The Winter Spirit ARE (12 page)

“Where do you want to go?” I’d never left Michigan, and didn’t imagine I ever would. I wanted to live this dream with him, if only briefly.

“Europe, Asia, Africa. Everywhere, anywhere. Would you join me?”

“By airplane?”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “By boat, of course.”

“Hmm.” I circled his nipple. “That’s a lot of time on our hands.” I pursed my lips. “Whatever would we do?”

“I would fuck you all night under the stars,” Gabriel said, his blue eyes gleaming. I gasped in shock even as my cock valiantly reared its head, despite being sucked dry only a minute ago.

“Language, my dear friend,” I said, pressing a palm to his chest. Gabriel took hold of my hand, kissed each fingertip and then looked at me in such a way that I already knew I’d say yes to whatever he’d ask me.

“Would you do that?” he whispered. “Bend for me under the open sky?”

“B—uh.” I made a weird wheezing noise. “I would. Gladly, stars or no stars. No need to ask. Well. Maybe ask, especially if there’s other people around.” I snapped my mouth shut as he grinned at me.

“I would too. If you’d like that.”

My mouth dropped open again and I nodded. “I’d like,” I croaked.

Gabriel kissed me for a long time, turning me into a puddle of goo. I felt the atmosphere around us shift, as if he was drifting away in thought.

I soothed his chest with the palm of my hand. We were cooling down fast despite the heat of the fire, but I didn’t want to move and I mumbled as much.

I let a little more time pass, then gently asked him, “What happened before you died?”

He sighed and rolled onto his side so he could look at me with his head propped up on his hand. I touched the smile that curled his mouth, because it was the saddest thing I’d ever seen and I wanted to wipe it away. “I want to tell you,” he whispered. “But I don’t want you to think less of me.” He lowered his eyes. “I’m a coward.”

“No,” I said, even though I had no idea. I kissed him lightly. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’m here and…I want to know you. I want to understand. If there’s anything I can…”

He shook his head. “I broke Heath’s heart,” he softly said. “And this is my punishment. A hundred years in solitude while I watch other people fall in love.”

I gasped and his gaze found mine again. “That’s incredibly cruel,” I whispered. “What happened?”

“If I hadn’t run, if I’d stayed with Heath and convinced him to come with me, he wouldn’t have killed himself. I’m sure of it. But the punishments for men like him and myself were brutal. I sacrificed what we had because I was scared. I hid at my family’s estate. When I fell off my horse I was stupid and reckless. I knew better than to take the poor thing out in the middle of winter. This is my penance. I had a hundred years to make other people fall in love, and if I didn’t manage it…”

“What,” I asked, my heart tripping over itself in trepidation, “what happens now?”

His mouth twisted and I thought I saw fear in his eyes. “There’s a place I go sometimes. There’s nothing there. It’s just empty and dark and—and lonely. Every time it takes me longer to get out of there.”

“Is that why I don’t see you sometimes? For weeks on end?”

“Yes.”

“That place, what is it?”

“I don’t know.” His breath shuddered. “But after Christmas… Whenever I’m back, like this—” He squeezed my hand. “It takes me a lot longer to return. This time I’m afraid I won’t be able to get back at all. I think my time is up, Nathaniel.”

I made an anguished noise and reached for him. “No, it’s not—that won’t happen. I won’t let it.”

“I’m afraid you have no choice, love. I failed. No matter what I did, I could never make people fall in love. Look at you and Elisa. I had you in my care for all these years and nothing ever happened. Your uncle…”

“Never had any interest in falling in love. This is ridiculous. Who made these rules? You can’t make people fall in love, Gabriel!” I sat up and held his hands. “Heath dying was not your doing. Society and the inhumane laws at that time were at fault.”

Gabriel looked away. “It is. I did love him but I was too scared to give it a try. I didn’t allow myself to feel anything for him, other than—” his face twisted “—the most base feelings a human could feel for another.”

“Gabriel.” My heart twisted. “It wasn’t your fault. Not loving him like you thought you should’ve, living in such unforgiving times, Heath dying, you dying, none of it was your responsibility. And even if it was. Don’t you think you’ve been punished enough?”

A hundred years…it made me so sad.

Gabriel nodded but I could tell he didn’t believe me, and I held him as he cried.

“I’m scared, Nathaniel,” he whispered in his weakest moment and I buried my nose in his hair.

“I’m scared too.”

I didn’t want to sleep that night. Breakfast was always served later on Christmas day so I didn’t necessarily need to get out of bed if I didn’t want to. If I only had a few days left with him, I wanted to be there for every minute. I crawled into my bed with him—and ah God, how was I supposed to get used to not having him here with me after seeing his beautiful body spread out over my white linens—I turned toward him and touched him absentmindedly.

“Maybe,” I tried, “maybe this means you finally get to move on. I mean, to wherever you were supposed to go after you died. And that would be good, right? Maybe it’s not that empty place. Maybe it’s better.”

“Or maybe it’s nothing. Maybe there’s nothing at all beyond death.”

I thought about that for a minute. My family was Catholic and my grandmother had dragged me to church for as long as she could, but I’d never really believed in any of it.

“Wouldn’t that be preferable to hanging around in mirrors for eternity?” I asked. I tried to imagine infinity passing me by, watching others live their lives while I was stuck, unable to do anything, and my stomach clenched with fear. “This house won’t last forever. What happens if someone tears it down? Where do you go then? Don’t you want to move on?”

