The Widow and the Will (20 page)

Tess sighed. “Was it okay?”

Ford shook his head sadly. “Not for another four years. We lived in section eight housing, so we never had to worry about losing our home. The government sent the check to the landlord so Mom couldn’t blow that money on drugs. I got part-time jobs after school, Hud got a paper route, and we managed to keep eating. I thought if we could just keep our heads down and out of her way, then as soon as I got out of high school I’d get a job and we could leave.”

How naïve was I
? “I didn’t have any clue how much worse things would get.” Ford stopped then, concentrating on his smoking. He hadn’t revealed this much about his past to anyone,
ever
. The ever-present defense mechanism in his brain was screaming for him to shut the hell up, he was going to scare her away.
Away from what
?

“Go on.”

Her voice brought him out of his own head. “She was prostituting for drugs. She brought guys home usually while we were in school, but then it started happening at all hours of the day and night. I did my best to hide it from Hudson, but I don’t really know how successful I was. We never talked about it and still don’t. One time, Hudson wasn’t home and some guy comes busting through the door looking for our mother. He was pretty jacked up, on meth, I think, and he came after me with a baseball bat.”

Tess gasped, but said nothing more, as her hand shot out to touch his arm.

“I managed to get the bat away from him and gave him a couple of good whacks before my mom showed up and broke it up. She convinced the guy to go, then turned around and blamed me for chasing away her ‘john.’” Ford was filled with ancient rage, remembering the look on the guy’s face as he came through the door. His skin was pock-marked and he had only a few teeth left. Stringy, greasy hair and nasty clothes that stunk of vomit and urine. He shuddered with the vision. “At least I knew I could handle myself. If Hudson had been there, I don’t know what would have happened.”

“It’s almost like you’re more of a dad to him than a brother.”

“Yep.” Ford tilted his head back and blew a plume of smoke into the air. “I tried to be an example for him. I worked hard in school, got good at sports, tried to show him what to do instead of getting into trouble. I wasn’t stupid. I watched enough television to learn right from wrong. Mom sure as hell never taught us that.”

Tess snuck a peek up at him. “You definitely are
not
stupid.”

Ford snorted. “Yeah, well, I’ve made my share of stupid mistakes.”
Like these
, he thought as he dumped another butt into the ashtray.

The look on her face was one of interest and empathy. Not like most other women, who stared at him like they wanted him to fast forward to the “good parts.” The parts that made him sexy and dangerous, waiting for the moment they would find the nugget that made him a conquest. Tess made him want to tell it all, so he could finally get rid of the baggage he carried around every single second of his existence. Well, everything except his time in prison. That was something he hoped never to reveal to anyone. He’d done his time and soon he’d be off parole as well. There was no need to rehash it or hurt people for no reason.

“I’m sorry you went through that. I can’t even relate, so I won’t try,” Tess said, her tone kind and tender without being condescending. “I’m in the minority these days. Most of my friends’ parents are divorced and had shitty childhoods. I was pretty lucky.”

“At least you recognize it,” Ford mumbled. “You don’t seem to be suffering from Sense of Entitlement Disorder like most people these days.”

“Thanks.”

Another cigarette later, Ford could feel the tightness in his chest from the excess nicotine and smoke, and he motioned for her to follow him back inside. Sick and tired of the hard-backed chairs, he settled on the couch instead and wasn’t too happy when Tess sat right next to him. He could smell the scent of cherries from what he figured was her shampoo and a slight hint of fabric softener from her clothes, she was that close. Up to this point, the feelings she inspired in him had all been emotional. Her physical nearness now was waking up a whole different side of him.
This is
not
good
.

Putting his arms behind his head for support, Ford leaned back. “I think that’s enough of the Ford story for now.”

“How much do you think Hudson remembers? Or knows?” Tess asked softly.

Ford shook his head. “Can’t say for sure. I kept as much as I could from him.”
Especially my prison time
. He knew it was all a part of the public record and if Hudson ever got a mind to, he could search through the databases and discover Ford’s secret. But he would just have to cross that bridge if and when he ever came to it.

