pretending what it was like to be young again, and in love, and turned on by the only man she ever loved. And was lucky enough to be married to.

Donny shrugged and tilted his head. His frown deepened. “You seemed… distracted. I said your name three times before it registered.”

Three times?
Her gaze jerked to his.
Oh dear God!
Did he realize what was distracting her? It seemed so pathetic. She felt old and dried up. She pictured people thinking that of her. It would gross anyone out to picture her turned on anymore.

“Just… remembering… things. Are the kids okay?”

He nodded. “Far as I know. Julia’s asleep, yours are sacked out in front of a movie. Your parents just went to bed. What are you doing out here?”

She turned her head, hoping he couldn’t make out the flush in her cheeks. “There are a lot of memories here. It’s easy to get lost in them.”

She dropped down on the log once again, and Donny moved closer and stared out at the darkened sound. The moon shone over the water like a big, yellow, round ball. It was freaky looking, and gorgeous.

“You guys spent every summer here. I’m sure this time must be very hard. Another thing to deal with and get through.”

She glanced up at his profile before dropping her gaze to her feet. She slipped her flip-flops off and dug her toe into the pebbles and wet sand of the beach there.

“Twelve years he came here with me. Every summer. I can remember the kids here at every age. Micah. Me. We never missed a year.”

“What were you thinking of just now?”

“Our trip here when the kids were just toddlers. He was supposed to miss the first week, but he showed up after two days into it because he couldn’t stand to skip it. I was so happy. I was so in love. I was so sure I had found security for the rest of my life. I’m not sure why I was even thinking about it.”

“Vickie and I only came last year. I can easily see how much it meant to you.”

She laughed a hollow sound. “You never saw past the glow of Vickie’s brilliance and your bromance with my husband. You never noticed me. You only notice me now for how pathetic and sad I am. Even Vickie wanted you to take care of me. Micah asked you before he left, knowing I would need your help.”

Donny’s hips shifted as he pivoted and looked down at her. She could feel his intense gaze on her even though she wasn’t looking. “I noticed you.”

She shrugged, suddenly, strangely uncomfortable at his tone. Where was the anger of late? That’s all Donny talked with anymore. Anger. Annoyance. A tired, exhausted timbre in his tone. This was weird. She glanced up, biting her lip, and found him staring at her again.

Slowly, while holding her gaze, he sat down next to her, on the log, his butt not a foot away from hers. His wide shoulders brushed hers. His were twice the width of hers. He was bigger than Micah. He had a wider frame, and was tall and long like all the men in his family. His legs spread wide when he sat, bumping his hairy, bare knee against hers. She swallowed and discreetly tucked her legs closer to her and wrapped her arms around them to rest her chin on her knees.

She shifted her body forward so she could break the weird, intense eye contact. “You thought I was a sweet, little dork who could babysit your daughter better than your wife.”

He cleared his throat. “I never thought of you like that.”

She rubbed her chin on her knees and shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I am that.”

He didn’t answer for a long moment. The soft lapping of water filled the silence. His voice was deep and soft when he spoke. “When we were here last year, and my daughter was only a year old, and her mother could barely be bothered to come in from sunbathing to take care of her, I thought no woman ever looked as appealing as you did in that moment.”

Her gaze jerked to his.
Wait. What? What did he just say? Last year?
His dark eyes probed hers. He didn’t back off either. His hand came out and touched a strand of hair that kept blowing over her face. “Do you remember the day we toured Fort Casey? I thought, I distinctly remember thinking, Micah was a lucky man. I was an idiot and I would never know a day as fun, quiet, peaceful, and real as Micah got to experience every day with you, as his wife and mother of his children. I thought then, for the first time, that I’d made a huge mistake. Do you remember that day, Tracy?”