The Winters in Bloom (28 page)

They talked about their classes for several minutes. At some point Zach said, “Did Amy tell you some local rich guy has agreed to be the sponsor of the band? Her agent worked out the contract. It’s really cool. The guy puts in money for equipment and ads and everything the band needs, and he gets back a percentage of the future profits.”

“What’s his name?” she said, though part of her already knew. Or at least, she felt like the bite of ravioli she’d just swallowed had turned into a rock as it made its way down her esophagus.

“Gregory Todd. He’s the president of a PR firm downtown. It’s great because he has a lot of media contacts, too. ”

Kyra said “cool” or “great” or something positive. But she couldn’t control her face, and Zach was looking right at her.

“What?”

“I think I heard the baby.” She stood up and rushed down the hall despite Zach’s insistence that he hadn’t heard anything.

She opened the door as quietly as possible, but the old hinges squeaked and poor Hannah woke up anyway. Kyra picked her up and sat down in the used rocking chair she’d found at a thrift shop. As she rocked the warm baby back and forth, she thought about when this had been her room, not even a year ago. The curtains on the window were still the blue ones she and Amy had made when they first arrived in Kansas City, before they’d started college, a lifetime ago.

Hannah was making her sucking sound, but Amy had said not to feed her. She’d had a full bottle of formula right before Amy left, and spit up half of it. Kyra walked over to the crib and held the baby in one arm while she felt around for one of Hannah’s pacifiers. As soon as she stuck it in Hannah’s mouth, the infant closed her eyes, but Kyra took her back to the rocking chair. She sniffed back tears and held Hannah close while the baby slept. She was so worried about what was going to happen to Amy and Zach and especially to her little niece, who didn’t deserve any of this.

For the first and only time in her life, she wished she were the kind of person who could put out a hit on somebody. There had recently been a news story about some woman who’d paid a criminal a hundred and fifty dollars to kill her husband. Kyra had only about sixty dollars to her name, but if she budgeted carefully, she could save a hundred and fifty by the end of the month. If only she weren’t so morally opposed to murder, she could get rid of Gregory Todd once and for all.

Her stupid morals were causing so much trouble. She couldn’t even tell Zach who Gregory was because she wasn’t positive it was the ethical thing to do. Of course she wasn’t positive that it
wasn’t
the ethical thing to do, either. She felt so guilty when Zach slipped into the room. He left the door open a crack; from the hallway light, she could see him smiling at his sleeping daughter. It was the same whole-face smile he’d always given to Amy. He seemed so trusting and young, too young to suspect or even understand what his wife was doing, though he was five years older than Amy.

That semester Kyra happened to be taking the only literature course that was required for her bachelor’s degree. She’d waited until her senior year because she hated writing papers, but she’d discovered that she actually loved reading classic novels. They’d just finished
Anna Karenina
, which she would forever after think of as
Amy Karenina
.

“Amy ended up telling Zach about the affair herself,” Kyra said, looking down at her hands. “Just like Anna.”

“Who?” Sandra said.

“It’s not important.” Kyra was already thinking about that winter morning when Amy told her what she’d done. They were walking in the park by the Art Museum. It was the middle of February and very cold, but five-month-old Hannah was bundled up in her pink snowsuit and surrounded by blankets in the stroller. It was snowing, and Amy wanted Hannah to see how beautiful it was. And she wanted to get away from Zach, who hadn’t moved from the bed since her confession.

“He must be in shock,” Kyra said. She wasn’t as angry with her sister as she’d expected to be. In fact, she felt like a weight had been lifted now that Amy had done the right thing.

“Yeah, I think so,” Amy said. She was wearing her old peacoat and one of Zach’s stocking caps, but she looked really pretty, as always. “I hope that’s why he’s so against the idea of separating.”

“He is?” Kyra could feel a snowflake melting on her eyelash. She loved the smell of snow, and the way her footsteps echoed in the silence that fell over everything.

