The Wraeththu Chronicles (86 page)

"And what were the 'certain favors' that Thiede requested from them?" I butted in, fiercely. I had no right to be angry now, of course; I had forsaken my tribe, but betrayal still cuts deep.

"To appear to form an alliance with the Varrs, of course," Ashmael put in smoothly. "How else do you think we got so much information?"

"So Terzian was right," I said softly.

There was a mumble of voices around the table and a small amount of shuffling. My anger discomforted them. Wasn't I supposed to be Gelaming now?

"I met some of the Kakkahaar," I said. "I did not like them. I was younger then; they frightened me."

"Not an unhealthy attitude for a sensible harling!" Ashmael said cheerfully. "Anyway, those of you whom we would like to travel north to Galhea' will be informed over the next couple of days. You may warn your hara. It is safer to believe that Ponclast will know we are planning to make a move. Security must be increased around Imbrilim. Cedony, I believe that's your department; I shall leave the preparation to you. Now, I think this is a good time to pause and refresh ourselves, don't you? Velaxis! Wine and a sumptuous repast are in order, I believe."

As we ate, I said to Ashmael, "Are you afraid of Ponclast then?" He looked at me sideways.

"Don't underestimate him, Swift. He could damage us quite badly. That is why we needed the elixir that was produced during your Grissecon with Seel."

"Can I see the crystal?" I asked.

"Of course, but not yet," he answered.

Talks went on until well into the evening. It was mostly about small details for the journey north. Not much was said about what we'd do when we got there. I was in a daze. I remember saying to Seel, "My God. I'm going home. I've just realized; I'm going home! Will they have been told there?"

Seel shrugged. "You'd better ask Ashmael that. I would have thought so, though. It might cause problems having large numbers of Gelaming appearing from nowhere. When Ash spoke of Galhea being mostly undefended, I think he was probably exaggerating. What do you think?"

"He was. There are enough of the Varrish army still there to look after the place. I presume Ithiel is still in charge. If I were Ashmael, I would try to get in touch with him. He's quite rational!"

"Actually, Swift, we shall be leaving that up to you," Ashmael interjected, having been eavesdropping on our conversation. "But we shall leave that until we get there. You are our protection, my dear!"

We laughed together. A kind of excitement was building up.

"We shall probably keep quiet in Galhea for a couple of months," Ashmael continued. "Because, of course, Seel shall be with us and due to spawn at that time. An important event, as Thiede has impressed upon us."

"There speaks the smug face of someone who does not carry a pearl!" I said caustically. "Ashmael, sometimes you disgust me." That night, lying awake in Seel's arms I pondered aloud on what it would be like to return to Forever.

"I am Gelaming now," I said. "How will Cobweb react?"

"I should think he will just be glad that you are alive," Seel replied. "Oh, I don't know. To a Varr, being dead is better than being Gelaming."

"I'm looking forward to seeing Galhea, Swift. Don't let premature worrying ruin that feeling for you. I know how much you love Forever, and Cobweb and all the others. Just think about seeing them again after so long. I'm sure everything will be alright."

I was grateful for his optimism, but not convinced.

Cedony and Chrysm were going to remain in Imbrilim, but Arahal and Ashmael would travel north. As part of the preparation for the journey, Arahal taught me something about the nature of Gelaming horses. I had always thought them unearthly and had not been surprised when I learned that they had the ability to travel through time and space in a completely different way to any that I'd imagined. I had always been nervous of trying to ride one in that way myself, but now Arahal told me that I'd have to learn. It would be impossible for me to ride Tulga home and arrive months after everybody else. I knew that these fabulous beasts could take you out of the world we know somehow and take you flying through a mad helter-skelter of star-trails and aether. I knew that journeys of hundreds of miles could be accomplished in seconds that way. I knew that When you were brought back to solid ground again you were still drunk with the weirdness of it for hours afterwards. You can see why I was a little nervous.

The first time Arahal took me riding through the other-lanes and I found myself speaking mind to mind with a horse, it was as distant and as vivid as a dream, if you can understand what I mean by that, but disorientating because I couldn't wake up. It made my jaw ache. Arahal laughed at me. His hair still sparkled with static dust when we came back to earth again. I was sitting on a horse that was all white and glowing and prancing. Arahal said, "She is yours now, Swift." Her name is Afnina; I still have her. No har less than Ulani can travel in that way. It demands severe control of the mind to achieve it, and to lose that control in mid-flight would mean disaster. The horse could lose you in the vastness of infinity and it would be virtually impossible for anyone to find you again. Arahal didn't tell me this until after we'd reached solid ground. I was grateful for that.

Seel was worried about the journey, for he thought traveling in the other-lanes might damage the pearl within him. Ashmael said he thought Seel was being overcautious, but he communicated with Immanion to put our minds at rest.

"Why hasn't Pell ever come?" I asked, as we waited for an answer.

"Think you're that important, Swiftling?" Ashmael snapped, jovially

"No, not me, but Cal was with me."

"He's not with you now, though!"

This was true, of course, but I still felt disappointed that Pellaz hadn't tried to contact me again. Even Seel hadn't seen him in any shape or form for some time. I wondered if this might have something to do with Cal, but shrank from discussing it with Seel. He was becoming edgy and restless and I knew that mention of Cal disturbed him. I would hold him in my arms at night, still incredulous that I could do that, and put my hand across his lean, hard belly. "No womanish swelling!" he would say uneasily and tried to hide his pain if I prodded him too sharply. "Where is it? What is it doing?" he once asked in a panicky sort of voice.

"Just growing," I replied.

"Is it really there?" Seel mused to himself, as if he hadn't heard me. We received word from Immanion that it would be advisable for our journey to be undertaken as soon as possible, in view of Seel's condition. No-one was really sure what the other-lanes would do to unborn harlings, but Thiede had said it was safe in the early stages, and no-one cared to argue with him.

