The Wraeththu Chronicles (140 page)

"What are the Kamagrian?" I asked again. The Niz and Ariaric exchanged an agonized glance.

"Maybe, after Roselane, you will be able to tell us," Fortuny said.

"Oh, another secretive lot are they! You know what I really object to?" I waved a fork across the table at him. "The fact that so many people seem to know much more about me that I do. Why should anyone tell you my business? It was only a spur of the moment decision that I came here at all! It seems like I'm being watched. Is that the case?"

Ariaric burst out laughing and everybody looked at him. "Was it really a spur of the moment decision, Cal? Was it really? Do you mean to say that someone who knew quite a lot about you couldn't have simply guessed you'd call in here on the way east?" His amusement made me uncomfortable, especially in front of Elisyin who had raised one eyebrow specula-tively.

"Well, maybe not," I grumbled hotly, "but that doesn't alter the fact that my path through this country seems to have been completely predetermined as if I've had no choice in it at all. Why? It's been like a wild goose chase, a waste of time. Couldn't all my progression have been seen to in Roselane if it's so necessary? I've been played with, cat's-pawed around. Is it unreasonable that I object to it? Even if it has been intimated that it's all for 'my own good.' That's no comfort! You might think I've enjoyed it all Aric, but there have been moments of hell, sheer hell!" They let me rant on in this vein for several minutes until I exhausted my vocabulary of complaint. It didn't escape me that Ariaric must have spread my life story around his whole family either. Both of his sons were looking very embarrassed, but they knew what I was talking about alright.

"You feel you have to blame someone obviously," Fortuny said, to break a rather painful silence.

"You know, I actually envy you," Ariaric said, leaning back in his chair. "Look at me, trying to carve my name upon the stone of Wraeththu history, whilst yours is there already it seems. Burned upon it indelibly, and without you even trying!"

"And what does it say after my name do you think? Calanthe: was once a nuisance, but everybody got to hear about it?" They all laughed at that.

"Perhaps, but I think it will say, Calanthe: conscience of kings." Ariaric decided,

pleased with himself.

"Oh, does that explain why I don't have a conscience myself then?"

"Haven't you?" Elisyin asked innocently. It didn't fool me.

"Let him answer that in a year's time," Ariaric replied for me. He raised his glass. "A toast: to Roselane," he said. "Our hearts will go with you, Cal. Whatever your destiny is, it concerns us all. Isn't that right, Fortuny?"

The Niz smiled slyly. "There is no doubt of that," he said. "No doubt at all."

All they'd heard were rumors; of that I was sure. Their knowledge was incomplete. I got the strange impression that all these tribe leaders who'd played their part were counting on me for something. What?

I only went back to my room to sleep, the whole day having been spent with Ariaric and Elisyin. I envied their closeness. Sometimes, I forgot entirely who Ariaric had been. It was good to see him again though, the only person, apart from Zack perhaps, with whom I could reminisce about the bad old times. We had been lucky to escape with our lives. Even luckier to escape with our sanity. We had both changed since the days of the Uigenna; perhaps that was why I could forget our last meeting. It wasn't ignored though. We could say, "Oh, we were children then!" and laugh. If I could have looked into the future back then and foreseen this meeting, I would never have believed it. Panthera didn't come back to our room again that night. He obviously hadn't been there all day either; the place felt deserted. I tried not to feel anxious about it, telling myself there was no point, it was best this way, etc., etc. I drifted into a sleep crowded by neurotic dreams, in which the lovely Panthera played a very strong role.

I got out of bed early and shot to Ariaric's apartments for breakfast. I wasn't sure what time the Tigrina was expected, but I was going to make damn sure I was by the Archon's side when he arrived. Wonderful lurid fantasies paraded through my mind. The Tigrina knowing who I was immediately. A fantastic argument ensuing with me emerging triumphant, a defeated Tigrina accepting my victory and fading away to some far land. Me killing the Tigrina by poison so no-one could suspect me; him dying horribly in front of the entire court of Sykernesse. Such were the gist of my dreams. Obviously, I have never properly grown up. Ariaric had Elisyin with him; they were breaking their fast in bed together. I waited impatiently, only picking at the food Ariaric's servants set before me. By ten o'clock, the Archon and his consort emerged from the bedroom. I'd been frantically waiting for nearly an hour.