In the meantime, here he was, in the middle of the night, spilling his guts to a client who made him feel all kinds of things he wasn’t prepared for. The decent, caring person that was still deep inside him somewhere wanted to be kind to her and offer up the sort of support she needed. The ex-con, criminal hard-ass on the outside couldn’t stop thinking about what she wore beneath the hoodie or what her lips would feel like if he kissed her.

There wasn’t much more to talk about, unless he started to spout facts or theories about her case. Ford didn’t think that was what she wanted to hear, and he wasn’t about give up any more nuggets about his past. He’d gone as far as he could with that.

With the hum of the fluorescent lighting the only background noise, Ford closed his eyes and hoped that Tess would leave soon so he could get back to his own little world inside his head.

Instead, she kept staring at him. Just as he was about to suggest it was time to leave, she placed a hand on his arm. Her fingers were cool on his skin, but not cold, and a kind smile played at the corner of her lips. Ford’s spidey sense kicked in, but it was too late to prevent what happened next.

Chapter 34

Tess left her hand on Ford’s arm and leaned close to press her lips against his. She could never have explained in a million years why she let herself do it, but it felt right in the moment. She fully expected him to accept the kiss and return it, but that didn’t happen. Ford pulled back and she almost fell off the couch. She would have, if he hadn’t grabbed her shoulders to hold her steady.

“Tess, don’t.”

Tilting her head to the side, she looked at him with confusion and hurt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You didn’t offend me. I just don’t think–”

Tess’s heart beat faster with shame and embarrassment. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” She popped off the couch and almost gave in to the urge to run like hell, but then she twirled around. “Wait a minute. I’m not sorry and you aren’t right.” Moving back in front of him, she grasped his face between both hands and kissed him again, this time with more force and passion. He still didn’t respond, but she could tell he wanted to because his hands came up to the sides of her face as well. At first she thought he would pull her head away, but he didn’t. He did kiss back for just a few seconds.

When he broke the contact, he tried to speak. “Tess–”

“Please,” she said breathlessly, grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt. She tugged until he stood up. “Don’t say anything. I know what I’m doing and I know what I want. Just be with me.”

Tess wasn’t prepared for what happened next. Jack had been so tender and gentle, almost nervous in spite of their having been together for years. Ford was aggressive, though he didn’t hurt her. His hands weren’t hesitant; they sought and searched for what they wanted. His mouth was hot against hers, pressing harder, and the blood in her veins boiled over with the trapped moans in her throat; unable to escape with his lips seared against hers.

He pushed her back until she was pinned against the closed door of Hudson’s office. His fingers found the zipper of her hoodie and yanked it down roughly, exposing her plain, white cotton bra. He shoved the jacket off her shoulders and Tess shivered with both the unexpected aggression and the coolness of the air against her skin. She wrapped her arms around his neck, encouraging him to go on.

Ford took his right hand off of her long enough to find the doorknob and twist it. They stumbled backwards into the office, but Ford’s strong arms kept them upright. He kicked the door closed behind him and then walked her backwards toward the couch Hudson sometimes used for taking naps, their lips never coming apart. Tess felt herself being pushed down onto the soft cushions and then Ford’s body was pressed against hers. She ran her hands along his arms excited to feel the muscles there and then let her fingers find their way to the sides of his head and into his hair. She couldn’t touch enough, taste enough. There was so much to feel.

Tess opened her mouth and body to him with a level of abandon she’d never felt with Jack. His urgency blotted out all thoughts of Jack. The smell of cigarettes, coffee and leather filled her nose. The weight of his body ignited her passion and the feel of his hands against her breasts fanned the flames.

This is what she wanted, what she needed. A release of all the pent up tension and anxiety. The experience of someone who was not Jack. Something to erase the nightmare that was her life; if only for a moment.

Chapter 35

Ford stared down into Tess’s serene face. She had been so quiet for so long and her breathing was so even, he figured she had dozed off. He couldn’t believe what they had just done.
I’m such an asshole
.

