The Weight of Shadows (27 page)

Rick lunged towards them, out of the frame. She gasped, and when she saw Joshua stagger back and fall halfway down the stairs, she told the other guard to call the police and took off running.

J
OSHUA MOANED AND STRUGGLED TO HIS FEET,
as Rick and Mike continued to fight it out in the vestibule. Just as he decided to hang back and wait for the fracas to end, Rick pulled a knife from his pocket, flicked his wrist, and thrust the blade into the guard’s middle. The throb in his jaw disappeared as adrenaline took over. Joshua charged up the stairs and looped his arms around Rick’s, pinning his arms back as Rick stumbled away from the collapsing guard. Yelling, Rick jumped and kicked back, clipping Joshua in the knee. Joshua staggered and fell back against the wrought iron staircase railing, which caught him just low enough that his and Rick’s inertia together nearly sent him backwards over it. He let go of Rick to catch himself from going over, and Rick wheeled around, knife fist flying. Joshua ducked and dodged and reciprocated with a punch of his own, which caught Rick square in the nose. Rick let out a holler as he clamped his free hand to his face, and Joshua took advantage of Rick’s brief disorientation to tackle him. He sat on Rick’s chest and began to pry the knife from his fist, getting a whiff of alcohol off Rick’s breath as he did. Rick started hammering with his bloody fist on Joshua’s side and back, but he was able to hold on until he’d wrenched the knife away and chucked it over the railing to the window well below. He then rolled off Rick’s chest, fending off the blows, and scrambled down the stairs to the sidewalk to regroup. Someone had dragged Mike inside and shut the shelter door, and when Rick saw he had missed his opportunity to gain entrance, he let out a string of curses and hurtled down the stairs towards Joshua. “You took her,” he growled. “You took her from me.”

Joshua set his feet and raised his fists in defense. “No, I offered to help her. Maybe if you’d treated her right she wouldn’t have left.”

Rick swung at him, then jumped him as he ducked the punch. They fell to the pavement, locked in a bear hug. Joshua narrowly escaped being stuck beneath Rick as they lost momentum, and he scrambled to his feet while fending off Rick’s fists. He bided his time until Rick was slightly off-balance, then landed a solid punch in his gut. Rick folded and fell to the ground, struggling for breath. Joshua backed away, panting, and sagged with relief when the sound of sirens could be heard in the distance.

Rick regained his breath and slowly stood, eyes locked on Joshua. Joshua raised his hands again. “Give it up, man. Cops are coming anyway.”

He wiped the blood from his nose with the end of his shirt. “It’s not over. Better watch your back.” Joshua said nothing as he backed away towards the stairs to the shelter. “We’ll see what these cops think when I tell ’em what I heard you doing with your little girl.”

The words of the DHS agent came back to him.
“We have to investigate every call we get.”
He shook his head. “It won’t matter,” he said, more to himself than to Rick.

“It will when they see the bruises.”

“She doesn’t have any.”

Rick’s chin lifted just one smug fraction. “Not yet she doesn’t.”

It didn’t matter that Rick was all talk and was hinting at a plan that was completely illogical. All Joshua could think of was Rick’s violent hands on his daughter. He flew at Rick with all the force he could muster in a few short steps, knocking him to the ground. When the police pulled up to the sidewalk Joshua was unaware of anything but the satisfying feeling of his fist sinking into Rick’s abdomen.

TWENTY-FOUR

Kim watched from the window as Joshua and Rick beat each other on the sidewalk. Tears rolled down her cheeks at the sight of her rescuer being led off in handcuffs. Her emotions were in such tumult she wasn’t even sure which one was the cause of her crying. Rick arrested. Joshua arrested. The love she couldn’t help but feel for Rick. The fear she felt for when those officers would return for her.

Or maybe it was the prayer she had just prayed with Pam in the kitchen, admitting her sins to God and acknowledging her need for a Savior.

