The Woodlands (28 page)

We walked back to the campsite,
our progress slowed by our new possessions. Along the way, I dropped some of the less important things, sparkly hair ties and clips, a thin silk scarf wrapped in plastic, all useless. Joseph carried the small toolbox; I carried the treasured axe head.

Again
, we lagged behind the others by a few hundred meters. I bumped hips with Joseph’s affectionately, folding my hands inside my shirt anxiously. I wanted to ask him something but I was afraid of how it would come out.

“
What do you think of Careen?” I asked nervously.

Joseph paused and rubbed his chin
. “She’s all right, why?”

“
I mean, what do you think of her, really?”

He stopped walking and turned to face me,
“Rosa, what is this about?”

“
Well, she’s quite attractive, isn’t she?” I said, staring at my stomach, my feet imagined, as they hid under my enormousness.

He chuckled, a deep
vibration that I wished I could jump into, a pool of sound. “I suppose…”

“
Yeah, I thought so,” I said, disappointed. I wanted him to say she was hideous, or that he didn’t even notice her looks at all.

“
Is this about the nightdress? I was being stupid, just joking,” he assured me.

“
No. It’s not that. Believe me, I’m used to you being stupid,” I teased.

“
Then, what are you worried about?” he said, smiling irresistibly. My heart swelled and skipped.

“
Just that,” I said, touching his mouth, tracing the smile on his lips.

“
Rosa, I rescued you from underground, I fought a lynx for you, tried to wrestle a bear for you. How can you possibly doubt my feelings for you now?” He laughed.

“
I’m glad you find it so funny,” I said as I punched his arm.

“
Ouch!”

He calmed down and took my
hand, trying to be serious, “Rosa, you are the only one for me, and whether you see it or not, you are beautiful, pregnant or not, ok?”

“
Ok,” I said dubiously.

He shifted uneasily, not sure how to approach.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked, his beautiful eyes gazing into my own ‘defective’ ones.

“
Anything.”

He reached out his hand, hovering it over my bulging stomach. I had been afraid he would want to do this. I was surprised it had taken him so long to ask. I urged the leech not to kick.
“Can I…?”

I sighed and nodded.

His warm hand circled the top of my belly. I allowed it for a few seconds and then I asked him to stop. It made something tighten in my chest, a guilty feeling I couldn’t explain. He did stop, but I could tell it made him sad.

W
e had enough problems to worry about, without me adding jealousy to the list.

I was deep in thought as we wound our way back to the campsite, barely noticing the leaning buildings, barely hearing Careen’s inane chatter. The details of the city melted away like running paint colors.

M
y hand swung absently in Joseph’s as I contemplated our situation. We’d been following Apella and Alexei blindly, partly because they were the adults and they had a plan. But I was starting to learn that age did not automatically mean someone was wiser. After the ridiculous revelation that they’d been searching for people living in the ruins of the city, I doubted their ability to lead, to make good decisions.

We were now
close to the border between old Russia and Mongolia. We could keep walking but to what end? If we went on indefinitely, the seasons would change and winter would kill us. With no shelter or stocks of food, we wouldn’t survive. There had to be a better plan than this.

I tapped my belly, feeling the hardness of it, the unbreakable shell that kept a barrier between Joseph and
me, between my feelings for him and my feelings about our instant little family. In two months’ time, I would be having this baby whether I liked it or not. I didn’t want to do that on the side of a cliff or in a cave, half-frozen and starving. I shook my head, my hair falling in a curtain around my face. No. We needed to sit down and work it out together.

It was dusk w
hen we arrived back at the camp. The grey light was greyer still for the disappointing fact that Apella had not lit the fire. She sat huddled under a blanket, her blonde hair shining like a vague, dusty halo, rocking Hessa. I rolled my eyes at her incompetence. One of our biggest concerns should be that Hessa wouldn’t survive a journey through snow and ice.

We threw
our new belongings in a pile just outside the circle of logs. The shiny stack of new possessions made us ragged and grimy by comparison. If I’d had the energy I would have changed, but all five of us collapsed on the logs, food the only thing on our minds. Deshi coaxed a fire from the dying coals and I scrounged for food. I couldn’t find much in the way of edible plants. I screwed up my nose, it would be grey sludge tonight.

After we
ate, I announced my concerns.

Clearing my throat of the grey slime that seemed to cling to the inside of my
mouth like candle wax, I said, “What happens after tonight? I mean, what’s the plan for the next part of our journey?”

Alexei held up his map and traced his finger along the route we had already travelled. We had walked so far.
“I think we have another couple of weeks of walking left to do and then we will be in Mongolia, or what used to be Mongolia,” he said.