"Don't appear so eager," Ariaric said to me. "Knowing your history, I'm not sure whether it's a good idea to let you loose on the illustrious Tigrina ... I hope you won't betray my hospitality by misbehaving."

Caeru Meveny, consort to Pellaz-har-Aralis, Tigrina of Immanion arrived in time for lunch. To give the people of Oomadrah a fine spectacle, Ariaric had arranged for a lavish procession of horses, warriors and Niz to accompany this visiting dignitary from the south gate of the city to the palace. Ariaric and his court would wait upon a balcony on the outer wall of Sykernesse itself, too high up for the Tigrina to hear him say "hello," but of ample height for Ariaric and Elisyin to be shown off to their people. It would be good politics for the Tigrina to report the Maudrah's devotion to their Archon back to Immanion. Ariaric would use every opportunity to show how popular he was with them.

I couldn't see very much, having been hustled to the back of the balcony by jostling courtiers. It didn't matter. I wanted my first view of Caeru to be closer than this anyway. Hysterical cheering coming from the direction of the south wall presaged the arrival of the Gelaming party. It came closer and closer, an eery sound, almost like misery rather than joy. To me it sounded like a vast and moaning animal approaching Sykernesse from the south, getting louder and louder, until I had to fight an urge to run. Once the Tigrina was beneath the balcony, the voice of the city had become deafening. It was like a nightmare; all those repressed souls giving tongue, going mad. They weren't allowed to do that very often.

I backed away and descended the dark, stone stairs to the courtyard alone. It seemed deserted, with all noise coming from the city beyond. Only a few whispering servants around. Everyone was on the battlements and the balconies. I stood in the sunshine and watched as guards turned the wheels that opened the vast, wooden gates to the palace. Creaking, turning. They were rarely opened. Smaller doors within the gates themselves admitted daily traffic. First came the soldiers on horseback. The animals hadn't moved faster than a trot, I'm sure, yet they were sweating and snorting as if back from a gallop. This was backstage. Hara dismounting, laughing, calling to each other, lighting cigarettes, away from the public eye. Then came the Niz. They spoke together in low voices, drifting toward the main entrance in clumps. Now the courtyard was beginning to fill up with hara as the people of Syknernesse came down from the walls. I didn't want to be too prominent. I hung back.

The first of the Gelaming came in through the gates. Huge, white horses, not even faintly damp, gentle eyes sparkling with humor, manes as soft as harish hair. The riders wore thick leather armor, like insect carapaces, carrying their helmets on their saddles before them. These were hara chosen for their yellow hair, which they wore loose over their shoulders; the Tigrina's elite guard. All Arahal clones, I thought peevishly. Gelaming always make me feel inadequate. They seem so big. Tall, confident, beautiful and brilliant. Still, they fascinate me too. Must be a perversion on my part. The Tigrina came in surrounded by his aides. He looked so much smaller than I'd expected. Perhaps his horse was just larger than the rest. Apart from that, all that struck me was his incredible white-gold hair, ahuge mane that Ariaric would once have envied, as light and soft as feathers. I couldn't really see anything else. Ariaric and Elisyin descended from the balcony and the gates were closed upon the city. I watched as the Archon and his consort walked slowly up the wide steps to the palace with Caeru between them. They all looked as if they were very good friends. Caeru was skinny, I decided uncharitably. Small and skinny. I followed the party at a distance.

Caeru

"He that can love unloved again, Hath better store of love than brain. "

—Sir Robert Ayton, To an Inconstant One

A banquet had been prepared in Caeru's honor on the second floor of Sykernesse. I had been lucky to secure a seat in the main hall because all the rooms were full to capacity. High-ranking hara from every Maudrah town appeared to have converged on Oomadrah for the day. I tried to see ! if Panthera was around but that was impossible. Sykernesse being so large, I could have walked round that crowd all day and not seen someone familiar. No-one could get near Ariaric or Elisyin, so that it was with relief that I spotted their youngest son Zobinek speaking to one of Elisyin's valets at the door to the main hall.