Gabriel gave me a soft smile and brushed the curls away from my face. “For decades I wished nothing else,” he said. “But now…” He kissed me lightly. “Now I find I’d rather hang around for a little longer.”

“Oh.” I felt my cheeks go red. “I’d like that too,” I said, but the idea that he’d still be here all alone after I was long gone…

“We don’t have to think about it right now,” he said, and drew me closer so my head rested on his arm.

“Can I ask you something else?”

“Sure.”

“Why this place? Why are you here?”

Gabriel smiled. “This used to be part of my family’s estate. It has changed quite a bit, but the foundations and the walls are the same. I guess that’s why I was drawn here.”

“Can you leave?”

“Go outside, you mean?”

I nodded.

“Not when I’m in the mirrors. And I’ve never tried in this form.”

I thought about that. “Do you want to? Tomorrow morning maybe? We could try walking around, see what used to be your land.”

Gabriel slowly began to smile and it warmed my soul. “On Christmas Day?” I saw the flicker of agony in his eyes but he didn’t acknowledge it, so neither did I. “There are a few other things we could do.” He grinned and trailed his hand down my belly.

I batted him away. “We can spend all afternoon and evening doing that. And all day on the twenty sixth too.” His last day. “But we should go outside, get some fresh air first. You know, in case…” He didn’t get the chance again. I didn’t say it, didn’t have to.

He smiled at me, his eyes vivid blue like liquid paint. “I’d love that,” he whispered.

I loved the idea a lot less when he poked me at six am. “It’s still dark out,” I moaned, turning my face into the pillow.

“It won’t be by the time we’re dressed.”

“Five more minutes.”

He kissed the nape of my neck, tugging lightly on my curls. “Up you get, my love.”

“Mmm, not yet.” I was awake now, but I very much enjoyed how he was trying to get me out of bed.

“There could be a hot shower in your future. Together. I’ve always wanted to try one of those.” He snuggled closer and pressed his groin into my thigh, which made me perk up. “You always look so damned tempting through the steamed up glass.”

I spun around and sat up, staring at his grinning face. “You spied on me?”

He raised his eyebrow. “What else am I supposed to do with all this time on my hands?”

I clutched the duvet to my chest. Oh God, the amount of times I’d jerked off in the shower over the past nine years. Gabriel had even starred in some of my fantasies. I felt my face go beet red. “You could’ve looked away like a gentleman,” I said, appalled.

He stretched out on his back, tucking his hands behind his head. The biceps in his arms rolled enticingly, and the milky white skin of his chest looked so delicious I almost forgot to be indignant.

“Being a gentleman is overrated,” he said smugly. “So. Shower?”

He didn’t wait for me. With one swift move he rose from the bed and walked straight into my bathroom, naked as can be. I almost swallowed my tongue as I stared at his ass, and then scrambled after him in a hurry. Before I stumbled into the bathroom, I came to a halt, took a deep breath, and sauntered in.

Gabriel smirked at me, but didn’t say anything as he turned toward my linen closet and pulled out a towel. He pressed it to his face and inhaled deeply. “God, everything is so much softer and smells so much better than I remember.” He set the towel aside and went to step into the shower. For a second, I contemplated letting him feel the ice cold water straight from the almost frozen pipes, but I wasn’t that cruel.

“Hold on,” I said, tugging him back. “We need to let the water heat.”

I reached in and turned the lever, squeaked when Gabriel cupped my ass and then hooked his chin over my shoulder so he could watch. “Now what?”

“We wait, until it heats up. I usually brush my teeth.”

“Oh. You have a spare toothbrush?”

“Sure.”

I nearly swallowed a mouthful of foam at the face he made when he tasted the toothpaste, but he got over it and brushed along with me. The bathroom was steaming up nicely by the time we were done. I grabbed him a fresh loofa, intent to soap him up everywhere.

And soap him up everywhere I did, only to get us both nice and dirty, so we had to do it all over again.

Chapter 8

“Are you ready for this?” I whispered. Our other guests were still asleep, and Elisa wasn’t here yet, so I didn’t want to wake them. “It’s going to be brutal.”

I was worried, because he hadn’t felt the cold in a long time. I’d given him a pair of my snow pants that were just a little too long for me, along with some thermal underwear and other winter gear that would hopefully help keep him warm.

Gabriel hid his face in his scarf, pulled his hat tighter over his ears and checked his gloves. “Ready,” he said.

“All right, here goes. If you get too cold, tell me right away, and we’ll come back.”

I opened the front door. Before us lay a treacherously gentle landscape of soft snow glinting in the blue of a rising dawn, with not a breath of wind that stirred the leaves. But I knew once we were away from the house, even the smallest touch of wind would cut through our clothes like needles.

Gabriel gasped as he stepped outside and burrowed deeper into his clothes, but he said nothing as we walked onto the path. It hadn’t snowed in a few days, so we shouldn’t be impeded by more than a little snowdrift.

“You okay?”

He nodded, breathed deeply, and coughed.

“Yes, don’t breathe too hard to begin with. Get used to it first. Do you want to keep going?”

“Yes,” he said. “I haven’t…” His voice trailed off and he watched the landscape in front of him. “I wish I could come out here in the summer. There’s nothing but snow now.”

“There’s a nice spot by the lake,” I told him. “From there you can see the house. It’s really pretty.”

His eyes found mine. I couldn’t read the rest of his face because of all the protection he was wearing but he looked intense. “I know the spot,” he said. “I think. If it’s the same.” He nodded. “Let’s go.”