The Widower's Wife (10 page)

“Here,” she said and held the shell up to Lisa’s ear. Lisa looked confused. “It’s a seashell,” she explained. “If you listen carefully, you can hear the sound of the ocean.” Lisa obeyed and Jillian could tell she was concentrating when finally a small smile graced her face.

The next treasure Jillian picked up was a starfish. This she handed to the child and watched as Lisa felt the bumpy surface and turned it over to examine the small suction cups on the underneath.

“That is a starfish.” She could see in Lisa’s face that she made the connection between its shape and its name. She continued, “They live in the ocean and occasionally wash up on the shore.” Jillian turned to the last item in her bundle, a piece of sea glass. It was cobalt blue and had been smoothed to perfection from tumbling in the waves. She took the starfish from Lisa and placed the piece of glass in her hand. Lisa turned it over and over again, feeling its smoothness and then lifting it up to the light. The light shining through made a small reflection of blue light on the wall. Lisa’s eyes got huge as she smiled.

“That’s a reflection,” Jillian explained as she anticipated Lisa’s barrage of questions.

When they were finished examining the items, Jillian got up and placed her treasures carefully on her dresser. Then she walked over and closed the trunk.

“Well, I suppose we ought to go check on Brenn. Jenny should be home pretty soon too.” She took Lisa’s hand and headed for the door. “Let’s go see if we have time to bake some cookies before Jenny gets home. Do you think she would like that?”

Lisa nodded her head and grinned from ear to ear. “I think me and Brenn would like it too.”

Dalton wiped the sweat from his brow with the sleeve of his shirt. He had been working nonstop all morning, trying to dispel the thoughts of that woman from his mind.

For the first time in fifteen months, his waking thought hadn’t been of Laurellyn and the deep pain of her loss. He had even forgotten to put her cameo in his pants pocket. Jillian had only been here three weeks now, and she was already invading the spaces in his mind where Laurellyn resided.

In frustration, Dalton stripped off his shirt and stuffed it partly in his back pocket. He leaned up against the fence post and ran his fingers through his hair. She was getting to him, threatening his sense of control. He never thought he would have these kinds of feelings for another woman again. Could Laurellyn have been right? Was he able to love again? He thought back to the second part of the promise he had made her.

“Dalton, listen.” Laurellyn’s breath was labored and her body weak. He felt her hand trembling as she placed it on his arm. He had turned from her when she had made the request. Turning back around, he knelt beside the bed and took her hand in both of his. He never could refuse her anything, especially not now. His heart wrenched; he couldn’t imagine a life with anyone but her. “Please, Dalton,” she pleaded. “I know you’ll always love me, but you’ll need someone when I am gone.” She took a second to catch her breath. “You have so much love left to give, so much time. You’ll find another woman to make you happy.” Her words brought a fresh round of tears to Dalton’s eyes. He couldn’t hide them—he wouldn’t—they belonged to her.

“I don’t want anyone but you, Laurellyn. I never have and you know that. We’re forever, remember?”

Laurellyn reached her hand up and wiped a tear from his cheek. “Dalton, listen to me.” She attempted a weak smile. “Now’s not the time to be stubborn.” His heart ached as he looked at her. Her skin was taut and pale, and the light was leaving her eyes. Life had slowly been drained from her in order to bring a new life into the world.

Laurellyn had labored for thirty-six hours before Brennan Michael McCullough was finally born. He had been two weeks overdue and Laurellyn was very small, which had made the birthing more difficult. She was weakened from the labor after which Aunt Betty couldn’t stop the bleeding. Aunt Betty had helped to bring many babies into the world, and she was skilled at it, but when God chose to call one of his children home, try as she might, there was nothing she could do—not even to save the niece she cherished as a daughter. She had left the two of them alone when she felt the end was near.

Dalton did not want to accept that the love of his life was leaving him. He couldn’t. The world would not be the same without the melody of her voice, her loving touch, the very fragrance of her. It would be silent and empty for him.

