The Wolf Within (20 page)

“Who’s Sam?” I asked absently, feeling calmer as I breathed in the smell.

“Sam’s my husband. The other Alpha.”

“I thought there was only one?”

“Wolves mate for life. So Alphas are usually pairs.” She chuckled. “And before you ask, yes, I’m big enough. Size isn’t everything you know. And I’m normal sized in wolf form.”

“How does that work?”

“Let’s talk about that later, when you’re feeling better. You need to rest. Once the doctors give the all clear, you’ll come and stay with us.”

What? I opened my eyes and sat up. “I want to go home with Aunt Bug.”

Ani sighed. “You can’t. The full moon is a week away. You need to learn some things before you change and you need to be controlled when you do. The first time is. . .unpredictable.”

Unpredictable. That was a nice way of saying ‘sometimes people die’. I shivered, shaking my head. “I don’t want to change.”

“You have no choice. Not if the tests are right. You have seven days to get used to the idea. And you’ll be spending them with us.”

I wasn’t sure whether us meant her and Sam or the whole pack. I wasn’t comfortable with either idea. Or with being ordered about by an elf. So I changed the subject. “When do they think I’ll be out?”

“Apart from your arm, you’re in pretty good shape, considering.”

I was glad she’d added the last bit or I’d have to wonder what she considered to be
bad
shape. Then again, she was a werewolf.

“Wolves heal faster than humans, even ones that haven’t changed yet,” she added. “I’d say tomorrow unless there are any complications. The doctors will talk to you about options for therapy. But you don’t need to be in here for that.”

One more day. One more day and I might get a chance to be alone. To do what Dan should’ve done. But there was something else I needed to do first. “I want to see my aunt.”

Ani didn’t blink at the second switch of subject. “Of course, I’ll get someone to arrange that. The police and FBI are all keen to ask you some questions and,” she paused in the doorway. “Daniel wants to see you.”

“I don’t want to see him,” I snapped. He’d fucking bitten me. Made me a monster. Why would I want to see him?

“He is the agent in charge of the investigation.”

“Anyone but him,” I said firmly. I didn’t care if Ani was the Alpha or queen of the freaking universe. Daniel Gibson was not going to come anywhere near me.

Ani left without saying anything else. As her scent faded, I found myself growing anxious again, sadder. Tears pricked at my eyes. I sipped water and tried to ignore the pain in my arm. After ten minutes or so the door opened and I almost leapt out of bed before I saw it was just a nurse. She took my temperature, my pulse and gave me still more pills to swallow.

“What are these?” I asked. I’d had enough of mystery drugs. From now on, there’d be full disclosure or I wasn’t taking them.

“Antibiotics and painkillers.”

“Isn’t it a bit late? I’m already infected.”

“With lycanthropy, yes. But we want to make sure everything else is taken care of, just in case.”

In case Tate and his cronies had dosed me with anything nasty. If my blood was changing the doctors wouldn’t be able to tell.  But I didn’t think he would have. He wanted me to turn, not die. But I guessed the doctors were just being thorough. From what I understood of werewolf physiology, the first time I changed any bugs in my system would be zapped. And most injuries healed. Pity it wouldn’t do any good for the place I’d been hurt the most.

It was a moot point, anyway. I didn’t intend to make it to my first change.

The nurse left and a minute or so later, the door opened again and Ani appeared, wheeling Bug in a wheelchair.

I flew out of bed before I could stop myself, tumbled to my knees in front of Bug, buried my face against her lap and started sobbing. “I’m so sorry, Aunty.”

“I think I’ll take it from here, thank you, dear.”

Aunt Bug’s gravelly tones just made me sob harder. The door opened and closed quietly and her hands came down on my head. “Go ahead and cry, I’m here.”

So I did. Sobbed like a baby, breathing in the strange yet familiar smell of Bug’s perfume mixed with hospital, while Bug made soft shushing noises and rubbed my back.

When I finally stopped and lifted my head, Bug pulled a precisely folded white linen handkerchief from the pocket of her robe—her very much non-hospital robe. The gesture was so Bug that it made me laugh and cry all over again.

“Feeling better now?” she asked.

I nodded as I blew my nose. “I’m so sorry,” I repeated.

“Sorry for what?”