She walked back to her room and relieved Adele from babysitting. She sat on the bed and let the tears come hard while she nursed her baby in her arms. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I’m so sorry Mommy has to leave you.” She covered the sweet, soft face with tears and kisses, then left the room in search of Doreen.

She and Doreen hadn’t talked much, but she knew she wouldn’t be totally clueless about what to do with a baby. She found her in the laundry room, scrubbing a spaghetti stain from her skirt. “Hey Kim. I heard about what was going on out there. You alright?”

“Yes…and no. Long story.” She held Anne out to her. “Can you take her for me, please?”

Doreen tossed the skirt into the washing machine and started the load. “Sure thing. Come here, cutie.” She sat her up in her arms with ease.

“I checked. There are bottles and formula in the kitchen, in the bottom left cabinet. She’ll need to eat again in about an hour and a half.” She didn’t trust herself to say more. The tears were too close to the surface and her throat was already aching to close. She gave Anne one more kiss on the cheek, then left the room for the front door, forcing her eyes forward so she didn’t lose her nerve.

After praying with Pam, they had talked about guilt, and coming clean, and doing what you could do—within reason—to make it right. Suffering under the thumb of a batterer was not within reason, but Pam had quoted the saying that confession was good for the soul. Kim knew, deep down, that there was really only one thing she could do to make up for what she did, and if she didn’t do it she’d never be able to look her daughter in the eye and teach her the importance of honesty or integrity. And if she didn’t do it now, who knew how Rick might embellish the story. She wanted to be the one to make the first move.

She pushed open the front door and breathed in the fresh air, savoring the faint scent of fresh cut grass and sunshine. Debbie stood talking with an officer. Rick, Joshua, and the other police and cruisers were gone. She waited until Debbie finished and the officer moved for his car. Debbie did a double-take when she saw her. “Oh, Kim—you don’t need to be out here. It’s all taken care of; don’t worry.”

Kim embraced Debbie in a brief hug. “Thank you for everything. I understand what you were talking about now, about Jesus and everything. Talk to Pam, she can tell you the story.”

Debbie smiled. “Really?”

Kim gave her a small smile and nodded, but then saw the officer getting into his car. “I need to go, Debbie.”

She jogged to the patrol car and waved to the officer through the door. He got out again. “How can I help you?”

She took a deep breath.
Help me, Jesus.
“I need to turn myself in.”

The officer raised his eyebrows. “Oh—for what?”

She swallowed hard, then put her life in God’s hands. “A woman was killed seven years ago, and the police never found out who did it. But it was me.”

D
EBBIE WATCHED IN CONFUSION AS KIM
talked to the officer. She couldn’t tell what she was saying, but once the officer opened the back door to the cruiser and helped Kim inside Debbie began to panic. She ran to the car, shouting, “Wait! What’s going on?”

“She confessed to a crime, so I’m taking her to the station.”

“You’re arresting her?”

“Well, sort of, yes. But she’s going willingly.”

Debbie peeked into the window. “Kim? What’s going on?”

“I have to do it, Debbie. It’s the right thing to do.”

“But what about Anne?”

“It’s her I’m doing it for. And me. And God.”

The officer got in and started the engine. Debbie backed away and watched as the car drove off. “I have no idea what just happened,” she said to the empty air as she walked back to the shelter’s front door. “One of my staff gets arrested for assault and one of my women admits to being a criminal. And Anne! What on earth are we supposed to do with Anne?”

She went first to her office to call the shelter’s attorney on Joshua’s behalf. After explaining the situation, she went in search of Doreen, eventually finding her in the common room with a group of other women.

“Did Kim tell you what she was doing?” she asked Doreen.

“No, she just asked me to watch Anne. Why, is she okay?”

Debbie sank into a chair. “She just turned herself in to the police.”

The women let out a chorus of flabbergasted exclamations and asked questions over each other that Debbie was unable to answer. “All she told me was that Pam would be able to explain what happened to her. I got the sense that she finally understood salvation, and that she needed to turn herself in because it was the right thing to do.”