In spite of feeling guilty, he was tempted to go at it again. It had been a long time since he’d had sex like that. Hot, unbridled, sober. But he knew better. In fact, it wouldn’t be long before dawn started creeping up and Hudson would be back to the office.

Reluctantly, Ford stroked the side of Tess’s face with his thumb. He ran it along her cheek and chin, and then moved it across her lips. Quicker than lightening, she opened her mouth and playfully nipped at him.

“Gotcha,” she whispered and giggled.

He couldn’t help but grin. “Yes, you did.” Against his better judgment, Ford leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “We better get out of here.”

“Why?” Tess snuggled up against him and closed her eyes.

“Because Hudson will be in the office sometime between ‘fuck it’s early’ and early.” Ford untangled himself from her, taking one last look at Tess in her glorious nakedness. She really did have an incredible body, all curves and smooth, pale skin. Turning away, he found his pants and pulled them on, while he waited for her to find her own clothes. When they were both dressed, he led her out of Hudson’s office. Quickly lighting a cigarette, Ford puffed on it several times so that the whole place would be filled with the smell.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to smoke inside,” Tess teased, as she zipped up her hoodie.

“I’m not supposed to have sex with clients on my brother’s couch, either,” Ford muttered. He poked his head inside Hudson’s office one more time to make sure there wasn’t any evidence of their activity and then closed the door. He turned back to Tess and watched her straighten herself and comb her hair with her fingers.

He didn’t know what to say. What they had just done was about as irresponsible as it got. She wasn’t over her husband and he wasn’t in a position to be with any woman, much less one who was as kind and decent as Tess. He knew it was just a spur of the moment thing, but in her fragile state, Ford was afraid Tess would think there was more to it than that.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Tess warned. “My father won’t be showing up with his twelve gauge to make you marry me.”

Laughter burst out of his mouth like an unexpected sneeze. His anxiety was eased immediately. “You sure? I mean, I don’t want your reputation to be damaged.”

Tess returned his laughter and flipped her hair back. “I think I’m the one who did the advantage-taking.”

Ford turned out the lights and locked up the office, then escorted Tess to her car which was parked beside his bike. “I need to be straight with you about something.”

“Uh oh,” Tess sighed. She leaned against her car.

“Hudson can’t know about this.”

“Duh.”

“Not just for the reasons you think.”

“Oh?” Tess raised an eyebrow and twirled her hand at him to go on.

“I think he has a thing for you.”

Tess frowned. “Yeah, I kind of got that impression. I catch him looking at me sometimes.”

“You do?”

“Of course, I’m not blind.” Tess smirked.

“Well, I wouldn’t want his feelings to get hurt. Especially if he thinks he’s got a chance with you.” Ford shuffled his feet and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I mean, when all this is over.”

“Has he said that?”

“No,” Ford said quickly. “He and I don’t talk about that kind of stuff. But we don’t have to. I know how he thinks.”

“Don’t worry about it. I won’t say a word. But I’ll be straight with you about something too.”

“What’s that?”

“He doesn’t have a chance with me. I like Hudson a lot, but he’s my lawyer. And maybe one day he could be my friend, too. Just my friend.”

Ford realized he was holding his breath and he let it out slowly and carefully. That statement made him feel a lot better and a lot worse at the same time.

* * * * *

“I’ll follow you home. Make sure you get there okay.” Ford opened her door and Tess smiled. It was a gentlemanly gesture she appreciated, wondering if he would have still done it if they hadn’t just hooked up.

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”

“It’ll make me feel better,” Ford insisted.

“All right.”

As she pulled out of the parking lot, she heard the motorcycle roar to life. Within moments, the headlight shined behind her, illuminating the inside of her car.

What the hell did I just do
?

Tess couldn’t tell how she felt about the last couple of hours. Part of her was all tingly and satisfied. Her release had been so profound, she felt as if she could sleep for days. Finally. There was no guilt at finding an outlet for her despair. Well, except that she felt bad for having to involve Ford. But she wasn’t the type of person who could just go out and find some random person to sleep with.

