The Wonders of the Invisible World (7 page)

“I do, actually. But it’s your decision.”

“Damn right,” she says. “Not to put you on notice or anything.”

“So I’ll see you at twelve-thirty.” He looks at the corner of his screen: 10:38.

“Unless you get lucky,” she says. “That would be a novelty. Believe me, Billy, if
I
could go in there and sit across from me and handle this whole thing for you, I’d gladly do it.”

“What are you going to do between then and now?”

“Wow, I’ve really got you worried. That must be the way I like it. No, that must be the way
you
like it. Actually, there’s a Big Book meeting at the Episcopal church in Colonie. At eleven, so I better hustle. And when that lets out I’m going to stop by the Barnes & Noble on Wolf Road. Is that really the only Starbucks? In the Barnes & Noble?”

“Hey, at least we’ve got one,” Billy says. “We’re getting there, slowly but surely.”

“What’s this
we
?”

“Oh, I don’t know—the civic ‘we.’ We of Greater Albany often talk this way.”

“Hey, Billy?” she says. “Don’t think I don’t worry about you, too.”

When he pulls into the parking lot, he sees her just getting out of a no-color Dodge Stratus with a paper cup in her hand. She looks right, then left, then shrugs and tosses it back into the car. She’s wearing sunglasses, a blue blazer and khaki
pants, and she’s had a recent hundred-dollar haircut, judging by how perfectly the ends curve under. Billy noses into a parking space and watches her stride, long-legged, to the door, a briefcase dangling from a shoulder strap, hairdo bouncing as if in slow motion. She looks like she’s overplaying it, not that he’s any judge of where the ideal midpoint would be.

When he comes in she’s talking to the greeter girl. If this is the same one as yesterday (which Billy wouldn’t swear to), now she’ll have got the complete picture: the divorced father meeting with the estranged wife to see if there isn’t a chance after all.
Can we save this?
The girl leads her to the same booth he and Deke had yesterday; Cassie sits and immediately picks up her menu.

“Hey,” Billy says, walking over, smiling. “You look great.”

She looks up, smiles. “Hey. Gee, you too. Fatherhood doesn’t seem to be grinding
you
down.” She frowns and goes back to the menu.

Billy sits down and examines her face. In one corner of her mouth, the lipstick looks like a kid has colored outside the line—the result, probably, of freshening up in the rearview mirror. Otherwise she looks perfectly plausible. And young. His beautiful sister, who always liked the same boys he did.

“Deke’s easy,” he says. “We’re having a good time.”

“Easy for you, you mean?” She closes her eyes, opens them, nods.

“Look, I’m just glad I was there to step in.”

A waitress appears. “Do you need more time?”

Billy guesses Cassie will hear a double-entendre in that, too.

“No, we’re ready—
I’
m ready,” she says. “I’ll have the hamburger platter. And coffee.”

Billy looks at Cassie. She shrugs. “Hmm,” he says. “Can I just get a BLT? Whole wheat, no mayo? Coffee also.” The waitress scrawls and goes. “Red meat?” he says.

“It’s my new thing,” Cassie says. “I mean—not red meat. But just deciding something and sticking with it. That’s a big part of my problem.”

“Deciding things?” This doesn’t seem quite dead-center.

“Well, not that per se. Are you going to start twisting everything?”

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to sound—”

“I don’t mean
twisting,
that sounds paranoid, but, you know,
reacting.
It’s like you’re still trying to find out what’s wrong with me. Well, I guess that sounds paranoid, too. I’m not getting off to a very good start, am I?”

“Sssh.” He holds up a hand. “I can tell you’re doing better.”

“Oh, I am. I really am. You can’t shake my faith in
that.
” She gives a smile to indicate this is a joke. Then she frowns. “I’m fucking up. I came to ask you a very big favor—two very big favors, actually—and now I’m acting hostile to you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Well, that’s nice of you to say.”

The waitress sets their coffees down.

“So what are these very big favors?” he says. He decides not to point out that on the phone she had said this was nothing heavy.

“Look, I know you’re already doing me a huge favor by taking care of Deke, and I appreciate it that you’re not, like, grinding
that
into my face. Now, I didn’t want to ask you this on the phone because you don’t know who might be listening—I said
might
be, Billy. But do you think you could possibly go and clean out my apartment? Before I have to go back there?”