“But what about the baby?” Adele asked. All eyes turned to the orphan gnawing on Doreen’s thumb. “Where does she go now? Not back to Kim’s boyfriend, I hope.”

“Well, he just got arrested—” More noises of shock, and Debbie filled them in with the details since most of them had been unaware of the altercation. “So I’m guessing no, he won’t get custody. But unless we can find some family for her, we’ll have to turn her over to DHS.”

“She doesn’t have any family.” All eyes turned to Pam, who had appeared in the doorway. “Kim is an orphan, and so is Rick. As far as Kim knows neither of them has any living relatives.”

“This is just tragic,” Doreen said as she cuddled Anne. “I can’t stand the thought of the baby going into foster care.”

“Pam, do you know what Kim did? Maybe she won’t be arrested, or maybe the statute of limitations is up and she won’t be held responsible.”

Pam sat on the arm of Debbie’s chair. “She didn’t go into details with me, so I don’t know. But I got the impression she believed it was bad enough for her to go to jail for quite a while. She knew Anne might end up in foster care. But she knew that a baby would get placed much more easily than an older child, and she wanted to turn herself in now instead of waiting to see if the police ever caught on to her, since she didn’t know how old Anne might be by then. Plus she wanted to beat her fiancé to the punch.

“But we spoke for a few minutes in her room this morning, and she prayed with me to receive salvation.” She shrugged. “It’s all in God’s hands now. There’s nothing we can do now but pray.”

K
IM LAY ON THE BUNK
in her cell and wept, but the tears were mostly those of relief. Seven years of soul-eating guilt were finally at an end. Regardless of the outcome, she felt God would take care of her and Anne. She knew next to nothing about God, but there was nothing else to which the peace she felt could be attributed. She couldn’t think at all about Anne, though. Not yet. She had a feeling even God couldn’t soothe her heart at the thought of losing her baby girl. At least Rick was in custody as well. When she arrived at the station, she had also named Rick as a batterer, and domestic abuse charges had been added to the list for him.

Her thoughts about the abuse and the last year with Rick made her head spin. She had a feeling she was going to need a lot of therapy. She dried her eyes on the end of her shirt and folded her hands behind her head. At least she’d have plenty of time to think through everything.

So.
Kim conjured an image that was a cross between Santa Claus and a sandaled angel to serve as the face of God as she attempted another prayer.
Here I am. I have a lot of time. What should we talk about?

I’ll start with thank yous.

Thank you for the shelter, and for Debbie and Pam and all the women I met there. Thank you for Joshua. Thank you for protecting him when he was fighting Rick. Rick…no, I’m not going to go there yet. Thank you for Anne
—

She couldn’t avoid the thought. She began again to weep, and her thoughts and prayers took off running, asking for all kinds of protection and blessing on the innocent baby who stood to lose more than Kim or Rick in this whole mess.

Give her a good foster family, please. A family that will love her and treat her like a daughter and not like a maid or a burden or a tax break. Let me see her again, soon.
Her breasts ached at the thought of her child. Milk stained her blue T-shirt in conspicuous patches. She turned to the wall and curled inward to block out reality while she closed her eyes and fought to keep her focus on God.

Protection. Reunion. Forgiveness. Please, God. Mercy and compassion and my daughter in my arms again. Please, God. Protection. Reunion. Forgiveness…

D
EBBIE SHIFTED FROM FOOT TO FOOT
in the lobby of the station. The sergeant she had spoken with had been friendly enough, but the place still made her jumpy. She’d never been in one before, and the feeling was akin to driving on the freeway with an entire city’s police force behind you on the road.

Kim was somewhere in here, as was Joshua, though Joshua had been processed already and would be released on his own recognizance. The shelter’s attorney had been understanding of Debbie’s fears for Kim, but because Kim was not shelter staff, his contract did not extend to her, and Debbie couldn’t afford the price from her own pocket. She prayed the public defender was a good one.