"Will I have difficulty getting in here?" I asked. "I believe your father did reserve me a seat."

"Not if you walk in with me," Zobinek replied cheerfully.

I felt it would give him considerable prestige in the eyes of his friends to walk into that room with someone like me on his arm. I'd done my best in the grooming department for most of the morning and the results were so stunning I barely recognized myself. (Would I have to preen myself like this every day if I lived in Almagabra?) Ariaric certainly had a sense of humor; he had me sitting right on the top table. I could have easily spat at the Tigrina and scored a direct hit. Zobinek sat beside me and pointed out the various personalities of interest.

"See him," he said, pointing discretely to a venomously glamorous Har further down the table. "That's Lissilma the Kalamah. He killed my brother Ostaroth."

"What! And he dines on the high table in Sykernesse!" I was amazed.

Zobinek nodded. "Yes. He was Ostaroth's consort. It's a long story, but my father didn't think Lissilma was much to blame."

"What does Elisyin think about it?"

Zobinek shrugged. "He can't dispute Ostaroth asked for it. He treated Lissilma abominably. Kalamah are like cats, you see. You can be tickling their stomachs one moment and it's all purrs, the next . . . psshht!" He clawed the air expressively. "It's best not to upset them."

All this was effectively taking my mind off the presence of Caeru, perhaps a deliberate ploy on Zobinek's part. He clearly fancied his chances with me. A well-worn circumstance. Give me a chimaera to pursue any day. Caeru appeared to be utterly at ease with the royal family of Maudrah. I could hear him laughing. We were served the first course; spiced shellfish. Zobinek stopped talking so he could eat. The thought of food in my mouth repulsed me. I was thinking, "That creature is Pell's. He took my place," but even as I thought it, it didn't seem real. I had been told about the state of their blood-bond; it was ridiculous to feel jealous, except perhaps because Caeru had all the prestige and status that went with being Tigrina. Thiede had said he was good at his job. Could I have carried it off so well? I admit to vanity. Maybe I'd have enjoyed being fussed round, having people think I was important. At least I was being honest with myself now. I know I was staring; I wanted him to look at me. It took me nearly all the meal to get him to do it. He resisted my will, or he ignored it, but eventually, as Ariaric leaned back to speak to one of the servants, Caeru scanned the table and caught my eye. I have hardly ever experienced such a feeling of triumph, even as I realized how grossly I was overreacting to the whole situation. He looked puzzled. Perhaps he thought he knew me from somewhere. A brief, uncertain smile wavered upon his lips. He had an innocent kind of face, high-cheek-boned pretty, but wistful. I wished he could have been razor sharp like Cobweb, suave like Elisyin or recklessly carefree like Lahela. Just not this; haunted. I looked away and realized

Ariaric had been watching me for some moments. A wary expression. The Tigrina whispered in his ear. It had to be about me. Had to.

Later, Ariaric hosted a small (fifty hara) gathering in his personal suite on the third floor. Zobinek dragged me along, although I was no longer sure I wanted to go. I felt bruised. My journey must be resumed. I must forget this. For a moment, however brief, as I looked into his eyes, I had put myself in Caeru's place. I imagined the pain of fear, of loss. Such eyes as his expected it at any time. Yes, I actually felt guilty. Strange, isn't it. I told Zobinek that I had to find Panthera. "We are leaving soon," I said. "Oh, not yet, surely!" Zobinek replied. "Anyway, Panthera may well be there. You never know. Come on; let's enjoy ourselves!"

Ariaric's suite was a riot of loud conversation, smoke and laughter. Zobinek forced a drink on me. He had drunk rather too much himself. I was grateful that, because of the crush, I couldn't see the Tigrina at all. With a bit of shuffling, I managed to squeeze Zobinek up against the door, thinking that was the safest place to stand. He obviously misconstrued myintentions, but being a sybaritic creature. I've never objected to having my backside stroked, so it didn't really matter.

"You are like him in several ways," Zobinek said, with half-controlled slurring.

"Like who?" I humoured sweetly.