“They took you. Because of
me.
”

“From what I hear, they also let me go because of you. And treated me fairly well in between.”

Relief flooded me. She really wasn’t hurt. I’d managed that much.

“You, on the other hand,” she reached out and put a hand under my chin. Her eagle eyes inspected my face. I could only imagine what my bruises looked like. “What did they do to you, child?”

I swallowed and looked down, as fear rose. I wasn’t ready to talk about Tate. Not to Bug. She wouldn’t understand. No one could.

Bug sighed and let go of my face. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready, I expect.”

No, I wouldn’t. I’d take it to the grave with me.

“Why don’t you get back into bed and we can talk?”

I didn’t argue, feeling more exhausted than ever after my crying fit. I just hauled myself to my feet, trying not to wince as all my bumps and bruises protested. Bug wheeled herself across the room before I could offer to push her.

“Damn fool chair,” she said as it bumped into the tray table. She got the chair arranged to her satisfaction then poured herself a glass of water, refilled my glass at the same time and passed it to me when I’d gotten the covers settled around me.

“So. Daniel tells me you don’t want to see him.”

I choked on water, coughed hard. “Did he tell you why?”

Her blue eyes showed sympathy for a second then turned no-nonsense. “Yes. He said he bit you.”

I nodded.

“And you’ll be a werewolf now? Not whatever that bastard wanted?“

I assumed she meant Tate. “Yes. But that doesn’t excuse what Dan did.”

Bug drank some water and frowned. “A werewolf is better than a vampire. You can still have a relatively normal life as a werewolf. You could even have one with Daniel.”

I ignored the Daniel part. “I don’t care. I don’t want to be either.”

“Doesn’t seem to me that you have a choice.”

“Yes, I do.” Just not one I was going to discuss with Bug.

“Right.” Bug looked me straight in the eyes with a hard stare. “He told me about that too. About what you asked him to do. I thought I raised you better than that.”

Crap. Apparently she knew me better than I thought. I burrowed deeper into the covers. “You don’t understand.”

Her gaze didn’t falter. “I understand all right. You’ve had a bad time. You’re hurt. But I didn’t raise you to just give up.”

“I don’t want to be a monster.”

“Then don’t be. Be who you are. No matter
what
you are.”

If only it were that easy. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You have to try.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re alive and they aren’t.”

I knew who ‘they’ were. My family. Tears started again and I blinked them away. “They wouldn’t want me to live as a werewolf.”

“Why not? They’d want you alive. Just like you’d like them to still be. Don’t give up without trying, Ashley. That’s what he wants you to do.”

I stiffened. “What do you mean?”

“That Tate. He’d like for you to just crumble, I’m sure.”

I looked away, staring out the window at the brilliantly sunny day outside, as my throat tightened. She was right. But that didn’t make hearing it any easier.

“You’re alive. And Daniel loves you. He’s been crazy in love with you for years. And I think you still love him. That’s something to live for.”

I kept watching the clouds drift across the blue sky, wishing I could drift away with them. “I don’t know if I can.”

Bug sighed. “You try. You get help to deal with whatever was done to you and you try. Give it a year.”

“And if I can’t do it after a year?” I looked back into her eyes.

They never left mine. “If you really can’t. After one year. I’ll help you. But if you give up before then, if you do something stupid, then I will hunt you down in whatever place you end up in after I die and whup you senseless.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Bug was deadly serious and her offer floored me. I was, for all intents and purposes, her only child and she was offering to help me die. On my terms.

I watched her as she waited calmly for a response and, for the first time, noticed how tired she looked. And old. The circles under her eyes rivaled mine. But the expression in her eyes was fierce. Maybe she hadn’t gone through what I had with Tate but she’d come out of her own experience spitting and kicking. She hadn’t curled into a ball and given up.

The least I could do for her was try not to either.

“Okay,” I said at last. “I’ll try.” I pressed my lips together, trying not to think about what I’d just agreed to. Living. As a werewolf. God.

She smiled. The joy and relief in her expression let me know I’d made the right choice.

“I’m glad,” she said.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive Daniel though.” I wanted to nip that train of thought in the bud before she got carried away with trying to patch things up between Dan and I.

Her smile widened. “Of course not.”