Joshua rounded a corner, face bruised and puffy, but with a look of calm in his eyes. Without thinking, Debbie threw her arms around his neck. His arms circled her waist and held her tight. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He tried to smile but winced in pain. He gingerly touched the left side of his mouth and grimaced. “Mostly, anyway. How’s Mike?”

“Alive. And lucky.”

“What about Rick?”

“I haven’t heard. I’ve been too busy trying to figure out what happened to Kim. She turned herself in.”

He frowned and winced again. “Turned herself in? For what?”

She told him the story as she led him to the car. “We don’t have a lawyer for her. I sure wish we did. She’ll have to use the public defender.”

Joshua belted himself into the passenger seat and carefully rubbed a hand over his eyes. “That’s unbelievable. What about Anne, where is she?”

“About an hour after they took Kim, someone from DHS—” Her voice hitched as the thought of Anne missing her mother broke her heart. She cleared her throat. “Someone from DHS picked her up.”

Joshua rested a hand atop hers. “Oh man.”

She blinked back tears. “A bunch of the women at the shelter were trying to talk the agent into letting us keep her there, but it didn’t fly.” She didn’t mention that she’d been one of the most assertive voices in that argument, begging in the end that the agent reconsider and at least let Anne remain until her mother’s fate was determined. “And no one at the station will tell me what’s going on with Kim, either, so…” She shrugged and turned on the car. “What a day.”

“You’re telling me.”

She looked over to him. “Back to the shelter? Or do you need a stop at an urgent care clinic?”

“No, just—” He looked at the clock on her radio and groaned. “Maddie. Her daycare is already closed, which means my in-laws were called to pick her up. I’m going to get an earful when they see me like this.” He pounded a fist on his knee. “This is like handing them the rope and begging them to hang me.”

“Want someone to corroborate your story?”

He looked at her with relief in his eyes. “Seriously?”

She shrugged, giving him a small smile. “It’s the least I can do for the guy who saved some lives at my shelter.”

She dropped him at his car and followed him to his in-laws’ house, her stomach doing flip-flops the whole way. Given the stories she’d heard about them, she wasn’t eager to actually meet them. Though if it meant ensuring they didn’t chew him out in front of his daughter—and they’d have to be pretty gutsy to do that in front of a total stranger—it was worth it.

They turned onto a driveway that led to a gate. The guard in the guardhouse handed her a dated card to put in the window, then waved her through. She ogled the gorgeous homes and manicured lawns that lined the street. They had to be pretty big jerks to have this much money and not even help bail Joshua out of the medical debts from his wife’s treatment. Her nervous energy turned to righteous indignation.

She parked behind him and they met on the sidewalk. “Listen,” he said, “I apologize now for anything uncouth, rude, antagonistic, or mean that either of them says to you. They can’t be predicted or trusted to act appropriately if they spot the chance to take a pot shot at me.”

“Don’t worry about me,” she said. “Sticks and stones.” She followed him up to the house and steeled herself.

The wooden door swung open a minute after Joshua had rung the bell. A middle-aged woman Debbie took to be Joshua’s mother-in-law glared at him with a look that could bore holes in cement. “There you—oh my Lord, what happened to your face?”

“Kind of a long story,” Joshua said. “You picked up Maddie, right?”

“Of course we did. When they called and said you hadn’t shown up we went over right away. What mischief were you causing to get yourself beat up like that?” Her eyes cut over to Debbie, whom she looked up and down before narrowing her piercing blue eyes. “And who is this?”

Debbie thrust out her hand. “I’m Debbie Truman. I run the Safe in His Arms women’s shelter, where Joshua works.”

The woman didn’t soften in the least. She gave Debbie’s hand a cursory shake. “Alisha Michalson. So? Why did you tag along?”

“Alisha, can’t we come in?” Joshua asked. “I’d like to see Maddie. I don’t want her wondering where I am.”

She looked back to Joshua, then sighed with a look of exasperation and opened the door wider. It was the only invitation she extended for them to enter. “She’s in the back with George. And you still didn’t answer my question. Who is this woman?”