“Dalton.” Laurellyn’s voice was so weak, it was barely a whisper. “Promise me, Dalton. The children—they need a mother.” Her breathing was no longer labored, and he could hardly see her chest rise at all with each breath. “Dalton, find her . . . find her for them.” Her voice was so pleading. “Find her for you . . . promise me.”

“I will, Laurellyn. Only for you, I will.” He could not deny her the promise, even though he doubted he could ever keep it. “I love you.”

With the last of her strength, and though her lips barely moved, he heard the words he would never hear again on the earth. “I’ll love you forever, Dalton McCullough.”

Then she was gone and he felt his heart being torn from his chest.

“Forever,” he had repeated as he held her in his arms for the last time.

“Forever,” the word fell from his lips now. He would love her forever.

Suddenly, an image of Jillian’s face flashed before his eyes. Had he found her? A woman who could cause his heart to open again—a woman other than Laurellyn that could find residence there?

He ran his fingers through his hair again. He’d stated plainly to Jillian in his letters that he was not looking for love. He chose to advertise for a wife in the first place because he wasn’t interested in an emotional or physical relationship. That’s why, he presumed, she had chosen him also. He pondered on that for a moment.

Why this woman had chosen this path for herself was still a mystery to him. Jillian had never been married. What terrible tragedy had she endured that had made her give up on finding love so young? He knew she was a woman with a great capacity to love. She had taken to his children as if they were her own, almost like she had been waiting for them and finally had them at last. Lisa called her “Ma” right off, and he could see the smile in Jillian’s eyes every time she heard it. Brenn didn’t say much yet, but he had accepted her immediately and always wanted to be in her arms. Jenny stayed out of the way—either in her room, or out visiting her mother’s grave. He could tell when she’d been there by little evidences such as a small bunch of flowers or some little treasure she would find on her way there. Sometimes it was something as simple as an unusually colored stone or a feather she might have found tangled in a bush.

Dalton sighed deeply. Jenny was still hardly speaking to either Jillian or him. Sometimes she would communicate her needs or wants through Lisa. She avoided looking into his eyes at all costs. When, by chance, he was able to catch a glance, his heart always sank at her solemn and lost look.

Jillian always included Jenny and treated her with the same love and kindness as she did the younger children, even though Jenny made it a point to let her know she was still not welcome. In this past week, though, he thought he’d seen her soften somewhat, and it gave him hope.

This slight change started around the time Jillian began working in Laurellyn’s flower garden. He was actually quite surprised that Jillian’s actions were having such a positive effect. Dalton had assumed Jenny would see it as an intrusion and use it to fuel her resentment. Instead, Jenny found a hidden place to sit and watch her new mother as she worked.

Jillian was diligent, and it wasn’t long before the garden began to resemble what it had once been at the hands of Laurellyn. Watching its transformation had actually been a shock to him, however, and it had caused him to remember the day he had presented the garden as his wedding gift to Laurellyn.

“Okay now,” Dalton whispered in his new wife’s ear as he led her from the wagon with his hands over her eyes. “Don’t open them until I say.” It was hard to walk and cover her eyes at the same time, but he insisted. He was excited. He knew his gift would be perfect. He led her to the front of the house and then turned her away from it, so she was facing him, not the house. “Now, keep your eyes shut for a minute while I take my hands away.”

“But Dalton,” Laurellyn protested, but she wore a smile on her face, so he knew she was having fun.

“Just a minute more, now, don’t peek!” He took his hands away from her eyes and waved his right hand in front of her to see if she was cheating. Satisfied she wasn’t, he walked over to the porch and retrieved a large bouquet of wildflowers he had left there in a jar earlier. He came back around and stood in front of her holding the wildflowers against his chest. With a big grin, he announced, “Okay.”

Laurellyn opened her eyes and smiled up at him. “Oh, Dalton, they’re beautiful. I love them!” As he handed the bouquet to her, she lifted it to her face and inhaled the blossoms’ fragrance. “Let’s go put these in the house. They need more water right away. I’ve already got a vase ready and waiting.” Before she could move, Dalton grabbed her by the shoulders. “Wait!” he grinned, quite proud of himself. “That’s only part of the surprise.”