Yeah, she wasn’t plotting anything. I could almost see the wedding she was planning in her head. I wondered whether she’d be including raw meaty bones on the menu.

Chapter Fifteen

The next morning I was arguing with Ani and my doctor about whether or not I was ready to go home when Jase walked through the door.

“Sorry, Ash,” he said. “They wouldn’t let me in before now.”

I glared at the doctor. “Why not?” Then I remembered the endless hours I’d spent after my talk with Bug being interrogated by various law enforcement agencies and grimaced. There’d been no time for visitors and I’d fallen asleep almost as soon as the doctors put their feet down and declared me off limits to the FBI for twelve hours.

Jase came over and kissed my cheek. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, as I was just telling Doctor Blair.” It was true, mostly. My bruises had faded and the majority of the aches had faded back to dull twinges when I moved. Even my arm had stopped hurting much. Guess it was true what Ani had said about werewolves healing fast.

“She’s coming home with me as soon as the doctor discharges her,” Ani added.

“And you are?” Jase asked, wearing his over-protective big brother vamp look. It was kind of cute. The thought of any other vampire made me want to run and hide but not Jase. And that was a relief. I needed a friend.

“My name’s Anastasia Rogan.”

Jase’s expression flipped to respectful so quickly I almost laughed. “Oh. Sorry, pack business.” He actually stepped backwards a little. Obviously he knew who Ani was even if I hadn’t.

“Yes,” Ani said.

“I want Jase to come with me,” I said suddenly. If I was going to be forced to live amongst a bunch of strange werewolves for weeks then I didn’t want Dan to be the only familiar face.

“What?” Jase and Ani said simultaneously. Their tones of shock were identical.

“I want Jase,” I repeated.

“Vampires don’t usually come to pack houses,” Ani said. “We’re not really set up for vampires.”

“Jase is my assistant. So you’ll have to come up with something. You can cart me off for weeks but I have a business to run. And I need him.” Needed him as a big old vampire security blanket. Not to actually do any work, although, now that I thought about it, that made good sense too. Jase could be my go between with the outside world.

“I’ll ask Sam,” Ani said. “He won’t like it.”

Jase looked kind of worried.

I crossed my arms. I didn’t intend to be bossed around by a red haired midget and her as yet unseen husband. I was doing the werewolf thing on my terms. “I don’t care if he doesn’t like it. I’m not going anywhere without Jase.”

Ani pulled out a cell phone and the doctor shooed her into the corridor. Given that I wasn’t hooked up to any machines I wasn’t sure why.

“I’ll just go check on your final test results,” Doctor Blair said. “If they’re normal, then you can go.”

What was normal for an incipient werewolf? But I was more interested in Ani. As soon the doctor left, I turned to Jase. “What’s she saying?”

Jase’s mouth dropped open. “I can’t eavesdrop on your Alpha.” He looked horrified at the thought.

I was horrified that I had an Alpha. “Sure you can. You hear her anyway, right? It’s not like you’re trying.”

He sighed. “Ashley, you’re going to get us both into trouble.”

I snorted. “You think shorty out there is scarier than Tate?”

“No,” Jase said. “But only because she’s not a pyschopath. Don’t underestimate her. The Old Ones respect Anastasia and Samuel.”

Hmmm. The boss vamps rated the boss werewolves. Something to think about another time. Right now I wanted to know what was being said about me. “Good. She’s tough, I get it. Now what’s she saying? Remember who signs your pay check.”

Jase frowned then sighed again, directing his attention toward the door. “She’s talking to a man but I can’t really hear what he’s saying. Something about pack and stubborn—I guess that’s you.” He grinned. “And now she’s saying okay and—”

“And she’s coming back in,” Ani said, opening the door. She glared at Jase who shrank back a little. “Wolves have good hearing too,” she said, turning the glare on me.

I remained right where I was. “Sue me, but I’m kind of sick of people bossing me around.” I’d told Aunt B that I’d give her a year. I hadn’t agreed to do it cheerfully. Mad was better than scared so I was going with mad.

“Oh yeah, you’re going to fit in great in a wolf pack,” Jase muttered softly. It earned him glares from both of us.

Ani turned back to me. “Sam has agreed to the vampire coming to our house. The Retreat, however, is for wolves only.”