The night before we left, Seel said, "Home, Swift; this is it. I expect your family shall hate me."

"My family of two. How awesome!" I pointed out rather glumly.

"Nonsense, Swift. From what you've told me, your family in Forever is quite large. They may not be related by blood, but they are definitely family! I can't believe that I'm actually going to meet the prim and fussy Moswell, the dreamy, romantic Swithe and the melodramatic, mad beauty Cobweb."

"I believe you're mocking me, Seel!"

"No, I mean it. It will be like meeting characters out of a book, that I've read about. I can't wait!"

Seel had a feral gleam in his eye when he said that. Some mischievous part of him would welcome the havoc it would cause in my household when it was announced that a Gelaming hosted a pearl for me, especially when they saw him. I knew that Cobweb would probably loathe him from the start.

After the journey, swift as a dream, we burst onto the earth, in a spume of smoking manes and tails, onto the flower-starred fields beyond Galhea. The horses jostled against each other in excitement and I laughed at Afnina's elation. The air smelled damper here. Afnina pulled against my hands, rearing up on her hind legs so that her luxurious mane fell over my fingers.

It was another spring in the fields of Galhea. I did not really know how long I'd been gone. At least a year; at least. Cal, Leef and I might have traveled through the Forest for months, we had no way of telling. Leef was with me again now, although still rather curt and unfriendly. I knew he had been in two minds about whether to leave Imbrilim or not; there was not that much waiting for him back home, but I had personally requested him to accompany us. I knew it would look better if two of us came home. Leef made me wait for two days before he gave me his answer, which of course had been yes. I think he'd been surprised how easily he'd adapted to the way of life in Imbrilim. It had taken him a little longer than me but now I think he was as eager to forget he'd ever been a Varr as I was.

I could see the outline of Forever, high on its hill, all its windows catching the morning sun. Seel came up beside me. His face was pale. "So, this is your home," he said, with a brave attempt at a smile.

"You are tired." I leaned to touch his face. The journey had seemed to have taken only minutes, yet I felt as if I had been riding for days. Seel looked exhausted.

"I am tired," he said. "I must rest." He slid to the ground and leaned against his horse's flank. The animal turned its head and sniffed him curiously. I saw his hand reach to stroke its nose.

"Swift!" Ashmael skidded his horse to a halt at my side.

"Well, what do you want me to do?"

"Your hostling . . . contact him."

Now: I was home. Forever squatted like some vast, brooding beast on its hill, holding within its walls those people with whom I'd grown and lived and loved. I was afraid. I was afraid that by coming back I'd destroy the dream of my childhood, that Forever would seem different and my loved ones strangers.

I dismounted from my horse. Beside me, Seel could barely stand; his face looked pinched and he was cold to my touch. I put my fingers against his neck, just below the ear, and tried to transfer a little of my strength to him. I could feel the pull; he

needed more than I could give. I looked back toward Galhea. Nobody said anything. They were just waiting. I closed my eyes and called him: "Cobweb . . ."

Once was enough. A blast, a surge of energy smacked into my brain, powerful as a hurricane and just as disordered. I could make no sense of it, but I knew it was him. Standing there, knee-deep in lush grass, I could even smell him. "Cobweb, I'm home." He withdrew a little, tentatively caressing my mind. He would be able to tell how different I was, what I'd become. I felt his puzzlement, vague at first. I formed the words, "You must send Ithiel ..."

"You are not alone . . ."

"No."

"There are strangers with you, many strangers. Who are they?"

"Friends."

"Friends? So many friends?"

"They are Gelaming, Cobweb."

"You have brought them here. I thought you would." He felt weary and resigned; his anger would come later. He did not ask about Terzian or Cal. Before he withdrew completely, to find Ithiel and send him to bring us intoGalhea, he said one last thing. He said, "Thank you, Swift." It could have meant anything.

I was walking with Cobweb in the garden. We had been fed, we had rested, and now Ashmael was talking with Ithiel. Ithiel had looked older; it surprised me. I took my hostling to the summerhouse by the lake.

"Do you remember . . . ?" I began to ask, and then couldn't say it.

Cobweb smiled and looked away. "You have not lost your impertinence, I see!"

We walked in silence, evening all around us. Cobweb was so full of questions, he didn't know where to start and remained quiet. He reached for my hand.

"I'd forgotten how marvelous, how wickedly beautiful you were!" I said lightly.

He laughed. "Me? All that? I'm surprised you say that now. After being with the Gelaming who are like ... like ... well, something like I've always expected."

The door to the summerhouse was open, some of the panes were broken, others were greened by lichen. "There was a great storm," Cobweb said. "All the lights went off in the town, some people were killed. I listened to it all night, all that howling. It was like angry spirits. I heard a tree fall in the garden. How it groaned! It must have fallen right through the glass here, some of it." Stark, leafless branches littered the floor like black, broken bones.

"You should have repaired it," I said, lifting a couple of the branches and tossing them out of the door.

Cobweb shrugged. "Maybe, but I think I prefer it this way. It's symbolic."

"You come here often, don't you?"

He didn't answer me, but went to sit on the edge of the fountain basin. I had a brief, painful flashback to that time when I had seen him sitting there before and Cal had come in like a zombie from the garden. Only now, the water in the fountain basin was choked with leaves, the orange fish long dead through neglect. Cobweb hadn't changed; for him that time could have been yesterday.

"I lost both of them," he said to the floor and then looked straight at me. "Thank God

you came back."

I went to him and put my head in his lap and he stroked my hair, but I could never be

a child again. In a way, I hadn't come back either, not the Swift that Cobweb had