He turned her around to face the house. He was still standing behind her, but he heard her breath catch in her throat. Turning to him, she threw her arms around his neck.

“Dalton, it’s beautiful! I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. It’s the perfect gift.” She sighed and turned back to face the house and her new flower garden. She pulled his arms around her waist and leaned her head back against his shoulder. “It will always be a beautiful reminder of the day we began our life together.”

Laurellyn was right. The garden would always remind Dalton of her. It had indeed been her great joy, and she had spent many hours working in it. Jenny too, had spent much of that time at her mother’s side while Laurellyn taught her about weeding and tending the delicate flowers planted there.

Dalton let out a sigh of frustration. Now when he thought of Jenny working the garden, he pictured her with Jillian, and not Laurellyn.

Just a week ago, when Dalton came in from working the cornfields, the scent of wildflowers—as strong as he ever remembered it being—hit him as soon as he had closed the door of the house. Their soft fragrance was always in the air outside when they were in bloom, but it was muted out in the open. There hadn’t been flowers inside the house since Laurellyn died. The scent today was strong, overpowering, and filled with memories. He could see a large bouquet in the center of the table and another one in the parlor.

Jillian had just finished putting biscuits in the oven for dinner. She had looked up at him and smiled when he came through the door. She looked away when she saw the troubled expression on his face, but said nothing. When he saw her distracted by her work, he took a moment to recover.

“Look, Pa,” Lisa exclaimed when she caught sight of him. “Look at all the pretty flowers we picked today. Ma says I can pick some every day if I want and bring them into the house. We even put some in my room.” Then she made a face. “Brenn tried eatin’ ’em, but Ma told him that they looked a lot prettier than they tasted. He didn’t listen, though—just kept right on tryin’ to eat ’em until Ma got him a cookie.” Lisa made another face. “He let Digger lick his cookie before he finished eatin’ it and ate the rest anyway! Boys are so disgusting, aren’t they, Pa?”

Dalton looked over at Jillian. She was listening intently to Lisa and trying to suppress a smile. When he caught her eye, she couldn’t hold back her smile any longer, and he found himself smiling too. At least the awkward moment had passed.

“Well, now, Lisa.” He sat in a kitchen chair and lifted his daughter onto one knee. “I do suppose we men can be a little different at times than you women folk, but we also have some very good qualities, I like to think.” He looked over to Jillian and winked. “Remember, the other day when you and Brenn were playing ball with Digger and the ball rolled into that big puddle of mud?” Lisa nodded her head. “Well, remember how you didn’t want to go get to it because you didn’t want to get your dress and shoes all muddy?” Again Lisa nodded her head. “Well, who went running right into the puddle and got the ball for you?”

“Brenn did.” Lisa smiled and looked over at her brother, who didn’t have any idea what they were talking about, but smiled back and waved anyway.

“That’s right, Brenn did.” He looked over at Jillian. “So you see, my little angel, we boys might be a little disgusting at times, but we would do almost anything for a lady.” With that, Lisa gave her dad a big hug and hopped off his lap. She hurried back over to Brenn, giving him a big kiss on his plump cheek and a hug before sitting back down to play with him. Dalton found himself wishing Jillian might do the same to him.

Recalling that thought brought Dalton quickly back from his musings, and he chastised himself. He shouldn’t be thinking those kinds of things about Jillian. It wasn’t fair. They had made an agreement, and she was more than fulfilling her part to his satisfaction. He needed to discipline his thoughts before they grew into anything more.

Frustrated, he put his face into his hands. How had things gotten so complicated? Why couldn’t they have remained simple? He had planned it all out. But then, he hadn’t been expecting this woman—this beautiful, captivating woman, so warm and loving. She made him remember that he was a man, still young and virile.

“Blasted woman,” he cursed to himself. “She’s too bewitching for her own good.” What he really needed to do was just kiss her and get it out of his system.