My l
egs ached at the thought of it. “And then what?” I asked. “What’s in Mongolia? Is there something there you’re not telling us about?” I searched their eyes, looking for the lie. Apella kept her eyes on Hessa; Alexei leaned away from my gaze. “We haven’t seen the choppers in weeks. No one’s looking for us. Why should we keep going? Why not prepare ourselves for winter near here?”

Joseph and Deshi
nodded in agreement. We were so weary and it would only get harder as the weather changed. Careen looked confused, her pale face serenely blank. Her eyes flicked to the nodding boys and she mimicked their movements. I had a feeling she would go along with anything if it meant she wouldn’t be alone.

“
We can’t be sure they are not still looking for the boys,” Alexei argued. “Deshi in particular was very valuable to the Classes.”

Deshi ran one hand over his arm smoothly
. “I’m willing to take the risk,” he said plainly.

“
Me too,” Joseph chimed in. “Rosa’s right. We can’t keep walking, hoping that someone will save us, or that we’ll find decent shelter before winter comes. We need to start preparing now.”

Apella
looked desperate, she was going to lose, her rounded eyes begging someone to agree, her voice on edge, “I’m sure they are close. If we keep looking, we might find a settlement.”

I scoffed
. “You need to give up on this idea. No one is coming to save us.” I squeezed my hands into fists. I wished I was wrong. I wished there was a humble settlement right around the corner where welcoming strangers would invite us in, but we were alone. We couldn’t follow an old map or hold onto the crazy idea that someone was coming to help us anymore. We had to think about survival.

I stood up, the chill in the air hinting at what was to come. I knew this was what needed to be done.
“Tomorrow morning we will walk out of this ruin and search for a good place to make our own settlement.”

There was silence and the clawed hand of doubt scratched its way along the dirt towards me. Apella and Alexei c
ould go on without us. I wasn’t sure I cared what they did. Remembering Clara’s labor, she pretty much did it all on her own anyway. Until the end anyway. I shuddered.

Joseph put his arm around me, instantly warming my shivering
body. “You’re making big plans. You really think we can do it?” he challenged.

A sense of purpose was blooming in me, like so much blood it seeped and spread.
I honestly didn’t know if this would work, but of the two choices, this made more sense to me.

Sometime in the night, I felt a strong chill. I shuffled around in my sleeping bag, thinking I had rolled to far from the fire. Joseph stirred but did not wake. He muttered something and put his hand on my waist. I looked to the center and saw nothing but the spotted orange glow that clung to ash. The fire was out. I heard scratching, or something being dragged across the other side of the campsite. I breathed in slowly, trying not to make any noise. As I exhaled, a glowing light just past the fire froze, yellow eyes shining in the moonlight. I jabbed Joseph sharply in the ribs. He made a startled, snorting noise as he awoke and, whatever it was, became smaller as it retreated but didn’t disappear.

“
Joseph,” I whispered, “there’s a yellow-eyed thing out there.” I pointed to the eyes, grabbing his head and aiming it in the creature’s direction. “The fire, Careen said it scared them.” Joseph’s body went rigid and he jumped out of the sleeping bag like a spring.

We woke the others and together we
stoked the coals, throwing kindling and logs on until it was roaring, our skin looking golden in the flames. Behind the statue of the man with the outstretched hand, I saw the flick of a long tail and black and white stripes. I heard scuffling. I drew breath in slowly, weighing up the threat. My eyes searched the darkness anxiously and found several pairs of yellow eyes floating like a disturbing set of stringed lights about fifty meters from where we were.

“
Can you see that?” I pointed in their direction.

Joseph nod
ded, jaw tight, looking unnaturally magnificent in his shredded shirt. The fire glazed his skin gold, his muscles tensed and ready to fight.

The eyes were joining with other eyes
, forming a semi-circle, closing in slowly from the western side of our campsite, like a ring of candles, flickering as they blinked. Apella panicked and darted behind Alexei, the whip of her grey shirt the only evidence she was there. I watched her in disgust, the desire to throw her to them was hard to suppress. We burned everything in sight, watching the flames climb higher and higher. Our faces and hands charred red from the heat but we couldn’t step back. Deshi and Joseph armed themselves with the knives. I waited to see Careen striding forward, spear in hand, but she wasn’t there. I gulped, horrific visions of her torn-up body sprawled somewhere clawed at my mind. Where the hell was she?

The eyes
stalled at the sight of the fire, there was a faint cry like a ‘whoop’ and then a chorus of whoops filtered through the air above our heads. Slowly the eyes edged away from sight. Whatever they were, there were at least thirty of them and my guess was there were probably more. Joseph’s hand curled over my shoulder and I set my head down on it. “We can’t stay here,” I whispered, feeling the panic ease with his touch. He squeezed his hand and nodded, eyes distant.

As the grey morning approached
, we were shocked to discover how close they had come while we were sleeping. All around us were the remnants of our belongings, things dropped as they were dragged off into the night. These elusive creatures seemed intelligent and organized. Unlike the wolves, they hadn’t just destroyed things; they had taken items of interest and discarded others.