“Well—I mean I
could.
But it’s kind of a trek into Boston. I’d be more than glad to pay somebody to go in there. Didn’t you use to have that woman from—”

“Billy. I don’t mean like scrub-a-dub-dub.”

“Oh.”

“I can tell you exactly where everything is. And you should
just feel free to go ahead and use it if you want. I mean, it’s all really good, and I hate to think of it just getting flushed. Or if you’re not into it, you must still know people who like to party.”

“Well …”

“Oh, you look so scandalized. For God’s sake, I’m an addict, I recognize
that,
but I’m not a fucking puritan.”

“I don’t know. Maybe
I
am. Anyway, sure. I could go take care of it next weekend. Would that be soon enough?”

“Oh, that would be
great.
Thank you so, so much.”

“I’ll have to figure out something to do with Deke.”

“Why don’t you just take him along? At this point it would probably be a good idea to sort of reintroduce him to the apartment. He can watch TV or play in his room. I don’t have anything in there.”

“Thank heaven for little mercies.”

“Yeah, okay, I don’t need you to give me shit, Billy. I know exactly what I did.
And
didn’t do. I just need your help.”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be a prick. I just, I don’t know, care about him, and I get sort of protective. My motherly instinct.”

“You mean you need to protect him from me.” She nods her head. “Okay. I had that coming. I mean, you’re absolutely right. Which kind of brings me to my other favor.”

“Which is?”

“Well … Just if you’d still stay involved.”

“Involved?”

“I mean, he’s never had a father, or really any kind of man around except for, like, people that … You know. And now that he has you, and if that’s suddenly taken away …”

“You mean you’re going to take him back.”

Cassie cocks her head and stares at him. “Well, what did you think?”

“Oh. I don’t mean, I mean I always assumed that you—”

“Did you think I was never coming out?”

“I actually didn’t think at all, you know, in the long term. I’ve just sort of been going along day by day. How sure are you that you’ll be able to handle it?”

“Billy,” she says. “You didn’t have it in mind to fight me on this?”

“You mean legally?” He shrugs. “You’re his mother. I’m his faggot uncle.”

“Oh. So you
have
been thinking about it. What are you, preparing your little court case? ‘And then she asked me to take him along while I cleaned the drugs out of her apartment.’ ”

“Listen to yourself,” he says.

“Why? So even
I
would have to agree that I’m an unfit mother?”

The waitress is standing over them. “The hamburg platter?”

Cassie points at the tabletop in front of her and the waitress sets down an oval platter. Only the top of a bun is visible among the heaping french fries.

“BLT?”

Billy nods. A round plate, with chips.

“Anything else I can get you?”

“We’re fine,” Billy says.

“Enjoy your meal.” The waitress turns away so quickly Billy feels a breeze from her skirt.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Cassie says.

Billy lets the waitress get a couple of booths away. “Which one?”

“Any question, actually. ‘How’s Deke?’ ‘He’s fine.’ ‘Will you stay involved in his life?’ ‘We’ll have to see.’ ”

“That’s not what I said. Of course I want to stay involved. So you’re taking him back to Boston?”

“What have we just been talking about? Hello?” She drops her mouth open, idiot-style, and waves. “Yes. It’s where I
live.
When I’m among the living. So in other words, when I take him home, that’s too much of a
trek,
so you’ll never see him.”

“I’m not saying that.”

She takes a bite of her hamburger, chews. “Good burger,” she says. “
Not.
I’ll tell you one thing, though. This time I’m going to make it.”

Billy eats a potato chip. “I don’t suppose you’d consider moving back here,” he says.

“Please.”

“I know, but think about it. The house is paid for, you and Deke could each have a room, you wouldn’t—”

“We’ve got rooms. At home. Besides, I’ve
had
that room.”

“We could switch. I’ll take your old room and you can have the big room.”

“
Their
bedroom?”

“Or you can switch with Deke. Take my old room. The piano’s still here, it needs—”

“That house is death.”

“That house,” he says, “is a three-bedroom house. For free. In a safe neighborhood. With decent schools. Also, Billy wouldn’t have to suddenly—”

“Yeah, I know the decent schools, too. It’s where I used to boot coke in the toilet stalls.”