“He’ll get used to it. I just need to give him time.” After a moment, Amy smiled. “Gregory has decided to leave his wife.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “He’s staying in a suite at Crown Center. I’m going to take a bus over there with Hannah, so the three of us can have brunch together.” She took Hannah out of the stroller and picked up the diaper bag. “Could you take this back to the apartment for me?” she said, nodding at the stroller.

The snow was coming down harder, but Amy had on her boots—Kyra checked. She’d be safe walking to the bus with Hannah. Kyra grabbed the handle and pushed the stroller out of her sister’s way. “Where should I tell Zach you are?”

“Tell him the truth. I’m moving in with Gregory.”

“Oh, Amy.”

“I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life, sis. Please be happy for me.”

It took Kyra only a minute before she reached out and hugged her. If Amy really was happy, then maybe this was the right thing. Of course she shouldn’t have married Zach, but an unplanned pregnancy could happen to anyone. And though the Church taught that divorce was wrong, it had been a long time since Kyra believed everything the Church taught. What if this relationship was what her sister had been looking for since she dropped out of college? What if Amy could finally settle down and be fine? Love worked in mysterious ways, or so Kyra had heard. She herself had almost no knowledge of love. The closest she’d ever come was Zach, and sure, this was hurting him, which made her feel awful, but her sister had to come first.

“At least he’s rich,” Kyra finally said, pulling away from her sister.

“I know!” Amy said, and they both laughed. Amy adjusted Hannah so the baby could look over her shoulder. Before they walked away, Kyra kissed Hannah on the chin. The baby was smiling her best toothless grin. She always loved being outside, especially when it was cloudy, because the sun in her eyes made her squirm and get fussy. Kyra wondered whether Hannah would grow up to be a winter person, like her aunt.

She was so deeply in this memory that she felt like the wetness on her checks was snow. But then she heard Sandra’s warm voice. “ ’Course you miss that baby, sweetheart. Especially right now.”

Kyra was crying for Hannah and Michael, but she was also crying for that Amy, who was so happy. Happier than she’d ever been in her life, she said—and much, much happier than she’d ever be again.

Unfortunately, Zach didn’t get used to it. Though he couldn’t stop Amy from leaving, he told Kyra that he did not want that “asshole” Gregory Todd raising his daughter. He decided to fight Amy for custody of Hannah. The first shock was when, almost immediately, temporary custody was awarded to him, primarily because he was still in the so-called “marital home,” but also because the judge made no secret of disapproving of Amy’s affair with a married man. Amy got two weekends a month with her baby. Her lawyer said it seemed punitive, but it was only for a few months, until the real case could be heard.

Of course a few months in a baby’s life is an eternity. Amy had always been a physical person and she slapped her own face, hard, when she realized she had no choice but to go along with the court. The only thing that made her feel better was her sister’s promise that she would watch over the baby. Zach had never blamed Kyra for any of this, and he was glad for the help. When Kyra wasn’t with Zach, she was usually at Amy’s, consoling her sister, who had moved into a condo with Gregory, except it turned out that Gregory was only “in the process” of leaving his wife. It was all so confusing that Kyra couldn’t keep up with her feelings—or her classes. In the future whenever she applied for a job, they would invariably ask what happened at the end of her senior year. “Family crisis,” she’d say, knowing they wouldn’t press for what she meant. It was a good thing, because though she knew every detail intimately, she would not have been able to give them a simple summary. The job interviewer would expect to hear something concise such as “my brother got sick,” or “my family’s farm failed.” If she said “my sister’s heart was broken” that would be close, but
heartbroken
made it sound like Amy was innocent. She wasn’t of course. None of them were innocent, including, unfortunately, Kyra.

The judge had ordered an evaluation by a psychologist. After Amy was finished with her evaluation, she felt like she’d done a near perfect job representing herself as a good mother. She’d even baked cinnamon cookies when Ms. Jenkins came to the condo the first time. “She liked me,” Amy said. “She told me she’d wanted to be a musician when she was young.” But she liked Zach, too. He said so, and Kyra knew it was true after her own meeting with Wendy Jenkins, at the beginning of June.