I was just about to start searching for the
grisly remains of Careen, when I heard a loud thump and she came strolling out of the wooded area to the east of our campsite, eyes bright. Her attitude was casual, unfettered, and she was surprised that we were angry at her, or even that we worried about her safety.

She admitted she had seen the creatures approaching and had jumped up into the closest tree, spending the night there.

“Thanks a lot for the warning,” I said, glaring at her.

She shrugged, unconcerned. She was used to looking after herself. It seemed a very foreign idea that she should assist anyone else. I thought back to her
behavior when we first met, suspecting it was less about heroics and more just the fact we were between her and her kill.

“
Next time, it would be good if you could let us know there are animals stalking us before you scale the nearest tree.” I tried to say it calmly but it came out sounding more biting.

She looked a
t me, her eyebrows drawn together like I had just snatched a sweet from her hand. Tucking her hair behind her ear and cocking her head to the side, she chirpily replied, “Sure thing!”

I looked at her like she was something other than human.
She was so strange. I didn’t like the idea of being holed up with her over winter.

As we packed
up, we noticed Alexei had lost his reader. The grey box was missing as well. I wondered why the animals would want with that. I imagined them preparing meals and it made my hairs stands on end. This place was starting to really give me the creeps. It was definitely time to leave.

Hessa
cried out and I felt a pang of anxiety, wondering how we were going to feed him.

Deshi
searched frantically for the box, with Hessa tucked under one arm, the baby screaming until his face went ashen and his lips were purple.

Careen turned around and retrieved the box from under a
flat, grey rock at the base of the tree she had dropped down from. “Are you looking for this?” I took a step towards her, my feet pressed hard against the earth, ready to tear her throat out. But Joseph’s arm was in front of me, blocking my path. “Let it go,” he muttered through his teeth.

I did, just this once, noting she was someone to watch closely.

Deshi snatched the box from a baffled Careen and quickly prepared a bottle for the screaming child.

As Deshi fed Hessa,
I took up the capsule and made some adjustments. Attaching one-foot long, pointed spears to the top part that encased his head. It made him look like he was wearing a crown, but it would protect him from any animal jumping down on him.

Sadly, we had lost most of the clothes we had found and I didn
’t want to go back to get more. There was one shirt left which I offered to Joseph. It was too big for me. He thanked me and removed his torn t-shirt. I made an idiot of myself, swallowing a gasp at his well-muscled chest. When he pulled the shirt over his head, I turned my back to him. I didn’t want him to see me blushing.

“
All right, Jo,” Deshi smirked, as Joseph did up the remaining buttons. “We all know you’re gorgeous. Stop showing off and start moving.” He clapped his hands together smartly and flicked his head away from the campsite.

We made our way back to where we
had left the train tracks two nights ago. We moved quickly, the urge to explore was gone. Apella was still unsure and Alexei had to half-drag her as she continually swiveled her head around, looking in doors and searching rooftops for evidence of people.

We
followed the tracks out of the city and headed south-east, deciding to put at least a day’s walk between us and the yellow-eyed beasts before looking for a place to shelter. Joseph scooped me up in his arms before I had time to argue.

“
You look tired,” he said

“
Gee, thanks. You know? So do you,” I said, poking at the dark circles under his eyes.

He pulled his head away from my touch and grinned.
“Yeah well I’m bigger and stronger. I can cope better.”

“
The way I’m going I’ll be bigger than you by mid-summer!” I joked.

He laughed
. “Hmmm, you are getting a bit heavy.” He pretended to drop me, catching me at the last second.

I squirmed unenthusiastically
. “Well then, put me down.”

He paused and shook his head, blond curls settling into their delicate weave.
“Nope,” he said as he took big strides, leading the way.

I put my head on his chest,
the pressure of the last few days squeezing me like a concertina, making the air around me soft and dozy. I was pleased with my decision. It was going to be hard.
Hard, hard work,
Mr. Gomez would say. But it felt better knowing we had a purpose, a strategy. I knew my knowledge of building was going to be useful. I could help. I could do something other than grow fatter and more uncomfortable every day. I listened to Joseph’s heartbeat, deep in his chest, and I pushed the doubt down with it. Pushed down the feeling I could be wrong, that it would be too hard. We had to keep moving forward. We had to try.

I l
et the dozy feeling wrap around me like a loose bandage and daydreamed about what it might be like to have a home. A home with Joseph and, of course, Hessa and Deshi. Could I make room for another in our little family? For the first time, I opened my mind to the possibility. It was a hazy dream. I could see the four of us; the fifth member was a sketchy grey cloud I couldn’t quite put a face to. Up until now, the leech was not even allowed to exist in my dreams. But it was pushing away at them now, infringing on the edges. Making it presence known.