“You could’ve done that anywhere. It was your choice.
I
didn’t get into drugs.”

Cassie’s mouth drops open.

“Well, not like you did. Anyway, that was in high school. Deke’s only in second—”

“I’m not discussing this.” She stuffs a french fry into her mouth. “Mmm. Fries are good.”

“So Boston’s better.”

“Better than Greater Albany? Yeah, I’d say so. Listen, I changed my mind. I want to see my boy.”

“School doesn’t let out until three,” Billy says. “I thought you had to be back by six.”

“No, I don’t want him to see
me.
Can’t we just go over to the school and peek in the classroom?”

“Not a good idea.”

She gives him a quick shark smile. “Do you understand that I could call the police
any time
and say you’re molesting him?”

Billy looks at her and nods. “Nice.” Keeps nodding. “A truly lovely way to repay me.”

“Oh, I thought you were too much of a saint to worry about being paid back. It’s not reward enough, just feeling superior?”

“Cassie, why are you being so ugly?”

“Because I want to see my
son,
Billy, and you’re giving me all this shit. Why can’t we just go over and watch them come out for afternoon recess?”

“Line up behind the fence with all the pedophiles?”

“And the dope pushers,” Cassie says. “You know, I don’t need your permission. I know the way over there. I could drive it blindfold.”

“Look. If we do this, I want you to—”

“Yay!” Cassie puts a fist in the air.

On the other side of the fence, kids are running and yelling, swinging and seesawing, swarming over the old jungle gym, a skeleton dome of smooth, dull gray pipes. Far across the still-green playing field, a pickup truck’s parked by where they’re building a modern playground with rubber mats and pressure-treated timber—so far away that you see a workman’s hammer fall, then hear the
clink
on the upswing.

Billy points. That’s Deke: in the blue-jean jacket, seesawing with a little girl.

“He plays with girls?” Cassie says.

“Yeah,” Billy says. “He must’ve caught it from the toilet seat.”

“You laugh. But you shared a bathroom with me all those years, and you ended up fucking men.”

“Okay, now I believe you’re Cassie.” He looks at his sister, her hair tucked up into his Diamond Dogs cap. “I was afraid an alien had taken over
your
body.”

“God, don’t even joke about it. Listen, what’s he going to be for Halloween?”

“I thought I’d dress him up as Carol Channing. No, actually, how about a space alien?”

“
Billy.
Jesus.”

“Sorry. I’ve kind of had my eye on this Barney costume, but he doesn’t seem to be into it.”

“Actually, a space alien would probably be great. He’s big into
X-Files.
”

“Really.” Billy means this as a shot of disapproval, quick enough to be undiscussable. “By the way, if it’s any comfort, remember that I only played with boys when I was his age.”

“Come on,” she says. “I was only kidding. I’m not a total right-winger.”

“No comment. But if you want to know, my special faggot radar hasn’t picked up any queer vibes from him.”

“Stop.”

“So you’ve seen enough? I mean, there he is. So you know I wasn’t bullshitting you about his being alive and well. Or do you want to take this to the next level?”

Cassie hasn’t taken her eyes off of Deke. “No,” she says. She closes her eyes. “I’ve got to get back. I’ve got to get the damn
car
back.”

He walks her over and opens her door. She stands there, still looking at the playground. “It’s weird being here,” she says. “That has to be the same jungle gym. How can you stand it?”

He shrugs. “See, I’m so used to it now that it seems weird I ever thought it was weird.”

“Then you
are
in deep shit.”

A bell rings, and kids start racing for the door.

“You sure you don’t want to stop by the house for a second?” he says. “See how it feels?”

“No. You’re really creeping me out, Billy. I mean, I don’t mean to judge you.”

“Yeah, God forbid. So I’m still not clear on when exactly … you know.”

“Me either. But I definitely plan to be home before Christmas.”

“Okay, that gives me some idea. Speaking of which, I guess we should plan to do a celebration. It’s kind of down to the three of us.”

“Definitely. Well, we’ll talk, okay? I really better hit it.” She turns the key in the ignition, then stops. “Billy? Wouldn’t you even
consider
moving to Boston?”

“I’m always up for considering. But you mean would I? I doubt it. I’ve
had
the urban experience.” Diplomatic of him, not going into New York versus second-rate cities.