The psychologist had asked to meet with her because Kyra was the only member of Hannah’s extended family. Predictably, Amy and Kyra’s father had shown no real interest in the child, and Zach’s parents, though they whined constantly for pictures, had visited the baby only once, for a few hours.

They met in Wendy’s office, which was filled with toys. Wendy was wearing khaki pants and a loose-fitting blouse that she hadn’t bothered to tuck in. Kyra felt stiff and ridiculous in her only suit, the one she’d bought for her job interviews. She’d just graduated; she was starting at an insurance company next week. She still didn’t want to be an actuary, but there were no other jobs she could find in Kansas City.

Of course she began by emphasizing how much Amy loved her daughter. She said, “Amy would do anything for Hannah.” She also said that Amy deserved to have her daughter more often. “She’s a good mother.” She even told Wendy Jenkins about the Callahan Child Care Company. “Amy’s always been great with kids.”

“Tell me what kind of person your sister is. The first four words that come to mind.”

Kyra answered quickly so it wouldn’t look like she was editing her response. “Loving, generous, spontaneous, and talented.” She paused. “And patient. I should have put that in instead of ‘talented.’ Amy is so patient. That’s part of why she’s really good with kids.”

“Do you know her boyfriend, Gregory?” Wendy said.

“Not really,” Kyra said. “He’s usually not around when I’m there.” She paused and decided she had to say it, no matter how hard it was to get the words out of her mouth. “But from what I’ve seen, he’s a great guy. I’m sure he would be very good with Hannah.”

Wendy wrote something down. Kyra hoped it wasn’t “sister is clearly a liar.”

“How long have you known Zach?” Wendy said.

“A long time. Since he and Amy first started dating.”

“Tell me what kind of person he is.”

“But you’ve already met with him.”

“Yes, of course. But I’d like your perspective. Just four words, as before.”

She couldn’t answer as quickly this time. She wasn’t sure why, but summarizing Zach in four words was really hard. And she didn’t want his description to be better than Amy’s. But she couldn’t bring herself to use negative words to describe a really good person like Zach. She felt like Wendy was setting a trap for her, and she wasn’t sure how to get out.

In the end, she decided to just use versions of the Amy words, weakening them if possible. Instead of “loving” she used “nice,” for “generous” she said “warm,” for “spontaneous” she had to go with the opposite, but she only said “cautious” rather than her first thought, “responsible.” Finally, for “talented” she used “smart,” as that was Zach’s real talent. He was smart: at least smart enough that Kyra never questioned her assumption that he had to be smart or she wouldn’t be in love with him.

Her crush had returned with a vengeance after Amy left—and turned into love one night in April, when she was spending the night on the couch, as she often did on the weekends to help with child care. She was almost asleep when Zach suddenly knelt down on the floor and kissed her. He kissed her again and again and she kissed him back and soon they were stumbling into the bedroom together. After it was over, he apologized, but she told him she was very glad it had happened. Since then, they’d slept together a dozen times, though they didn’t act like boyfriend and girlfriend during the day. Kyra didn’t mind. She assumed that Zach was being careful. Of course he would worry that someone could find out about his own affair, which could hurt his custody case. And she could tell by the way he touched her that he was falling in love, too. As soon as the custody hearing was over, they would be able to show how they felt.

Wendy Jenkins was looking at Kyra, staring really. Had she said something wrong? Kyra felt herself blushing, but she always blushed when someone stared at her. She often thought that if she were ever questioned for a crime, the police would decide she was guilty merely because her cheeks would be bright pink.

Kyra couldn’t take it anymore. “Are we finished?” she said, and sat up straighter. She hoped she sounded professional, like the insurance clerk she was soon to be.

“I’m sorry,” the woman said. “I was thinking about what a unique prospective you have about this.” She smiled. “You know both of the parents very well, and even though one is your sister, I can tell you’re striving to be objective. That’s very unusual.”