Then there was the other part of her. Mortified and racked with guilt for having betrayed her husband who hadn’t been in the ground a year.
Slut
.
Tramp
. She knew she was neither of those things, but being her own worst critic made those labels flash like neon signs on the side of a building.

Driving through the darkened streets of St. Clair Shores, Tess tried to listen for Jack’s voice of reprisal, but it was silent. Of course, she didn’t hear him cheering for her, either.

Decisiveness had never been one of her strong suits, but Tess figured it was about time she started standing by her choices. She decided once and for all she wasn’t going to have any regrets about the time she had just spent with Ford Marks. It would probably be difficult to stick to it, but she was going to try her best. At some point she needed to stop worrying about what Jack would think of the things she did in life. He was gone and she didn’t want everything she did to be colored by his influence.

Now that she wasn’t in his arms, Tess was able to compare Ford and Jack more objectively. Jack had never been with anyone but her and vice versa, so their knowledge of sex was limited to the things they saw in movies or read about in books. It had been satisfying in a comfortable and familiar way. But being with Ford had unlocked something inside of her. He was aggressive and confident. He took what he wanted, but still gave what she needed. He seemed to know what she needed and wanted, without having to ask or try until he found it. His passion was intuitive and that excited Tess.

As she parked in the assigned spot in front of her building, she was amazed that her breath was short and her body full of electricity. She was nervous to have to see him when he pulled his motorcycle beside her. It had been so long since she had been in a spot like this, nervous about what another boy, or man, thought of her. Trying to figure out what to say, she kind of wanted to invite Ford inside and see where it went. But then she wasn’t so sure she wanted things to go any further between them. It would be difficult enough not letting Hudson find out. Staying for a whole night could make that even harder. Tess licked her lips and cleared her throat before getting out of her car.

Ford was holding his helmet in his hands, waiting for her. As she took the two steps toward him, he cut the engine and toed the kickstand into place.

“Well, uh, thanks,” she said softly, suddenly unable to look him in the eye. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and poked at some rocks with her toe.

“You okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” She chanced a quick peek at him. His green eyes were like dark emeralds in the dim light.

“You’re embarrassed now.”

“No!” Tess’s head whipped up. “Not at all. I just…” her voice trailed off, not knowing how to say what she wanted to say.

“Just what?”

Tess inhaled deeply. “I’m not embarrassed about what we did.” She took a step closer to him so that their bodies just barely touched. “I’m embarrassed because I don’t know how to ask for more without sounding like a total tramp.”

Ford didn’t move. He didn’t look away and he didn’t say a word. He just stared at her for what felt like an hour. Just as Tess was about to say something, do something, to relieve the awkwardness, Ford leaned over and kissed her. It wasn’t rough like before, but Tess felt a wanting there, like he was holding back.

“Come in with me,” she murmured against his lips. “Just for a little while longer. Then we’ll pretend like it never happened.”

Ford’s answer was to pull her into his arms. He crushed her against his chest as their lips melted together.

As the sky was changing from full dark to that subtle, slight gray of predawn, Ford took her hand and followed Tess inside.

* * * * *

This is a mistake
, Ford thought as he followed Tess inside.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this
. But when had he ever made the right choices? Not since Hudson got old enough to take care of himself. Since then, his life had become one long string of chaotic instances and freak occurrences, most of which landed him in some form of trouble or another.

He was about to change his mind and tell Tess that he ought to go, but she turned around and flashed him an angelic smile that unwound him entirely. He pulled her into his arms and clung to her with a ferocity that scared him more than it would have upset her.

Before he knew what he was doing, he had her hoodie and bra off and she was tugging at his pants. They stumbled and staggered their way to her bedroom. In a tangle of limbs and hands, they managed to keep their mouths fused together while still stripping away every last article of clothing.

Pushing her onto the bed, Ford sprawled next to her and proceeded to explore her body with his hands and his mouth. He turned off the voice in his head that told him it wasn’t too late to stop. He ignored the gut feeling telling him he was making one of the biggest mistakes in his life. He opened his heart for just a little while and let himself pretend that this was the kind of life he was meant for. A beautiful girl in bed and passion not fueled by alcohol and regrets.